The Postman (1997) — Kevin Costner’s 3 hour epic of a lone reluctant hero fighting evil on the frontier. No, the other one. No, the other other one. 8% from critics on Rotten Tomatoes? F*** them — it rules! I don’t care what anybody thinks! About anything, really. Tubi.

It Happened One Night (1934) — Maybe the first Rom-Com ever (at least since The Taming of the Shrew). Not crazy about Claudette Colbert, but snappy dialog and the screwball adventures of an heiress on the run have kept it a classic for 90 years. Criterion.

The Patriot (2000) — Mel Gibson wins the American Revolution. More of a revenge story than I expected, but that works for me. I also liked the exact same movie when it was called Braveheart. Tubi.

The Changed (2021) — Reminiscent of Night of the Living Dead and Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Also of last month’s Skyquake and Driver 113 — OK small movies whose potential was not held back by the budget, but by the script. Tubi.

House Season 1 (2005) — Brilliant doctor has a Sherlock Holmesian talent for diagnosing illness. Except the formulaic plots require him to initially be wrong and nearly kill the patient 3 times in every episode. Peacock.

Sullivan’s Travels (1941) — Movie director decides to see how the other 99% live during the Depression. Funny when it wants to be, and serious when it needs to be. Great stuff. Criterion.

I Married a Witch (1942) — Another entry in the Veronica Lake collection. A 290 year old steals an election by swaying dull-witted voters, and the marks on ballots literally change from one candidate to another. Gee, where have I seen this before? Criterion.

The Blues Brothers (1980) — Seriously, this movie will be studied by film students 100 years from now.  104 years from now, they will be living with their parents. Tubi. OK, I just watched this in May and made the same comment.

The Disappearance of Flight 412 (1974) — A made-for-TV UFO movie with no UFO’s or aliens. The entire story follows the search for the crew of the 412 that spotted them on radar. But we know where they are the whole time, so there is no mystery to the “disappearance”. For the suspense that they failed to achieve, watch Capricorn One, Tubi.

The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976) — Should be called The Bad M***f***er Josey Wales. Remade today, Josey would be a woman . . . and that would be awesome. Tubi.

Hard Times (1975) — The early 1970’s had a nice string of movies like this, Boxcar Bertha and Emperor of the North. The Depression. . . . Hobos . . . Trains . . . bare-knuckle fightin’. I think we shant see their likes again. The Hobos, Trains, and
bare-knuckle fighting, I mean. Pretty sure we’ll see the Depression again. And maybe the Hobos. Tubi.

Bring It On (2000) — Yeah, the cheerleader movie. Up there with Big Ass Spider for movies that exponentially exceed their potential. Written by a first time writer and directed by a first time movie director. Do people get stupider the longer they are in Hollywood? I mean besides politically. Tubi.

Anna and the Apocalypse (2017) — Just the best Scottish teen zombie Christmas horror musical comedy you’ll ever see! Tubi.

Run Sweetheart Run (2020) — Cherie is assaulted after a business dinner, and pursued through the night. Initially, I was turned off by the all-men-bad feminism and gratuitous 4th-wall breakage. But . . . an appealing lead and great production won me over. Kudos for turning a silly running gag about a tampon into a great idea. Amazon.

Little Big Man (1970) — Dustin Hoffman plays Dustin Hoffman playing a 121 year old survivor of Little Big Horn. Really, does he ever not play Dustin Hoffman? To be fair, no one plays Dustin Hoffman better. Criterion.

Blues Brothers 2000 (1998) — Not unwatchable; I even kinda liked the kid. Of course, John Belushi is missed. Also missed is the original’s co-writer/director John Landis. Which is weird because he co-wrote and directed this one too. I just didn’t see as much of his signature wit this time. Tubi.

Glorious (2022) — Guy is trapped in a rest stop restroom conversing with the voice of a demon God through a glory hole (get it?). This is just the kind of cheesy, high-concept joint I should like. However, a grating lead, some dreadful visuals, and way too much yelling make it painful to watch. Even at 75 minutes, it is interminable. Shudder.

Avatar: The Way of Water 3D (2022) — Bravo! James Cameron is the Chuck Yeager of movies. I didn’t even want to see it and I was spellbound for 3+ hours. Theater.

Downhill (2020) — Will Farrell flees from wife Julia Louis-Dreyfuss and their kids when an avalanche threatens them. Er, did she not remember this same story on Seinfeld with George Costanza knocking down kids to flee a fire? An enjoyable film as they play it mostly straight. Hulu.

The Immaculate Room (2022) — Couple will win $5,000,000 if they can stay in a featureless white room for 50 days. Well, the good news is that Netflix would have stretched it over 8 episodes. Hulu.

Dreamcatcher (2003) — People have been telling me for 20 years how bad this film is. Well, they can go f*** themselves. I mean, they’re right, but just leave me alone. Tubi.

Homeward Bound: A Grammy Salute to the Songs of Paul Simon (2022) — A network special of the type I didn’t think was made any more. A diverse spectrum of artists performing Simon’s songs in their own style, but respectful of the originals. If you were listening to Paul Simon instead of KISS in 1976, this is an incredible show. Guess what, fucking idiots in Hollywood: No politics and everyone loved it. CBS.

The Apology (2022) — Billed as a Psychological Drama, but really no psychological element. Streamed on a Horror service, but no real horror. Just a straight-forward, linear, one-location story explaining the fate a girl missing for 20 years. Good performances including, shockingly, Janeane Garofalo in a small role who left the politics at home for a change (see previous entry). Shudder.

Night Sky Season 1 (2022) — J.K. Simmons and Sissy Spacek have a portal in their backyard. Not the complete slog other reviews describe, but it is slow with not much burn, ends with nothing resolved, plays the race card twice for no reason, and has the most unlikable male actors (besides J.K.) I’ve ever seen in one place. Amazon.

The Canyonlands (2021) — Sandra Bullock doppelganger leads 5 millennials on a deadly rafting trip in Utah. A strong lead actress and great locations go only so far in making up for a cartoonish villain and often painful dialog. Amazon.

God’s Not Dead (2014) — Christmas night, I got the urge to watch something appropriately Jesusy. Professor challenges student to prove God is not dead. The non-believers are presented as intolerant, closed-minded, tyrannical monsters. Which is pretty funny until you read the critic’s reviews which show them to be intolerant, closed-minded, tyrannical monsters. My favorite: “Ban this sick filth,” sez The Guardian! To be fair, critics at Rotten Tomatoes did rate The Postman even lower. Tubi.

The Heartbreak Kid (1972) — After decades of hearing from film snobs what a classic it is (currently 92% at Rotten Tomatoes), what a disappointment. Charles Grodin had not quite perfected his screen persona, and Cybil Shepard’s “perfect” woman is an airhead. The Neil Simon screenplay is shockingly light on laughs. The widely despised 2007 remake (29% at RT) is far more entertaining. Maybe someone should remake The Graduate (1967) because that one baffles me even more. YouTube.

Where’s Poppa (1970) — Painfully unfunny alleged classic inexplicably directed by comedy genius Carl Reiner. The only highlights are one dark rant by a soldier and one very attractive Trish Van Devere. Maybe I just don’t get the ’70’s. Tubi.

Resurrection (2022) — Why is the “unreliable narrator” trope more acceptable than an unreliable director? Just asking — the director here is actually quite reliable. Luckily, the very watchable, yet unreliable, Rebecca Hall grounds the sometimes horrific and insane proceedings of a woman stalked by her abusive ex who might be hiding their dead live live dead son. Shudder.

Somewhere in Time (1980) — Christopher Reeve goes back in time to meet Jane Seymour (not that far back — the actress, not the queen). Sure, I could bitch about Reeve’s acting skills, or the gauzy shots, or the director getting his Rochsmaninoff a little too often. But that would just be churlish. Richard Matheson’s script is brilliant in fitting the pieces together, and everything works in fleshing it out. Any change would hurt the movie, proving that Hollywood really has no idea what works; they just get lucky sometimes. Ignore the critics (52% at Rotten Tomatoes, 2 thumbs down from Siskel & Ebert). Classic! And I don’t care where the watch came from. Tubi.

November movies