Ray Bradbury Theater – To the Chicago Abyss (S3E9)

Against boredom even gods struggle in vain — Friedrich Nietzsche.

I have heard that phrase all my life but was never interested enough — or bored enough — to look up the context.  So RBT is, at least, contributing to my education.

From Nietzsche’s The Antichrist (1895).  The gods are indeed bored, and that is the reason for the creation of man.  Of course, being gods, they are right, and “man is entertaining.” But now man himself is bored — doh!

The know-it-all gods have an answer for everything, so they create animals to entertain men.  But men are not entertained by animals — at least not until YouTube.

“He sought dominion over [the animals].”

I don’t see these as being mutually exclusive — man can use the dominion over them to force bears to ride bicycles, tigers to jump through flaming hoops and monkeys to really do anything, including being eaten by a bear riding a bicycle — that’s entertainment!

The gods aren’t too concerned about the boredom of the animals, so they take another crack at curing man’s boredom.  Not that they made a mistake the first time!!!  No siree, these are the best and the brightest, the gods, infallible, omnipotent beings, our moral and intellectual superiors in every way.

“So God created woman. In the act he brought boredom to an end — and also many other things!”

I’m not sure what he’s getting at there other than watching TV in your underwear and drinking milk from the carton.  Then Nietzsche really goes off the rails.

“Woman was the second mistake of God — Woman, at bottom, is a serpent, Heva — every priest knows that; from woman comes every evil in the world — every priest knows that, too.”

He then goes on to blame woman for the rise of science, as if that was a terrible thing.  Cuz you know, someone’s gonna put an eye out with the science.

Rrrrright.  I think someone needed a Fraulein.

But that is all from Chapter 48.  Maybe I am still not understanding the context.  Maybe Chapter 49 is called, “Found my Meds, Did I Say Anything Stupid Yesterday?”

Next Week: Where are those mills, and how exactly do they grind so exceedingly small?

But back to Ray Bradbury Theater which bored me in the first place.

rbtchicagoabyss01Harold Gould is scavenging in a trashy possibly post-apocalyptic city when his attention is caught by a woman knitting with real wool — obviously a rarity in this world. He sees a young man lighting up a freshly rolled cigarette and begins wistfully reeling off the names of cigarettes from his youth, presumably our present.

He then goes on in classic Bradbury-is-meant-for-the-printed-page soliloquy about Butterfingers, limes, oranges. The young man roughs him up for reminding him of better times; like before he started speaking.

When he leaves, another man helps him up, saying he had heard of him.  He warns Gould of dangerous memories, sneaking him into an abandoned building where he lives with other like-minds.  Gould is stunned that the man offers him wine.  Cops bang on the door offering canned good for information about Gould.

Despite the temptation, the do not give him up.  The police begin to leave, then turn and up the ante with, “Beans.  Soup.  15 cans.”

The man doesn’t give in.  He seems like a good egg despite calling his wife “Wife” and calling Gould “Old Man.”  He sends Wife to round up their neighbors to hear Gould’s stories of the old days.

And Bradbury lets loose with more of his signature rambles about motion picture houses, popcorn, Orange Crush, phonograph records, dial telephones, harmonicas, kazoos, Jew’s harps, dashboard dials on a Cadillac, etc.

As he goes on, the police bang on the door of the meeting.  The man hustles Gould out of site, and down the fire escape.  The man gives him a ticket on the only remaining train which will take him to the titular Chicago Abyss where the city used to stand — now a crater.

He takes the train, which makes Snowpiercer look like Acela.

Harold Gould does a great job, standing with David Ogden Stiers as the only ones to really make Bradbury’s flowery words work on the screen.

In truth, this episode was no worse than many others, and was certainly better than The Haunting of the New.  In fairness, the rant about boredom would have been more appropriate there; but the cumulative effect is wearing me down.

Post-Post:

  • I’m not sure if it is a coincidence that Gould and Stiers were so effective in their delivery, and the stories were so similar.  Both take place in a fascistic future society where simple pleasures like taking a walk or being nostalgic are criminal offenses.
  • RBT got themselves a real director for a change.  Randy Bradshaw has 40 credits including 21 Jump Street, Goosebumps and the 1980’s Twilight Zone reboot.

Scared to Death (1947)

scaredtodeath01The biggest shock here is that the film is in color.  I know it was released 8 years after The Wizard of Oz and Gone with the Wind, but it was also 13 years before Psycho.  I didn’t expect a low-budget 1947 joint (did Bela Lugosi make anything else by this time?) to be in color.

It is very much a mixed bag with some good stuff mixed in with the dreadful.  Douglas Fowley as reporter Terry Lee sounds amazingly like Steve Buscemi.  One tip for enhancing enjoyment: Just pretend it is Steve Buscemi.

The film opens in an autopsy room at the morgue where two men enter and stand over a dead body covered by a sheet.  “Is this the body?” Dr. Einstein asks.  He observes that “one hates to perform an autopsy on a beautiful woman.”  That might be true, but I have to think a really fat guy would be worse.

scaredtodeath10

Yikes!

The irony is that the actress really never looks better than in this scene.  Maybe it is the casting or strange coloration of the movie, but there are some stunningly unattractive women in this film.

They are initially stumped by the cause of death as there are no marks on the body.  This prompts the man to muse what her last thoughts might have been, prompting a film-long flashback by Laura — the dead woman.

She is in an agitated and anxious state.  Her husband believers it has to do with some letters she’s been receiving from abroad.  He is itching for a way to end the marriage and his physician father has a plan to set his son free.  Laura is able to convey their conspiratorial conversation in her flashback even though she was not there to witness it.  Maybe, being dead, she has become omniscient.  Or maybe it’s just not a very good movie.

This sets up my main irritation with the film — besides the actresses cast — repeatedly we are taken back to Laura on the slab where she will voice-over exactly one sentence, then we resume the flashback.  It is so jarring and rigidly identical each time, including the exact same music, that it becomes a joke.  Or drinking game.

scaredtodeath04Things lighten up a bit as Bela Lugosi arrives with his own personal Mini-Me, Indigo.  He has come to see the doctor unannounced.  The maid tries to stop him, but he says, “I have had an appointment with him for 20 years,” thus foreshadowing Obamacare for the U.S.

Also on-site are security guard Bill Raymond and Reporter Terry “Buscemi” Lee.  These two provide the comedy in the film, and do so very well.  Raymond is thick-headed and oafish whereas Lee makes with the snappy dialogue, see.  The mere presence of Lugosi and Indigo keep the mood light, but Raymond and Lee are actually very skilled at taking the material and breathing life into it.

scaredtodeath08There is much intrigue with unhappy marriages, blackmail, European shenanigans, floating disembodied masks, hypnotism, secret passages, disappearing corpses, betrayals, a dwarf and a guy in a cape.  There is enough untapped potential here to have made a great farce in the right hands.

Sadly it comes off a little too clunky and talky, but does have a few good laughs.

Post-Post:

  • Personally, I find envisioning the Tony Blundetto version of Steve Buscemi to work best here, but I’ve never seen Boardwalk Empire.
  • I remembered Nat Pendleton (Bill Raymond) as the Sergeant in an Abbott & Costello WWII movie I probably saw 20 years ago.
  • Director Christy Cabanne is the anti-Mallick, having 166 Directing  credits.  True, many of these were shorts in the very early days of film, but he also has 46 writing credits, and 59 acting credits.  All before dying at the youngish age of 62.
  • On the other hand, Writer Walter Abbott had only 2 credits despite living 6 years longer.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – A Man Greatly Beloved (S2E33)

ahpgreatlybeloved05We get off to a rough start as a really unattractive dentally-challenged little girl — Hildegard — begins directly addressing the camera.

OK, I’m embarrassed to say she won me over almost immediately.

She is writing an essay about her hometown and especially Mr. Anderson.  She believes her father is a little too good looking for a preacher, but is not overly complementary about her mother despite her being extremely hot.

Once Hildegard hears that new resident Anderson won’t allow the annual bazaar to be held in his home’s garden, where it has been held for 75 years, two things happen — Hildegard invades his personal space to change his mind, and we assume there must be a body buried there.

ahpgreatlybeloved06Hildy is friends with an old woman whose son has heard of Mr. Anderson and says he is a retired judge.

At a party where here elderly friend is conducting a seance, Hildy hides under the table and pretends to be a spirit.  She outs Anderson as being a judge.  For some reason, he did not want this known.  Its not like he was a child molester or a senator.

Anderson turns over a new leaf and becomes a new man, even contributing a stained glass window to the church.

Sadly, Mr. Anderson soon dies, making little Hildy cry.  It turns out there was some confusion over his identity.  There was a Judge Anderson who retired, but this was not him. This man was John Laughton, who Judge Anderson had sentenced to 15 years in prison for strangling his wife.  He apparently thought it was a good joke to take that name, kind of like Sawyer on Lost.

Hildegard says he “never told on any one even though they told on him.  He was the kindest man I ever knew — next to my father.”  The wife-strangler was 2nd only to her preacher-father?  Was this the preacher from Seventh Heaven?

ahpgreatlybeloved02

Ha-cha-cha!!!

Another tame but fun story from Winnie the Pooh creator, A.A. Milne, who also contributed the story for the bloodless The Three Dreams of Mr. Findlater.

Hildgard carries the entire episode on her shoulders and pulls it off even for a curmudgeon like me.

Post-Post:

  • AHP Deathwatch:  Still a couple of live ones: Evelyn Rudie (who was only 8 when this aired) and Rebecca Welles.
  • AHP Proximity Alert: Edith Green appeared in an episode just 2 weeks earlier.  C’mon, give someone else a chance!
  • Cedric Hardwicke, played Ramseses’s father and Moseses’s uncle in The Ten Commandments per Wikipedia.  I thought Ramses and Moses were brothers, but I only saw the movie; I didn’t read the book.

The Devil Bat (1940)

devilbat01An opening title tells us all the people of Heathville love the kindly village doctor Paul Carruthers.  No one suspected that in his home, he found time to conduct “certain private experiments — weird terrifying experiments.”

Carruthers (Bela Lugosi) takes a break from pouring liquids from beaker to bottle to duck into the secret bookcase entrance in his lab.  He walks down a stone-walled hallway and up the stairs to to a secret-secret bat-nursery where he is raising his little darlings.  Hey, Lugosi, enough with the bats!

His process of “glandular stimulation through electrical impulses” is growing the bats at a greatly accelerated rate.  He takes a bat, which is conveniently hanging from a detachable coat hanger (or possibly nunchucks like Töht had in Raiders of the Lost Ark — this movie was released four years after the events in Raiders, so maybe they really caught-on in the late 30’s), and carries him downstairs to the lab.

devilbat05After hanging the bat up in a specially shielded room, Lugosi steps back outside, dons his goggles, and electrifies the bejeebus out of the bat. Remarkably, within minutes, the bat quadruples in size.  It is tragic that Lugosi did not use his meat-growing discovery for good, selling out to Frank Perdue, Butterball or Pfizer.

Lugosi gets a call from his bosses, Morton and Heath, to come to a party at Heath’s home just down the hill.  He reluctantly agrees to attend, which is fortunate because his bosses plan to give him a bonus of $5,000 ($83,000 in 2014 dollars).

When Lugosi doesn’t show up, Heath sends his son Roy to deliver the bonus.  After handing over the check, Lugosi asks Roy to test out his new creation, an after shave lotion, which he suggests — not at all suspiciously — be applied to the tender part of the neck. Carruthers bids him an ominous “goodbye” as he leaves.

The check has only angered Lugosi as it is revealed that he resents Heath and Morgan for reaping millions from his creations while tossing him crumbs.  But his day has come — or night, actually, due to his method of revenge.  He opens a window and orders the mega-bat to seek out the scent of the after shave lotion and go for the tender part of the neck.

devilbat07That night, Morton’s son Don proposes to Heath’s daughter Mary.  She tells him that she thinks of him as a brother.  As the story is not set in West Virgina (or Westeros), this is a deal-breaker.  Incredibly, Don is not having the worst night of the bunch — as Roy Heath returns from delivering Lugosi’s bonus, the giant bat swoops down and kills him.

The Daily Register gets wind of Heath’s death and assigns ace-reporter Johnny Layton to the story along with photographer “One-Shot” McGuire (presumably a nickname given by his editor, not his wife).

Heath’s other son Tommy visits Lugosi at his lab and is given the lotion to test.  He tries to put some on Carruthers, but he recoils — although he is happy to shake Tommy’s lotion-slathered hand when he gives his ominous “goodbye.”

Lugosi wastes no time opening the window out of which — for reasons unexplained, four bats fly out before batzilla.  Johnny, One-Shot and Mary see the bat kill Tommy, so now there are eye-witnesses.

Johnny’s editor still is not convinced, so Layton conspires with One-Shot to get a stuffed bird from a taxidermy shop and create some bogus pictures to back up their narrative. When their editor hears of the deception, he fires them and says he will see that they never work at another newspaper.  On the plus side, they are now contractually free to join others of similar journalistic standards at NBC News.

devilbat11After Don Morton is killed, Johnny finds the lotion in his bathroom and realizes that all of the victims had this same scent.  After tracking the source back to Lugosi , Johnny and the Sheriff confront Lugosi who all-too-happily offers them each a bottle.  Only Johnny takes it.  When the bat inevitably swoops in, Johnny kills it.

Lugosi goes to Henry Morton’s office and gives him a bottle of the lotion.  Morton makes the mistake of rubbing Carruthers face in the wealth he lost by cashing out of the company early like Walter White.  Soon Morton is killed.

Johnny expresses his theory that someone is using the bats to kill every member of the Morton and Heath Families.  That has the ring of truth since nearly every member of both families has already been killed by the bats.  That’s some good work there, Lou.

Lugosi also attempts to kill Mary, but that doesn’t go so well.  Soon (after all, this film is only 108 minutes), Lugosi gets his proper comeuppance.  Like many movies of the era, it wraps up in about two seconds, ending on a completely innocuous line of dialogue.

The Devil Bat is enjoyable given the limitations of the day, like White Zombie.  But neither is as transcendent as Dracula.

Post-Post:

  • Takes place in Heathville.  There are newspaper references to Peoria, Springfield and Chicago, so we can assume this is in Illinois.  There is a Heathsville in Illinois, but no Heathville.
  • The Daily Register’s editor is played by Arthur Q. Bryan who voiced Elmer Fudd 1950-1959.  Once you know that, it is impossible to hear his voice without thinking of Elmer.
  • Jean Yarbrough also directed King of the Zombies.  His name is spelled Yarborough in the credits, but IMDb says the standard spelling drops the “o”.
  • Even 70 years earlier, Lugosi’s character sold out for twice as much as Walter White.
  • Note to aspiring screenwriters:  Don’t have characters named Morton and Martin unless you want to confuse simple minds.

Night Gallery – The Hand of Borgus Weems (S2E1)

The real  George Maharis is driving through the city when he loses control of his hand.  He bursts through some construction barricades and nearly runs down a pedestrian.  So the hand also apparently controls the feet since he did not stop.  Also the arm, since the hand itself doesn’t really have much leverage to steer a car.

He goes to a surgeon and requests that the doctor amputate his hand.  The doctor sees nothing wrong with the hand. Thanks to several inter-cut shots, we see the hand contorting.  Also being bathed in a strange psychedelic pulsing light which you might think would catch the doctor’s eye.

Maharis grabs the doctor’s prescription pad and scribbles a Latin phrase that neither recognize.  And the handwriting is awful — maybe it has been the pads’ fault all these years.  He says the hand has attempted murder three times and he is afraid it will eventually be successful.  When the doctor refuses to cut off his hand, he grabs a heavy bust in the office and slams it down onto his hand.

That show of commitment seems to change the doctor’s mind and he goes through with the amputation.  Actually, we are supposed to believe that the damage done to the hand made amputation “mandatory”, but in the operating room, it seems pink and rosy and functional and unbruised.

ngborgusweems03He tells the story of almost running over the pedestrian again to a psychiatrist, complete with the same footage being replayed.

Also how, while making a phone call, he involuntarily called a strange number and identified himself as Borgus Weems, a name he had never heard before.  Actually, I don’t think anyone has ever heard that name before.  So in addition to the foot and the shoulder, the hand also controls the mouth.  When the man he called tracks him down, the hand tries to stab him with a letter opener.

Then he recounts how the murder tried to kill his fiancee.  So in addition to the hand, the shoulder, the foot and the mouth, it also controls his legs which carried him to her apartment. He pulls the gun on her, and struggles to lower it.  He manages to drop the gun and at that moment decides that the hand has got to go.

The surgeon decides to bring in another consultant, this one a detective.  He recalls that a man named Borgus Weems previously rented Maharis’s apartment.  He also dabbled in the black arts, naturally.  Turns out someone had lopped off Weem’s hand at the wrist. His sister, now Maharis’s squeeze, and the other men he tried to kill were both complicit in his maiming and murder.

The doctor sees Maharis getting agitated so he writes him a prescription.  Now the doctor’s hand is possessed and he writes that same Latin phrase again.  Luckily the detective not only speaks Latin, but recognizes it as a quote from Virgil, “Arise my avenger, out of my bones.”  The doctor stares in disbelief at his hand.

ngborgusweems04

No, this isn’t the wind. The Detective’s hair was like this in every shot.   Make-up!!!

An OK story — far from original, but I never deduct points for that — but it is weakened by its goofy structure.  At times I had to orient myself between past and present based on whether Maharis had one or two hands.

Post-Post:

  • Borgus: The concept that a global human consciousness will form, manifested as the nexus of all written knowledge on Earth and the inter-connectivity of that information through computer networks — Urban Dictionary.
  • Parson Weems fabricated the anecdote about George Washington’s honesty vis-à-vis the cherry tree.  Oh, the irony.
  • Twilight Zone Legacy:  Patricia Donahue and William Mims were in one episode each.
  • Two lame short segments not deserving a post (even by me!) starred Leslie Nielsen, Joseph Campanella, and Sue “Lolita” Lyons.
  • Hulu sucks.