Science Fiction Theatre – Time is Just a Place (04/16/55)

sfttimeisjust12After getting on my good side by starting off with old Air Force footage last week, SFT is going back to the well with more footage.  It is just a brief shot, though, and followed up by a picture of a busy highway and a modern home.  The theme is speed, uninterrupted journeys and the convenience of modern gadgets.

Al Brown gets a call telling him his test flight will not be ready until Monday.  I guess one of those modern conveniences is not a dishwasher as his wife Nell is up to her elbows. She gives him a honey-do list of chores and maintenance to do around the house before risking his life for his country.

They see their new neighbor pull into his driveway and look around suspiciously before darting into the house.  Nell had tried ringing their bell a few days early, but got no response other than some noises inside.  Nell suggests they might be criminals, but Al suggests maybe they are newlyweds and the wife was getting her bell rung.

sfttimeisjust03Things get serious when electrical interference from the neighbor’s house disrupts Al’s TV picture.  Al walks next door and he also gets no response from ringing the bell.  Unlike almost every show I’ve watched for this blog, he does not open the door and waltz in uninvited.  This was the 50’s when people had manners and a sense of neighborliness and propriety.  So he peeks in the window.  To his surprise — and mine! — he sees a Roomba scooting around the floor.

The neighbor comes out and busts Al.  He tells him that the device is a “sonic broom” — so it really is a Roomba!  Holy crap, and it has a remote control!  His neighbor Ted tells him, “The pressure of the noise under the hemisphere disintegrates the refuse.”  A feature I will expect to be in the next model.  What a forward-looking series.

The next day, Al is fooling around in his garage and hears Ted trying to start his car.  He offers to help and has Ted pop the hood.  Al asks for a flashlight and Ted’s wife Ann appears with one 2 seconds later.  Before Al can meet her, she rushes back inside.  Al does whatever it is that guys do and the car starts.  Al can’t wait to tell Nell about the inventor who can’t fix a car, and his mind-reading wife.

sfttimeisjust16Going downstairs to change a fuse, Al realizes he has hung on to Ted’s flashlight.  He figures this out when it projects a light that gives him x-ray vision.  He is able to see through the wall, and then his wife’s hand.  Al tries to take the flashlight apart, but it is sealed up tighter than an iPad.  He is again busted by Ted who demands his flashlight back.  Ted has a lot of suspicious questions about the local power grid where Al’s airplane manufacturing plant draws its power, how there radar is powered, and what they do in case of power failure.

Al shows him the wind tunnel in his garage.  Wait, what?  He cranks it up and demon-strates to Ted his problem that aircraft melt when they go faster than sound.  This is a little confusing as the sound barrier was broken 8 years earlier.  Al is searching for an alloy that, under pressure, becomes cold instead of hot.  Ted blurts out “corbolite” and bolts out.

That night, the two couples have dinner.  Ted is concerned the world is getting over-mechanized, too reliant on gadgets.  Al fears an anti-science backlash.  Ted tells him about a sci-fi story he is thinking of writing.  As he just gets the part about a time machine, a storm blows up and the lights flicker, which seems very troubling to Ted.

sfttimeisjust24He continues his story about people using the machines to go back to simpler times.  As people fled the oppressive future, the government outlawed time travel.  They even sent out Timecops to hunt down the fugitives.  Large power grids and radar are able to hide the refugees.  Say, you don’t think . . .

That night, Al is spending a typical 1950s night in bed with his wife — they are in more clothes than I wear to work, in separate beds, and Al is smoking.  They hear a loud noise and go to Ted & Ann’s house.  They are gone and their future toys have been smashed.

A vast improvement over last week.

Post-Post:

  • Meh.

Outer Limits – Bits of Love (01/19/97)

olbitsoflove09Aidan Hunter had the resources and foresight to build an underground bunker to survive whatever apocalypse occurred.  He has electricity, fresh air, food, booze, a nice home, and the scientific know-how to program holograms. Inexplicably, he has program-med most of these avatars to be his family; and also to continue using the name Aidan.

As we open, Aidan is being awakened by his mother — this is a 36 year old man, by the way.  She open the curtains, and says, “Hey sleepyhead.  What are you going to do, stay in bed all day?”  Wouldn’t this have gotten old during the design phase, or when he was 13?  He goes into the kitchen to see his 32 year old brother Griff in tight shorts and a wife-beater, stretching with his foot on the counter.  His full name should be Griff Loman Hunter.

Aidan examines a painting he has been working on.  He commands all his holographic pals to appear.  There’s his mother, his bath-robed father has joined them, here’s Griff still in his workout clothes, and Natasha Henstridge.  Wait, what?  Why didn’t he just make four of her?  After they critique his painting, Aidan sends them back into the computer.  All except Emma (Henstridge).

For entertainment that night, Aidan programs up a double-date for he and his cartoon brother.  Aidan is wearing some sort of black sleeveless scuba-looking thing.  His holographic brother appears to be wearing a jacket over his wife-beater. If this is a sly indication that his clothing can only be overlayed onto his basic template like a paper doll — bravo!

Sadly, the girls have no substance; also, they are not solid.  After a few dances, though, he takes one (only one?) to his swinging bachelor-pod.  He has designed the device to feed his skin’s sensors so that it is just like having a beautiful live girl; but I notice the girls don’t do any talking in there.

He decides that Emma is more real than the other pseudo-girls.  She would even make a perfect model.  For one thing, she is beautiful.  For another, she can sit for hours and not move a micron.  In fact, she can even look like a piece a cardboard for some shots.  After the painting is done, they go for a spin in the bachelor-pod.  Since Emma is tied into the server, she is able to mentally hit the snooze alarm so they aren’t stopped for using too much power.

Emma begins taking things a little too seriously.  The rest of Aidan’s fake family take her side.  Emma is the computer’s operating system, so they want to protect her.  Emma begins to think she is real and tells Aidan she loves him.  Aidan says, “Emma, you’re not here to love me.  You’re here to serve me.”  Oh shit!

olbitsoflove27When Aidan conjures up another girl to take into the pod, Emma takes over the form of the fantasy girl.  To really get on Aidan’s good side, Emma would have shown up in addition to, not in place of the first girl.  WTH, is there a weight limit on that ride? [1]

Emma finally resorts to the nuclear option and says she is pregnant.  That’s it, Aidan goes Dave Bowman on her fine, fine ass and starts destroying circuit cards.  You can’t beat the house, though, and Emma prevails in a satisfying way.

The episode could get a little tedious at times.  Also, there more shots of a sweaty post-coital Aidan than I really needed.  However AI run amok, an apocalypse and not-at-all gratuitous nudity redeem it.

50/64 bits.

Post-Post:

  • [1] Well, per-girl obviously, but you know what I mean.
  • Aidan’s mother is played by Dana Sculley’s mother, Sheila Larkin.
  • Griff suggests the music be changed to Feral Klansmen or Venereal Pink.

The Veil – Summer Heat (1958)

vsummerheat08

Hey Grampa, what’s for supper?

Mr. Paige arrives home at his hotel. He is complaining about the heat while wearing a suit and tie on this sweltering day.  Did people not make the connection back then?  And the smell!  My God, the smell!

A neighbor that he passed on the stoop mentions that he always has hot soup for dinner.  Really, he doesn’t see the problem?  How about a nice vichyssoise?  Thank God jalapenos had not been invented yet, or this guy would spontaneously combust.

Across the courtyard, he sees a man looking around an apartment.  I’m not sure why Paige was immediately concerned unless he has made a habit of peering into that apartment and knows it is occupied by two hot college girls who beat the heat by lounging around topless and giving each other cool sponge-baths.  But I might be reading between the lines.

As the man is looking around the apartment, he finds a jewelry box.  Hearing a noise, he hides as a blonde woman comes into the room wearing a robe.  She finds his burglar bag — poor sap couldn’t even afford the fancy one with the $ on it — and he confronts her.  Paige watches helplessly as the burglar strangles the woman, flashing back four years earlier when he saw this same scene in a movie. [1]

Paige turns off the soup on his hot-plate — a nice touch — and dashes out of the room to report himself for peeping-tomming.  Since phones had apparently not yet been invented, he actually runs to the police station to report the murder of the “pretty blonde”.

The police show up and enter the apartment with Paige.  This burglar is damn good at his job — in minutes, he made off with the the jewelry, all the furniture, the woman’s body, the paintings on the wall and even shampooed the carpet based on the paper on the floor. Or maybe Paige is crazy and the apartment is vacant.

I’ll stop here and say this is why the series only lasted 10 episodes.  I predict that he saw a premonition of a future event.  The blonde will seen moving in later and he will be able to prevent her murder.  Continuing . . .

Paige and the police go back to his room and look across the courtyard.  Much as I wish the courtyard were some kind of portal, they only see the vacant apartment they were just in.  Paige seems pretty reliable, but the cops attribute his story to being hungry and crazy from the heat.  When Paige protests, the cops haul him away.

vsummerheat21Moments later, the “pretty blonde” asks Paige’s neighbors for directions to an apartment she wants to rent. Well, well, well . . .

Apparently the cops didn’t take him to the police station, they went directly to Bellevue where he is sedated and questioned by Boris Karloff.  After he tells his story, Karloff tells him he can go back to his room — well, not his room, but one at the hospital.  He calls in the police and tells them that Paige is perfectly sane.

The next scene is a replay of the murder, exactly as Paige third-eye-witnessed it.  The burglar clubs the blonde on the noggin and steals her jewelry.  He then rushes out, leaving the body, the furniture, paintings and dirty carpet.

The police get a report of a murder at that same apartment and return to the scene of the crime.  They discover that Paige was released from the hospital three hours ago, and see him enter his apartment across the courtyard.  He could not have been the murderer as he described the woman and her furniture before, but the police continue questioning him.  He finally remembers the burglar had a cauliflower ear, which I’m sure has some more politically correct name now.

vsummerheat28

This isn’t really pertinent to the story. I just had not thought about these in a long time — not the LPs, but the record-changer.

They haul in a thug matching that description who naturally denies any wrong-doing with Clintonian arrogance.  The police then bring in Paige who recounts every detail of the burglary and murder.  Aha! That tells the thug that Paige really saw the murder, but it doesn’t offer up any corroborating evidence for the police.

Uh, maybe this show is too smart for me after all.  Paige informs the police that the blonde bit her killer on the arm.  They roll up his sleeves and see bite-marks. There’s yer corroborating evidence.  Unlike Clinton, a doormat wife, the press and a phalanx of sycophants aren’t going to protect this guy — he’s going to the big house.

So I was wrong in my presumption of the simplicity of this episode.  A lesser man would go back and delete that paragraph.  And by lesser, I mean less lazier.  It turned out to be pretty good.

I rate it 86 degrees.

Post-Post:

  • [1]  Jimmy Stewart helplessly watched Raymond Burr threaten Grace Kelly in an apartment across a courtyard in Rear Window.  In that case, Kelly was the burglar . . . the hot, hot burglar.  She was not murdered, but merely arrested and taken in for fumigation and a shower surrounded by young, pretty guards.  At least, that’s how I remember it.
  • Hey Grampa, what’s for supper . . . how can there be no YouTube clips of this?

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Diamond Necklace (02/02/59)

ahpdiamondnecklace04 Mr. Thurgood marshalls the staff for another day at Maynard’s Jewelry. The all-male sales staff is nattily attired, and the elderly doorman Henry is in a spiffy uniform.  As Henry is carrying the jewels from the safe to the display case, he accidentally drops a $165,000 necklace [1].  As is always the case in real life, this is the moment the boss chooses to walk in.

Maynard calls Thurgood into the office to show him plans for a renovation to the store. Thurgood prefers it the way it has been for 50 years, but Maynard wants it airy and full of light.  Unfortunately one of the musty old relics wants to get rid of is Thurgood.  The Thurgood family has worked at Maynard’s for 117 years, but the owner can’t wait just 3 more years until Thurgood was going to retire anyway.  He is given 5 days notice.

Thurgood is a bloody pro! [2]  He works diligently that last week, calling old customers, making sales.  On the afternoon of his last day, a woman sporting a mink and unidentifiable accent is shopping for an anniversary gift for her husband, the psychiatrist Anton Rudell, to give her.  The $165,000 necklace catches her eye.  The lady clearly has an eye for jewelry and idiot-men.  She instructs Thurgood to bring it to Dr. Rudell’s office.

ahpdiamondnecklace11Mrs. Rudell meets Thurgood there and puts on the necklace.  She goes into an office to put it on.  She just misses Dr. Rudell as he comes out to the lobby.  AWKWARD!  Not awkward because Thurgood is about to spoil the surprise.  Awkward because Dr. Rudell calls his wife out of a different office to give her hell, and it is a different woman.

Back at work, Thurgood is distraught.  He is near tears at having disgraced the name of Maynard and his family name Thurgood; although, to be honest both monikers are a little silly to begin with. Maynard is actually pretty cool, allowing the police and insurance company to take care of things.  Maynard offers to call Thurgood’s daughter to pick him up, but Thurgood is too ashamed for her to know.

Thurgood gets home somehow and calls for his daughter Thelma.  She is not home, but the doorbell rings.  It is the woman who stole the necklace.  “Daddy, we did it!” she says.

He says he is going to invest the money the same way his father and grandfather did.  There were two previous robberies in Maynard’s history and both were also inside jobs by the Thurgood family.  He says that is the Thurgood tradition, taking what is rightfully theirs.  Sadly it can’t be carried out by his daughter as they only hire men.

ahpdiamondnecklace19They are surprised by Maynard at the door.  He tells Thurgood, “I suppose you know you can’t get away with this.”  Psych!  He hands Thurgood his gold watch and severance.  He says he knows that “forgetting” them was his way of making restitution.  Thurgood calls his daughter out to meet Maynard.  He is so overwhelmed by Thurgood’s loyalty that he breaks the men-only tradition and offers the daughter a job at Maynard’s beginning Monday morning.

It is all well-done and it has a nice, if not entirely surprising, twist.  It was just a little bit too much of a happy ending.  Sure, there is the obligatory suggestion in the coda that they were caught in another robbery, but I don’t consider the epilogues to be canon. So, in effect, the Thurgoods stole a $165,000 necklace, got away with it, and invented equal rights for women.

Post-Post:

  • [1] That would be $1.35M in 2016 dollars — about 2.5 Hillary Clinton speeches, or an Ambassadorship to be named later.  But I would suggest rounding up to $2M so she provides adequate security for the Embassy.
  • [2] Claude Rains (Thurgood) is a bloody pro too.  He might be the most natural actor I’ve encountered so far.
  • AHP Deathwatch:  Both actors credited as Jewelry Salesman are still alive.

Twilight Zone – Paladin of the Lost Hour (11/08/85)

Danny Kaye is at the cemetery visiting his dead wife.  He is being stalked by a 2-person gang which is sadly not as committed to diversity as the gang in the previous episode.  The youths rough him up and make off with a gold pocket-watch.  As one of the thugs looks at it in his hands, it burns him and begins to float into the air.  Luckily a near-by mourner / martial-arts expert is nearby and opens a crypt of whoop-ass.  The watch floats back into Kaye’s hand like the one ring to Sauron (if not for those meddling kids).

Kaye shows his appreciation by inviting the heroic mourner out for a “cup of Earl Gray,” hot.  Kaye is insistent, ergo insists on dragging the guy out for a drink.  For some reason, I can’t figure, Kaye has talked the man into not only having tea with him, but going back to the man’s apartment and having him make the tea.

The stranger is a pretty smart guy.  He has shelves full of books and knows the meaning of ombudsman.  Turns out the man is the night manager at a 7-11 named Billy.  Kaye even more amazingly talks Billy into allowing him to rest in his apartment for a while while Billy is dodging bullets at work.  When Billy returns at 2 am, Kaye has prepared beef stew and cupcakes for desert.

They decide to be roommates, but Kaye says it won’t be for long.  His doctor has told him the end is near; also that he will die soon.  Billy says that he was in the cemetery visiting the grave of a man he knew in Viet Nam.  They turn on the TV, but are turned off by the war news.  Kaye promises Billy that there will never, never, never be a nuclear war because — he produces his pocket-watch — it is 11:00.  Billy points out that it is 4:00 am; why else would they be eating stew and cupcakes.

The next day, Kaye offers to take Billy to a manatee matinee, “but no films with Karen Black, Sandy Dennis or Meryl Streep.”  Wow, what’s with the misogynist, gratuitous, mean-spirited shot?  Against Karen Black, I mean — the other two, totally get. [1]  They see a man toss a cigar out his car window.  Kaye picks it up and tosses it into the man’s backseat, making it the first time I’ve ever liked Danny Kaye.  Kaye claims he is responsible for everything from lima beans to cockroaches to the President of the United States to Billy’ mother.  But is not God.

One day, Kaye takes Billy to the cemetery because he has a feeling he is going to die that day.  He tells Billy how Pope Gregory XIII decreed that October 4, 1582 would be followed by October 15th.  Eleven days vanished in order to synchronize the calendar with the seasons and equinoxes.  Popes were no more infallible then than now, and he got it wrong by one hour.  Kaye is the custodian of that hour.  He is now ready to hand that responsibility off to a younger man.

It is a fine episode, just not what I was looking for.  This kindler, gentler Twilight Zone is a little disappointing.  Taken as discrete plays they are often very good even if they are a little maudlin.  However, compared to Burgess Meredith breaking his glasses or James Whitmore being left completely alone forever on a planet far from Earth, they just lack the grit that I was hoping for.

Post-Post:

  • [1] He does go on to explain, “They’re always crying and their noses are always red.  I can’t stand that.”
  • An article about those 11 days.
  • Directed by Alan Smithee.
  • Available on YouTube.