The Veil – Genesis (1958)

vgenesis13John Haney is sick in bed.  His son John Jr. answers the door and greets his brother Jamie.  There is also a Jonas and a Judge in the episode — this won’t get confusing. OK, I’m going with Mr. Haney, Junior, Jamie, Jonas and Judge.

Since the episode is clearly based on the bible, I might as well have called the first three Isaac, Jacob and Esau.  I’m guessing Jamie will = Esau [1] because he has a mustache.  Jamie also seems to be a bit of the Prodigal Son as he is returning home for the first time in 10 years.  He is also kind of a dandy with suspenders and a fat tie, whereas Junior is wearing overalls indicating that he stayed on the farm with his father or is the 1960s stereotype of a lesbian. [2]

They hear a crash above and run upstairs.  They find the cadaverous Mr. Haney — oddly not played by Boris Karloff — on the floor.  The brothers lift him back into bed, but he babbles incoherently.

Junior reminds Jamie that he stole money from their father when he ran away 10 years earlier.  Jamie counters that he was only 17 and that money was coming to him anyway. Since he was 10 years old, his father had him doing chores like a servant or a slave or his child.  Jamie is only back now because he figures their father has built up his cash reserves again.  After Jamie goes up to bed, Junior says to the empty kitchen that Jamie wasted his time coming back — if the old man dies, he gets nothing.

vgenesis15Sure enough, the old man croaks. When the family gets back from the funeral, Junior gives the old man’s will to their lawyer Jonas Atterbury (Karloff).  As Junior said, he inherits everything.  Jamie has an ace up his sleeve, though.  And by ace I mean alternate will, and by sleeve I mean coat pocket.  He hands it to Jonas who sees that it proclaims Jamie as the sole heir, and is dated later than the first will.

Jamie wastes no time in announcing that he plans to sell the farm and ship their mother off to an old folks home.  Junior contests the will.  He tells the judge that he doesn’t trust his brother to take care of their mother because he is “a liar and a thief.”  After Jamie’s lawyer objects, the Judge says, “this court will not tolerate name-calling”. Also horseplay and wedgies will be frowned upon.  The Judge adjourns the court “until 2:30 o’clock.”  WTF?

While Jamie is visiting a buyer for the farm, Junior goes back to the house to get some things.  Upstairs he sees his dead father rocking in a chair.  Mr. Haney just says, “Genesis 27.”  After he disappears, Junior goes downstairs and tells them of his experience.  His mother recognizes the citation as the story of Jacob and Esau and the case of the stolen birthright, and the less desired afterbirhright.  Junior pulls out the family bible and Jamie grabs a loaded rifle that they apparently keep in the kitchen. Jamie flips through the pages, but finds nothing important, just yada yada, word of God, yada yada.

vgenesis19Back in court, Junior asks his mother if maybe there is another bible laying around the farm.  Jamie has the same idea and finds another bible in the attic.  Yet another will is inserted in the book at Genesis 27. Junior is again named the sole heir.

Post-Post:

  • [1] Wrong.  The episode really put no effort into paralleling the biblical story.  That is really the weakness of the series.  They come up with one scene of a dead person appearing and forego any other characterization or metaphor.
  • [2] Strange how the stereotype evolved to include hot babes.  I believe this was done to give guys an excuse why beautiful women won’t talk to them.  That’s the excuse I use, anyway.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Last Dark Step (02/08/59)

ahplastdarkstep03On some Brad and Janice evening, the aforementioned Brad has just given Janice “a kind of pretty piece of glass”.  Janice is thrilled with it and eager to get married.  She asks if they might set the date in the next couple of months and he counters with three weeks.  He just asks for two or three days to clear up some business before the announcement is made.

As he is leaving for a business meeting, she says she hopes it is not to see “that lady novelist.”  He assures her that it is over with Leslie.  BTW, that’s a nice accusation to throw at a guy who not only just proposed, but gave you a phat ring and fast-tracked the wedding!  What an ungrateful shrew!  What a finger-pointing harpy!  The nerve of that suspicious insecure bitch!

Then he goes to see Leslie.  Oh.

ahplastdarkstep23Leslie greets him with a big hug and wet kiss.  Brad is not very responsive, so she says, “You’ve either been out with another woman or you need a new brand of pills.” Taking place in 45  BC (before Cialis), I have no idea what that means.  Is this what Geritol is for? I’ve heard of it all my life, but never had any idea what it does — good job Madison Avenue!  Also in that category — Gold Bond Powder. What the hell?  Something for old people, I think.

She is selling out by ditching the novel to write for TV.  She tells Brad it is so she can continue to afford him.  She tactfully reminds him of how she has financed his failed business ventures.  He bravely tells her that he is going to marry another woman.  Well, he doesn’t say it is another woman, but it was kind of assumed back then.  Leslie threatens to cause a scene with Janice threatening “phone calls, letters, shrieking matches [1] that will raise the hair on her head like a $3 wig.”  She threatens to harass  both of them until they either break up or have a “nervous collapse”.

Kind of whipped, she asks him to put her car [2] in the garage before he leaves.  And to call her when he gets home, which he agrees to.  Before moving her car, he opens the hood and removes a couple of parts.  This is so she will take a cab to work.  Then he will pick her up and they will go to her beach house.

ahplastdarkstep41The next day, he dresses as a mechanic and takes her car to the beach house, but hides it behind some bushes.  That night, he picks her up from work in a rental car and they go to the beach. [3]  Before they go for a midnight swim, Leslie returns a knife he left at her place.

After a minute of frolicking in the surf, Brad stands in chest-deep water with his hands on Leslie’s head as he chokes her.  Wait, he isn’t choking her, he’s killing her!  That is, she isn’t going down on him, but she is going down.  After drowning her, he moves her car in front of the beach house, then drives away in his rental.

When he arrives home, he find two detectives there.  This being before the Constitution was written, the detectives had the super just let them in.  They tell him “your lady friend has been murdered . . . and real good, too — the full treatment.”  So not just a little murdered.

They have no hesitation opening his suitcase and rummaging around.  When they find his wet, sandy robe he insists he has not been to the beach for a week.  They then start patting him down.  Next thing these guys will be quartering soldiers in his house.  They do find a knife, though, so stop & frisk is once again proven effective.

ahplastdarkstep34In a superb double-twist, Leslie stabbed Janice to death, then set Brad up for the murder and his only alibi is that he was murdering Leslie at the time.  Oh sure, we could quibble over the time-line.  Or how she certainly seems devoted to Brad even after he threatens to end their relationship.  But why overthink it?

This is a near-perfect example of what AHP is supposed to be.  I especially appreciated the business with the cars.  The sabotage of Leslie’s car, hiding it at the beach house, picking up Leslie at work — all carried out silently and directed so clearly and methodically that I had to look to see if Hitchcock had directed this episode.

Great stuff.

Post-Post:

  • [1] The stilted delivery of this line makes it sound like a book of matches is shrieking.
  • [2] A Triumph TR-3, just like Lila Kirby.
  • [3] I love this undeveloped beach and the lone beach house on it.  You just know it is now packed with condos or estates with no public access.
  • AHP Deathwatch:  Robert Horton just died just four months ago.  Joyce Meadows (Janice) and Herbert Ellis (Detective Breslin) are still with us.
  • Title Analysis:  Once again, no idea.  These titles are more cryptic than The X-Files’s’s’.  At least they are in English.

Twilight Zone – Ye Gods (10/25/85)

Unwatchable.

The first segment of the episode, If She Dies, was sappy and maudlin and sticked the landing.  Or is it stuck?  OK, it stunk the landing — the ending was botched [1].  I rolled with it, though, because I make my own fun; I just don’t make enough for everyone. Many people seemed to hate that first segment, but the second one makes the first one easier on the eyes than a Carl’s Jr. commercial.

If you take all the awful show-biz tropes from the 80’s (plus one from the 60s) and mix them into one of the dreaded TZ humorous episodes, this is what you end up with.

The lead actor is a soulless, deal-making yuppie typical of the 1980s, although not quite the coke-snorting asshole from Die Hard.  The woman is frequently back-lit and shot through more gauze than Elly May Clampett in Eye of the Beholder.  I’m not sure if the music is purely synth, but I’m pretty sure no strings or woodwinds were injured in the making of this score.  The whole thing comes off as one of those lousy Cinemax melodramas if they tried to go for laughs instead of nudity; which might explain why they never go for laughs. There are some primitive CGI effects that were all the rage at the time, but I’m sure they will never catch on.

The performances are geared to make this a romantic comedic rom-com romp; or maybe I’ve just invented the “romp-com.”[2]  So maybe they should be graded on a curve. David Dukes is a tolerable yet exceedingly dull lead.  The performance which sinks the episode, however, comes from Robert Morse.

In the incredibly unlikely event that Bill Paxton ever took an acting class, it must have been taught by Robert Morse.  Like Paxton, he is apparently incapable of a single frame where he is not hamming it up.  You have to act in order to over-act, so I don’t think that is it.  It is just relentless mugging and unfunny funny faces.  He was never a huge star, but has been around forever.

His skills were no better 25 years later when he played Bert Cooper on Mad Men — same utter lack of characterization.  He does have a certain unique “presence” but you better like it, because that is all you are going to get.  At least age rounded some of the edges.

Actually, his role in Mad Men kind of parallels his acting.  I get that he is a senior partner at Sterling Cooper, the firm where the show begins.  But as they moved on to Sterling Cooper Draper Price and Sterling Cooper & Partners why did they keep dragging him along and putting his name on the letterhead?  Did he ever produce one worthwhile idea in the entire series?  In both worlds, why is he here? [3]

So Dukes spots a woman, and Morse — playing Cupid — sets them up.  But Dukes does not follow through.  Somehow this leads to him setting up Cupid with the former Mrs. Cupid.  At the end, Dukes and the woman and Mr. & Mrs. Cupid are happy couples. The Cupids drive by in an ancient Dusenberg and wave at Dukes.  Final question: Why would they be in a Dusenberg?  Cupid has been around for 2,000 years — why would his knowledge of cars start or stop in the 1930s?

Post-Post:

  • [1] Hmmm, I always thought “stick the landing” meant you blew it.  Turns out I had this completely wrong — even in thinking this was clever.
  • [2] It appears I did invent it.
  • [3] Equally baffling to me is Roger Sterling.  His father was one of the founders of the original firm, but has he ever generated a single fee large enough to cover his bar tab?  I think he did finally land a big one later on, but why did they keep him around all that time?
  • Directed by Peter Medak, who should know better (The Changeling, many TV shows including The Wire and Breaking Bad).
  • Available on YouTube, but why would ya?

Twilight Zone – If She Dies (10/25/85)

tzifshedies04Nine year old Cathy is making her father one of those breakfasts that only a parent would find edible.  I must admit she is pretty adorable as she presents him with a crudely wrapped birthday present — a wallet that she made.  He opens it to find a family picture of Cathy, himself and his dead wife.  For Father’s Day she got him a mug with his prostate exam results on it.  Dammit, this is not what I want from the Twilight Zone!  But it is heartbreaking.

Cathy says she wishes she was small enough to fit into her father’s pocket so she could go with him to work. [1]  I was hoping Dad would call in sick and take her to SeaWorld or something, but no — he drives her to school and she is killed.  A biker-boi comes from behind a car and in front of him.  He swerves into a parked car rather than let Darwinian evolution takes its natural course.

Dad is OK, but Cathy is in a coma and her vitals are failing.  As he is going home, he sees a little girl standing on the roof of a nearby orphanage.[2]  He runs over to the where the tzifshedies15nuns are just wrapping up a rummage sale.   A nun tells him that is impossible because all of the children have been adopted.  No wait, they just moved to a new building.  As he is leaving, he sees the girl on a swing.  She points to a large lump under a tarp.  When he looks at it, then back at the swing, she is gone.

Why do people on TV always look away from weird phenomena?  What happens to entities like this?  Do they blink out, or fade out, or shoot off like a rocket, silently explode, break down into nanites, disappear into the earth?  But I digress.

Under the tarp is a small bed.  It is almost more like a coffin with a wooden headboard and wooden sides.  Frankly, I think most kids would be scared to sleep in it, unless they were in a com . . . oh.  He hands the nun a wad of bills and takes the bed home.

tzifshedies36That night, the little girl comes walking into Dad’s bedroom.  She says she wants Toby, and that the Sisters will be mad if they find her out of bed.  She leads him back to the bed he just bought and climbs in.  She introduces herself as Sarah and asks Paul to tuck her in.  He looks away for a second — at nothing! — then back at the bed to see that she has just disappeared. Come on!

Paul goes back to the orphanage to ask about Sarah.  The nun says Sarah died of TB before he was born.  Paul asks her if she believes in ghosts, and she replies, “the Holy Ghost.”  Zing!  For some reason, she did hang on to Sarah’s tubercular Teddy Bear Toby for 40 years.  Paul asks the nun if maybe God did not take Sarah’s soul, that maybe she had something to do here.

He goes to the hospital and infuriates them by carrying Cathy home before her insurance runs out.  She is totally non-responsive as her father places her in the antique bed.  He falls asleep exhausted by her side.  The next morning as he is looking out the window, he hears Cathy’s voice, “Daddy?”

tzifshedies49He is, of course, overjoyed to see his little girl awake.  However, he is a little taken aback when she asks for Toby.  But then she smiles and nothing else matters — like, what happened to Cathy’s soul.

And if this is Sarah, then why did she call him Daddy?  Or are both of them in there together?  Or if dead Sarah’s soul could import into this body, then why not Cathy’s?  Did she die — is that what enabled the switcheroo? And why did Sarah’s soul hang around for 40 years until this particular moment?

It is a tear-jerker and not what I want out of this show, but it was well-done.

Post-Post:

  • [1] This is just begging for a Prince Charles reference, but it seems inappropriate.
  • [2] A similar unnerving shot was in It Follows of a man standing on a roof.  There is just something creepy about a person standing on a roof as anyone who has known a roofer will attest.
  • That was just gratuitous — everyone know it’s painters that you have to keep an eye on.
  • Cathy (Andrea Barber) went on to be a regular on the unwatchable [3] Full House. Unwatchable except by the people who kept it on TV for 8 years.
  • Sarah (Jenny Lewis) has had quite the career, including a series with Lucy which seems like it must have required a time machine.
  • Available on YouTube.

Fear Itself – Echoes (01/24/09)

The 2nd worst episode of the series according to the mostly useless IMDb ratings; even worse than New Year’s Day, which was nearly unwatchable.  But I keep an open mind.

fiechoes34aStephen has just rented a new house, and his girlfriend stops by.  He immediately gets the feeling that “there should be an art deco chair and an oriental rug right there.”  His deja vu brings on several jarringly edited, awfully-lit flashes to the past — exactly the motif that undercut New Year’s Day.

BANG — he is back in the present.  All of the boxes have been put away, but he has no memory of the last few hours.  Karen suggests ordering pizza, but Stephen says he will walk her home.  He has another vision where he hears a woman scream and sees a her stabbed.  Maybe.

fiechoes41The next day, Stephen has more flashes of a man holding a knife to a woman’s throat. He later hears a woman’s voice calling for Maxie.  He goes upstairs and in the same god-awful lighting sees a woman in the bathroom stripping down.  I try not to purposely be negative in these posts, so I am being honest when I say the woman is singing one of the most annoying, terrible, tuneless songs I have every heard — it doesn’t even make up for the stripping [1].  A few seconds later, he sees her pop to the surface in a bathtub of bloody water.  A hand forces her head back down.[2]

Stephen goes to a psychiatrist and tells him about his unconsummated relationship with Karen and his blackouts.  Under hypnosis, he sees the girl in the tub again, this time soaping herself up and with no blood; but singing that godawful song again.  In the mirror, Stephen sees Max’s face instead of his own.  When the psychiatrist plays back a recording of the session, Stephen is speaking in Max’s voice of killing Zelda.

fiechoes49That night, Stephen awakens to jazz music and sees Max and Zelda bathed in the awful amber lighting. They are playing cards just as Stephen and Karen had played Scrabble [3] moments before.  Once again, Max pulls a knife on her. Stephen tells this to his psychiatrist who hypnotizes him again . . . Max is at a party with Zelda.  She is dressed as a flapper and flirting with some of the other guests as she dances to a song that is almost, but not quite, The Charleston.  Max catches one of the men in the alley and beats him up, then curb stomps him, then kills him.

When Stephen gets home, Karen has thrown a party at his house.  Strangely, there was a lot of man-on-man action at Max & Zelda’s 1920s party, which I doubt would have been tolerated back then, The Shining notwithstanding.  The first two people Stephen sees at his 2009 party are flamingly stereotypically gay which I doubt would be tolerated now. Karen comes down the stairs just as Zelda did, in a flapper dress.  Karen starts flirting with the men just as Zelda did. In the alley, Stephen whacks the guy with a 2 x 4.

fiechoes38This is surely a waste of words but: In a featurette, the director made a point of saying that the walls were painted green in the present, but painted red in the past to reflect the passion of that era.  So why is Zelda’s dress green in the past, and Karen’s dress red in the present? So she did not blend into the back-ground under the awful lighting?

The two timelines, one that already happened and one currently playing out, proceed in parallel to the bloody conclusion.  Thus disproving the cliche that history doesn’t repeat itself, historians repeat each other.  To be honest, I really expected a different outcome in the present.  That would have been a cop-out, so kudos to them for committing.

Another good episode, though somewhat diminished by questionable lighting and editing choices.  It was well-written with an atypical relationship between the leads, Suggestions of reincarnation are sprinkled through-out, but are done subtly enough to not also club us over the head with a 2 x 4.  The track of the parallel timelines is well thought-out.

Special commendation must be given to the performances.  They are uniformly excellent right down to the psychiatrist.  Eric Balfour was menacing as Max and took on a great accent.  Aaron Stanford was great not only as the schlubby, confused Stephen, but also when he was channeling Max.  It was an interesting decision to cast Camille Gauty as both Zelda and Karen, but she pulls off both roles.  I’m not sure there were a lot of Hispanic flappers in the 20s, but that just makes her performance even better.

Post-Post:

  • [1] The song is Crazy He Calls Me.  I like the lyrics and the basic tune, but even Billy Holiday couldn’t do much with it.  It would just be nit-picking to point out Zelda was singing a song that would not be poorly-written for another 25 years.
  • [2] This makes no sense once you know the conclusion.
  • [3] Actually it is a Scrabble doppelganger awesomely called Word Food.
  • Same Director of Photography on both New Year’s Day and this episode. I feel like I’ve been DP’d just watching it.
  • Books on Stephen’s shelf:  The Forest Lover, The President’s Assassin, Prohibition, and The Girl is a Boy.  The first 2 are real, but I can find no record of the last two titles.  Or any relevance to this episode, so why bother to show them? Karen puts The Girl is a Boy on the shelf upside down — she is clearly trans-phobic.
  • Available on YouTube.
fiechoes33a

Why couldn’t this series have continued on Showtime!