Hurt (2009)

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20 Horror Movies for $7.50  — Part V.

Well this is strange.  I just discovered that I already saw this film on 09/07/13 (yeah, I keep track), but remember absolutely nothing about it.  One purpose of this blog was to force me to watch a lot of new films and old TV shows.  But I guess I set the precedent as a completist with the Night of the Living Dead rewatch, though, so here goes . . .

Darryl Coltrane (William Mopather) takes in his brother’s family after a fatal car crash. The accident is a little fishy as the cars ended up almost nose to nose with one of the them being upside down.  I can’t conceive of a scenario with that result.

The family is less than thrilled to now be living in a salvage yard in the boonies.  Darryl is a little creepy (naturally, being played by William Mopather), but he does take in his sister-in-law Helen and kids Lenore and Conrad.  Much to everyone’s surprise, there is soon another cuddly addition to the family.

No, Darryl didn’t knock up Helen (although the idea has clearly crossed his mind over the years she was married to his brother).  It turns out that dear old dad had another family.  The teenage daughter Sarah comes to live with the family at the junkyard.   Even though the family does not know the relationship, it is still awkward.

Conrad is an artist who’s scrap metal creations are so bad they could be featured in the Museum of Modern Art.  He is a good guy, though, offering his bedroom to her, and not as a bunkie.  Once she arrives, though, things start to get strange.

It is a question for a while whether it is Darryl responsible for the strange occurrences (such as a murdered duck).  Also, the visor falls out of Conrad’s welding mask and nearly blinds him.  Clearly Darryl does not want them there, and is set in his ways.  His passions are his junk and especially a car that he is restoring.

He is further cast as suspicious when he is shown in Helen’s bedroom watching her sleep, and when it is implied that he is peeking at Lenore taking a shower. Plus, he is still William Mopather.

Eventually, Lenore discovers the truth about Sarah and then people start dying or at least getting hurt.  Sarah begins tarting herself up and soon becomes a little Lolita rather than the awkward kid from the beginning.

There is not a whole lot of story, but i liked what was there.  All of the performances and the direction are solid.  It is a strange criticism, and sounds absurdly minor, but one of my few complaints is Helen’s voice.  It is so high pitched and girlish that I had to keep reminding myself that she was the MILF, er . . . mother.

hurt05Post-Post:

  • I gave this 3 stars on NetFlix in 2013, and stand by that.  Would have gone 3.5 if I could.
  • BTW, kudos to William Mopather for not living in Tom Cruise’s shadow.  He was on Lost and also worked with Brit Marling, so he’s Brando to me.
  • Not a lot of effort in this review.  I saw the movie before and despite it being pretty good, I just can’t get too enthusiastic.
  • These are the somber faces of women sitting beside their dying son/brother, who just saw their brother-in-law/uncle hanged, had a best friend murdered, and killed a young girl.  It’s Miller Time!

Ray Bradbury Theater – By the Numbers (09/11/92)

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bradbury02We get a brief prologue of a drill sergeant shouting marching orders.  Well, he’s a drill sergeant that is wearing a t-shirt — maybe that happens, but we also get a glimpse of his white pants, which don’t strike me as standard issue.  And his soldier, which we see only in quick shots of body parts, freckles, and a rippling reflection in a pool is a young boy.  We’re not given enough data to know for sure what’s happening, but we can put the pieces together if we want to.  I initially thought this was a mess, but I’ve reconsidered.

rbtbythenumbers01Flash-forward 10 years.  A man on a train orders 2 martinis and tells the waiter that one is for him and one is for whoever might sit in the empty chair across from him, “It saves time.”

Because nothing entices a stranger, particularly a young lady, more than a pre-mixed, lukewarm drink with a soggy olive offered by a stranger.

The man sees another younger man come in and instinctively neaten a stack of linen napkins on a cart.  This brings memories back to the man who seems to have no name.  Fortuitously, the alcoholic car of the train is nearly full, so the young man takes the seat and is offered the martini.  He tells the young man that they met previously — 10 years ago on a hot summer afternoon in a Malibu hotel, by the swimming pool.

rbtbythenumbers02Back then, the boy had worked for his father managing a pool at a luxury hotel.  The father drills him with military precision, marking every second as he runs from task to task straightening stacks of towels, lining up chairs, collecting stray glasses.  While the father has a white shirt (sleeveless — generally the sign of an idiot) and long white pants, the 10 year old boy is wearing next-to-nothing, just a small blue Speedo.  This lends an air of creepiness to the episode that really is not part of the story.

Finally after all of the chores are completed at exactly 12:00:00:00, the boy runs to unlock the gate for the waiting guests — both of them — maybe it is off-season.  The boy unlocks the gate, is ordered ABOUT FACE and ordered to the edge of the pool where he is commanded to HALT.  The father turns and begins pumping some fairly unimpressive iron.  The man and his friend think it is inhuman that the boy can’t take a dip, but the boy has a smile on his face

rbtbythenumbers03The men tell the father that they think he is acting like an idiot. The father tells them that this is his turf.  He has an agreement with the hotel that their jurisdiction ends at the pool gate. Any dissent, and they will be removed “bodily.  I possess a Black Belt in Judo, Boxing, Rifle Marksmanship Certificates. Shake my hand and I’ll break your wrist, sneeze and I’ll crack your nose, one word and your dental surgeon will need 2 years just to reshape your smile.”  Apparently he has a similar jurisdictional agreement with the local police, attorneys and child protective services.

He’s not a monster, however.  He does give his boy time to frolic in the pool — 40 laps worth.  One of the men swims a few laps along side the boy, but can’t keep up.  After a break to serve a few drinks poolside, he is back in the pool.  Again, this is very creepy. Outside of Thailand, who wants to be served alcoholic drinks by an almost naked 10 year old boy?

rbtbythenumbers04The guy’s friend, mustache-guy (because no one has names in this story) predicts that one day the boy will murder his father. That’s why he invited his friend writer-guy to this luxury hotel — maybe this scenario will relieve his writer’s block; or maybe a little shoulder massage is worth a try, too.

Once the pool closes, the father orders the boy to stand at the edge of the pool for an hour.  The father leaves his watch on a towel and tells the boy to consider that the watch is him standing there.  When he returns, now dark, the boy is still at attention.  When the father picks up the towel and the watch falls in the water, the helpful son dives in without permission to get it.  His father merely says, “Waterproof,” smacks him up side his noggin and gives him demerits.

It finally ends when the father finds a used towel after the boy had cleaned the area.  He irately orders his son to stand at the edge of the pool and not move for an hour.  Then dear old dad trips over the towel and falls in.  Turns out dad can’t swim, and is now screaming for help.  He had tricked the boy before and punished him — see the watch incident, for one — so the boy is waiting for an “AT EASE.” before he dares to move.

rbtbythenumbers06The now-grown boy gets up, and heads back to his room.  He stops and sheds a single tear as he straightens the napkins again. Presumably, writer-guy comforts him by following him back to his berth as the last shot is the classic train going into a tunnel.

Interesting little slice of a weird life episode.  But for god sake, get the kid a real bathing suit next time.  Maybe even a shirt when he is serving the guests.  Does the Health Department not have jurisdiction here, either?

Post-Post:

  • Mustache guy was named Sid.
  • Very few deviations from the short story, although framed slightly differently on the train.

 

Rebound (2014)

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rebound01

It starts out with Claire just staring mindlessly at the TV.  She is clearly a little hefty, but based on later shots, she is seems to have been de-glammed even more for these shots — like an overweight Chloe from 24.

She is intermittently flashing back to a sepia afternoon when she caught her husband having some delight with another woman rode her boyfriend cowgirl style.

The camera slowly zooms in on the other woman’s face so intensely, and the way she refuses to avert her gaze or be embarrassed at being busted, it leads you to think there are going to be some fangs-a-poppin’ soon.  In fact, through-out the credits we continue to see them humping — is Claire still watching?  Why does the woman frequently look directly at the camera?  Is Claire still there?  No, so it is just baffling.

rebound03After a gratuitous, yet welcome cry, demurely naked in the shower, she tells her best friend she is moving home to Chicago.  Her friend thinks the move is irrational and says, “When Steve and I broke up, I lost like 20 pounds.”  Suddenly this breakup sounds very rational for Claire to me.

On her way to Chicago, a 3-day drive, she pulls into an Interstate Rest Stop which is as disgusting as an Interstate Rest Stop (although not as bad as Rest Stop). It is plenty disturbing with a crazy woman sitting on the filthy floor, and disgusting stalls. As soon Claire finds one tolerable enough to take a seat in, the crazy woman bangs on the door screaming, “Got any toilet paper?”  That’s enough for Claire to hold it in for a few more miles, but later realizes she has lost her phone in the rest room — so that is trope is taken care of.

If the day can’t get any worse, her car gets a flat tire (maybe) and she coasts to the side of the road.  She opens the trunk and unloads the 3 boxes that she apparently brought into this relationship.  Then she opens the hood.  So it’s not clear what is wrong with the car. She does, however, take this opportunity to pee shielded by the car — standing up, I might add.

She flags down a car, and we learn that the car just stalled.  Creepy guy Gus[1] stops and she accepts a ride with him to town for a hotel and mechanic.  Gus at least gets her to Eddie’s Garage without killing her, so that’s good.

While Eddie is towing her car back, she falls asleep and this time flashes back to catching her boyfriend cheating again.  This time, he is on top of the woman — how the hell long did she watch? Or are these just obsessive little hallucinations she’s having?  Maybe that’s why the other woman always has a bra on.

Her timing belt is shot and will cost $600 to fix.  She reluctantly but blatantly offers herself to Eddie in exchange for a discount, but he graciously offers to not charge for Labor or the Tow — so, what a swell guy.  Their paths cross again in the local bar where the mechanic, the bartender and every customer is somehow menacing. Especially the one who slipped the rufie into her drink while she was making a call at the last pay-phone in America.

rebound08She wakes up in the garage gagged and tied to a chair.  When she won’t answer a few simple questions, he takes a Zippo to her fingers.  He unties her hands and hands her a knife.  He tells her to pretend her leg is her cheating husband, and STAB herself — and that if she doesn’t do a sufficient job, he’ll stab the other one. So there’s a chance this guy might be crazy.

He makes her wipe all the make-up off her face.  Then he cuts her hair.  After she dips her fingers in acid to remove the nail polish, she pretends to like him and appreciate his beauty tips, fearing a waxing is next.

rebound11She does seduce him into untying her, and her plan is working out pretty well until an ill-timed visit by the gruff but lovable Gus, just checking up on the girl he helped earlier. Things don’t go so well for Gus, but Claire has time to grab a mallet and start pounding away at Eddie.  What happens next is an interesting twist on a couple of horror tropes, worthy of not being spoiled.

My expectations started out very low as Ashley James did not seem to be much of an actress.  I think part of this was due to the constantly underestimated importance of sound recording in a movie.  Also, over the past year, I’ve noticed a lot of actresses that are mediocre in simple dialogue scenes, but can really bring it when the action and emotions ramp up.

rebound12As writer-director, Megan Freels pretty much gets the blame or credit for everything — this is her joint. Story-wise, it was nothing original, but did take an unusual turn at the end which I appreciated.  It was effectively scored with nice track that followed her, but did not get insane when the action did — and no stingers!

The casting also worked, especially with Ashley James as a woman who was not classically beautiful and had a few extra pounds, but also was pretty enough to think 3 years ago maybe she had a shot in Hollywood.  Some of the local folk were a little over-the-top, but who doesn’t love creepy small-town folk suspicious of a new single woman passing through.

My only very minor criticism of Ms. Freels — girl loves her close-ups.  It seems like I was constantly noticing that the camera was pushed in so close that the tops of heads were lopped off (and not in the good way).

But if that is the only thing I can complain about, it’s a success.   Well-produced, well-performed proof that you can make a simple but effective movie on the cheap. I was never once bored.

 Post-Post:

  • Title Analysis: At first I didn’t get it, but ultimately, I connected the multiple meanings.  Nice touch.
  • It always bothers me that people on screen almost never sweat when being tortured.  I don’t know why that would necessarily occur, but it seems like it would happen.  Also, characters are usually way too blase when a limb is chopped off.
  • Megan Freels is the grand-daughter of Elmore Leonard.  The only thing I ever read of his is Fire in the Hole, a collection of short stories which I remember being very good.  Of course, him being universally revered, who gives a shit what I think?
  • [1] Creepy Guy being defined as a guy who doesn’t look like George Clooney or Brad Pitt, yet has the audacity to speak to a woman out of his league.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Return of the Hero (03/02/58)

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The scene:  Wartime France.  Hitchcock’s opening and closing remarks are very subdued this week due to the gravity of the story.  This isn’t ordinary Americans being killed after all, it’s . . . well, more on that later.

Gendarme, stop that man -- he has no baguette!

Gendarme, stop that man — he has no baguette!

Cafe owner Leon is forcing his daughter into a marriage with the butcher.  Therese has her eye on the salami of a soldier named Sgt. Andre, though, and is heartbroken by his discharge; I mean, that he as been discharged.

Andre’s friend Marcel is telling a barfly how he saved Andre’s life.  He tells her Andre is rich and engaged to a baroness.

Andre is much more humble and honest, telling Therese that a few kisses in the dark meant nothing, that a soldier needs a girl, it was never going to last past Marseilles.  She tells him she wants to be with him anyway, to look after him.  He brutally says he  wants to get back to his family.

ahpreturnofthehero02Meanwhile Marcel is still talking up Andre to the barfly — how he has a yacht, has a winning racehorse. One of the disbelievers at the bar calls Andre’s mother to verify Marcel’s stories.  Andre takes the phone and tells his mother — now seen in an evening gown at a glamorous party — that he will be home in 2 days.

BTW, the Countess is played by Iphigenie Castiglioni; I wonder if that is the same Iphigenie Castiglioni that was in Hitchcock’s Rear Window?

He says he invited a friend to come home with him.  He assures them all that he is fine, but his friend has lost a leg in the war.  His family, the snooty society folk are aghast! The friend has not had time to get a prosthetic leg, so he will have to walk on crutches or — avert your eyes, ladies — a wheelchair!

His fiancee says, “That’s terrible!  To bring a cripple in here.  He won’t fit in.”  Well, we really can’t judge her until we measure the doors.

Andre’s mother sympathetically is only thinking of his poor friend.  She says he is welcome, but “don’t you think it will be a little awkward?  He won’t be able to ride, or swim, or dance — he will be so out of it!”

When Andre says the man saved his life, his mother promises the best life for him . . . just so it’s not too close to the family.  They will be happy to send him to Switzerland to recuperate, but “don’t bring him home!  Not Now!  It would be so depressing having such an unfortunate boy around.”

ahpreturnofthehero04After the call, he tells Marcel that he can’t take him home with him now, because he is not going home.  He tells Therese to marry the butcher and lead a long and happy life. He then hobbles out on crutches, revealing that it is actually him who has lost a leg, and he was testing his family’s reaction.  Therese runs after him, and will probably catch him . . . what with having two legs.

Alfred says at the end that he will dispense with his usual gallows humor as this show has no desire to make light of men who have suffered as a result of war.  Hopefully next week he can have us rolling in the aisles again with tales of murdered Americans.

ahpreturnofthehero05This episode was OK, but another missed opportunity.  Marcel was seen walking around, so we know he is doing OK.  There are tell-tale crutches prominently displayed leaning against the bar in several scenes. And the accents made it an effort to listen to the dialogue.

Post-Post:

  • AHP Deathwatch:  Susan Kohner is still with us.
  • Sir Alfred is correct, there is nothing funny about wounded soldiers.  But it did remind me of the classic sketch by Dudley Moore and Peter Cook.
  • This idea has apparently become an urban legend even showing up in Snopes, but its roots go back even further.

Phantoms (1998)

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We open with a scene reminiscent of The Shining — a small car on a winding road through the mountains.  Only without the ominous music and awesome cinematography.  On the other hand, the car contains 2 hot babes, neither of whom are Shelly Duvall.  So call it a draw at this point.

Lisa and Jennifer Pailey  drive into Jennifer’s home of Snowfield for Lisa to get some relaxation from the big city.  Jennifer, who has a medical practice there, says the town is seasonal, going form 4000 to 400 during the year.  The town seems deserted, though.  When they get to Jennifer’s house, her mother is dead on the floor.  And the phone is dead on the desk.

When the car won’t start, they walk the four blocks to the police station.  They find dead bodies there also, sadly not due to capital punishment.  They arm up and become even hotter.  They wander into a bakery where there are more dead people, but grizzlier — severed hands still rolling dough, and severed heads in the oven (OK, those were clearly suicides).  The good news is they find three living police officers there; the bad news is two of them are Liev Schreiber[1] and Ben Affleck.

Image 013While investigating a hotel, the third cop.who might as well have been wearing a red shirt rushes outside at the sound of a screech.  The others rush outside when he screeches, but all that is left is his gun spinning in the street.  Soon Liev is killed also by what appears to be a giant moth.

Peter O’Toole is brought into the picture as a reporter for one of those sleazy tabloids — you, know the ones that have 100% more credibility than the New York Times because of the NYT’s seething hatred and bias against anyone who doesn’t agree with their clustered, shrinking little band of followers.

It is about this time that I repeatedly fell asleep, was awakened by gunfire, then fell right back to sleep about 5 times until the credits rolled.  And I don’t really feel compelled to give it another try.

Image 009The beginning with Rose McGowan and Joanna Going was fine.  In fact the whole movie could have been them and it would have been better.  Ben Affleck has proven repeatedly that he is great behind the camera.  Who, for the love of God keeps putting him in front of the camera?  It’s got to be ego.  I didn’t see Steven Spielberg fighting no shark.

I never did entirely figure out his role here.  He is the sheriff of this, admittedly, small town at the age of 26.  Seems that he had time to go to college, get a law degree (I assume standards haven’t been lowered for that yet), get booted from the Secret Service and end up in Snowfield.  The picture might have benefited from having someone with a little more gravitas in the role. And not sporting that goofy coat and hat.

An officer with more experience might also have made firing Liev Schreiber one of his priorities.  They let this borderline mentally challenged resentful insubordinate deputy carry a gun?  He is such a drooling idiot before the attacks, that afterward, when I suppose he was possessed during one of my naps. there is no appreciable difference.

To be completely unfair, the intermittent portions I saw of the last half did not engage me at all.  The most telling assessment:  There is no Phantoms II.

Post-Post:

  • [1] Schreiber is a good actor, just not who I’m looking for to protect me in a disaster.
  • If Jennifer was making a living as a doctor in a  town of 400 people, there must have been something wrong before the killer moths showed up and killed people and their sweaters.