Tag Archives: Alfred Hitchcock Presents

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – Incident in a Small Jail (03/21/61)

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Hey, it’s uber- “That Guy” . . . or rather, uber- “That Dead Guy” John Fiedler!  Alas, where are the John Fiedlers, the Richard Stahls, the Charles Lanes of today?  Maybe driving for Uber.  Would network TV even allow these unattractive, old, bald(ing) white guys on the screen today?  I’m thinking of their heydays [1] when they converged on The Odd Couple.  And HTF does The Odd Couple (1970) not appear first when you search IMDb for “odd couple”?  Ain’t nothing but the best show ever.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, this is another one of those AHP episodes that is so good, I really have nothing to complain about.  Ray Bradbury Theatre, I miss you.

Due to my continued refusal to walk all the way across the room to load the DVD player, I am again watching on dailymotion.  I suspect the provenance of this video is about like that Picasso I bought, that not only was sold to me out of a car trunk, but was signed by Van Gogh.

In an effort to throw off copyright sleuths, the perps have uploaded the video backwards and zoomed-in.  However, the more Holmesian among you will note that they have helpfully tagged the video with the correctly spelled series name and episode title.

Well, might as well get this over with.

John Fiedler pulls into a gas station, launching a series of archaic events.

  1. An attendant fills the gas tank for him. [2]
  2. He tells Fiedler he can get a drink at the drugstore across the street. [3]
  3. Fiedler is arrested for jaywalking.

To be fair, even though the cop is a dick, Fiedler is actually arrested for then attempting to bribe a government official who is not in Congress.  Officer Carly [7] takes Fiedler to the jailhouse, oddly transporting him in the front seat.  The Sheriff seems a little more sane, but has bigger problems since a local girl was just found murdered.

Luckily a hitchhiker was found nearby and just brought to the jail.  Fiedler is ignored as he continually pleads to see the judge.  He even offers the same bribe to the Sheriff.  Again, Fiedler is lost in the shuffle as another Officer enters and says the men in town are forming a lynch-mob.

Hearing that the mob is heading this way, the  alleged killer demands to be set free, even though he is in the safest possible place — a locked iron cage.  Fiedler also whines to be released, but he is again the least of their worries.  Besides, he just did the impossible; he committed another crime while alone in a jail cell.  Bloody recidivist!

Incredibly, the dim-witted Sheriff agrees to transport the accused killer to another location.  Fiedler begs to also be taken.  “Shut up!”, the Sheriff explains.  But the distraction allows the killer to knock him out.  The killer then unlocks Fiedler’s cell and says, “Take off your clothes, buddy!”  Not what you want to hear in prison.

After putting on Fiedler’s suit, the killer locks him in his (the killer’s) cell as if the lynch-mob would know what cell the killer was in. Wouldn’t it maybe be the ONLY guy in the jail?  The mob shows up and drags Fiedler out of the cell.  They beat him unconscious, but the Officer shows up and runs them off.  I guess it would have been too much to arrest a couple.  Sixty years later, the Officer became Mayor of Portland. [4]

The next morning, when the bloodied Fiedler awakens, the Officer says the city will drop the charges and buy him a new suit.  Fair compensation for being overcharged, detained and beaten senseless.

As Fiedler is driving from town, he checks his briefcase.  Yep, his big knife is still in there.  Then he sees something never once witnessed in the USA, a pretty young blonde hitchhiker who is not on drugs or just escaped from a sex manic.  [6]

Another just about perfect episode.  Well told and well cast.  Fiedler is the perfect pusillanimous, high-pitched, panicky dweeb to sucker us in. [5]   It also plays on Hitchcock’s familiar theme of being falsely arrested.  The beautiful irony is that he was almost lynched for the crime he actually committed.

Other Stuff:

  • The title is a blatant rip-off of Incident in a Small Town which aired 30 years later.  Wait, what?  The title feels much older than that, but 30 seconds of research revealed no earlier source.  Maybe I’m thinking of Tragedy in a Temporary Town (1956) which I saw recently.
  • As always, a better write-up about the episode can be found at bare*bones ezine.
  • [1]  I would have bet money it was hayday, like “making hay”.  What does hey have to do with it?
  • [2]  This might not seem so strange if you are in Oregon or New Jersey where it is still illegal to pump your own gas.  Free country, pfft!
  • [3]  Long ago, most drug stores had soda fountains.  Mercifully, I deleted a dopey reference about Evel Knivel jumping the fountain at Caesar’s Palace, but here is the famous video.  Not deleted or in any way relevant, here is the Agony of Defeat clip.  And Bad Romance accompanied by tap-dancing because it is a hoot.
  • [4]  Would also have accepted:  Seattle.
  • [5]  35 years later, he had not changed a bit in the late, great Buffalo Bill
  • [6]  Upon review, she was not hitchhiking, but just walking along the road.  But you never see that either.
  • [7]  Myron Healey (Officer Carly) went on to star in The Incredible Melting Man.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Horse Player (03/14/61)

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Hey, the church roof is leaking and the pastor is played by Claude Rains.  If you’re looking for criticism more insightful than that, let me save you some time right now.

Pop Quiz: This screenshot is stretched out like the _____ ____ ________ .   Correct answers will be deleted.

Father Amion’s church is in bad shape.  Not only is the service sparsely attended, but the roof is a sieve, with multiple leaks drizzling water into buckets, onto heads, and unto their feet. [1]  A Building Contractor stops by the church after the service and surprisingly speaks without his tongue catching fire.  He tells Amion it will cost $1,500 to fix the roof.

The church doesn’t have that kind of ready cash, but things are looking up as a ten-spot appears in the collection basket.  At the next service, Amion pulls aside the church’s generous new member.  The benefactor, Mr. Sheridan, is not dressed like the other church-goers.  He has no tie, is in a wrinkled jacket, and is sporting a goofy hat.  Actually, he is dressed like a church-goer, just one from a few years in the future.  Slackers!

He says he has lived in the area for 20 years.  He just started coming in after seeing the church’s sign TRY PRAYER.  He was a loser, and found that prayer turned his life around.  Father Amion is happy to hear the man has found religion, but less so when he learns that Sheridan credits prayer for “six winners out of eight” at the track, and “one of them was a 20-to-1 shot.”  Amion might have felt better if he knew the Jesus responsible for the 20-to-1 win was the Guatemalan stable-boy.

Yes, more stretched out screencaps this week. I own the DVDs, but they’re waaaay over there on the other side of the room.  Blame COVID.

Amion tries to explain to Sheridan why this is wrong.  He asks, “What if everyone rooted for their own horse; what would God do?”  He’s God, I think he could come up with something.  Sheridan says it is their own fault for “not being wise to this prayer racket.”

A few days later, Sheridan returns to the church and gives another $30 to Amion.  He even suggests a horse that Amion might want to place a bet on — Red Devil in the 4th race at Belmont.  Amion declines.

A few days later, Amion sees Sheridan in a new convertible, and wearing a bow-tie.  The “prayer racket” has continued to pay off.  Sheridan has hit on 14 of his last 18 bets.  He again tries to give Amion a hot tip.  Sally’s Pal broke the track record and is going to be running against “broken down fillies”.  Sheridan says colts run from fillies “like burg-u-lars.”  The odds are 15 to 1, so there is big money to be made.

Sheridan says if he hits it big, he is moving to Florida. If I hit it big, I’m leaving this freakin’ hellscape.  

Amion asks how much he would win if he bet $500.  Sheridan says, “Let’s say worse comes to worse and the horse only pays 10 bucks, the least a guy would pick up would be about $2,500.”  Amion asks Sheridan to place the bet for him.  Kudos for this subtle reference to the nuances of Win Place & Show betting.  To the casual boob (i.e. me), the math seems way off at first.  However, after some thought (or Googling), you can see how it would not only be possible, but also explain the denouement.

Amion is immediately seized by guilt and confesses to the monsignor.  The monsignor says he must pray for the horse to not win.   “You can’t expect a reward for your sin, no matter what the consequences.”

Amion does pray for the horse not to win.  He is still praying when Sheridan returns to the church.  He immediately apologizes to Sheridan for the horse not winning.  Sheridan confuses Amion by offering him a wad of bills.  He says, “You didn’t expect me to risk your dough on a WIN bet did you?  I took the $500 and bet him to PLACE.  He came in 2nd and paid $8.40.”   Sheridan hands over his winnings of $2,100.  The Lord works in parimutuel ways.

As always, another class act from AHP.  This one has the benefit of being directed by Hitchcock himself.  Claude Rains does his usual excellent job.  The surprise is Ed Gardner as Sheridan.  He is such a great presence, that I can’t believe how slim his resume is at IMDb.  

Other Stuff

  • [1]  I feel like I need to point out this is a reference to Lamp Unto My Feet — a show whose title I found hilarious as a kid.  It was a religious program that ran for 30 years and, astoundingly, was produced by CBS.  It’s almost like it was a different millennium.  They might still be embarrassed by Hee Haw but surely this one is censored from the archives completely.
  • For information about the background and production, check out bare*bones e-zine.  
  • Were some of the musical cues in this episode used in Leave it to Beaver?

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Kiss-Off (03/07/61)

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Act One

Scruffy Ernie Walters shuffles into the Department of State Revenue office. [1]  He worries that he might have shuffled into tomorrow’s Science Fiction Theatre when he sees a city employee working through lunch.

The clerk worries when Ernie pulls out a pistol.   He orders the clerk to clean out the cash drawer and the safe.  Sadly, unlike my favorite YouTube videos, the clerk does not take the gun from him and whip his ass.  Ernie takes the bag of cash and leaves peacefully.  He does not seem to be a professional since he does not have the classic round bag with a dollar sign on it, and also he drops a hotel key by the door.

He takes a cab and gives the driver a $10 spot for a $.90 fare.  Gee, that’s the kind of thing a cabbie might remember!  He goes to see his gal Florrie.  She does not recognize him until he removes his false teeth and facial appliances.  As he changes clothes, he says he was just released from prison today after serving 6 years for a robbery another man just confessed to. Only on 1960’s TV would this jailbird be more interested in putting on a man’s suit than taking off a woman’s clothes.

Ernie tells Florrie that they are going to Palma del Rio.  He will be joining her a week later, though.  He wants time to get even with Detective Cooper and the DA who put him away for the crime he didn’t commit.

Meanwhile, Cooper is elated that the Hotel Room matching that key has been found and the register was signed by Ernie Walters.  He goes to the room, kicks in the door and roughs Ernie up without a warrant.  Cooper taunts him about dropping the key.  However, Ernie shows him that he still has his key.  The manager confirms that he did not give out any duplicates.  Not only that, the manger vouches for Ernie’s honesty because no kale or Lucky Strikes are missing from the mini-bar (the mini-bar concept didn’t really take off until 1963 when Joe Snickers Jr. convinced his father that their product could also be enjoyed orally).

However, Ernie admits he has no alibi for the time of the robbery, so they still take him downtown.  The city worker, the cab driver, a biker, and an Indian chief are brought in to pick him out of a line-up.  They all pick Ernie out initially, but upon closer questioning, they aren’t so sure.  Finally, they refuse to identify him, but do helpfully suggest accommodations cheaper than the hotel.

Early heterosexual prototype of The Village People.

Cooper still wants to charge him, but the DA refuses.  The DA wants to cut a deal, but Ernie refuses.   The DA starts to wise up and realizes that Ernie is doing this to get back at them for the earlier false conviction.  Ernie mocks them for their lack of evidence and lack of reliable witnesses.  He dares them to go into court, especially since he will tell the jury about how these same 2 guys bungled his earlier case.  The DA tells him to get out of town and Ernie, with a smirk, says he can afford to.

Act Two

Uh, it must be here somewhere.  I feel like flipping the script over — like when you’re looking for cash in an empty birthday card, or looking for the continuation of the English instructions for setting up a new TV. [2]  But there is nothing.  That was it.

The concept is actually fine and self-contained, but it still feels unfinished.  Maybe because there were no real stakes for Cooper and the DA.  Sure, Ernie is getting away with $12,000 and taking Delores del Rio to Florida, but how are the lawmen suffering?  They have an unsolved case, but it’s not like the city will make them repay the loss.  And, yes, they are steamed at being hustled by Ernie.  But, they are unrepentant about the 6 years Ernie served, so I think they’ll get over this pretty quickly.

Two things to keep you entertained during this episode:  1) Try to make young Rip Torn look like old Rip Torn.  I just couldn’t do it; not even when he took off the disguise.  2)  Try not to picture the clerk’s head on a Jack-in-the Box.  I couldn’t do that either, but at least it got me to rewatch that great TZ episode on Netflix.

Verdict:  Some good stuff.  It was especially good at showing the evolution of the witnesses and Ernie nailing the ruse.  Good enough for me to get out the DVDs so I can get pictures that are not stretched out with a Book Television watermark?  Naaaaaaah.

Other Stuff

  • [1]  It is hardly worth noting (which describes this entire post), but the papers on the wall behind Ernie are beautiful.  Not only are they perfectly spaced, they are full of different texts and charts.  Kudos for this extra effort before the invention of Word, Excel, HDTV, and Red Bull.
  • [2]  I literally unplugged my TV when Lost went off the air.  After 11 years, I finally got a new one.  Can I just get a simple f***ing diagram of the cable layout?  Is the DVD Player before the cable box or just plugged directly to the TV?  But thanks for wasting ink covering the Angle button on the DVD Remote that I have not seen used once in my 500 DVDs.
  • BTW, the novelty of a giant TV lasted about an hour.  Most of the current programing is shit.  For the last 10 years I have watched movies on a laptop sitting on my chest.  When the screen is 6 inches from your eyes, every movie is IMAX!

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Throwback (02/28/61)

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Elliot Grey has come to see his sweetie Enid.  We know they did not meet via a personal ad because her name is Enid . . . too risky.  She is ready to go out on the town, but Elliot wants to stay in and they can drink the wine he brought.

He is getting angry that Enid does not want to stay in.  He says, “Come on Enid, for the 2 months we’ve known each other, we’ve rushed around like every show was going to close and every restaurant was going to run out of food.”  So I guess they met in January 2020.  Elliot also confronts her on why he can’t see her on Saturday nights.  Enid confesses that there is another man.  His name is Cyril Hardeen and she describes him as very kind and gentle as if Elliot might want to be pals with the guy himself.  She also reveals that he is 54, which sounds entirely appropriate to me since Enid is 24.

Elliot is understandably angry that Enid has been jerking him around, but not off.  She accuses him, “You’re not even trying to understand!”  Well, I’m trying, and I don’t get it either.  The sap is willing to listen to her side of the story, so he is clearly no Alpha Man.  Maybe not even a Beta Man.  He gets about as much action as Omega Man.  

Enid says she met Cyril 4 years ago.  When she met Elliot, she tried to break it off with Cyril, but just couldn’t.  She says if Elliot could see how Cyril treated her, he would understand.  Elliot finally shows some spine and says, “It’s him or me!”

Enid: Say the magic words.  You know what they are.

Elliot:  Alright, I love you.  Is that what you want to hear?

Enid:  The words are alright, but the tone’s not so hot.

That was pretty good.  He relents and gives her a real I Love You and a kiss.  She says she will dump Cyril.  After the dumping, Cyril invites Elliot to his palatial home.   This episode was so tedious and unbelievable, that I was ready to bail at the half-way mark.

However, it gets interesting again when Cyril describes himself as the titular throwback and says it is necessary for he and Elliot to literally fight it out for Enid.  Because of the age difference, like Louis XIV, Cyril is going to engage another man’s services.  Unlike Louis XIV, it will not be a Pi Man.  He describes how historical dicks like Louis XIV and Napoleon used surrogates to fight their duals the same way rich Medieval Catholics used Indulgences, US Civil War Draftees used the Enrollment Act, and John Kerry uses Carbon Offsets. [1]

Fortuitously, Cyril has a surrogate standing by.  He calls Joseph in to join them.  Holy crap — this guy is the American Oddjob! [2]  

Elliot can read the writing on the wall, or could if there was a big sign on the wall that said, “You’re going to get your ass kicked.”  As he excuses himself to leave, Joseph socks him in the jaw.  Elliot gets in a couple of shots, but Joseph gives him a good beat down.  After Elliot leaves, Cyril and Joseph put on boxing gloves.

At home, as Elliot is tending to his wounds, two cops show up.  They take him to Cyril’s house.  Elliot sees Cyril battered from Joseph’s punches.  Enid is by his side.  She accuses Elliot of using this stunt to prove he was younger and stronger than Cyril.  She refuses to believe he was framed.  

Like every episode of Columbo, this case would have probably unraveled in court.  Cyril’s mistake was wimping out and using boxing gloves for his own beating.  

The twist was fun, but it was a slog getting there.  Scott Marlowe as Elliot had no presence at all.  Joyce Meadows as Enid was barely adequate.  She certainly did not seem likely to inspire men to fight over her.  My beef with Murray Matheson as Cyril is stated below.

So, not a great week, but at least it wasn’t The Throwback.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] Could also have mentioned corrupt politicians of both parties sending young people into endless bullshit wars.
  • [2] Yes, of course, an American could be of Korean or other POC heritage, but this was 1950’s TV.  Also, Oddjob was already a Korean character played by a Japanese actor, so let’s not be pedantic.
  • AHP Deathwatch:  Joyce Meadows, who I always think was on the Honeymooners, is still with us.  Among the dead:  Bert Remsen who I confuse with Fred Rumsen from Mad Men, and Murray Matheson who I am always disappointed is not Murray Hamilton.  Maybe 54 is pretty old.
  • Cheers for Elliot pronouncing the word PAY-tronizing instead of PATT-ronizing.  I have never once heard the PATT version in real life, but you never hear the PAY version on TV.  OK, I think I remember once on, ironically, the TV show Cheers.  God, the amount of my brain cells wasted on TV.
  • Jeers for Cyril saying Louis Quatorze rather than Louis the Fourteenth.  
  • As always, a more coherent recap and background can be found at bare*bones e-zine.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Landlady (02/21/61)

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Ahhhh . . . it’s nice to be back in a safe space after disastrous outings with Tales of the Unexpected and One Step Beyond.   You can always count on Alfred Hitchcock Presents.

Oh bloody hell!  Can’t we have a nice simple murder in America?  Just to further rub 2020 in my face, the episode stars Dean Stockwell.  He might be interesting in small doses, but he is on the Mount Rushmore of stunningly bad, but successful, actors with Elliott Gould and Bill Paxton.  Here he plays — as always — Dean Stockwell.  Even this is beyond his grasp as he is required to speak with an English accent.

The episode is somewhat redeemed when the first face we see is 77 year old Burt Mustin playing a 100 year old man as he did throughout his entire career.  Those unfamiliar with Burt might appreciate the realistic British makeup; but no, those are his real teeth.  He is given nothing to do here, but it’s always good to see Burt Mustin.[1]

Four chaps in a pub are discussing some local burglaries when Dean Stockwell comes in.  He is just off the train and orders a sandwich and beer.  When the bartender has trouble opening the register, Stockwell is able to open it with his Swiss Army Knife.  The chaps think this incriminates him as the local burglar.

Stockwell then goes to rent a room from the titular landlady.   When he signs the register, the two previous guests’ names sound familiar to him.  

Speaking of familiar names, the credits contain a couple.  The screenplay is by the great Robert Bloch.  The original short story was written by the great Roald Dahl.  The mystery of this episode is how two such esteemed writers came up with such a mediocrity. 

Reviews on multiple sites rave about the episode so, as always, I will assume I’m missing something.  It is so vacuous that I can’t even continue.

Hmm . . . written by Roald Dahl.  I wonder if it will show up on Tales of the Unexpected?  Oh my God, it’s in the house!  The TOTU adaptation of The Landlady is up next in rotation.  Given how TOTU botched the great Lamb to the Slaughter, I am not optimistic about what they will do with this.

See you tomorrow after I watch it.  And by “tomorrow”, I mean 2 weeks.

Other Stuff:

  • [1]  Just to emphasize how old he is, Wiki says he used to be a salesman for Oakland Motor Cars.  
  • His minute role here is strange given that he was already established as a character actor.  In fact, the same month this aired, he reprised his seminal role as Gus the Fireman on Leave it to Beaver for the 11th time.
  • A more positive review is available at bare*bones.