October 2022
The Descent (2005) — Six women spelunking, which is not a category on Pornhub. Spoiler: Not all six make it back to the kitchen. Classic! Tubi.
The Book of Eli (2010) — Denzel and Mila Kunis in an apocalyptic wasteland pursued by Gary Oldman. If you need more than that, turn in your A/V card. Tubi.
Like Dogs (2021) — Full title: Like Dogs Were Given a Typewriter and a Camera. A few good twists don’t save this story of abductees chained and fed like dogs. Tubi.
The Archons (2018) — I fell asleep so many times that I literally don’t know what happened to 4 of the 5 characters that did not make it to the end. Tubi.
Air Force (1943) — Fairly standard WWII slice of Military life, but that’s enough. Great stuff. Criterion.
No Vacancy aka The Helpers (2012) — aka 2000 Maniacs at a Motel 6. About 1:15 in, a victim has a bad guy’s girl in a head-lock with a gun to her head. He forces the four remaining bad guys to lie face down in the parking lot. After seeing his friends tortured and murdered, what happens?
- He executes these psychos one by one. No.
- Being morally superior, he shoots them in their respective legs so they can’t pursue our guys. No.
- Being good citizens, they tie the bad guys up and call the police. No.
- No, they just leave the bad guys there as they run off to look for car keys. Literally . . . not even a person left to guard them.
Otherwise, not bad and a couple of good performances. Tubi.
Death Hunt (2022) — Two favorite tropes — hunting humans for sport and a woman killing allll the men — bogged down by direction more leaden than Flint tap-water. Could have been much better. Tubi.
Smile (2022) — For the 2nd time in 3 theater outings, I had to hassle the man. This time the movie started but the lights remained on. That aside, the movie is excellent, genuinely chilling.
Panic in the Streets (1950) — From IMDb: A doctor and a policeman in New Orleans have only 48 hours to locate a killer infected with pneumonic plague. With that title and that synopsis, I just expected more excitement. Criterion.
Halloween Ends (2022) — It sounded dreadful, and certainly does not unfold as expected. But guess what, Hollywood and fanboys, that’s not always a bad thing. Possibly the best film since the original. Peacock.
The Executioners (2018) — Who are these cretins who exploit beautiful young actresses by having them gratuitously show their boobs and strut around in their underwear? I don’t know, but God bless ’em!, that’s what I say. Another cheapo women-kill-their-tormentors joint. Tubi.
Cat People (1982) — Dude can only have sex with his sister, presaging Pornhub by 30 years. Sex with other people will turn them into killer panthers. Stylish and suspenseful. Two words: Nastassja Kinski rules! Criterion.
Doors (2021) — Portals appear all over the earth and suck people in. Four well done vignettes sucked me in, but ultimately led nowhere. Tubi.
Man on Fire (2004) — Denzel killing allll the bad guys. Great potential torpedoed by the most God-awful, shitty directing job in the history of movies. Tubi.
Deadstream (2022) — You Tuber livestreams his stay in a haunted house. Entertaining throughout. Shudder.
2Survive (2015) — Surprisingly decent Survivor rip-off if Probst dropped dead. The only movie with a spoiler in the title. Tubi.
The Sand (2015) — The beach is devouring obnoxious college kids. Actually not bad if you SPF your expectations. Tubi.
Terrifier (2016) — OG horror with boobs, gore, brutal violence, and a killer clown. Tubi.