Category Archives: TV

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – I Killed the Count (S2E25)

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Well, this had to be a rarity in the 50’s.  Episodes 25 – 27 of this season are a single three-part story.  I guess airing it as a 90 minute very special episode would have blown people’s minds back then.  Sadly, it was not directed by Sir Hitchcock.

Like most (or maybe all) AHP episodes, I killed the Count is based on an existing story.  It was a play written in 1937, a British film in 1939, and produced on Broadway in 1942.  Who says Hollywood just ran out of ideas?

ahpikilled01The boss’s daughter, Pat Hitchcock, cast as always in a non-glamorous role (though I can’t say it is against-type), is a maid bringing tea to Count Mattoni. Like most men, I suspect, he does not respond to her.  In his case, however, it is because he was been shot in the head.  It must have been very unusual for AHP and 50’s TV in general that the wound is shown, with a darkened circle for the bullet hole, and trickles of blood running down his face.  Very Lincoln-esque.

AHP regular John Williams is Inspector Davidson, on the scene from Scotland Yard to determine what happened.  The first witness is Polly the maid (Pat H).  She claims to have been mixed up in so many investigations that this is old hat to her.  She is “always losing ‘me’ job because my employer got arrested or shot or something.”

She last saw the Count when she was turning down his bed last night.  Not the first time she has experienced a turn-down in a man’s bedroom, I imagine. [1]  Polly says he was drunk and no gent.  She is dismissed by Davidson and we meet new academy graduate Detective Raines who has got to be relative of Simon Pegg.

The Inspector finds a letter from Lord Sorrington to Mattoni cancelling a dinner invitation.  Raines calls the Lord who claims to have never heard of Mattoni.

A Mr. Rupert has rented the adjoining flat, but he has never been seen.  Only Mullet the lift operator has seen him.  They go into his flat and find the missing cartridge.

ahpikilled02

What the hell? No justice, no peace, baby!

Back in Mattoni’s flat, Raines finds a letter addressed to an American, Mr. Froy.  Raines begins reading the very odd letter which pauses after a few sentences and the letter turns into a  play-by-play of the action in the room: “Froy has just come in the room, I can see him in the mirror, he has gun, if anything happens, you will . . . .” and then it stops.  Davidson believes Froy and Rupert are the same person.

Johnson the day lift operator says he never saw Rupert, but would recognize Froy.    Polly also never saw Rupert.  Mullet the night liftman can identify Rupert.

Froy arrives and says he was not at the flat last night.  Davidson shows him the letter and Froy admits he was there and confesses to the murder.  Davidson brings in Mullet to confirm that Froy is also Rupert but Mullet says this looks nothing like Rupert.

Lord Sorrington arrives.  He says he has never heard of Mattoni.  Davidson shows him the letter and he admits knowing him, but denied it because he was an unsavory character.  Then Mullet IDs Sorrington as being Rupert.  Finally Sorrington admits that he did rent the adjoining flat under the name Rupert.  It was just coincidence that they knew each other, he says.  Then Davidson products the letter with the address.  Having been caught in multiple lies, Sorrington confesses that he killed Mattoni.

Part II – Strangely, Hitchcock’s opening remarks are played twice before this episode.  Whether it was a mistake by NetFlix or AHP was just padding this episode out to 3 weeks, I don’t know.  Also not known: how the hell people kept this plot straight for a week.

Sorrington saved this bon mot for Part II: his daughter was married to Mattoni.  Did he think that wouldn’t come out?  She had left him a year ago, however.  Her time with Mattoni ruined her and devastated her mother to the point of death.  So Sorrington had a motive.  Sorrington relates in flashback how he killed Mattoni.  His gun was found at the scene.

Froy tells the Inspector he killed Mattoni because he was in love with Countess Mattoni, Sorrington’s daughter.  An incriminating letter from him is found on the scene.  He also relates in flashback how he killed Mattoni.

Louise Rogers comes in for questioning, but has no info.  Next the police question a dancer, Miss LaLune who lives on the same floor.  Mullet is questioned and finally confesses after his fingerprints match those on the Count’s bloody money.  At this 3rd confession, Davidson flips out to wah-wah-wah music.

Part III – Another duplicated intro.  Hitchcock gets winded as he gives a recap.

Mullet says he had lost at the track and was stealing a few quid from Mattoni each night as he was put to bed.  This night, Mattoni caught him.  After a struggle, he was shot.

All of the confessors are taken to Scotland Yard.  When they get some privacy, Froy and Mullet discuss “who drew the black ace” to do the actual murder.   When Sorrington arrives, all three say to each other that they did not kill Mattoni.

Ha-cha-cha, Aunt May!

Louis Rogers has come in and confesses.  She is the Countess Mattoni, the dead man’s widow, and Sorrington’s daughter.  She claims she shot Mattoni during a struggle and has scratch marks to prove it.

Raines points out that it is illegal for Davidson to charge all 4, so they stick to their story and can’t be arrested.  Raines whimsically opines that it is lucky the Count deserved to  die.

OK, he’s no Simon Pegg.

Post-Post:

  • [1] OK, that’s just gratuitous and makes no logical sense.  Why would they have even gotten to the bedroom if — pffft, not worth the time.
  • AHP Deathwatch:  Rosemary Harris, who played Spiderman’s Aunt May 45 years later, is still alive.  Also Pat Hitchcock and Jered Barclay.
  • John Williams is tied for the 2nd most AHP appearances, with Pat Hitchcock and Mr. Drysdale from the Beverly Hillbillies among others.  Strangely, all but one of Williams’ appearances are in the first 2 seasons. [UPDATE] IMDb seems to have re-tallied the results.  It’s rigged!
  • [UPDATE] Weird confluence:  Rosemary Harris, John Williams, and Anthony Dawson were all also in Dial M for Murder, but not the one directed by Hitchcock. For some reason, auteur George Schaefer [2] felt the need to remake it (or technically the original play, I guess) for TV four years after Hitchcock’s movie.  Actually, Williams and Dawson were in both versions.
  • [2] Schaefer has another one of those oddly fascinating IMDb pages.  He also remade Little Foxes for TV 15 years after the Bette Davis version, remade Meet Me in St Louis for TV 15 years after the Judy Garland version, remade Lost Horizon for TV (as Shangri-La) 23 years after the Frank Capra version . . . Jesus Christ, he also remade Arsenic and Old Lace, Teahouse of the August Moon, Pygmalion, Abe Lincoln in Illinois, Inherit the Wind, Our Town, Harvey, Anastasia, and others.  He also managed to squeeze in a lot of Shakespeare (more bloody remakes!) and two Barry Manilow specials.  To be fair, he was hugely respected by his peers, racking up an impressive list of awards.
  • WTH – Scotland Yard is 458 miles from Scotland.  It was named for the street it was on, not the country.

Night Gallery – Clean Kills and Other Trophies (S1E4)

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ngclean01Colonel Dittman leads his son Archie Jr. and lawyer Jeffrey Pierce into his trophy room. Sadly, he is not a bowler, so the trophies are the heads of animals that he has killed.  He points out his servant Tom who he says is an Ibo, son of a tribal chief.  But he’s OK because he was highly educated in England.  So now he is a servant.

“Quite a specimen, isn’t he,” the Colonel says proudly.  He tells the Pierce not to be misled by the Oxford accent and tailored clothes.  He has never really left the jungle, still carries amulets, and believes in black magic.  “A pagan savage, like all of his breed.”  Thank God MSNBC was not alive to see this.

The Colonel tells Pierce that hunting is his life, there is no game he hasn’t stalked and killed.  Pierce finally brings Archie Jr. into conversation mentioning that he just graduated from college.  The Colonel says it is Jr’s. one achievement in life other than swilling copious amounts of brandy.  He is clearly disappointed by his son and steers the conversation back to his trophies.

ngclean03Pierce asks Archie Jr. if he hunts and his father mocks him as being a “dish of jellied consomme”, also a waste of space, lacking character and guts; a “pallid hand-wringer” who the colonel fears will take his inheritance and give it to one of his causes:  “Senegalese Unwed Mothers, Pickaninny’s Free Lunch Program or the Women’s Liberation Movement.”

This episode originally aired on January 7, 1971 — six days before the debut of All in the Family.  The template is similar, though.  The Colonel is Archie Bunker and Archie Jr. is Mike Stivic with better hair (but unlikely to marry a busty blonde).

The Colonel taunts Archie Jr. about the trust fund he is due to receive.  He wants to add a codicil that his son must kill an animal within 15 days or the trust will be dissolved.  The Colonel even mocks Archie Jr’s. passive reaction to this threat.

If Archie Jr. does not come through, the Colonel will take his $2 million and purposely squander it on risky investments.  Archie finally lashes out and asks his father if it is really so inconceivable that he could kill something.  The Colonel says it is inconceivable that he “sired such a mewling, sniveling, self-indulgent milksop.”  This guy is priceless!

Archie mans up and points a rifle at the Colonel, but Tom intercedes, taking the rifle.  The Colonel tells Tom to see Archie Jr. to bed and leave a light on as “he’s probably afraid of the dark, too.”  Zing!

Archie Jr. admits his father is a 20th century man, probably closer to the norm than himself.  He will try to shoot a deer tomorrow.

That night the Colonel finds Tom in the trophy room praying.  Despite Serling’s best liberal intentions, he turns Tom into the amulet-wearing believer in pagan gods that the bigoted Colonel accused him of being.

The next day in the woods, Archie Jr. and the Colonel spot a deer.  Archie Jr. raises the rifle and lines up the shot. But he hesitates.  The Colonel swats the rifle and the shot goes awry enabling the deer to escape.

ngclean04

Does no one care about composition? The antlers have to go right into his forehead?

As Pierce is leaving, Tom says the Colonel has been punished for making Archie Jr. fire at the deer.  Last night Tom prayed to his gods that “the hunter should know what it is like to be the victim.”

The Colonel was so over-the-top nasty that he was pretty fun to watch.  Serling did not give him a worthy adversary, though.  Archie Jr. is supposed to be a much more passive, sensitive soul than his old man.  Unfortunately, Serling attempts to achieve this by giving him nothing to do.  He has very few lines despite being present in nearly every scene.  When he does let loose, it is in an effeminate, high-pitched screech.

And the peace button is a nice touch.

Post:Post:

  • Twilight Zone Legacy:  None.
  • Ironically, Archie Jr. (Barry Brown) shot himself at age 27.
  • Tom went on to play Boomer in Battlestar Gallactica.

No, the one in the 1970’s.

Night Gallery – Make Me Laugh (S1E4)

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The first original tale by Rod Serling and it is a turd.  Well, it is credited as an original, but it should say “Based on a story by Charles Beaumont” as it shares the same exact twist as A Nice Place to Visit from The Twilight Zone.

Godfrey Cambridge plays a comedian and it is excruciating to watch.  OK, his character is supposed to be bad, but this is just painful.  It is inconceivable that he is making a living at it.  After his act, he talks to his manger Tom Bosley who has managed him for 16 years, also inconceivable.  The club owner played by Grandpa Munster Al Lewis comes in and fires him — conceivable.

Cambridge tells his manager he would give everything he’s got just to make somebody laugh.  Later in a bar he gets word his manager has bailed on him.  A guru, complete with turban approaches him. He must perform one miracle a month. Cambridge asks the guru to make it so he can make people laugh.

The guru obliges.  Soon Cambridge is hugely successful, but is left unfulfilled as people laugh at everything he says.  His manager even comes back.  When he tries out for a serious dramatic role, they all laugh at him.

This is the same revelation as in TZ’s A Nice Place to Visit — that there can be too much of a good thing.  Actually it makes a little more sense here.  In the TZ version, the small time hood finds himself in the “hell” of always getting the winning hand, always getting the perfect roll of the dice, and never having the dames play hard to get.  OK, the thrill might have gone out of gambling, but did he really get tired of the girls?

In TZ, the character is revealed to be dead and in hell.  In NG, Cambridge is alive, but we experience the hell of watching him.  He begs the swami to give him a new wish — he wants to touch people, to bring a tear to their eye.  That happens as he is hit by car.  A woman selling flowers nearby sheds a tear of sorrow.  The audience sheds tears of joy.

The real shocking twist here is that this episode was directed by Steven Spielberg.  He didn’t write it or cast it, but he sure didn’t do much with what he was handed.  There are stories of turmoil on the set and him being fired, but ultimately most of the scenes were directed by him.

Post-Post:

  • Twilight Zone Legacy:  None.
  • Serling did already have one segment that was an original, the embarrassing Nature of the Enemy.  I am doing his memory a favor by pretending that short “sketch” does not exist.
  • Six years later, Cambridge was dead at 43.  He had a heart attack on-set playing Idi Amin in Victory at Entebbe.  Amin claimed his death was an act of God . . . the actor who replaced him lived to 81.
  • If I knew this was the next act on the bill, I wouldn’t be so quick to boo Cambridge off the stage; I would keep him there like Jerry Lewis on the telethon.  Ladies and gentlemen, the Rocky Mountain Rockettes:
ngmakeme05

Yikes!

ngmakeme06

Again, I say Yikes!

Tales from the Crypt – For Cryin’ Out Loud (S2E8)

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Lee Arenberg living out Al Bundy’s fantasy

Marty Slash is so anxious to get in the electric chair, he runs ahead of the guards and slips into it as quick as Mike Moffitt into George Costanza’s parking space — which makes sense as both characters are played by Lee Arenberg.

Iggy Pop appears as himself showing how cool, hip and edgy he is by dropping about — yawn — 15 F-bombs in 30 seconds.  Between him and anticipating the vastly over-rated Sam Kinison later in the episode, I was ready to jump into Old Sparky myself.

Slash is Iggy Pop’s manager and has been running a scam of benefit concerts to save the Amazon rain forest while pocketing the donations himself.  Now that the receipts have hit $1 million, it is time for him to take off.  He opens up a wall safe hidden behind an Alice Cooper poster and his conscience speaks up in the voice of Sam Kinison.

tftcforcryin03Katey Sagal shows up dressed a goth chick — a 36 year old goth chick.  If Chloe O’Brien couldn’t pull it off, no way Peg Bundy can.  Turns out that was just disguise to enter the club.  She is really a banker — Miss Kielbasa, named after her father no doubt — who is on to Marty’s scam.  She saw Marty withdraw the $1 million that morning and wants half.  As Katey counts out her half, he goes all Pete Townsend on her head and stuffs her in a drum case.  Whether it was a stunt-woman or rubber legs, they looked pretty convincing being stuffed into that case.

As his conscience yells at him, he rebels by pouring medicine in his ear and reaming it out with a giant Q-Tip.  When the Q-Tips don’t work, he threatens to stab his conscience with a sharpened pencil.  He wises up just before puncturing his eardrum.

As he goes out in the club, his conscience, doing what Sam Kinison does best, begins screaming.  It screams to the waitress that Marty killed his banker and taunts Marty that she heard him.  He is so sweaty and manic that their reaction to him makes him wonder if they really did hear his “confession.”

He turns the music up in the club to drown out his conscience.  That brings in the cops.  Convinced that his conscience has screamed his secret, he busts the sound system and says, “I didn’t mean to kill my banker.”  He opens his briefcase, spilling the money into the crowd which is strangely subdued at the sight of $1 million cash.

Turns out the looks people were giving him were not reactions to the screams of his conscience, but to the bloody pencil still protruding from his ear.  A more reasonable reaction might have been to say, “Dude there’s a bloody pencil in your ear.”  His conscience taunts him that if he had kept his mouth shut, he could have gotten away with it.  For 2 years on death row, his conscience torments him until he is begging for the chair.

Lee Arenberg was made for TFTC.  His hammy, over-the-top acting and rubber face brought campy humor back to the series.  Sam Kinison was great in the small dose and, as a bonus, we didn’t have to look at him.  Iggy Pop just came off as an asshole.  The Stooges were strangely absent.

Post-Post:

 

Outer Limits – The New Breed (S1E14)

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Good news: Director Mario Azzopardi worked on 21 Outer Limits episodes, so he should have this down pat.  Bad news:  This was the first.

olnewbreed01

The secret of my nanobots is to make them look like tanks.

John-Boy Walton is giving a presentation of his revolutionary nano-technology which will clean everything from polluted rivers, to cancerous livers, to grass stains on your kid’s clothes.  By attacking problems at the molecular lever, he can cure everything from cancer to dandruff.  When asked if he is playing God, he responds, “Let’s just say God created a flaw in man — I think I can do better.”  So you know he’s screwed.

John-Boy’s friend Andy shows up in the lab and tells him that he is going to marry his sister — John-Boy’s, not his own.  30 seconds later, he finds out that he has pelvic cancer.  Chemo and surgery are not promising options.  So naturally Andy breaks into John-Boy’s lab; because a sociologist would totally know how to navigate the equipment and administer the nanobots.

Three days later, his cancer is almost completely gone.  And he gives his fiancee a real pounding.  Like Spiderman, his vision has even been corrected.  He tells John-Boy that he injected the nanobots; John-Boy is furious and wants to deactivate them.  Andy will not allow that, so they begin testing the effects on him.

After the sex gets too rough, Andy’s fiancee walks out; but not in a straight line.  The next morning, he rushes to the lab and shows John-Boy that the nanobots have started constructing gills on his neck, having interpreted his inability to breathe underwater as a “defect.”  Andy finally agrees to have the nanobots deactivated even though the new ability to breathe through his neck might have won his fiancee back.

The flush-and-deactivate command does not work.  He sends Andy home for a good night’s sleep.  The next morning, John-Boy goes to Andy’s apartment.  He is complaining of a pain on the back of his head.  John-Boy checks it out and discovers that the nanobots have taken Andy’s inability to parallel park without a mirror as another “defect” and have now given him perfect 20/20/20/20 vision like Lolac of Twilo.

John-Boy concludes the only way to kill the nanobots is to electrocute them.  He sends three surges through Andy which have the slight side effect of killing him. John-Boy is able to CPR him back to life.  Over the next few days, the nanobots do more renovation on Andy,  They have covered his chest with jellyfish type stingers and reinforced his chest cavity to make him invulnerable to attack, or from treatment by John-Boy.

Andy stabs himself rather than go through life as a freak.  After he collapses, the nanobots slowly slide the scalpel out of his gut.  He awakens, and realizes they will not let hem die.

olnewbreed08Andy asks John-Boy to electrify him again, but really turn it up so he and the nanobots are both fried.  John-Boy takes all the vials of his serum and smashes them on the floor which seems like exactly the wrong thing to do.  But then he turns on all the gas jets and sets fire to his papers.  As he leaves the lab, it explodes in the background.

As Andy’s fiancee is packing, she cuts her finger on a broken picture.  When she goes to get a band-aid, it has already healed.

Another good episode.

Post-Post:

  • Writer Grant Rosenberg was responsible for the  Start Trek TNG episode that introduced Brian Bonsall as Worf’s son.  I’m sure it wasn’t his idea, but what a cross to bear.
  • Andy and his fiancee in the episode were actually married 5 years later.