The voice-over tells us we are on “the campus of one of our great universities near Washington, DC.” This is immediately called into question as they have a Department of Parapsychology.
Lt. Col. Van Dyke busts into the office of Dr. Lawton despite a sign that warns, EXPERIMENT IN PROGRESS — DO NOT ENTER.” The dick, Van Dyke, finds Lawton has hooked up brain-scanning equipment to his smoking hot assistant Edna to test for ESP. She closes her eyes and Lawton says to her, “I’m focusing on something I’m holding in my hand. I’m sending you a mental picture.” She bucks the odds by guessing he is holding a yellow pencil, rather than his junk, but she is correct. He congratulates her on getting 21 out of 30. But really, since she was guessing from an almost infinite number of possibilities rather than say a deck of playing cards or different shapes, this is miraculous. Or maybe he’s pulling a Venkman.
Van Dyke interrupts to say the government wants Lawton to go the North Pole. The all-man crew at the weather station are “in a state of mind that is incredible and unreal. They are suddenly psychic.” Eighteen hours later, Lawton, Van Dyke and Edna are on the way to the North Pole. The pilot radios ahead that he is landing with “one witch doctor, one chicken colonel [1], and one luscious babe.” One of the men senses their friend Grayson is in trouble, so they rush out to find him before he freezes or has to cut open a tauntaun.
“The Brain, the Brass, and the Babe” land and enter the one-room base. The men ask Dr. Lawton how they knew where Grayson was when they sensed he needed help. Lawton tests Warrant Officer Milligan by looking at a picture in a book and asking Milligan to guess what it is. He correctly guesses a tiger, a leopard and a panther. After a series of questions, Lawton scores Milligan at 66%, or three times normal, demonstrating this show has zero understanding of statistics. Every man on the base was able to psychically identify cards, shapes and numbers.
“It was far after midnight when Edna was subjected to the same tests, and she was on her way to an unheard of 100%.” Of course, being the only woman around for a thousand miles, she didn’t need to be psychic to read these guy’s minds. After a string of perfect responses, she begins getting signals from a different source — the word YORD for example.
Star Trek’s DeForest Kelley was 35 in this episode. By comparison, Karl Urban was 37 as McCoy in the reboot.
In the middle of the night, everyone is awakened as Milligan unconsciously sends a radio signal, “YORD.” Edna faints and, if I am not mistaken, Dr. Hall [2] takes this opportunity to brush his hand along her prominent breasts. The less Trumpian officers put a gizmo on Edna’s head as she is still comatose and record her brain-waves. The waves are translated into sounds. Through a means too ludicrous to describe, the sounds are transcribed into English letters, but still gibberish by the CIA. The mysterious YORD is used as a key.
In a cryptological feat of Kanamitian proportions, the CIA is able to decipher the four letters as standing for DISASTER CALL ADVISE WHAT TO DO. Van Dyke, now back in DC, wires the full transcript to Lawton. It is an SOS from alien Exploration Ship 7 radioing home that they are losing power. This signal mixed with the magnetism of the North Pole — even though they aren’t at the North Magnetic Pole — caused their psychic abilities.
The gang comes up with a method for the alien ship to descend to earth slowly enough so it doesn’t burn up . . . because there’s nothing aliens like better than a bunch of hairless apes telling them how to park after they’ve crossed the galaxy. Since Edna had the most psychic ability, they put the gizmo back on 
her head and use her to transmit the instructions . . . because it will be much better coming from a woman. The ship falls to Earth and eventually disappears from the radar.
Another station radios that the alien ship was destroyed in a fireball. Dr. Lawton is philosophical over their failure to save the alien ship. At least now we know we are not alone in the universe, and we know that interplanetary travel is possible.
Another overwhelmingly meh episode.
Post-Post:
- [1] A Chicken Colonel is a full Colonel, but it has been established that Van Dyke is a Lt. Colonel. Witch doctor and luscious babe are pretty on-target, though.
- [2] DeForest Kelley, 11 years before playing McCoy on Star Trek.
- Rachel Ames was previously seen in The Hidden Thing.
- Leon Benson has a ton of directing credits, most involving shows with horses or dolphins. This is his only writing credit.
Watch that hand, bub!
This is the act break for the credits. After only four minutes, it is already obvious what the problem is with this episode. Daniel Benzali is unbelievably emotionless and dull. As a coma patient, he would be too subdued; as the father of a dead son who is playing God, he is virtually inhuman. This is dullness on a Gabriel Byrne level. Like Byrne, he has a unique talent for sucking the life out of every scene, every line-reading and every word; also like Byrne, he has an inexplicable talent for getting 
While he is out, Rebecca has a vision, but is is seen through ex-Justin’s eyes; memories from his POV. Justin II is a sentient infant like the one in 
Rebecca promises Justin that Graham will never go near him again. She senses that Graham is going to push her down the stairs, so flees toward the attic. I’m not one to criticize the staging of a scene mostly because I’m usually too dense to notice. It really is egregious here, though. Rebecca pushes past Graham and goes down the hall. Despite him being only 10 feet behind her, the pregnant woman has time to 1) grab a stick with a hook on it, 2) use said hook to lower the folding stairs to the attic, 3) climb the stairs to the attic, 4) find the light, and 5) work the mechanism which will pull the stairs back up.
Graham is finally able to lower the stairs, climbs into the attic, and approaches Rebecca. He calmly (how else?) tells her she has nothing to be afraid of. Is his stoicism because he is psychotic or because he is sincerely worried about her? Since it is exactly the same monotone as every word he has spoken in the episode, it is impossible to say. However, since his demeanor has not changed one iota in 41 minutes, it does seems premature when she shotguns him.
Walter Durst is scheduled to give his final lecture on clairvoyance. His wife Judith is angry that the tiny ad in the newspaper would need a clairvoyant to find it. He is a clairvoyant of the kind you see only on TV — genuine. He is concerned that he dreamed of a murder last night.
A few days later, Walter has a vision. Somehow the vision has left him with a bloody hand although damn if I can figure out why. Judith suggests he might want to wash his hands, but he would rather call Scotland Yard. Possessing super-vision, Judith concludes that it is Walter’s own blood.
Mort and Jocelyn are working in an office. We know it is olden times because she is using an adding machine the size of a 30 pound turkey and smoking in the office, although sadly not smoking the turkey [1].
That night, Mort hears a noise downstairs. He surprises a 54 year-old burglar. Are there any 54 year-old burglars? I like to think they’ve all been shot much sooner than that. The burglar asks to see the silver-ware, then rejects it as junk when he sees one of the utensils is a spork. He has a bigger plan in mind, though.
Jocelyn opens her eyes and they have a good laugh. She had hired the burglar for $5,000 to go through this whole routine.
As I’m watching this on 
Wong sees two doors in the back of the store. One opens into a rat-infested alley. The other opens into a space where the alley should be, but actually leads into a large storeroom. Which, I guess makes sense, as it is a room in a store. He enters and inexplicably closes the door behind him. The door then disappears from the wall.
Wong soon encounters a man wandering through the aisles. He has been a self-absorbed jerk up, but he’s really started getting to me now. He is just pointlessly belligerent and sneering at the man. “Tell me something, Pops. You lose anything valuable? Lost hope? Lost dreams? Lost love?” The old man speaks of losing the respect of his children. Wong sympathetically responds, “If I hear one more sob story, I’m going to puke.”