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Outer Limits – Déjà Vu (07/09/99)

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Dr. Mark Crest is working on a teleportation device.  Bets are being taken on the outcome of today’s test using animals.  I appreciate that the betting pools on the board are:

  • Super-Intelligent Dog (3:2)
  • Animal Soup (7:1)
  • The Fly (20:1)
  • Total Success (100:1)

We also learn that Mark was a naughty boy sexing it up in the cloak room at Lt. Glade’s party last night.  Even more so after Julie joined him.

That has gotten him in trouble with Dr. Cleo Lazar. With a minimum of additional melodrama, they begin the countdown.  The test is to transport a dog and a raccoon “a few miles”.  Wait, how could that result in a “super-intelligent dog”?  Doesn’t that imply the raccoon is super-dooper intelligent?  And what happens to the cute tail and bandit eyes?  Frankly, the smart money is on “Animal Soup”.  A wormhole is created and the animals disappear.  Glade gets excited, but I feel like that is the easy part.  Unfortunately, the animals do not reappear in the lab.  The field keeps expanding, so Mark heroically runs across the lab and unplugs the transformer in an explosive shower of light and sparks.[1]

He finds himself back in time, 18 hours before the test.  And wearing the same shirt, BTW.  Cleo is in a different outfit, so what gives? [2]  He chalks it up to deja vu.  Julie flirts with him, but Cleo interrupts them.  She is already steamed that Mark hijacked her idea for disposing of toxic nuclear waste and corrupted it into a transporter.  Here’s an idea: transport it!

That night, they are at the aforementioned party (and Mark has still not bothered to put on a fresh shirt).  Julie purposely spills champagne on his shirt, so he goes to the aforementioned cloak room rather than, say, a laundry room or kitchen with running water.  Wait, this is replaying the previous night, so he also did not change his shirt after champagne being spilled on it and before work the next day?  Anyhoo, Julie follows him into the cloakroom and begins seducing him.  After some smooching, they come out, to the distress of Cleo.

At work the next day, in the same shirt — having been worn now for at least 36 hours and having endured 2 champagne spills — the deja vu really kicks in when he sees the odds board again.  Everything occurs as before.  The field expands, he runs across the lab, he pulls the plug.  And once again time travels to 18 hours before the test.

Deleted Scene: Cleo goes to the salon and asks for the Ayn Rand.

Since Cleo doesn’t hate him yet, he tries to convince her that they have created a time loop.  He fills a board with equations and tells her he has seen the detonation twice, but she doesn’t believe him.  He tells Glade the same story, and is removed from the project.  Julie finds him, though, and brings him to the test site.  He tries to stop the test, and Glade tries to abort it.  But the device goes off again and Mark goes back 18 hours again.

There are more iterations and reveals, including multiple saboteurs.  It is also pointed out that the time loop is getting smaller each time (i.e. Mark goes slightly less far back in time on each iteration).  This point alone feels very original.  This episode is OK, but the ever-tightening time loop is an idea that could be made into an excellent nail-biter.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] Kevin Nealon does a surprisingly credible job as Dr. Crest, despite his main experience being only from SNL, and comedy movies or Adam Sandler movies.  That said, his scream at that moment is pretty bad; like he was back on SNL reacting in a Halloween sketch or to a dropped cue card.
  • [2] You are thinking that maybe Dr. Crest is like Einstein or Brundlefly, and has a closet full of the same shirt.  But no, he says his girlfriend gave it to him.
  • Teri Hawkes (Dr. Lazar) played Jellico in Cube Zero.  Ronny Cox (Lt. Glade) played Jellico on Star Trek TNG.  Crazy, man.

Science Fiction Theater – The Man Who Didn’t Know (06/29/56)

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The XP205 is a new experimental aircraft which, based on the mock-up, has no wings.  It can go weeks without landing, challenging the current Delta on-time records.  Unfortunately, due to a minor design flaw, it exploded just east of Hawaii.  Within hours, navy planes were searching for wreckage.  After a week, the search was called off.

Pilot / Physicist Mark Kendler was lost in the crash, and the heartless bastards in the government notified his wife Peggy by telegram.  Six months later, after she had given up hope, she gets another telegram — from Mark!:

DEAR PEGGY  STOP  I AM NOT DEAD  STOP  HOPE YOU ARE THE SAME  STOP  THINKING OF SELLING MY GOLF CLUBS?  STOP  SPENDING MY INSURANCE MONEY? STOP  [1]

She calls her mother to give her the good news.  OK, everyone was too afraid to face the poor widow when Mark was killed, so they sent a wire.  But now that he is alive, even HE sent a wire.  He couldn’t give her a call?  We know she has a phone, she just used it!

Mark Kendler is introduced to Al Mitchell, Director of the Bureau of Scientific Security.  Mitchell asks if he remembers anything.  He says, “I wish I could help you gentlemen, but I passed out when that ship picked me up, and I can’t remember another thing until I woke up in the hospital in Singapore.”  So is the missing six months between the explosion and being picked up by that ship, or between being picked up and waking up in Singapore?  I think it is the latter because they describe some sort of surgery that was performed on him.  But the former would have been a better story.

His colleagues welcome him back to the office.  They have begun work on the XP206.  Unfortunately, another group overseas, probably foreigners, have begun a competing project.  There is paranoia over how the plans could have leaked to them.  Hmmm, could it have something to do with the top physicist who was abducted and missing for 6 months?  Actually no, this is apparently the new, less-explodey XP206 project that is being duplicated.

As they are investigating the leaks, a spy is picked up on the border.  He has with him tapes of the project’s top scientists, including Kendler, recorded discussing the XP206’s heat shield, aerodynamics, but mostly Marilyn Monroe’s rack.  The offices are searched but no listening devices are found.  As they continue playing the tapes, it is clear the the bug is on Kendler.  They X-Ray his head and find that during his disappearance a chip was planted in his noggin.

Kind of a snooze.  Even Variety did not bother to review it that week.  Arthur Franz (Mark Kendler) got the big paycheck this week ($750).  The other scientists picked up a cool $80 each.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] My favorite joke ever from MASH.
  • The title keeps reminding me of this commercial.  Imagine that ad pitch now:  We have a great idea to sell your gum!  It mashes up 2 great American institutions, high school and guns!

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – Pen Pal (11/01/60)

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Spinster Miss Lowen is playing solitaire with all her friends when the doorbells rings.  How exciting, it is the winner of the 1960 Emmy for Worst Casting in a Drama or Limited Series, Stanley Adams!  Tonight, Mr. Adams is playing the role of Detective Berger.  Although an interesting character, this big, fat guy never once struck me as being a real police detective.[1]  He was more like a Peter Lorre character who wandered onto the wrong soundstage in search of a better buffet.  Nevertheless, he and Miss Lowen did take a very talky first act and make it fly by.

Like every man Miss Lowen meets, he is looking for a younger woman.  In this case. Detective Berger is looking for Margie, who Miss Lowen tells him is her niece.  She says Margie has lived with her since her parents died, but she is away with friends this week.  Berger explains that Margie has been corresponding with a lifer named

Margie is a cutie, but what a Rod tease! This is what you send a guy in prison? You couldn’t find a berka?

Rod “The Rod” Collins at the State Penitentiary.  They connected through a Pen Pal club ad in a romance magazine.  Berger even has a picture of Margie that he found in Collins’ cell covering the hole he escaped through.  Margie used a PO Box so her aunt did not see the letters, but Detective Berger got her address from the club.

He gives Miss Lowe one of the letters to read.  It is romantic, poetic, and chaste as you would expect on 1960’s TV.  Margie expresses the desire for them to somehow be together.  Berger says that is the problem — Collins has broken out of prison and the convicted killer will likely come here looking for Margie tonight!

So Detective Berger gives her his card and leaves.

Miss Lowe’s next scene is a great clue as to what is going on.  It is subtle enough that it might not register on the first viewing, but you appreciate the subtlety once you know the outcome.  In fact that is true throughout the first act, so kudos to actress Katherine Squire.

Sure enough, minutes later, Rod Collins climbs through Miss Lowe’s window.  And he does so with a ferocity and orchestral stinger that, when combined with her scream, is pretty chilling.  But wait, since the letters were going to a PO Box, how did Collins even know the address?

Not being The Blindman of Alcatraz, Collins can see immediately that this is not Margie unless that picture was taken by Mathew Brady.  She did mention her Aunt in the letters though, so he knows for sure who he’s dealing with, yessiree.  She tells Collins that Margie is away for the weekend, and that there is no use in waiting here for her here.  You know, other than being in the air conditioning, having a hot shower, being off the public streets, having clean sheets, watching TV, and where three square meals will be prepared for him; so, really, a lot like prison (i.e. my retirement plan).

He demands food which Miss Lowe provides.  He drinks the milk straight from the bottle; and that’s in addition to being a murderer.  She does not risk spoiling the ruse by offering him the leftover catfish.  He tells her that he is in love with Margie and that Margie loves him.  Miss Lowe says that can’t be true; that Margie is just a child.  Collins says she could never understand their love and harshly calls her a “dried up old crab.”  Well, the actress is no spring chicken at 57 years old.  On the other hand, Lori Loughlin is 55.  Of course, after 2 years in the slam, maybe she will look like Miss Lowe. [2] 

Collins says he has been in prison for 9 years, since he was 18.  The loneliness was crushing him until he began getting letters from Margie.  Miss Lowe says Margie was probably just being kind.  She says he can’t ask Margie to flee the country with him and constantly be worrying about the law.  Collins grabs her and says she better find a way to contact Margie.

Miss Lowe admits she knows the phone number and calls her.  She has cleverly called Detective Berger though.  Who knew Miss Lowe was capable of such deception?  Collins catches on, though.  He grabs the phone, but she brains him with a candelabra.  If she were Jewish, he’d be dead.  He awakens after the police arrive.  They bandage him up and haul him away.

The twist is revealed as Miss Lowe sits down and writes another letter to Collins.  Writing as Margie, she says she has a confession, but it is not the one you expect.  She weepily pulls out a glamor shot that Collins had sent her.  Since he has been in prison for 9 years, I don’t know where it would have come from.

Not a classic, but I liked it more than Jack at bare*bones; maybe because he was able to see how much better it could have been.  In fact, in a first, he prefers the 1980s remake (sadly, the link is broken).  I also like how he saw that Miss Lowe not only projected Margie onto herself; she also projected herself onto Margie.  Cool.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] Seven years later, he would be perfectly cast as a seller of Certified Pre-Owned Tribbles on Star Trek.  Also notable as an anthropomorphic carrot on Lost in Space (1968).
  • Great, now I can’t get Mellow Yellow out of my head — with 7 syllables, anthropomorphic carrot would have made a great stanza-opener.  Maybe in between Electrical Banana and I’m Just Mad about Fourteen.  Wait, what?  How did I never notice that?
  • [2] Pffft, rich and beautiful.  She will never do any real time.
  • AHP Deathwatch:  Clu Gulager (Rod) is still doing life.
  • 3rd consecutive episode without a murder.
  • Ha!  Pen Pal = Penitentiary Pal!  I just got that.

I find this inexplicably hilarious

One Step Beyond – The Bride Possessed (01/20/59)

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So we begin a new series.  Because every genre show must be compared to The Twilight Zone, I’ll compare it to The Twilight Zone.  It is no Twilight Zone.

But it debuted a year before TZ, and I have only watched one episode, so it might turn out fine.  They use a host like most TV anthologies.  I appreciate that the host here, John Newland, is not just a carpetbagger like Truman Bradley on Science Fiction Theatre.  Bradley — Tru’, I call him — seems like a swell guy, but why is he there?

Serling is the king of the hosts because, in addition to being a scary dude, he created the TZ world and wrote a huge number of the episodes.  Sorry, 2 faceless guys on the 1980’s TZ run, you were awful.  Forrest Whitaker, I like you as an actor, but you were just collecting a check on the 2000’s TZ.  Hey, Jordan Peele, I appreciate your movies, but I don’t see any writing or directing credits on the series. [4] Plus, I’ll be damned if I’ll pay a nickel to watch TZ or Star Trek when God intended them to be free!  Fight the power!

Anyhoo, I respect John Newland for directing 94 of the 96 episodes of One Step Beyond.  I also see a single writer was responsible for 72 episodes. [3] I hope these guys know what they’re doing . . .

John Newland announces that he is in The Elite Bar and Grill — stop the tape!  Well, that didn’t take long.  The ornate writing on the door clearly says Ray’s Bar.  This appears to be a set — how could they not get that right?

Matt and Sally McCoy are celebrating their wedding at this elite cafe named Ray’s Bar.  I guess the reception was held there because Newland was diddling the cake earlier.  Adding to the class and sanctity of this blessed event, a couple of dudes have attended in their work-shirts with the name of a moving company on the back.  Sally is dancing with a bunch of the guys who are Matt’s friends, but everyone seems happy.

The happy couple bails out so they can reach their honeymoon hotel by 9:00.  We hear that Sally has a heavy, adorable Southern accent.  On the drive to the hotel, Matt says, “Those crazy guys down at Tommy’s.  You sure knocked them for a loop.”  Wait, so the joint is named Tommy’s now? [1]  Suddenly Sally sits up as erect as Matt and says, “Matt, if we turn left about a mile ahead, it is a prettier drive.”  As they approach the road, Sally says, “Turn right.”  Then when the reach the road, Matt turns left.  What the hell?

Matt pulls the car over, and Sally gets out.  She runs to a beautiful cliff overlooking the ocean. [2]  She is darting about as if confused and in a trance.  Matt asks her what is wrong.  She says,”Who are you?”  Even stranger, she has lost her accent quicker than Elizabeth Olsen in Avengers: Infinity War.  She runs back to the car and — LOL — takes it, stranding Matt.

He is able to flag down a cop.  As they are driving back to the station, the officer sees a light on at the ol’ Wharton place.  And hey, Matt recognizes his car out front.  As they go inside, the cop says the former owner jumped to her death from the cliff Sally just led them to.  Sally suddenly appears and tells the cop in a nice midwestern non-accent, “No, I didn’t kill myself!  I was murdered!  I was murdered!”

So they take her to the nut-house.  Matt chews out the doctor for keeping her drugged up.  Then the doctor plays tapes of Sally insisting that she is named Karen Wharton.  She again insists she was murdered.  She even knows Karen Wharton’s birthdate, mother’s name, how her father died, and all about that special night during finals at Bryn Mawr.  That’s all fine, but then she tells the doctor that she knows his wife drowned at a picnic in 1941 during freak dunk tank accident.  Not only that, she says that four years ago, the doctor asked her to marry him.  Hunh?

She says she was murdered by Dan Stapler who she used to be married to.  The doctor knows that Dan was never married.  Sally — oh sorry, she’s identifying as Karen today — says they kept the marriage secret because her mother hated Dan.   Her mother’s instincts were correct as Dan soon bashed Karen’s head in and threw her off the cliff.

Of course, all this is so Dan Stapler can panic and prematurely blow his wad, confessing before the local Perry Mason can even get him on the stand.  I’m sure the testimony of the crazy lady who did not know any of them, had never been to the city, and no longer remembered her her paranormal flashback would have held up in court.  Mission accomplished, Karen Wharton vanishes from inside Sally and she and Matt head for the hotel to fill that void.

This was actually a pretty good start.  The episode looked great, but the bar might have been lowered by low-res DVDs and You Tube public domain uploads of other series I endure.  It was refreshing just to see a crisp, clear B&W picture.  The music was a little overwrought at the end, and the story was a little thin, but consider this a Pilot.

My only real beef is the bit where Karen said the doctor asked her to marry him four years ago.  It is bizarre how that is shoehorned in, given no reaction, then dropped.  I can only figure that 1) a scene was deleted for time, and/or 2) that was supposed to explain why the doctor just happened to have an 8 x 10 glamor shot of Karen Wharton in his office that was not an X-Ray of her skull.

My only fear, largely based on nothing, is that the series will be the same story every week.  Until proven correct, I will be uncharacteristically optimistic.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] You’re thinking Tommy’s is the name of the moving company where they all work.  Nope, that’s Nor-Cal Van & Storage.
  • [2] Maybe not worth a footnote, but dayum Sally looks hot in that white dress on the cliff with that blinding smile.
  • [3] Hmmmm, upon further examination, most of the episodes had other writers.  Lawrence Marcus was credited as Executive Writer on 50 of them.  His other credits include Dramatized By, Dramatised By, Dramatisation, and a very special Material Assembled By.
  • [4] Correction, he does have one TZ Story By credit for Nightmare at 30,000 Feet.  However: 1) the episode is based on the original TZ’s Nightmare at 20,000 Feet, 2) that was based on the Richard Matheson short story, 3) he shares the Story By credit with 2 other guys, and 4) one of the other guys wrote the teleplay.  So I’m not sure how much his fingerprints are on the episode.

Tales from the Crypt – Fatal Caper (04/19/96)

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I had read on another site that production for Season 7 was moved to England.  Holy crap did they ever move it to England!

The locations, the actors, the director, the tone . . . I know the original Tales from the Crypt movie and sequel were British joints, but there is something uniquely American about this series when done right.  It works best with good ol’ American shameless greed and capitalism, shysters, con-men, modern art, televangelists, zoot-suiters, gold-diggers, carnies, door-to-door salesmen, speed traps, kangaroo courts, the death penalty, pulp comics, lumberjacks, ventriloquists [1] . . . and all kinds of American pop references.  Sadly, even the fact that they shipped it overseas to save a buck is evidence of its essential Americanism.

But I already shelled out an outrageous $25 for the Season 7 set, so here we go. [2]

Of course rich old Mycroft Amberson wears a silk robe and ascot, of course he lives in a Downton Abbey style castle, of course it is surrounded by statues, of course he has a butler, and of course he has a limey name like Mycroft.  If there is a Fiona or Hermione here, I’m done.

Mycroft’s banker says it is time that he get his affairs in order; i.e. have a will drawn up.  To assist, he has brought in the lovely Fiona Havisham — damnit!

Mycroft says that he has three sons, but that 15 years ago Frank left home.  Actually, it is more like Mycroft threw him out, saying, “I don’t want your sort in my house.”  The reason is only clear at the end.

We next meet his son Justin who is practicing Tantric sex with a topless girl.  I’m warming up to this new European vibe.

His other son Evelyn is quite the butterball.  Maybe he developed an eating disorder because his father gave him a girl’s name.  Hopefully he plays an ironically small role because I can’t understand WTF he is saying.

Mycroft describes them as monsters.  He amends his will to require that Justin and Evelyn find Frank within 6 months of Mycroft’s death or they get nothing.  How does that make sense?  If he wants them to be a family again, why wait until after he’s dead?  If they make the effort and fail, why penalize them?

There are a few bright spots, but the relocation across the pond kind of ruined it for me.  The ending will be no shocker to anyone who has seen the British film The Crying Game.  But America did it first 9 years earlier in Sleepaway Camp — Team America, F*** yeah!  American ingenuity and creativity wins again!  Oh, wait, TFTC used the exact same twist in The Assassin just last month.  Damnit!

Other Stuff:

  • [1] Maybe they had ventriloquists in the old country, but it took Americans to make one a star on radio.
  • [2] This blog started because I needed something to force me to watch the $9 set of Ray Bradbury Theater that I just could not finish.
  • [2] The packaging for Season 7, TFTC’s final season, is awful.  I guess they figured no one would last that long.  Season 6 of AHP is also much cheaper than the previous seasons, and has yet another season to go.  I expect those discs to say AOL on the back.