Category Archives: TV

Tales From the Crypt – Seance (S4E4)

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tftcseance04Really lackluster outing.

Cathy Moriarty and Ben Cross are practicing a ruse to bilk a widow out of $300,000.  Cross wonders to himself how he got into this mess — hiding in a closet to pretend to be a ghost.  Great, a dreaded flashback.

Two weeks earlier, lawyer Cross gets a visit from Dean Wormer.  Moriarty is there to pretend that she is a long lost cousin of Wormer’s.  Cross tells Wormer that his dead uncle Albert Peters has left them $3 million.

Wormer says, “The only man I know by that name is my mother’s brother.”  Isn’t that kind of the definition of dead uncle?  Cross tells Wormer that his uncle was not killed by a train as his mother told him — he spent 20 years in jail for a bank robbery.  $200,000 from the heist turned into $3M.

Moriarty invites Wormer to her hotel room that night.  He shows up with a bottle and a rose.  Moriarty explains that they should just buy Cross out for 10%  They start making out — so not only does Wormer not know the meaning of “uncle”, he is a little fuzzy on the concept of “cousin” as well — and are photographed by Cross from the closet.

tftcseance05They go to to Cross’s office and Wormer figures out that he and Moriarty are in cahoots.  They show him the photos which only make him laugh, and says his wife will never see them (a pretty good gag that will pay off later).  Moriarty goes to shoot Wormer, but he pulls a Rosalind Shays (i.e. falls down the elevator shaft). Just to be safe, they send the elevator to the bottom floor to crush him.

At they police station, the decide to try to get the cash from Wormer’s wife who they see is blind.  She wants to discuss it with her late husband via her spiritual adviser — she’s blind, not stupid. No wait, she’s blind and stupid.

Since Mrs. Wormer is blind, they tie up the “real” psychic and Moriarty imitates her. Also present is Mrs. Wormer’s chauffeur who apparently has never seen “her spiritual adviser” before.

tftcseance06The spirit of Wormer is summoned and a hooded figure shows up.  He throws back the hood to reveal it is Wormer.  The chauffeur says, “Mr. Wormer is looking a bit peaked.” Does he not understand why they are at the psychic?  They gave this guy a license?

Wormer reveals Cross’s head in a brief case, then rips out Moriarty’s heart like Mola Ram  in Temple of Doom.  He tells Moriarty, “You ain’t got no heart.”

I literally fell asleep about 5 times over the course of three days trying to finish this one. Not sure whether it is the actors or the direction or both, but Moriarty and Cross are two of the dullest actors I have ever seen.

Moriarty is a classic case of peaking early.  She was nominated for Best Supporting Actress in her first role, then disappeared for six years.  Her IMDb bio cites a serious car accident, bad luck, and man trouble.  Maybe, but part of the problem had to be an absolute lack of screen presence.

tftcseance13Post-Post:

  • Title Analysis: A little too on-the-nose.
  • Written by Harry Anderson.
  • Ben Cross was just in The Concrete Mixer.  Just as lackluster as Moriarty, he finally got the role he was perfectly suited to play in 2009 — Spock’s emotionless Vulcan father Sarek.

Outer Limits – Vanishing Act (S2E21)

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olvanishingact03Trevor McPhee (John Cryer) shuts off the radio after the DJ says farewell to the old year.  Trevor  also says good riddance to 1949 despite have a decent home, a cute wife, and a radio the size of a refrigerator.

He feels they are in a rut, going nowhere and can’t even afford a bottle of New Year’s champagne despite Trevor drinking from a bottle of hooch at the time.  Full of rot-gut and self-loathing, he says the hell with it and goes out to get a bottle of bubbly anyway.

On the way to the store, he encounters a bright light and runs off the road.  When he regains consciousness, he stumbles to the road and hitches a ride from Ray Carter. Ray is a fan of comics like Zantarg, Master of Time and Space.

olvanishingact101960:  Ray drops Trevor off at his house, but he finds the locks have been changed.  When his wife Theresa (Jessica Lundy) answers the door she damns him for having disappeared for 10 years.  He swears to remember nothing of the last decade.  They go to a doctor who is no help.  His wife finally accepts that he didn’t run out on her and they go to bed, but he disappears again.  Trevor wakes up in a swampy cave, then reappears 10 years later

1970:  The furniture has been rearranged so he reappears on the bedroom floor. Technically, he should have reappeared in mid-air and dropped to the floor.  He finds his clothes vacuum-packed in the closet and changes into them.  Downstairs, he finds that Theresa has given up waiting.  Ray, the guy who gave Trevor a ride in 1950 is now giving Trevor’s wife a ride — they are married.  This time, Theresa finally realizes that Trevor hasn’t aged at all; because, really, would he have kept that mustache for 20 years?  He also finds out he has a son, which should have aged him 10 years on the spot.

olvanishingact21aHe storms out and sees the devolution of the country in 1969. There are drugs, hippies, war protests with inanely repetitive chants — can you really hear All We Are Saying is Give Peace a Chance go around more than twice without actually wanting to start a war?  He goes to a bar and is soon joined by Ray.  Trevor starts feeling sick and goes into the bathroom for 10 years [insert lame Mexican food gag here].  Again, he awakens in the swampy cave.

1980:  He reappears on the floor of the bathroom stall, luckily unoccupied.  The bar is now a disco (but not for Lola) complete with cokeheads, glittering disco balls, and The Hustle.  His son and Theresa are waiting for him.  This time Ray sets up a camera to catch him disappearing on Super-8.  Which he does.

1990:  Trevor reappears on VHS, skipping right over the Betamax years.  Ray is dead, but Theresa hypnotizes Trevor, and is able to talk to the alien who has possessed him. It says that his species explores the universe by possessing people and periodically bringing them back to their planet to share their knowledge.

olvanishingact25Despite using wormhole technology, Theresa learns they have no concept of the passage of time. She explains how the aliens have wrecked their lives and talks the parasite (who prefers to be called a Symbiote-American) into releasing Trevor’s body.  He disappears from 1990, sadly, having never reached the distant decade where his mustache would be accepted by society.

On the other hand, the aliens are pretty hoopy froods and plop Trevor back in 1950; where he was miserable.  Once again, lottery-number-free.

I suspect the concept is not original, but that never bothers me; I really liked the idea.  It didn’t hook me for some reason though.  Maybe it was seeing Jon Cryer in a drama (although I’ve never seen him in a comedy, either).

I still rate it 8 out of 10 years.

Post-Post:

  • Jessica Lundy was the girl with the funny laugh on Seinfeld.
  • Of course, Jon Cryer was 40% of Two and a Half Men.

Ray Bradbury Theater – The Utterly Perfect Murder (S5E6)

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rbtutterlyperfect30You put a moniker like that on an episode, and you better have some special in store.

Young piano prodigy Doug Spaulding is being chased through the woods by bullies.  This is intercut with telephone calls he made to his chief tormentor over the years since.  On his 21st birthday, he calls Ralph and says, “Hello Ralph.  Is this Ralph Underhill?”  Ralph says, “Yes,” and Doug hangs up the phone.  He does it again on his 40th birthday, or maybe we are supposed to believe this is an annual occurrence.

On his 60th birthday, Doug, now a famous composer has something bigger in mind. Doug does not make the usual call that day, but the next morning goes to a locked cabinet in his garage where he keep momentos of the times that Ralph bullied him.

rbtutterlyperfect17He goes downstairs and sees the mess from the party and says, “When was the armistice signed?” His nameless, uncredited wife replies in a complete non-sequitur, “The world will little note, nor long remember” from Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address.  Is this how smart people talk in the morning?  I’m more used to, “You owe me an extra $50 for that last thing.”

She hands him a bottle of Worcestershire sauce and he pours about 1 molecule into a Bloody Mary before taking a sip.

When he says, “I must arise and go now,” she replies from the same Yeats poem, “but not to a bee-loud Glade.”  Christ, these people make Frasier & Niles look like the Clampetts. He tells no-name that he is going to Chicago, but he actually packs a small bag with the toys — and a non-toy gun — and goes to pay a visit to Ralph.  At this point, after 40 years of calls, Ralph must be mystified why this year, it was one day late.

rbtutterlyperfect26On the way, he recalls other humiliations from his youth, having a big marble thrown in the creek, being afraid to throw rocks at a house, being roughed up, being tied to a tree.  Ralph tells him, “You will never belong anywhere!  Just look me up when you’re old and gray and I’ll remind you!”  So he has held on to that for 40 years despite having a nice home home, a thriving career and a wife with no name.

He stops by his childhood home for a few more bad memories.  The boys thought he was weird for practicing the piano so much and winning competitions.  The slicked back hair and shirt buttoned to the top probably didn’t help either.  Not quite sad enough, he marches into the woods to the tree where Ralph had tied him up once.

That night he goes to Ralph’s house and sets up the toys — the non-lethal ones — on his porch.  He rings the bell and Ralph answers the door.  Doug seems shocked as he looks Ralph up and down.  Of course he has gotten older, just like Doug.  Is there some point  to him not wearing shoes?  He was just at home watching TV.  Maybe it is just seeing him that takes Doug back.  He reaches into his pocket for the gun, but hesitates when Ralph sees the toys.

rbtutterlyperfect49Ralph kneels to see the toys, and Doug points his finger at him, “Bang, you’re dead.” As Doug walks away, Ralph just calls after him, “Doug, is that you?”

Doug goes back to the tree where he was tied up and inexplicably sleeps there for the night.  The next morning he goes back to his old house and summons “young Doug” to stop practicing and go out and play.  In his mind, he sees black & white young Doug head off to the woods across the street.

Thus potentially sabotaging his professional success, and proving Ralph right in an alternate timeline.

rbtutterlyperfect54Post-Post:

  • Title Analysis:  What murder?  In the words of Sidney Wang, “Killed good weekend.”
  • Two women have speaking roles but are not credited on screen or on IMDb.
  • Young Doug (David Turri) has no other IMDb credits.  I’m assuming that is Young Doug, IMDb doesn’t even name his character.  There is an author by that name at Amazon, who has a New Zealand connection, but the age doesn’t seem to work out.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – Together (S3E15)

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ahptogether06It is the office Christmas Party, and being 1958, it is still called a Christmas Party (and even though this aired in mid-January).  Presents are being exchanged, everyone is smoking like a chimney with care, and men are making general louts of themselves.

While everyone else is having fun, Shelly is trying to get through to her boyfriend Tony Gould (Joseph Cotton) on the phone.  She gives up and goes into the boss’s office to use his phone. She finally gets him and asks if he has already told his wife about them, because a few days before Christmas really would be the ideal time.  Gould assures Shelly that everything is all set for them to be together.  He tells Shelly he will pick her up at the office.

Once at the office, Gould suggests welllllll, maybe he should stay with his wife a little while longer . . . maybe after her annual trip downtown.  Actually, Gould’s arguments for waiting all involve his wife’s feelings.  That seems to anger Shelly even more.  Finally, fed up with Gould’s dithering, she picks up the phone with him standing there and calls his wife to break the news herself.  Gould, quite reasonably, stabs her.

When he tries to unlock the office door, he breaks the key off in the lock.  He checks an internal office window, but there are bars on it — that must be a rough crowd.  He tries another window, but it is three stories up.

This is what I appreciate about AHP — I know locked-room mysteries are a distinct genre, but I’m not sure how many of them involve the murderer actually being locked in.  Someday I am going to order that big-ass book of locked-room mysteries (if I ever finish that big-ass book of pulp stories).

Gould calls his buddy Charles.  He tells Charles that Shelly has passed out and he is locked in the office.  Despite being drunk, Charles says he will be right over.

Gould finally gets the attention of a woman in the window across the alley and asks her to call a locksmith.  It is clear that Sir Alfred did not direct this one as surely he would have put a hottie across the alley like Miss Torso in Rear Window.  Gould is acting so creepy, though, she actually calls the police.  Seeing the police questioning her across the alley,

ahptogether20

Shockingly, this guy died at 28. More shockingly, he was only 26 in this episode.

Gould puts on Shelly’s boss’s coat and glasses, hoping to escape in disguise when the cops inevitably arrive.

The police kick the door in and the ruse works as he leads them out of the office. They are about to leave when Gould’s drunk friend Charlie finally shows up.  Just as Gould was about to get away with murder, Charlie staggers past the group, presumably looking for a place to throw up.  He goes into the bathroom and finds Shelly’s dead body.

 

Post-Post:

  • AHP Deathwatch:  One Survivor.
  • Directed by Robert Altman.
  • For a more in-depth look at the story, performers and production, head over to bare bones ezine.

Night Gallery – The Girl with the Hungry Eyes (S3E2)

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Lots to be thankful for:  This is the beginning of the last season of Night Gallery . . . I get to skip the execrable first episode as it was inexplicably put on the Season One DVD . . . Joanna Pettet is making her fourth appearance.

On the downside, they have done away with Gil Mellé’s theme which was almost as unnerving as TZ’s.  And Serling’s intro is shamefully weak:  “Let me welcome you to this parlor of paintings . . .”  But the play is the thing, so let’s get to it.

Photographer David Faulkner (James Farentino) is developing film in is darkroom when he sees a picture of a hot babe that he doesn’t remember shooting.  The girl in the photo (Joanna Pettet) walks into his darkroom, but now the picture is not of her anymore.  He doesn’t complain about her opening the door and exposing the other negatives, but who would?  He invites her back the next morning for test shots.

The next day, he fires off hundreds of pictures of her, using the time-honored TV style of photography — constantly moving the camera so it would be impossible to get a focused shot unless he has the shutter speed at 1/30000000.  He should really get a tripod; and during the bikini shots, maybe did.  Heyoooooo!

The next day, he has a meeting with Mr. Munsch from Munsch Beer who is looking for just the right girl to be Miss Munsch in his ad campaign.  He even has a miniature billboard mocked up with a white outline reserved for the perfect white model.  None of the usual suspects in Faulkner’s portfolio excite him until he gets to Joanna.  And we’ll stick with calling her Joanna because she has no name in the episode.

Soon, Joanna’s picture is adorning beer billboards all over the city.  His pal Harry is steamed that Faulkner has not introduced him to her.  When he sees her billboards, it’s like she’s looking back at him.  He is drawn by her eyes that seem to know things about him that she could not possibly know.  Faulkner throws Harry out and makes an early night of it.

Joanna apparently plans to make an early night of it also as she hooks up with Harry downstairs.  Faulkner notices the two of them walking down the sidewalk together.  He goes down to follow them but only sees her running away alone.  He also remembers her ominous admonishment to him that she is never to be followed.  So he returns to his studio as Harry rolls down a ditch, dead.

nghungryeyes20

Joanna Pettet, also figuratively hot

The next morning Munsch says he wants to meet the mysterious Joanna.  That night, Faulkner sees her kissing another man who collapses on the sidewalk.  She tries to use her magic eyes on Faulkner, but he runs back to his studio.

As soon as he enters, Joanna is already there.  He is starting to realize this is no ordinary girl, and I don’t just mean her smoking body.  He takes all her negatives from his file cabinets and throws then on the floor.  He dowses them with lighter fluid as she screams, and he sets them on fire.  She curls up like an old negative and burns.

Outside trying to get some fresh air, he sees a billboard of her bursting into flames  It would be fun the think every picture of her on billboards and in magazines is also bursting into flames across the country, but the writer lacked even the imagination of Come Back to Me‘s scribe.  Or more likely, lacked the budget.

OK, so she was a vampire who reeled guys in with her looks and hypnotic eyes — pretty standard vampire tropes for both vampires and vampirettes.  Originality is over-rated, I always say.  But where did she come from?  Why did she pick Faulkner?  Why did she let him set the photos on fire?  Why did that result in her dying?  What if the billboard had been set on fire first,would that have also killed her?  Why doesn’t she ever get that hair cut?  Good performances, but ultimately pointless.

For some reason, I think this shot was intended to be a shocker.

Post-Post:

  • Twilight Zone Legacy: John Astin was in A Hundred Yards over the Rim.