The Outer Limits – The Sandkings (S1E1)

A George R.R. Martin twin spin!

sk01From now on, he will be permanently known for Game of Thrones, but long before that, Martin had done some anthology work on the revivals of The Outer Limits and The Twilight Zone.  He only provided the source material for this one, which is unfortunate because the episode deviates from the short story in many ways.  Standing alone, it is good episode — just not what I signed up for.

First of all, if you’re casting a brilliant scientist, Beau Bridges should not be high on your wish list.  Jeff Bridges?  Lloyd Bridges?  Todd Bridges?  On the list before Beau.

In a better bit of casting, his wife is played by 80’s babe Helen Shaver.  This is doubly welcome as she is not in the short story at all.

After one of his science experiments (tiny martians brought back in a soil sample) escapes the nest, the government shuts down his program.  Beau does the sensible thing, smuggles one of the creatures out of the maximum containment facility — where it still nearly escaped — and secures it in a barn.  But it has a padlock, so no problem.

Cringe-inducing actual quote: Charlton Heston, eat your heart out!

Cringe-inducing actual quote: “Charlton Heston, eat your heart out!”

Newly unemployed, Beau has plenty of time to observe the alien insects he brought home; and they are more entertaining than sea monkeys.  He feeds them mice, they build their first castle.  And then a 2nd castle as they begin choosing up sides — ha, they think they’re people!

Beau starts to get concerned as the ripples under the sand get larger, and some nasty pincers start sticking out.  But once he sees they revere him as a god, that seems OK.

The sandkings begin to demonstrate psychic abilities as they lure the new family dog down to their place for dinner.  Beau finds the dog’s collar in the their cage and makes it a little more secure by electrifying the cage.  He also tells them, no more snacks even though he will clearly have some Milk Bones going to waste.

castle02After poor Helen Shaver is then given the traditional sci-wife scene of nagging her genius husband, Beau goes to the barn for some peace and quite.  There he sees now two larger castles, with one sporting his face.  The castles are quite well-designed, although I think the face looks a little more like Lloyd Bridges.  Understandably, he smashes the one castle without his face on it, and tells its occupants to “get with the program”.

When one of them bites the hand that isn’t feeding them, he realizes that there might be trouble.  Things really go south from here as his family bails, a co-worker meets a bad end, the sandkings get feisty.  Actually, in rewatching parts of it, I think I liked it even more the 2nd time.

The short story has several differences and is also quite good.  It won both a Hugo and Nebulae, so it is a little surprising so many changes were made.  I think the SS had more of a horror vibe, and maybe they wanted to sci-fi it up more for the 1st episode of the revived Outer Limits.

Beau’s character (Simon Kress) in the SS is not a scientist, but an arrogant rich guy with a sadistic streak the size of King Joffrey’s.  On a planet that is not earth, he buys the sandkings at a pet shop.  The strange shopkeeper, and her willingness to sell these murderous creatures (who will clearly dominate the world) to some yahoo really made me think of Gremlins.

Kress takes great pleasure in starving the sandkings, forcing them into battles for the entertainment of guests.  They oblige by demonstrating great strategies, forming alliances, coordinating attacks, and making him some big coin betting on matches.

About halfway through the SS, the sandkings turn on Kress.  The last half is really straight-up horror as Kress tries to contain the problem and fails at every turn.  Someday that will also make a great show.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • If you ever have the need to take notes while watching Hulu, get what you need the first time around.  They will make sure you watch every bloody commercial again if you try to review!
  • I refuse to call this a novelette.
  • A little in the episode, and more in the SS, you can see hints of Game of Thrones.  The sandkings are ruthlessly political in their alliances and battles.  They have their god, and his face on the castle might even be considered their sigil.
  • Kim Coates as yuppie dweeb?
  • Sadly, I was unable to work in The Dude.
  • The two women most involved with episode both have interesting stories.  Writer Melinda Snodgrass studied voice at a conservatory in Vienna, practiced law, wrote for Star Trek TNG, ran a natural gas company in New Mexico, and is now an accomplished equestrian.
  • I only knew of Helen Shaver as one of many 80’s babes that you never see anymore.  Now I see that she has kept busy as a director on a long list of TV shows including 6 episodes of The Outer Limits and several current shows.
  • Meanwhile, I’m in my underwear writing a blog post on Friday night.

The Depraved (2011)

cover01Also known by the better, but oddly singular title Urban Explorer; on the other hand, The Depraved sounds oddly plural even though it’s really only one depraved guy.  The victims are mostly normal people that you don’t hate immediately — a rarity which earns this film an extra star immediately.

We start off with a few quick shots of Berlin that don’t really establish anything other than the location, and are strangely framed.  We see the Fernsehturm Berlin, the Brandenburg Gate, and one shot of some random graffiti (with a branch in the foreground that is, as an artistic choice, roughly equivalent to a boom mike in the frame).  We meet the first two explorers in a cafe with some really bizarre dialog:

Marie: Are you sending a love message to your boyfriend?  Juna (smiling):  My boyfriend?  He committed suicide.  Marie (concerned):  Suicide?  Juna:  I hope so!

Juna notices that Marie has a camera to document the night’s adventure.  To the relief of most viewers, it is not a hand-held video camera.  To the relief of Nikon, it is a Canon.  Juna grabs a waiter, plants one on him, and suggests that Marie take a photo to send to her boyfriend.  OK, you do kind of hate Juna immediately.

Next we meet Denis and Lucia sitting on top of an abandoned car, waiting for the others to join them.  Lucia is shocked, shocked that Denis did not tell her the other two were women.  Finally, their guide Dante arrives.  He leads them through a club to the portals of the underground.

selfie01For dubious reasons, everyone is going by a nickname.  Luckily the characters are few and distinct enough that it is easy to keep track of 1) real name, 2) nickname, and 3) nationality (as they are all from different places).  But having the Asian girl not be the one nicknamed Haiku is just tricky.

Dante is going to lead them to the Fahrerbunker where Hitler’s chauffeurs hung out.  He promises lots of interesting artifacts, wall-drawings and graffiti.  The government has sealed it off because they don’t want Neo-Nazis enshrining it.

There is a dust-up with a couple of musclekopfs that really amounts to nothing.  It does at least emphasize that there will be dangers other than rats, bats, eels and crumbing infrastructure.  Not sure how bats are getting into this sealed catacomb, but it was nice to see them.

During a rest break, Dante tells them about the Reichflugscheibe which is supposedly a spacecraft built by the Nazis.  Experiments were conducted on the crew.  They eventually went mad and turned on the doctors.  And some say they still roam these tunnels to this day . . . BWAH-HA-HA!!!  Dante actually seems to believe this as a reason for the extensive tunnel system.  It’s a German-thing, he explains.

naziart01After viewing the Nazi art collection & gift shop, they start back.  Dante is the last one across a thin metal beam crossing a chasm, looking like Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade.  Fortunately, the Grail Knight did not pop a flash in Indy’s face causing him to fall to certain death (although, he would have earned a place in heaven for sparing us Indy IV).  Sadly, Marie goes full-paparazzi, sending Dante south to the next level of Hell.

Marie and Juna go to get help as Lucia and Denis try to help Dante.  This where the fun would start in most movies, after slogging through 40 minutes of set-up.  But kudos here for making it so interesting up to this point with great atmospherics, a couple of chills and Nazi UFOs.

A new character drops in — literally — rappelling into the pit (because apparently everyone but me can rappel like Reinhold Meisner).  Naturally, he throws a scare into Denis & Lucia; when it appears to be Ron Perlman, he throws a scare into the audience.  This does not portend good things, but luckily it turns out to be Klaus Stiglmeier (who we hope is not known as the German Ron Perlman).

armin01Not-Ron-Perlman turns in a great creepy performance, capped by a stint as the least believable conductor in history.

The rest of the film plays out with twists, chases, suspense — everything you could hope for.  By now, it is almost impossible to come up with anything new.  It is enough to just just tell your story in the best way possible.  The Depraved pretty much pulls this off.  Recommended, just be prepared for Martyrs-like gore.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • There are several DVD covers online under the original title, but only one has the plural.
  • Fernsehturm Berlin sounds impressive until you realize it is basically a TV antenna.  It ain’t the Burj Khalifa.
  • China, ahead of us again — now building new abandoned cities.
  • Ron Perlman seems like a good guy, but man, he is a bad movie barometer of Chevy Chasian proportions.
  • I had bookmarked a lot urban archaeology sites & posts over the years, and mostly never returned to them.  Ironically, I now find there is a large number of abandoned sites of the web-variety also . . .  fantasticdegradation.com, abandonedbutnotforgotten.com, historicdecay.com, and others.  RIP, see you soon!

Dead in 3 Days (2006)

cover01My goal is to post every day for 30 days.  But, like the Constitution, this ain’t a suicide pact.

This will be brief because I really lost interest early on and it never grabbed me again.  In fact, I’m writing the Ray Bradbury post while this is on.  I’ll just skip everything and move straight to the . . .

Post-Post Leftovers:

I must not have read any reviews before I put this in the queue because they were pretty bad.  Maybe I was reeled in based on the unique, one-of-a-kind cover.

 

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Screenwriting 101:  Really?  The Haas house?  Even worse, in the original German, it is the Haas Haus.Capturea

This should be the show.

 

Ray Bradbury Theater – The Fruit at the Bottom of the Bowl (S2E1)

bradbury02A Ray Bradbury twin-spin!

A few months ago I picked up the entire series of Ray Bradbury Theater on DVD for under 10 bucks.  The price should have been warning enough, but I did have dim memories of enjoying a few of them way back when.  Last year, I bailed after the first season, but have decided to soldier on to see if I was too hasty.

As luck would have it, the first episode I watched is based on a short story that appears in Bradbury Stories: 100 of His Most Celebrated Tales, which I recently downloaded to my Kindle.   So finally, I can brush off my mad compare & contrast skillz from freshman English.

No, seriously . . .

And I got an A every quarter . . .

Do I have to get my transcripts?

No one is going to watch this episode and recommend the series to their friends.  The synthy 80’s score is off-putting, and the whole thing looks like it was filmed through gauze of the same thread-count they use to film Barbara Walters (although that could just be the lousy DVD transfer of this dirt-cheap set).  However, in the context of an anthology series, and given when it was made, it interested me enough to at least try another episode.

ironside01The first surprise was Michael Ironside.  He has made a nice career out of playing tough guys, always in control.  This is the first time I remember seeing him in panic mode, sweating profusely, and always a step behind.  He completely pulls it off, having an anxiety attack that lasts most of the whole episode. He is assisted by some good make-up, costuming, and fish-eye shots, but major kudos to him for playing so believably against type.

His adversary is Robert Vaughn, who I don’t see much anymore.  I can only assume Superman III killed his career.  Geez, Christopher Reeve, Richard Pryor, Margot Kidder — and people think Poltergeist was cursed.  Jackie Cooper is gone too, but at 88, he had a pretty good run.

Vaughn is a publisher who has rejected Ironside’s work.  He is, however, very accepting of Ironside’s girlfriend Mary.  Through a series of flashbacks that make LOST look like a linear narrative, we follow Ironside as he attempts to remove his fingerprints after killing Vaughn.

As he descends into madness, the fingerprints begin appearing everywhere, taunting him like a visual Tell-Tale Heart. As he frantically cleans his fingerprints, both real and imagined, he realizes that Vaughn had been leading him on, luring him into touching object after object from a cocktail glass to pre-Columbian art.

Finally, after a night of frantic cleaning that would give Felix Unger the willies, that would sent the CSI crew to the nut-hut, that would have him polish more knobs than Jenna Jameson, the police arrive.  They lead him out in handcuffs which, come to think of it, would not have been possible for him at the end of Total Recall.

I’m not sure I follow the ending.  A neighbor, who is also Vaughn’s doctor, who happens to be at the crime scene, who conveniently forgets about doctor-patient confidentiality, spills the garbanzos that Vaughn only had less than a month to live due to cancer.  In fact, he says Ironside probably did Vaughn a favor.

OK, so Vaughn goaded Ironside into killing him and also made sure that plenty of evidence was left to incriminate him.  But to what end?  No mention is made of insurance.  And how does the mere presence of fingerprints incriminate Ironside?  And why set him up anyway?

The short story is a little different.  Very minor point, the girlfriend’s name is Lily, which is a better name than Mary (sorry, Mom).  And there is no mention of any terminal disease.  If the cancer twist had been worked into the show more elegantly, it might have worked.  As is, the short story was probably better off without it.

Post-Post Leftovers:

jenna01a

 

I saw Jenna Jameson on an episode of Family Guy this morning, so she was fresh in my mind.

Yeah, that’s where I know her from.

 

 

Shiver (2012)

I can’t remember where I saw an article recently that bemoaned the use of irrelevant nouns in the naming of characters and movies.  For example, why is it called The Sopranos?  At least if Tony were a stoolie, you could make a “singing” connection.  Or Salt with Angelina Jolie – what up? In this case, we don’t even get a character named Shiver, although that would be pretty strange in itself.  I could maybe give partial credit if the main weapon used were a shiv.  But no.  There seems to be no relevance to the title at all.  Maybe that’s kind of appropriate for a lackluster movie like this. kathy01For reasons that are never clear, the film starts 12 years in the past.  A man in a beat-up Mercedes pulls into Cadillac Jack’s. Inside, he awkwardly asks out a waitress that is 12 parsecs (and 12 years) out of his league. Strangely, he asks her out to “that Jack NIcholson movie that’s up for all the Oscars.”  The timing would indicate About Schmidt which was up for 2 Oscars, but why not say that? He hangs out in the parking lot for another 7 hours until closing time, and luckily it is her night to lock up.  Yada yada, she is beat to death, cut to present. As cute as the waitress was, Danielle Harris is the draw here — all 4’11” of her.  Her day is off to a swell start with a nagging call from Mom (Valerie Harper).  A couple of nag-a-palooza scenes are really the only reason Valerie Harper is here.  This will be very disappointing to people who remember her from the Mary Tyler Moore show – where she was at least as hot as the star, but supposed to be repulsive.  Here, she simply is repulsive, phoning it in — literally — she has no scenes with a live human.

Nice cutting!

Nice cutting!

Meanwhile, the killer — The Gryphon — is back at work.  Or has he been doing this for 12 years?  I guess you have to read the novel to know. Casper Van Dien is adequate as the lead detective, but the shock was seeing Rae Dawn Chong as his partner.  Where has she been for the last 25 years?  And why does she still have the same hairstyle as she did in Commando?  Could have been worse — at least it has been washed since Quest for Fire. The rest of the movie is fairly hum-drum.  There is a lot going on, but the direction, score and cinematography drag it down.  The main actors do their best, especially Danielle Harris and John Jarrett as The Gryphon – they really are worth the price of admission, but the filmmakers let them down.  Danielle is in and out of of Gryphon’s clutches like Kim Bauer on a bad season of 24.  Really, it had a lot of potential.  But, drearily on and on it goes, until it ends about like you would expect.  Except for a completely unnecessary dream sequence.  Which maybe is what you would expect.

Post-Post Leftovers:

I could have included a picture of Danielle Harris, but I saw her once at Texas Frightmare – the pics just don’t do her justice.

Shiver was based on a novel by Brian Harper.  I thought maybe that accounted for Valerie Harper’s presence, however could find no connection.  But I ain’t no Casper Van Dien.

neck02Say what you will, this man can flat-out saw off a head.  If only he had used his power for
good.