Alfred Hitchcock Presents – Decoy (S1E37)

ahbabysitter03Oddball show-tune composer Gil Larkin is working with singer Mona Cameron and falling for her despite her being married; and despite him being a show-tune composer.  When Gil discovers bruises on Mona’s shoulder, he decides to pay her husband a visit.

Apparently, wife-beating is no longer the hoot that it was in the dark ages . . . you know, a week ago . . . in the previous AHP episode Mink.  It truly was a different time.

Gil goes to confront Mr. Cameron, who is on the phone wheeling and / or dealing.  Cameron shouts, “Richie, don’t!” as a man knocks Gil out from behind.  Richie, still unseen, then shoots Cameron.  Gil wakes up with a gun in his hand, Mr. Cameron dead, and the phone blaring out public domain pop music.

ahdecoygil02Gil realizes he is being set up, but has two clues — the name “Richie” and the caller who might have heard what happened.  The caller has hung up, but he finds a note listing two clients who were scheduled to talk to Cameron that night.

This really isn’t much of a frame-up as no one saw Larkin go to Cameron’s office and he had no appointment.  He could have just quietly slipped away after regaining consciousness.  And it was risky of Richie to knock him out.  Had Gil been unconscious when the cleaning lady came, that would have actually exonerated him.

Gil goes to see the first person on the schedule, a Japanese dancer.  This was pretty progressive casting in the 1950’s — there was no reason to make the dancer Japanese; unless she was the murderer, and that was somehow relevant.  I’m not sure whether this was a progressive casting choice or a yellow herring (I know, I know). [1]

ahdecoygil01

Classic “exposition delivered with your back to the room” stance

The next person on the list is a wacky DJ.  It is hard to tell whether this giggling beatnik doofus is high, hyperactive, ADD, drunk or all of the above.  He inexplicably hums the tune that was playing through the phone.  In this case, it is a pickled herring.

He joins the ranks of Hollywood DJs that you could not pay people to listen to (Stevie Wayne, Dave Garver, Johnny Fever, etc).  I would include Wolfman Jack in that list, except he actually was inexplicably successful.[2]

Gil returns to Mona’s apartment where the police are waiting for him.  They take him downtown to give a statement.  Returning to Mona’s place, he discovers an album of the tune that was playing through the phone.  It is an LP, but luckily he chooses exactly the right track.  When he accuses Mona of framing him, she calls Richie out of the bedroom.

When they say they can’t allow Gil to live, effectively confessing, the police barge back in.  Mona tries to pull a switcheroo on the cops, acting as if Richie had just barged in on she and Gil.  She gives a pretty great O-face (as in “O, Crap!“) as she realizes in about 3 seconds that there is no point to even trying this.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • [1] Re-reading this after someone linked to it, I did cringe.
  • [2] Trivia: George Lucas gave Wolfman Jack a “piece” of American Graffiti to appear it.  It wasn’t Star Wars, but it was huge and set him for life.
  • AHP Deathwatch:  Gil and Mona are still alive, but that’s it.
  • AHP Proximity Alert: Harry Taylor was in 6 episodes this season.  Jack Mullaney just appeared 4 weeks ago.  Give someone else a chance!
  • Frank Gorshin, in his first role, has a bit part.  He would go on to at least two iconic roles: The Riddler on TV’s Batman, and Bele the black & white dude on Star Trek (not to be confused with the white & black dude).
  • There must be some weird Alfred Hitchcock / Ten Commandments connection.  In the first season, AHP used eighteen actors from that movie.  And nine more in season two.  Of course, it was a cast of thousands.

50th Post Palate Cleanser – The Marx Brothers

I wonder how well this has aged.  It was 50 years old the first time I saw it, so maybe it is truly timeless.  On the other hand, there is a lot of low-hanging fruit; has it gotten corny (to mix my metaphors into a tasty, tasty medley)?

You can really only shoot an elephant in your pajamas once; just like in music, you can really only Rock once around the Clock, or have one only Calendar Girl.  I guess you can also have a Mayan Calendar Girl, but not after 2012.

It might be low-hanging, but they got there first, and picked the hell out of it.

Groucho Marx and Margaret Dumont in Animal Crackers.

 

 

 

Byzantium (2013)

byzantiumcover01Watching this, I was reminded of Interview with the Vampire.  In atmosphere, but especially in story — a vampire telling his / her history,  cutting between present day and centuries before.  It was only later that I discovered both were directed by Neil Jordan.  The rarely-miscast Tom Cruise is replaced by Gemma Arterton; the always-miscast Kirsten Dunst is replaced by Saoirse Ronan.  If Jordan was trying to atone for past sins, he succeeded.

Eleanor (Saoirse Ronan) is a 16 going on 217 vampire who occasionally writes the story of her life, and tosses a page out the window, to the wind, to the sea.  This time, she sees an old codger pick one up.  Turns out he has collected enough of these pages to know her story.  Talk about a perfect match: he has lived a long, lonely life and is ready to die; she feeds only on those who wish to die.  Her thumbnail morphs into a raptor-like talon and everybody’s a winner.

Meanwhile Mom, also a vampire, has fled from the bar where she strips after a man recognizes her.  Wow, vampire strippers hate that, too?  After a nice foot-race through a grocery store, through a warehouse, and through the skylight of a mall, they somehow end up back at her place.  After making nice for about 30 seconds, she slices the man’s head off.  When Eleanor arrives home, they torch the place and head out.

byzantiumsao01Mother and daughter both meet guys that night.  The difference is Mom gets her man by offering “€50 for a blow and a €100 for a full whack.”  Eleanor gets her fella’s interest by playing the piano in a restaurant.  Although IMDb says Saoirse took a 12-week crash course in piano lessons, her fingers match the notes played like the lip-synching in a 1960’s chop-socky movie.

Mom hit the jackpot as her “client” Noel has inherited a hotel, the titular Byzantium, which will make quite the brothel.  She introduces Eleanor as her sister.  Woohoo!  In most guy’s minds, that would have also suggested a jackpot.  Noel doesn’t seem to be the horniest bulb on the tree, though.

Eleanor gives her new boyfriend Frank one of her biographical manuscripts.  He reads it and gives it to their teacher.  The teacher and a counselor are impressed by the story and the way it is written.  Such intelligent, independent thought can’t be tolerated in school, so they try to “save” her.  Which does not work out well.

Throughout the film, there are frequent flashbacks to the Napoleonic Wars which show how Mom got into “the business”, and how the she and Eleanor became vampires. Sadly, in those unenlightened days, girls were not allowed to join the vampire union.  The Brotherhood tolerates Mom’s existence only until she “breaks the code” by turning Eleanor into a vampire to save her life after being raped by a syphilitic soldier.  She also killed “one of their own” which does not sit well with the Brotherhood.

byzantiumgemma01Also throughout the movie, two men from the Brotherhood have been searching for our vampires.  Finally, they meet up with Eleanor and the school counselor.  The pace in the last 15 minutes really accelerates, and is satisfying on  all levels.

Byzantium is a slow, deliberate movie, but in a good way.  This pace is helped immensely by a great score.  If it had been written by the guy who worked on The Nurse, this film could have been deadly. It looks great, but none of the performances blew me away.  Eleanor’s boyfriend Frank was probably the stand-out.

I rate it a 8.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • Written by Moira Buffini, who sounds like a French vampire slayer.
  • Vampire tropes:  Fangs (OK, a talon in this case), feeding on blood, enhanced strength, immortality, must be invited into a home.  However, they can walk in sunlight, do appear in mirrors, and are not room temperature (unless Mom slices their head off).
  • On at least two occasions, Eleanor actually tastes Frank’s blood, or nicks him and is tempted.  With him having leukemia, wouldn’t that be a problem?  I guess immortality trumps a mere blood disease.
  • Eleanor is attending college at 16 — what is she a genius?  Uh, wait, she is really over 200 years old — talk about a slow-learner.  Did she she take the short-carriage to school?
  • Features two actors who had significant recurring roles in Season 5 of Dexter.  Seems unlikely for that to be 1) coincidence, or 2) interesting to anyone except me.
  • Maybe the first time the two leads of an English language movie completely failed the spell-check: Gemma, Arterton, Saoirse, Ronan.
  • Pronounced Jemma and Sir-sha.
  • €100 = $135.byzantiummount02

Carla Laemmle Dead at 104

I wouldn’t normally note something like this, but I recently saw her in Dracula from the Universal Classic Monsters Blu-Ray Collection.  Despite a very small part, she stuck in my head as a cute 1930’s nerdy-girl; a pre-war Bailey Quarters.

She was the last surviving actor in the film; and 104 years deserves some kind of recognition.  More here.

Update: Just noticed that Lupita Tovar and Manuel Arbó, who were in the Spanish Dracula, are both 103.  Although, I suspect the lack of a death date is just an oversight by IMDb on some pretty obscure actors.

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20140615_170223a Poor composition here — she is not smoking a cigar

 

 

Tales from the Crypt – Lover Come Hack to Me (S1E5)

tftccover01Not a good week for TV.  After the fiasco of White Light Fever, Tales from the Crypt also came up with a huge loser.

Honey Bunny from Pulp Fiction and Fabio have just gotten married.  Her aunt Edith accuses her new husband of only wanting to marry her for her money.

As they drive off for their honeymoon, they are stopped by a tree which has fallen across the road in a storm.  Luckily there is a house nearby where they take refuge.

After making the love, Fabio has a dream of Honey Bunny meeting another man and inviting him into the house.  After they make out on the sofa, Honey Bunny grabs a battle-axe off the wall and hacks away at the man.  Fabio tries to stop her, but goes right through her ghostly image.  And then he wakes up.

Turns out the woman in the dream was actually Honey Bunny’s mother murdering her father on their wedding night, which was also the night of her conception.  Then Honey Bunny does the same.

The positive reviews online for this episode just confirm my theory that everything is someone’s favorite (a corollary of the larger “People are Idiots” theory).  No characterization, no motivation, just nothing going on.

TFTChack01I rate it a 3.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • So the tree just happened to have fallen by the same house where her mother killed her father?
  • Really not worth wasting another second thinking about it.
  • And, bloody hell, I just ordered season 2!