20 movies for $5; what could possibly go wrong?  Part VI.

More ambitious than The Nurse, but not a success.

Awaken the Dead gets off to a good start with an interesting visual under the credits.  The camera races through a metropolitan area which has been flooded.  The cityscape is in black & white, and is animated or maybe rotoscoped.  This gives way to a few live color shots of an unflooded urban area.  This is the last we see of the flooding.  It is also the last decent cinematography we will see for a while.  For the next 90 minutes, the screen will be very grainy and frequently washed-out to the point of being monochrome.

The “action” begins with a priest lying in bad with his arms out, crucifixion-style.  Just in case we don’t get it, he has a huge black cross tattooed on his back, and his name his Christopher Gideon.  In another part of the city, Mary Payne wakes up topless, but lying on her stomach, so she may as well be a nun.  Gideon has received a letter directing him to Mary’s house, where most of the movie will take place, to meet Mary’s father.

The film again taunts us by threatening to become good with the introduction of two Japanese schoolgirls.  They look up at a jet as if they had never seen one before and begin rubbing their eyes.  A few minutes later, after they are zombified, they disembowel a guy.  I’m still on board

Amazingly, the YouTube version has a cleaner picture than the DVD. But I’m not sitting through it again to replace the screen-caps.

Gideon and Mary see out their windows that the world has been overrun by zombies, or at least their street.  Soon they are joined by a Jehovah’s Witness and a survivalist couple.

After the survivalist couple zombies-out, the priest goes outside guns-a-blazing.  I hesitate to include this pic lest it make this movie look good.

After this fight, Gideon is sporting an eye-patch, and looks a lot like the Governor from The Walking Dead.  The three remaining humans find a letter telling them to meet Mary’s father at an old church.

Mary’s father explains that this is a government operation testing a new weapon.  Buildings stay intact, no soldiers die, zombies kill everyone.  Shockingly, the government does not consider this a success, and kills him.  The same jets do another flyover, releasing a chemical which kills the zombies.

No cities were flooded in the making of this movie.

To recap:

• Cinematography: Just dreadful.  I don’t even think it was incompetence or budget restraints; it was just terrible choices.
• Acting: Mostly terrible.
• Dialogue: Terrible, repetitive.
• Make-Up: Really looked more like Insane Clown Posse than zombies.
• Story: Adequate.  You don’t really need much for a good zombie movie.
• Sound: Not well-recorded.  Sound does not get enough respect — in this, and many low-budget movies, expectations are lowered upon hearing the first word of dialogue.

I rate it a 4.

Post-Post Leftovers:

• This was clearly a low-budget movie, yet it has a cast of 122 in IMDb.  Sure, 97 are list as “Zombie”, but you still have to feed them lunch.
• There is a nice Dolly Zoom early on, but it just serves to show how dreary the direction is otherwise.
• A 10% trim off the 1:41 running time would have helped.  Or a 90% trim might have left a pretty good short.
• Also available on YouTube, but why would ya?

20 horror movies for $5; what could possibly go wrong?  Part V.

It was a pretty good run — I actually liked the first 4 movies in this collection.  But the streak is over.  Not a fiasco, but definitely the weakest so far.

Nurse Laura Harriman (Lisa Zane) nearly kills a patient by injecting him with the wrong drug.  She is a little distracted because her father has just been charged with embezzlement.  It is made pretty clear that Mr. Harriman is guilty, but there seems to be a lot of weeping and hand-wringing at his prosecution.

Harriman is distraught over being fired, and humiliated that his embezzlement has made the paper.  “30 years I gave that company, and this is how they repay me,” he moans to his daughter.  This is played as a serious plea, not an indication of his state of mind.  A more accurate observation would be, “30 years I gave that company, they should have me killed for betraying them.”

He shoots his wife, his other child, and himself. As his wife was dying, I wonder if she was thinking. “30 years I gave that man, and this is how he repays me.”?  Laura is in her 30s, so the math even works.

The man who fired him is also anguished that this has become public and that the police are involved.  I don’t remember this this outpouring of sympathy for the dicks at Enron.  Or WorldCom.  Or Bernie Madoff.  Actually, I don’t recall this level of sympathy for Princess Diana.

As Bob Martin — the executive who busted him — is going to work, a reporter tells him that Harriman has killed his family and himself.  In a bit of an overreaction, this causes Martin to suffer a stroke which results in Locked-in syndrome.

James Rebhorn, no wait, Michael Fairman

This is a horrific condition wherein the victim is paralyzed, but is fully sensate and aware of his surroundings.

This is the only original idea in the movie, and it walks a thin line. This is a tragic fate for anyone, so you hate to see it cavalierly used as a plot device in a mediocre movie.

However, it does set up an interesting dynamic in that the titular nurse can later taunt him, fully reveal her motivation and plans, carry out murders right in front of him, and he is powerless to stop her or tell anyone; even when safely in his luxurious home, surrounded by his family.

I do have to give them some credit for not pulling any Weekend at Bernie’s shenanigans.  Also, I’m sure some brainiac along the way suggested that having Bob’s thoughts be heard as a voice-over would be a swell idea.  Wisely, this was not done.

But that cuts both ways.  Not hearing Bob’s thoughts theoretically increases the tension, but you also have the other actors essentially playing against a painting.  No matter what happens, Bob will have the same non-reaction.  This could have been made into something exceptional by a Hitchcock, or an auteur, or a just a director.  Here, it just is; nothing more is brought to the scenario.

Laura assumes the identity of another nurse, Susan Lang, and goes to see Martin.  Ya have to credit her for honesty — she tells him exactly who she is, who her father was, and that she intends to make him suffer.

After he is discharged — these insurance companies are brutal! — his personal nurse takes him for a push around the lake a a local park.  Laura stops and makes nice chat with them.  The nurse does not know her; of course, Bob does, but is powerless to do anything.  After the nurse loads Bob back into the van, Laura plunges a syringe into her neck with a drug which will simulate, or maybe stimulate, a heart attack.

Luckily both their lifeless bodies are discovered shortly thereafter by his daughter Karen before either of them gets too ripe in the van.  To clarify: although lifeless, Bob is still alive.

Bob’s insanely hot daughter

Yada yada, Laura / Susan is hired as Bob’s private nurse.  Credit to the writer for believably getting Laura into the house.  Too often, this would have just been the result of a series of ridiculous coincidences.

Not so much credit for extraneous characters and a divorce subplot that adds nothing.  In fact by giving Bob’s son license to make out with the Nurse, it might be counter-productive.

Finally, after 45 minutes, we get the first kill and it is not even a member of the family.  At the 1 hour mark, Laura finally commences her plan.

The biggest problem here is that the whole production comes off as a Lifetime movie.  Of course, I say that having never seen a Lifetime movie.  What I imagine this movie has in common with them is an abundance of melodrama, freakishly good-looking people, a deadly dull unaffecting score, largely bloodless deaths, and a leaden pace.

If one thing could have been changed, I think a new score would have helped immensely.  Also, Lisa Zane was adequte, but not one molecule better than that.

It really deserves a 4 but I’ll give it an extra point for the original idea, and for not grossly exploiting it.  But I take the point back for not exploiting it in the good way.

Post-Post Leftovers:

• Nancy Dussault is best known from Too Close for Comfort.  She has only 2 movie credits:  the classic The In-Laws and this load.
• Lisa Zane also has at least one great movie on her resume, Bad Influence.  Sadly, I think that one from 1990 is almost completely forgotten.  Even NetFlix does not stock it.
• If Michael Fairman and James Rebhorn were hot babes, I would put together a separated at birth mash-up.
• I was shocked that given how awful this score was, the composer has been working his be-hind off ever since.
• The Nurse is also available on YouTube, but why would you?

20 horror movies for $5; what could possibly go wrong?  Part III.

Another title that prompted my $5 investment in this package. Like Prom Night, I had heard of this one, but had no knowledge of it, good or bad.  It just seemed like one of those Up All Night denizens that I never saw.

The scene opens in a hazy and heavily neoned 2247 where Jack Deth tells us he finally “singed” Martin Whistler on one of the rim planets.  Now he is hunting down the rest of his murderous cult, the titular Trancers.  In a diner of the future which still looks as much like the 50s as they did in the 80s, he dukes it out with an elderly waitress who turns out to be a Trancer.  Soon she is a dead Trancer as he kills her and we learn that they disintegrate when killed.  Hence the “singeing” of Martin Whistler.

As in every anti-hero cop movie since Dirty Harry, the “suits” don’t appreciate his zeal for his job, and he ends up tossing away his badge.  As in every anti-hero cop movie since Magnum Force, he gets right back on the job.  His boss tracks him down at the beach where he is treasure hunting.  Not sure whether this was due to a war, or climate change, but LA (now called Angel City) is mostly underwater.

While this is a pretty bad effect, that’s OK by me in a low-budget movie.  If you’re paying Matt Damon $20M to star in some sci-fi joint, those effects better be awesome.  If you’re scraping by just trying to get your movie finished, I’m willing to meet you half way.  Of course if Matt Damon is in an indie phase and works for free, I’m out again.  Just not a fan.

His boss, McNulty, tells him that Whistler is still alive, so Deth agrees to talk to the council which runs things now.  Whistler has already killed one of the members, and fled to the past.  The two surviving members (including George Costanza’s boss Wilhelm) play a hologram of Whistler describing his plan to murder their ancestors, clearing the way from his triumphant return.

Seems like a lot of trouble since not-Wilhelm has just said that their fortress was “like paper” before this killer.  Why not  just kill them in 2247?   Obviously, there is just one man who can time-travel to the past and prevent an unstoppable killer from destroying mankind by assassinating it’s leaders’ ancestors.  Unfortunately, Michael Biehn was filming Aliens, so we got Tim Thomerson.

Deth sees the council has Whistler’s body on ice, and he blasts it.  This strands Whistler in 1985 because, as we know from the underrated Switch in The Matrix, you’ve got to have a body to come back to (i.e. home is where the heart is).

Whistler and Deth both download into ancestors’ bodies circa 1985.  Deth gets the better of this deal as his ancestor happened to be banging Helen Hunt at the time.

They go to Helen’s job as Santa’s Helper in a mall where, naturally, Santa is a Trancer forcing Deth to shoot him in front of some kids.  It will be another 10 years before Helen Hunt wears that great wife-beater in Twister.  In 1985, though, she was pretty cute rocking that red Santa’s Helper suit.

Deth and Whistler converge at a tanning salon run by Wilhelm’s ancestor Chris Lavery.  Of course, he turns out to be a Trancer and locks Deth in a stand-up tanning booth the size of my first apartment.   Bad news for him as back in 1985 they still made these models with a cremation setting — what were they thinking?  Sadly off-screen, Whistler arrives and kills Lavery.

Outside, Whistler — a detective in this era — catches Deth and Helen.  He and his men open fire, but Deth has been issued a special watch that briefly slows down time for him.  Or, rather, he remains in normal speed, and everything else slows down.  I assume everything.  Whistler.  The police.  The bullets.  Gravity.  The earth.  The sun.  The universe.  There are so many things wrong with this that blah bah blah.  Again, though, I’m willing to roll with it in a fun little movie.

And it is fun.  I appreciate the little touches — Deth’s gruff boss McNulty has to transport back to 1985, but the only relative he can find to download into is a little girl.  Not only does she exhibit his gruff persona, she sticks around to peep through the window at Deth & Helen making out.

Deth and Helen track down not-Wilhelm’s ancestor on skid row.  With his help, they beat Whistler, and send him back to the future; even though Deth had destroyed his body, so that was supposed to be impossible.

Deth stays in 1985 with Helen Hunt.  No mention is made of the poor sap whose body he downloaded into, who is now probably in the Phantom Zone with General Zod for eternity.  Jake Gyllenhall also pulled this crap in Source Code so he could stay with a hottie.  Not cool, guys.

This was the 3rd movie watched out of this $5 set.  I started with the cream, but so far I have gotten my $.75 out of those 3 movies.  Definitely a product of its age (1985, not 2247, although shoulder pads were big in each), but a fun movie with a good cast. In honor of Helen Hunt in Twister, I give it an F3 on the Fujita Scale — OK, but no Finger of God.

Post-Post Leftovers:

• Art LaFleur plays McNulty.  Richard Erdman (credited here as Drunken Wise Man) played a character named McNulty on The Twilight Zone.  If that dude from The Wire shows up, I’ll shit.   Anyways, the McNulty in TZ had a watch that did exactly the same thing as Deth’s.  Coincidence or homage?
• Not-Wilhelm’s name is actually Ashe.  Her 1985 ancestor is named Ashby.  Why?  Why make the name so close, but different?
• Deth claims not to be able to return to 2247 because the syringe with the time-travel drug was broken, but it has been demonstrated earlier that anyone could shoot him with a laser and transport him back.
• The beach above looks like Point Dume where they filmed the end of Planet of the Apes, but I can’t confirm.
• The 20 Movies box helpfully refers to this as Trancers I, lest anyone be disappointed thinking they were buying the classic Trancers II, III, IV, V or VI.
• Any movie that works in Theme from Peter Gunn is OK with me.

20 horror movies for $5; what could possibly go wrong?  Part II.

This movie was one of the reasons I bought this set.  Not that I had any love for it, but I had at least heard of this title; and of course Jamie Lee Curtis gave it some gravitas.

Like every horror movie made in the 80s, this one starts in the 70s.  A pack of brats is bullying one of their schoolmates, Robin, in an abandoned school.  What starts as a hide & seek game devolves into them chasing her yelling, “kill, kill!” like those punks on Triacus.  As always, it’s fun and games until someone puts an eye out.  In this case, the eye and the rest of the body are put out of a 2nd story window.  The kids, wise beyond their years, react just like adults — by fleeing the scene and not telling anyone.

At this point, we can already predict who the killer is going to be, even though he was barely seen.  Of course Alex, the brother of the dead girl, can be expected to have a motive.  But when you are trying to predict who is going to grow up to be the serial killer, a stronger indicator might be the kid who dresses like his sister.  Cut to 6 years later.  A mysterious caller — OK, it’s Alex —  starts calling the posse from 6 years ago.  But we still have to go through the usual suspects:

• The groundskeeper – Why are groundskeepers always the first red herring?  The sharp implements?  If this took place today, we would know it isn’t the groundskeeper because the killer speaks English.
• The Child Molester – Leonard Murch is only seen in bandages, and doesn’t even get a screen credit.  Despite the Lieutenant going all Sam Loomis, he is a no-go; the Screen Actors Guild would never allow it.
• Lou, the boorish 25-year old high school student in the black ski mask?  Ninja, please!

Finally at the 1 hour mark, we get another kill.  As I am a firm believer in Survival of the Cutest, it is disappointing that it is Mary Beth Rubens.  It takes a mere 7 minutes to get the next kill, so we’re off!  We get a fun pursuit in a van (leading to a great fiery crash), and another good chase with an axe.

Clearly being Advanced Placement students, these prom-goers deduce there might be a problem after seeing a decapitated head on the dance floor.  As usual, JLC comes through, and unmasks the killer.  Surprise, it is Alex!

It was never boring, but the pressure was really on the last 30 minutes to redeem the first 60 minutes.  Overall, it worked for me.  On the Pass / Fail scale: Pass.

Post-Post Leftovers:

• Released the same year Leslie Nielsen starred in Airplane; and in between Jamie Lee Curtis’ 2 Halloweens.
• Michelle Scarabelli is here somewhere uncredited.  Sadly I did not see her.
• Screenwriter William Gray wrote the classic The Changeling starring George C. Scott, also released in 1980.
• I was stumped as to whether the van crash was an excellent model or a fake looking real van.  No matter, it was a great crash, great shot and great fireball.
• Actually the opening is pretty effective as the kids really do seem menacing, and the old building is used well.
• Its sequel title Prom Night II: Hello Mary Lou is right up there with Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo.  Who is naming these things, Jesse Jackson?  Sadly, I know of no rhyming 3rd installments.  Star Wars III: Return of the Jediii?, Back to the Future III: Cowboy Marty?, Godfather III: WTF Sofi . . . uh?
• Really, this is all we get for our R-rated 90 minute investment?