Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Impossible Dream (04/19/59)

A couple are is dancing and discussing what a tramp the woman is (by 1959 standards, anyway).  There are 2 gunshots which are effective shocks even though (i.e. because) they are so unrealistically staged.  They are dancing very close and shown from just below the shoulders when the shots are heard.  It is almost comical what a non-sequitur they are. Before the shots, the woman’s arms do not move, so it is as if she was holding the gun between them the whole time.  As we hear the shots, there is absolutely no recoil.

The camera pulls so far back we can see the director — no wait this has been a scene filmed for a movie.  Stage-victim Oliver Matthews picks himself up and heads for his dressing room.  He opens up a bottle of hooch and unloads on his assistant, Miss Hall.  He hates the film, hates that he has been reduced to a small role, and hates having to act beside Myra Robbins.  But he’s not just a h8ter, he does love that booze.  Miss Hall gets him to put down the bottle by offering a sedative.

Her slavish devotion is repaid by Matthews telling her, “You ought to find yourself a man.  You’re drying up,  Pretty soon you’ll have fewer choices.”  He goes on a Serling-esque harangue of self-pity about himself and mockery of Miss Hall.  This a pretty pathetic pair.  Even as Matthews is cruelly taunting Miss Hall on the way out the door to Mexico, she is obsequiously fawning over him.

We are tricked as he actually goes home, not that the director gives us any clue — this could have been a place in Mexico.  However, the wardrobe lady from the film set  who Matthews had earlier pretended not to know walks in and is all smiles.  I was expecting that his previous ass-hattery was an act and that he would be charmingly in love with the lowly wardrobe lady, Grace Dolan.  Well cheers to them for fooling me, but jeers for them subjecting me to another depressing co-dependent train-wreck of a relationship.

In this pairing, Dolan is blackmailing Matthews to keep quiet about his role in her daughter’s murder.  Ya know, most parents might take such evidence to the police.  He insists that he is broke and can’t keep paying.  She nastily demands that he write the check anyway and damn well better find a way to cover it.  As she is leaving, he asks her to stay for a drink which is not at all suspicious.

As she is looking through his record collection, he dumps a bottle of his sedative in her glass and charmingly stirs it with his finger.  As a result of the drug or his grubby finger, Dolan passes out.  She is so disgusting that he isn’t tempted to do anything but kill her.  He loads her in the car, wraps her in chains and gives her a long shove off a short pier.

He returns home and finds Miss Hall there.  She knows what Matthews did, but will not tell the police as long as he will be her boyfriend.

This episode is a victim of its own success.  Franchot Tone is just great as Matthews.  And, by great, I mean repulsive.  Miss Hall is so needy, you go right past empathy into thinking “what’s wrong with this woman?”, and Grace Dolan is just as nasty as Matthews. There is just no one to root for or identify with.

Post-Post:

  • AHP Deathwatch:  No survivors.

Outer Limits – Heart’s Desire (02/28/97)

Cowboy Jake Miller is having a crisis of conscience — he can’t remember the faces of any of the eight men he has killed.  His brother Ben rightly reminds him that even if he could remember their faces, they’d still be dead.  Nearby, a preacher is having a bigger crisis as an alien materializes and possesses his body.

The brothers ride into town with their associates Frank & JD.  The gang is in town to recover buried loot from one of their previous jobs.  While Frank & JD go get liquored up at eight in the morning, Jake & Ben visit their father.  We see where Jake gets his conscience.  Their father is none too happy to see his outlaw sons, but grudgingly offers them their old bedroom since nothing had yet been invented to make it into a man-cave. Dad’s hands aren’t entirely clean as he dug up the loot and saved it for his boys.

olheartsdesire06Frank & JD go to the saddle boutique.  The possessed Preacher strolls by and gives them a demonstration.  Light shoots out of his eyes and he makes a horse disappear.  He offers to give them the same power.  Frank tests it out by making a wagon wheel disappear.  With this amazing new talent, the best the can think to do is kill the storekeeper and steal a couple of saddles and horses.

While Jake visits his old gal Miriam, Frank & JD go to local cemetery dig up the loot.  Maybe they should have used that skill to make 2,000 pounds of dirt disappear.  They are not happy when they discover that the loot has been moved.  Here is where I get lost.

olheartsdesire14Jake & Ben see Frank & JD at the cemetery.   Frank says, “Let’s get going.”  Ben stops them after a few steps and says, “Hold up, this is it.”  They all start digging and unearth a steel box.  Frank uses his superpowers to enable him and JD to steal the loot.  OK, so Frank & JD didn’t get mad that the money had been moved; or that they dug a huge back-breaking hole for nothing.  Maybe they were playing it cool until Jake & Ben took them to the real burial space.  That kind of calm strategic long-game doesn’t seem like a good fit for Frank, though.

As for Ben & Jake, why did Ben immediately tell them the loot had been moved?  And wasn’t their father holding the loot for them anyway?

olheartsdesire19Jake & Ben point their pistols at Frank, but he just makes them disappear.  When Ben rushes him, he strangles him, with sparks flying from his hands.  After Frank & JD take off with the loot, the Preacher happens by.  He gives Jake & Ben the same power.

Blah, blah, blah.  More people get killed, including JD.  There is a showdown which is witnessed by the Preacher.  I don’t get all the motivations, but it has a resolution that is very satisfying.

olheartsdesire30The Preacher explains he is from another planet.  This was all a test from yet another condescending alien species.  Jake gets on his horse and inexplicably rides off leaving Miriam, the only other survivor, behind.  Well, she did kill his brother which could make Thanksgiving awkward, but he really had it coming.  But again, the motivation escapes me.  I like that she is left stunned, staring at the sky, but why is she alone?

There is actually a great deal to like here.  The town, the snow, the frontier, the horses, the people — all perfectly rendered and believable.  Major kudos are due to director Mario Azzopardi for the episode.  Who knows to what extent he deserves credit for the production design, but dude knows how to use a camera.  Thank God we get the occasional director who understands that the camera’s range doesn’t stop at the first actor in the view-finder.  He frequently layers in a horse running away in the background, the Preacher passively observing, or simply the flowing river which give an immense texture to the scene and story.

As mentioned several times above, I wasn’t sure of the motivation in a few scenes, but the feel of the episode completely won me over.  If I had to complain about anything it is that 2 of the cowboys are unbelievable assholes; I mean over the top, hammy, in your face assholes.  And 3 of them are too much Hollywood purty-boys.[1]  Where’s Ernest Borgnine when you need him?  Sure, dead now, but not in 1997.

Rating:  Maybe not my heart’s desire, but fulfilled my desire for a fine hour of TV.

Post-Post:

  • [1] Apologies to the fourth.  I’m sure he is a nice guy and fun at parties.
  • Title Analysis:  Heart’s Desire is the name of the town.  Really a complete non-sequitur.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Waxwork (04/12/59)

ahpwaxwork4

L to R: The Avon Emeralds, Waxwork.                 LotR: Lord of the Rings

  1. This is the exact same establishing shot as opened The Avon Emeralds.
  2. This episode aired in 1959.  Why was it so important to set it in 1955?  Not exactly a period piece.
  3. Why was it necessary to set either episode in England?

Raymond Houston is quite the wild-man.  He heads off to the Marriner’s Wax Museum and buys both a guidebook and souvenir program.  He sneaks off the tour and up the stairs to find the owner.  He is a reporter with a great idea — he wants to report on politics without contempt or bias, and ask penetrating questions with insistent follow-ups. No wait, this isn’t The Twilight Zone; he just wants to spend the night in the museum.

Houston specifically wants wants to spend the night in the Murderer’s Den.  He has a bit of a gambling problem.  Writing this swell story will put a few bucks in his pocket.  After an interminable and unnecessary tour of the waxworks, Houston is locked away for the night.

He has a phobia about being locked up, so quickly becomes anxious.  Surrounded by the wax murderers, he stares longingly at the door.  Sweat pours off of his brow as he loosens his tie.  He types a few words:  This is no place for anyone with a weak heart . . . or weak nerves.

So far, this is the only remotely interesting thing about this episode.  Consider:  21 years later, Barry Nelson (Houston) would play the hotel manager in The Shining — a story about a writer trapped in a confined area for a pre-determined period of time who goes a little mad and types drivel on his typewriter.

It gets a little more interesting as we are treated to a POV shot which, like Charlotte McKinney, looks out over an impressive rack.  We witness the agitated Houston going from figure to figure in a panic.  Somehow the guillotine chops off a wax head.  Even more incredibly, he manages to get his hand caught in the afore-mentioned and afore-grounded rack.  Houston runs up the stairs to the door, but it is locked tight.

I’m getting a little restless myself.  Blah blah blah.  This episode had a lot of potential. Sadly it was torpedoed by too much unnecessary exposition, a very dull turn by Everett Sloane as the owner, and an unexceptional performance by Barry Nelson.

The Twilight Zone had a much better wax museum visit in The New Exhibit.

Post-Post:

  • AHP Deathwatch:  One of the guards is still with us.
  • Houston name-checks one of the murderous figures as Landru.  His waxy ass was also seen in The New Exhibit.

Outer Limits – The Camp (02/21/97)

olcamp1The Elder is giving a speech to the prisoners about the era twelve generations ago, before the New Masters arrived, when humans held dominion over the earth.  Special scorn is heaped on the treasonous humans who help the alien overlords. He reminds the children that their birthright lies outside the gates of their prison.  A couple of human guards show up and escort the Elder out.

The next day, the human Commandant lines up the wretched remains of humanity in the prison yard.  He has three announcements.

  • 1) The nutritional rations will be cut by 3%.
  • 2) Repairs to the refining center will continue.
  • 3) The Elder won’t be getting any elder.

He graciously grants the prisoners one hour to grieve and to choose a younger Elder. Prisoner 98843 (Harley Jane Kozak) shouts that the rations are already too low.  The Commandant says there is no more food to distribute.  She suggests that they grow their own food or import it from somewhere.  He dismissively dismisses the idea before he says, “Dismissed.”

olcamp2Later, 98843 is complaining to a guard about the lack of replacement parts for the factory.  She is joined by a young mute girl [1] who has been bringing water to the prisoners as they work.  She is also teaching the girl about electronics.  This is good, because the way 98843 mouths off to the overseers, there won’t be a 98844.

Guards enter and haul 98843 away to see the Commandant.  The prisoners assume she will be raped.  The Commandant even misleadingly says, “I need you.”  She begins to strip but he stops her.  He pops an electronic eyeball out of its socket and hands it to her with the order, “Repair it.”  She negotiates more food for the kiddies.  The Commandant had said there was no more, yet he agrees, the big liar-head.  He also warns that if she fails, they will get NO food, which makes no sense.  As that Moses guy said in the movie, “The strong make many [bricks], the weak make few, the dead make none.”

olcamp3Prisoner 91777 (Bill Cobb) is elected as the new Elder.  The Commandant orders them both to his office to receive supplementary rations for the prisoners.  91777 wants to know how 98843 got him to agree to this, but she dodges the question.  The Commandant tells them they will receive sharrak, an alien food from the New Masters; also some cigars from the Dutch Masters.  They are taken to a dungeon where a tentacled sharrak lives.  It attacks 98843 and 91777 is allowed to cut off its tentacle to feed the prisoners (oh, and save 98843’s life).

At the big feast, 91777 notes that there are fewer overseers.  He recalls a previous uprising where some prisoners made it over the wall.  However, 98843 recalls the remaining prisoners were slaughtered.  She reminds him the New Masters destroyed the combined armies of the world in 3 days.  Since he says the survivors reported seeing nothing but aliens with razor teeth, and scorched earth and black steel, I’m not sure what his hurry is.

olcamp4The Commandant’s new eye goes bad, revealing that he is a robot.  He orders 98843 to repair him or he will feed the young girl to the sharrak. She does, and becomes his personal mechanic, living separate from the other prisoners.  Despite her securing more food for them, they shun her as a traitor.

She learns that all of the overseers are robots.  They are beginning to break down and will soon execute Procedure 7 — closing the camp and killing the human prisoners.  The next time the group is assembled in the yard, 98843 twists the Commandant’s head off and shows everyone he is a robot.  The humans attack the few remaining overseers, who ain’t exactly Cyberdyne products in fighting ability.

The humans prevail and open the prison gates for the first time in centuries.  The gates swing open to reveal not a scorched earth, but a plush green valley (and possibly the former 18th fairway at Augusta (sorry, 98843)) [2].  The verdant scenery proves that the robots were lying for 2 centuries, and that even 200 years in the future, prime real estate with a scenic view will be squandered on an ugly government building if a Senator’s brother owns the land.

A good episode despite maybe being padded out a little.  As usual on The Outer Limits, the performances and production design are great assets. Harley Jane Kozak and David Hemblen as the Commandant were both great in their roles.

Good stuff.

Post-Post:

  • [1] The family relationships here seem needlessly obfuscated.  The girl is referred to as 98843’s girl, but she doesn’t seem to be her daughter, although there are hints. Mid-episode, 98843 refers to the previous Elder as her father, but there was no indication of that earlier.
  • [2] Correction, Augusta began accepting female members in 2012 (as predicted by the Mayan calendar).
  • 91777 is not a prime number, but is the product of three primes:  7 x 7 x 1,873.
  • 98843 is not a prime number, but is the product of two primes:  97 x 1,019.
  • I like a prime number reference as much as the next guy, but why have a different number of factors?  I assume I’m missing something; probably missing the fact that there is no significance.
  • Harley Jane Kozak is a genresnaps fave for reasons I’m not even sure of.  Could it be one episode of LA Law I saw on Lifetime before the New Masters arrived?
  • Title Analysis:  A little too on-the-nose.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – Cheap is Cheap (04/05/59)

ahpcheapis12An AHP Christmas episode.  Unlike TZ, I expect AHP to stick to its charter and give me a watchable episode.

Alexander Gifford is coming home with no Christmas bonus.  He is just sick thinking about “the 4% it could have accumulated in the bank over the next few years.”  I am just sick thinking of the .00001% my money is getting.

After a good gag with a newspaper, the parsimonious Alexander chides his wife for leaving a light on.  He sees a gift on the table and wishes his wife a happy birthday.  He didn’t forget — he reminds her, “What about our understanding?  Didn’t we agree a long time ago that it wasn’t necessary to demonstrate our affection for one another by the extravagant exchange of unnecessary items?”  I can think of another way affection will not be demonstrated that night.

Jennifer got the gift for herself.  “Don’t, worry.  I’m not getting anything for you,”  she zings him in a pitch-perfect retort.  She then horrifies Alexander by sitting down to eat a nice steak while serving him “stewed soup meat.”  Hey, wait a minute, he remembers, her birthday was 2 months ago.

ahpcheapis20She explains today is her new birthday.  While cleaning the closet, she found hidden bank books showing a balance of $33,000 [1].  He explains that is for their old age.  She calls him a cheap, miserly, penny-pinching, money-grabbing . . .”  She can’t say asshole on TV, so she asks for a divorce.  Alexander is stunned. He thinks, “That would be a terrible thing.  I didn’t want to part with Jennifer . . . not in this community-property state.”  So he decides to kill her — Ho ho ho, AHP rules!

Alexander recruits a hitman.  The hitman tells him to go see his friend Arthur who will sell him some poison.  The Chemist has just the thing — a perfume that when dabbed behind each year goes pshhhhh.  I can’t figure out what this means.  He prides himself on his poisons being undetectable, but he makes a sound like this eats right through the skin into her brain.  Anyway, at $600 the price is a little steep for Alexander.

Alexander gets the better (i.e. cheaper) idea of giving his wife food-poisoning.  Since he can’t wait for Chipotle to be created, he visits a young scientist at the university and manages to steal some botulism by drawing it into his fountain pen.  He applies it to a ham in their refrigerator, then claims not to be hungry at dinner.

ahpcheapis28That night, Jennifer’s eyes roll back in her head and she keels over dead. Well, not quite.  Arthur calls the doctor who finds she is in very bad shape, but still alive.  The doctors says if she makes it through the night, she has a small chance to recover.  Not one to take risks, Alexander smothers her with a HOME SWEET HOME pillow.

The bad news keeps coming for Alexander.  The doctor tells him a funeral will cost $160.  Disgusted that Jennifer is still squandering his money even in death, he donates her body to medical science.  He counts up a cool $75 as he walks out the door of State University Medical School.

What the hell — they had the perfect ending and they uncharacteristically bungled it! Alexander had gotten the botulism sample at the university.  There was even BEAT TECH graffiti on the blackboard [3].  He could have disposed of the body properly for $160, but the cheap bastard handed her body over to the same institution where he purloined the poison in his Parker pen.  That same young scientist should have taught an autopsy class and discovered the botulism matched the strain in his lab.[2]  Thus Alexander’s cheapness would have been his undoing.

ahpcheapis34This was such a good episode that the last minute fumble is not a deal-breaker.  The performances are uniformly great.  Dennis Day as Alexander was believably prim and parsimonious.  Alice Backes was almost too good as Jennifer.  She had a sly delivery, an interest-ing angular beauty and a smile that cut through the jokes.  She could have been the standard AHP cookie-cutter shrewish wife, but turned the part into a real person.  The thugs were appropriately menacing and even kind of textured characters.  Their mugs sold the menace, but their deeds and manners showed more depth.  The chemist was a dead-ringer for Bunsen Honeydew, and you can’t go wrong with that.

The script was also a winner.  There were actual jokes, not just a reveal followed by a jaunty musical stinger.  All in almost all, a most wonderful time-slot of the year.

Post-Post:

  • [1] $270k in 2016 dollars.
  • [2] As always, Alfred Hitchcock assures us in the epilogue that Alexander was caught.  He still never makes the connection to the university, though.
  • [3] Home of the world renowned VISITORS.
  • AHP Deathwatch:  No survivors.
  • Title Analysis:  OK, we get it — he’s cheap.  I don’t really get the title.
  • A rare bit of 1950’s meta:  The hitman refers to the famous Lamb to the Slaughter episode of AHP which is, naturally, unavailable on Hulu.
  • OK, not really a Christmas episode, but it was mentioned.