Very generic start as a couple of “teenagers” drive into the woods to start making out. The guy is wearing his hat backwards and has an earring, so I am immediately hoping to protect the gene-pool with his death.  Holy shit, do I spectacularly get my wish; sadly, some good genetic stock is lost as the girl is no luckier.  However, it was a very effective opening for a movie I just picked because of the cover.

A foursome of young guys swing by to pick up three girls.  When things get tight, one of the rocket scientists suggests taking out the spare tire so everyone will fit.  Surely nothing will become of that.

They miss their turn because one of the guys, Chase (and really, has there ever been a good guy in the movies named Chase?)^[1], is being an asshole, and they mistakenly turn a down a deserted road.  Still being a prick, Chase thinks it would be funny to chuck a beer can at a big guy ambling down the dirt road.  It is quite a hoot until the road ends and their tires get caught in some barbed wire.  If only there were some type of tire invented for such occasions.

The guy, Hector, who could be Danny Trejo’s less attractive hermano, turns out to be a pretty good sport about it, but it is clear they better not pull any shit like that again.  The seventh wheel, Jake, volunteers to walk back to civilization to get help.  Hector suggests they build a fire, so the group actually does something useful for a once.

The guys start telling jokes, but Hector gets very serious and says he has a story.  It is about some teenagers who went up to Diamond Mountain . . . but they were not alone.  A crazy guy came to their camp and killed them one by one.  Everyone freaks out at this knee-slapper because he is one scary dude — although, with lovely teeth.  Seriously, in contrast to long stringy hair, tattoos, ratty facial hair, a wife beater and really bad skin — his teeth are effervescent!  Probably paid for in prison with tax-dollars.

Chase throws his girlfriend over his shoulder, literally, and the go off into the woods to have the sex.  When he doesn’t have a condom on him (literally or figuratively), Amy sends him back to get one.  Still being an unbelievable asshole, he thinks it would be funny for DeVaughn to go back and scare her instead as she is laying there half naked.  And it is pretty funny — until they’re both murdered.  Sadly, it couldn’t have been Chase, but DeVaughn was black so he had to go first according to the rules of horror movies.

After searching 5 minutes for Amy and DeVaughn, the remaining group decides to all walk back to town.  After they find Amy’s severed hand, they decide to run back to town.  Or at least try driving it with a flat tire.

After they climb into the SUV, they conveniently find a newspaper that no one had seen when this one vehicle was crammed with 7 people, and the full page story with a color picture was sitting right there.  They learn that Hector is an escaped murderer who had been sent to prison by Crystal’s father.  Coincidentally, after sitting on his ass all day enjoying his budget-busting pension, Crystal’s retired father finally gets around to reading the morning paper at about the same time.  He alerts the currently active, future financial burdens on society in uniform and joins them in a search.

The group find Jake’s flashlight and we get a flashback of his death.  Finally, for the love of god, Chase gets an arrow shot through him.

Bree, Crystal and Will start to run, but Crystal and Will only have to be faster than Bree as she gets her throat cut.  Then Crystal only has to be faster than Will, as I naturally root for the girl.  They find a home surrounded by several cargo containers.  Then they find themselves surrounded by one container as they are tied to a table inside of one of them.

Their assailant, who we have long ago figured out is not Hector taunts them, running a huge knife across their throats as they scream for mercy.  But the heart wants what it wants, and not-Hector pulls down Will’s pants.  What follow is too gross to describe (unless my word count is running short, of course).

Hector bursts in to save the day; well, at least Crystal.  He whoops ass on non-Hector, not entirely successfully, until Crystal has a chance to put that knife in his back.  Hector tells her that the story he told in camp was about his sons being murdered by this crazy family in the mountains.  He was convicted for the murders of his sons, but busted out of prison after 5 years to take his revenge.

Some have complained that it was too slow, but I found it to be a solid ride.  The sole exception being the character of Chase — why does every horror movie have to have at least one character that is such an unbelievable asshole that no one would want to associate with him (and why do hot chicks always flock to them (of course, that is based on reality so I really can’t complain))?

Overall, it looked great.  It was well cast and the performances were good, although it took the girls a little while to settle into their roles, I thought.  Were there cliches?  Yes, to the tune of aplenty.  But I don’t deduct points for that.

Time well spent.

Post- Post:

• ^[1] I did think of Chase Edmunds in Season 3 of 24 — a good guy who even shared a fate with Amy.  Although he lived to scream about it.
• Title Analysis — How is it that such a natural title has not been used before?  Ever, as far as I can see.  It’s like The Eagles — I can understand Toad the Wet Sprocket being available, but how had no big act ever been called The Eagles?

“In 1956, renowned mathematician Kurt Gödel wrote a letter to John von Neumann postulating the existence of a single proof that could unlock the fundamental laws that bind our universe . . . Today it is considered the most important unsolved problem in computer science.  It is simply know as P vs NP.”

Well, it’s P = NP not P vs NP on the cover art, so maybe that’s the problem right there.

Four of the world’s greatest mathematicians are summoned to a tin shack.  Their research has produced the most dangerous weapon in history.  So they are meeting in a tin building with one glass wall.  While waiting for the team leader, the great minds get into a pedantic argument over whether all of the members had seen the addendum, as was the original agreement.

This is inter-cut with tape of a symposium introduction of the brilliant Dr. Timothy Horton, winner of the 2008 Fields Medal (also purveyor of a damn fine cup of coffee).

When Mr. Big (a Mitt Romney doppelganger) arrives, he gives each of the men paperwork to sign to receive their $10 million per year’s work.  This is in addition to their hefty annual stipends for food, lodging and presumably hookers.  This is also tied to a non-disclosure agreement which effectively renders their discoveries top secret.

He tells the men this that the new cold war has begun and it won’t be fought with nuclear weapons.  It will be “a penny here, a penny there, an unresponsive power grid, a subverted stock exchange  The cumulative effect spirals the world economy and when the dust settles, the world is divied up.”  This new algorithm is the key to penetrating any encryption, rendering it as useless as Hillary’s firewall system.

There are extended discussions of the morality of their work, how it can be used to invade the privacy of citizens.  Mr. Big makes the absurd claim that because the four math geeks had the restraint to not abuse this power, then the government will also have enough self-control to refrain from using this technology against private citizens.

The four are also concerned that they will be identified by their peers as the ones who unleashed this monster.  In one of the few missteps, they trot out the old trope that the Los Alamos scientists are seen as evil for creating the A-Bomb that saved thousands of lives in WWII.  How many people outside of MSNBC believe still that?

I did appreciate that, for the most part, the discussions were not loaded West Wing style straw man harangues against the evil Republicans.  The discussion was political, but not partisan.  All of the mathematicians understand that giving this kind of power to the government is crazy (OK, maybe it was a little partisan, but not overtly stated).  After Mr. Big gets serious with threats to their families, they all sign the papers.

We see that later, Horton gets a letter from the White House signed by Obama thanking him for his service.  Holding it up to the light, we can see it has an Illuminati watermark.  This was the other misstep as it takes the film into the conspiracy theory arena.  Up to that point, it all felt very real-world.

Horton, has his revenge though.  Like Stephen Falken or Alan Turing, he has left a backdoor open.  He takes it upon himself to shut down the planet’s electrical grids, stock markets, airports and apparently trains like Snake Plissken.  So maybe Mr. Big wasn’t the biggest dick at the table.

These is a LOT of talking as you can infer from the action shots above.  But it reminded me of Primer or Margin Call — no traditional action, but it kept me glued to the screen for the entire run-time, even if I didn’t understand a lot of it.  Good stuff.

Post-Post:

• Wow — what a cheap shot at Alan Turning!
• The four greatest mathematicians in the country, and not an Asian or Indian among them?
• Traveling has one L in US usage, but 2 L’s in other English speaking countries.
• There could be no 2008 Fields Medal because it is awarded every four years, and 2008 was an off-year; even for the Winter Fields Medal.