Mr. Jones (2013)

mrjones02I’m not sure I can be unbiased.  I started watching Cam2Cam and got so bored in the first 5 minutes that I had to bail — and I never do that.  Switching to Mr. Jones, in the first 15 seconds, I had a fun couple who don’t seem to hate each other, and even more rare, I didn’t hate them.  It banked about 20 minutes of goodwill immediately.  It would need them later.

Scott and Penny are on a road trip, and I am encouraged by the fact that they are lost. How quaint, to be lost on a paved road in daylight in the age of GPS.  The next morning, they arrive at their destination, a cabin not quite in the woods, but in a rural area.  I am again encouraged by a title card which says “DAY 1” as that always means the characters are going to start ramping up (or is it down) to Hell in a day or two.

The first day starts pleasantly enough with a lot of magic-hour photography, heavenly choir type music, and philosophical questions from Scott.  They have come to the woods for a year to “work on their relationship,” or was it to make a documentary?  I feel vindicated in fleeing Cam2Cam.

Frankly, this did not pan out as I had hoped.

Frankly, this did not pan out as I had hoped.

DAY 51 — wait, what?  That’s quite a leap.  Scott tells Penny that he stopped taking his meds, but we never learn what they were.  Possibly some of the last act could be attributed to that, but it really only seems to cloud an ending that wasn’t sky-blue to begin with.  Penny starts nagging him that she gave up everything to come out here with him, and he better start working on that documentary.  Maybe he just ran out of of meds, having doubled up listening to 51 days of that shit.

They do manage to get to sleep — in the same Queen size bed, so things aren’t too bad yet — but are awakened by noises downstairs.  Turns out to be birds flying into the side of the house and occasionally breaking through a window.

The next morning, Scott is giving a Survivor-style confessional to the camera, in the background we see a black-clothed figure steal his pack.  Going in search of the pack, they discover another house is near theirs.  Getting no answer, they go in and find a very junky house with parts of walls and the ceiling missing.  Luckily Scott has a special camera that can film both frontward and backward.  On the upside, we should never miss anything; on the downside, lots of distorted super close-ups of his face.

mrjones21Scott discovers a cellar door and asks Penny to be his lookout.  Scott quickly finds his pack, but now it is Penny that wants to stick around and look at the grotesque figures handing in the cellar.  Naturally the owner comes back, but they are able to escape.  Penny recognizes the figures as being the work of the reclusive artist Mr. Jones.  Penny compares it to living next door to JD Salinger or Banksy.  You know, if they lived in hovels and created creepy scarecrows out of branches and parts of animals.  Who’s to say there isn’t a first draft called Butcher in the Rye under Salingers’s floorboards?

Scott goes back to NYC and starts interviewing scholars and critics about Mr. Jones for the documentary.  Over the years, nine random people have received packages from Mr. Jones containing his artwork.  Those receiving the gifts seem to have nothing in common, but the works are valued in the six figures.

Penny stays in the woods, taking pictures of Mr. Jones works which are hanging from trees in the woods.  As Penny takes pictures, he creeps up behind her.  She asks him for an interview but is startled when he looks a little like one of his scarecrows.

When Scott comes back from New York, they discuss a plan to break into the cellar again to film.  I’m not sure why just knocking on the guy’s door is not an option.  The scarecrows are gone from the woods.  Scott returns to the basement and discovers another sub-basement.  He finds chambers with burning scarecrows, but has lost walkie-talkie contact with Penny.

mrjones34Scott finally finds his way out of the basement and goes back tom their house which has been decorated with scarecrows.  They decide to make a run for it in the morning, but by 9:30, it still is not light.

The old night never becoming day trope is one of my favorites, but it just does nothing for me here.  I leads into a very ambiguous final act which could be hallucinations, the supernatural, the missing meds?  The overlapping dialogue, callbacks to earlier scenes, and light shows are really in service of nothing.

Frankly, they would have been better off keeping it simple and making the sub-basement with the flaming dolls and shifting passageways be the final act.

There was one interesting concept, that Mr. Jones was actually a protector rather than the real threat.  Again, though, not enough, was done with this theory to even make it a good thought experiment.

So, decent couple, nice set-up, huge let-down in the final act.  The potential was there, though.

Post-Post:

  • From the writer of The Divide, which I don’t remember hating.

Night Gallery – The Girl with the Hungry Eyes (S3E2)

Lots to be thankful for:  This is the beginning of the last season of Night Gallery . . . I get to skip the execrable first episode as it was inexplicably put on the Season One DVD . . . Joanna Pettet is making her fourth appearance.

On the downside, they have done away with Gil Mellé’s theme which was almost as unnerving as TZ’s.  And Serling’s intro is shamefully weak:  “Let me welcome you to this parlor of paintings . . .”  But the play is the thing, so let’s get to it.

Photographer David Faulkner (James Farentino) is developing film in is darkroom when he sees a picture of a hot babe that he doesn’t remember shooting.  The girl in the photo (Joanna Pettet) walks into his darkroom, but now the picture is not of her anymore.  He doesn’t complain about her opening the door and exposing the other negatives, but who would?  He invites her back the next morning for test shots.

The next day, he fires off hundreds of pictures of her, using the time-honored TV style of photography — constantly moving the camera so it would be impossible to get a focused shot unless he has the shutter speed at 1/30000000.  He should really get a tripod; and during the bikini shots, maybe did.  Heyoooooo!

The next day, he has a meeting with Mr. Munsch from Munsch Beer who is looking for just the right girl to be Miss Munsch in his ad campaign.  He even has a miniature billboard mocked up with a white outline reserved for the perfect white model.  None of the usual suspects in Faulkner’s portfolio excite him until he gets to Joanna.  And we’ll stick with calling her Joanna because she has no name in the episode.

Soon, Joanna’s picture is adorning beer billboards all over the city.  His pal Harry is steamed that Faulkner has not introduced him to her.  When he sees her billboards, it’s like she’s looking back at him.  He is drawn by her eyes that seem to know things about him that she could not possibly know.  Faulkner throws Harry out and makes an early night of it.

Joanna apparently plans to make an early night of it also as she hooks up with Harry downstairs.  Faulkner notices the two of them walking down the sidewalk together.  He goes down to follow them but only sees her running away alone.  He also remembers her ominous admonishment to him that she is never to be followed.  So he returns to his studio as Harry rolls down a ditch, dead.

nghungryeyes20

Joanna Pettet, also figuratively hot

The next morning Munsch says he wants to meet the mysterious Joanna.  That night, Faulkner sees her kissing another man who collapses on the sidewalk.  She tries to use her magic eyes on Faulkner, but he runs back to his studio.

As soon as he enters, Joanna is already there.  He is starting to realize this is no ordinary girl, and I don’t just mean her smoking body.  He takes all her negatives from his file cabinets and throws then on the floor.  He dowses them with lighter fluid as she screams, and he sets them on fire.  She curls up like an old negative and burns.

Outside trying to get some fresh air, he sees a billboard of her bursting into flames  It would be fun the think every picture of her on billboards and in magazines is also bursting into flames across the country, but the writer lacked even the imagination of Come Back to Me‘s scribe.  Or more likely, lacked the budget.

OK, so she was a vampire who reeled guys in with her looks and hypnotic eyes — pretty standard vampire tropes for both vampires and vampirettes.  Originality is over-rated, I always say.  But where did she come from?  Why did she pick Faulkner?  Why did she let him set the photos on fire?  Why did that result in her dying?  What if the billboard had been set on fire first,would that have also killed her?  Why doesn’t she ever get that hair cut?  Good performances, but ultimately pointless.

For some reason, I think this shot was intended to be a shocker.

Post-Post:

  • Twilight Zone Legacy: John Astin was in A Hundred Yards over the Rim.

Travelling Salesman (2012)

travellingsalesman10“In 1956, renowned mathematician Kurt Gödel wrote a letter to John von Neumann postulating the existence of a single proof that could unlock the fundamental laws that bind our universe . . . Today it is considered the most important unsolved problem in computer science.  It is simply know as P vs NP.”

Well, it’s P = NP not P vs NP on the cover art, so maybe that’s the problem right there.

Four of the world’s greatest mathematicians are summoned to a tin shack.  Their research has produced the most dangerous weapon in history.  So they are meeting in a tin building with one glass wall.  While waiting for the team leader, the great minds get into a pedantic argument over whether all of the members had seen the addendum, as was the original agreement.

This is inter-cut with tape of a symposium introduction of the brilliant Dr. Timothy Horton, winner of the 2008 Fields Medal (also purveyor of a damn fine cup of coffee).

travellingsalesman11

When Mr. Big (a Mitt Romney doppelganger) arrives, he gives each of the men paperwork to sign to receive their $10 million per year’s work.  This is in addition to their hefty annual stipends for food, lodging and presumably hookers.  This is also tied to a non-disclosure agreement which effectively renders their discoveries top secret.

He tells the men this that the new cold war has begun and it won’t be fought with nuclear weapons.  It will be “a penny here, a penny there, an unresponsive power grid, a subverted stock exchange  The cumulative effect spirals the world economy and when the dust settles, the world is divied up.”  This new algorithm is the key to penetrating any encryption, rendering it as useless as Hillary’s firewall system.

There are extended discussions of the morality of their work, how it can be used to invade the privacy of citizens.  Mr. Big makes the absurd claim that because the four math geeks had the restraint to not abuse this power, then the government will also have enough self-control to refrain from using this technology against private citizens.

travellingsalesman12The four are also concerned that they will be identified by their peers as the ones who unleashed this monster.  In one of the few missteps, they trot out the old trope that the Los Alamos scientists are seen as evil for creating the A-Bomb that saved thousands of lives in WWII.  How many people outside of MSNBC believe still that?

I did appreciate that, for the most part, the discussions were not loaded West Wing style straw man harangues against the evil Republicans.  The discussion was political, but not partisan.  All of the mathematicians understand that giving this kind of power to the government is crazy (OK, maybe it was a little partisan, but not overtly stated).  After Mr. Big gets serious with threats to their families, they all sign the papers.

We see that later, Horton gets a letter from the White House signed by Obama thanking him for his service.  Holding it up to the light, we can see it has an Illuminati watermark.  This was the other misstep as it takes the film into the conspiracy theory arena.  Up to that point, it all felt very real-world.

Horton, has his revenge though.  Like Stephen Falken or Alan Turing, he has left a backdoor open.  He takes it upon himself to shut down the planet’s electrical grids, stock markets, airports and apparently trains like Snake Plissken.  So maybe Mr. Big wasn’t the biggest dick at the table.

These is a LOT of talking as you can infer from the action shots above.  But it reminded me of Primer or Margin Call — no traditional action, but it kept me glued to the screen for the entire run-time, even if I didn’t understand a lot of it.  Good stuff.

Post-Post:

  • Wow — what a cheap shot at Alan Turning!
  • The four greatest mathematicians in the country, and not an Asian or Indian among them?
  • Traveling has one L in US usage, but 2 L’s in other English speaking countries.
  • There could be no 2008 Fields Medal because it is awarded every four years, and 2008 was an off-year; even for the Winter Fields Medal.

Tales From the Crypt – On a Deadman’s Chest (S4E3)

An emcee introduces the band Exorcist to us and their inexplicably adoring fans.  The almost well-named lead singer Danny Darwin’s prodigious musical talent is matched only by his linguistic skills enabling him to work the F word in three times in three sentences.  I have to go back to Demosthones or maybe even Iggy Pop to find a wordsmith of such a skill.

Darwin, blissfully, takes a break from his godawful set to announce that his guitarist Bosch has gotten married.  The girls in the audience jeer as they would at a similar announcement from Justin Bieber; or like guys would the second he walked on stage.

Darwin drags Bosch’s fiancee Scarlett (Tia Carrera) onto the stage, much to her displeasure.  He warns Bosch not to get pussy-whipped, calls Scarlett a bitch and pushes her off stage.  So that Dale Carnegie course really paid off.

Bosch drops the guitar and walks offstage.  Stopping the show, Darwin follows, and Bosch attacks him as much as a guy with big hair, earrings, a necklace and a mesh shirt can.  He demands an apology, but Darwin says it is was just a joke, further demonstrating his grasp of the English language, and communication in  general.

tftcdeadmanschest04Darwin goes to his dressing room where there are a couple of skanky sluts.  They say they hate Scarlett, too because she treats them like skanky sluts.  So far there is exactly one person in this episode that I don’t loathe (although her taste in men is appalling).

One of the skanks, Vendetta, starts to grow on me as she unzips her leather top.  Sadly, she has destroyed her beauty with a dreadful new tattoo of a snake curled around her breast.  She tells Darwin to look closer, and he sees a tongue slither out of the snake’s mouth.  She promises to reveal the location of this magical tattoo artist if he will sleep with her.

The next morning, she drops Darwin off at the home of Farouche, the magical tattoo guy.  Farouche is also a tattooed douche-bag, but he has an eye-patch treats Darwin like shit, so I kind of like him.  Darwin wants a tiger, but Farouche says he will decide what to create; he “finds what is inside and brings it outside.”  Like my lunch when I think that low-lifes like these are the future of our country.

When Farouche is finished, Darwin races to a mirror — a common practice for him, I imagine — and sees that the artist has put a massive tattoo of Scarlett on his chest.  Outraged, he refuses to pay and storms out.

tftcdeadmanschest14Back at the house, Scarlett comes in and immediately tears into Darwin for being unprofessional.  She reminds Darwin that Bosch writes and produces the songs and that a lot of labels would love to have him as a solo act.  His reasoned response is, “You’re trying to break up the band, you stupid bitch.  Can’t you see we’re the hottest band in the country?”  Which is why they share a house.

At the small club (where the hottest band in the country plays every night) he finds Vendetta and accuses her of giving Farouche a picture of Scarlett to tattoo on his chest.  She has her first reasonable suggestion and gives Darwin the name of a plastic surgeon who can remove the tattoo.  Because this is the chick whose advice is gold, baby!  The doctor does his thing, but a ghost of the Scarlett tattoo remains.

tftcdeadmanschest17After apologizing to Bosch and telling him he wants to keep the band together, he skips the next gig.  While the band is playing, he sneaks back into his own house while Scarlett is slipping into the tub.  While Bosch is headbanging on stage, Darwin does some headbanging with Scarlett, and not the good kind.  He viciously slams her noggin repeatedly against the tile wall until she is dead.

Bosch comes into the dressing room and asks Darwin (as he is putting on his guy-liner) if he has seen Scarlett, which just baffles me.  The band was on stage during the murder.  Didn’t anyone miss the lead singer?

Darwin tells Vendetta that he killed Scarlett.  He peels the bandage off his tattoo scar and the tattoo has fully returned.  When he finally makes it onstage for the second set, something is bouncing around under his shirt .  He runs offstage, belts Vendetta, returns to the mirror and has a chest-burster scene that makes Alien look tame.

He then engages in a little self-surgery of the non-plastic variety.  As the climax is spoiled in the first shot of the episode, I don’t feel the guilt that I also haven’t felt spoiling every other episode.

A good episode with brief moments of greatness, largely ruined by too many entirely repulsive characters.

tftcdeadmanschest23Post-Post:

  • Title Analysis:  Again, no thought was put into it.  First of all, it’s not “Deadman’s Chest”, it’s “Dead Man’s Chest.”  Second, who is the titular dead man?  The only person killed is a woman.
  • Danny Darwin is an awful name for this character.  If you want to keep Darwin (and there really is no reason to), name him Darwin Dedmon (I have never known anyone with the last name Deadman), then change the title to Dedmon’s Chest.  Both problems solved.
  • All I can think is that Darwin is almost an anagram for drawing?
  • Gregg Allman, as the club manager, was far more normal that I expected.

Proxy (2013)

proxy001Esther Woodhouse is at the doctors’s office with some sort of enormous tumor; no wait, she’s pregnant. The doctor is running an ultrasound, and everything looks good.  Of course, they told Rosemary Woodhouse the same thing.  On the way to the bus stop, she is conked on the head by someone in a red hoodie who then repeatedly bashes her baby bump with a brick and robs her.

Fortunately, it seems that an ambulance is very quick on the scene.  Not so fortunately for her or me, she regains consciousness just in time to see the bloody corpse of her dead baby being cut out of her.

A detective comes to her hospital room.  Not much is learned except that the father was from a sperm bank.  Next she gets a visit from Mary Wilkins, a social worker at the hospital.  Esther doesn’t have any friends or co-workers to contact.  By the time she gets home, even her goldfish is dead.

Esther goes to a support group.  She is befriended by Melanie who lost her husband and son when they were hit by a drunk driver.

She returns aimlessly wandering in the hospital where she was treated, does jigsaw puzzles, applies for a job at a department store.  While there, she sees Melanie and stalks her for a while.  Melanie seems to be searching for her dead son as if he were merely lost in the store.  She makes a scene, crying, calling over the store manager.  She says she is going to look outside, then calmly walks to her car.  She gets a little boy out of her car and takes him into the store.

proxy014Esther and Melanie get together again for coffee in the park.  Melanie says she used to bring her son here.

Later that day, someone in a red hoodie breaks into Esther’s house and rapes her.  It turns out to be her lesbian lover Anika.  The first attack was a ruse that Esther dreamed up.  Lot’s of lying going on here.

Melanie calls late at night for another coffee klatch.  Esther tells Melanie that she was nine months into a healthy pregnancy and loved the way people treated her.  Not being much of a looker, she was unused to this attention.  But she never wanted to be a mother.  She tells Melanie she is the only one who understands and kisses her on the lips.

Melanie gets up to leave and Esther tells her she saw her with her son at the mall.  Melanie slaps her and tells her not to call again.

I could go on and on, and actually did — damn you Chromebook for not having a backspace key!  But there are so many interesting scenes and twists that that they have to be seen to be appreciated.  I was wary of the 2 hour running time, but the film fills the time.  It is slowly paced, but there is always something happening and your mind is constantly working to stay up with it or out-guess it.

Director Zack Parker has a few amazing scenes which are Hitchcockian in their twists and in the great use of Bernard Herrmann style scoring.  Really great stuff.

proxy026Anything else would be giving away too much.  For most posts, I spoil freely because it just ain’t that big a deal (and, really, who am I spoiling?  Searchbots?).  This should be seen with fresh eyes.

Post-Post:

  • Alexa Havins — wow!