Normally I don’t write about the 10-minute segments as they are filler between two longer-form segments. In this case it is filler for only one longer-form segment, so I feel duty-bound to post (i.e. it is a chance to quickly burn off one day’s posting requirement).
Dickie Jordan is blowing out the twelve candles on his unappetizing gray birthday cake. He foolishly squanders his birthday wish hoping that he scores well on the government examination.
His parents tell him not to worry about it. Dickie informs them that everyone at at school has been talking about it and saying it was easy. Besides, he gets good marks in school.
For his birthday, Dickie is thrilled to have received an Omni-Coder which seems to be a combination TV and Telephone. C’mon, what is this, the year 3000?
Dickie goes to the testing facility. His parents soon get a call — Dickie’s scores have exceeded the government standard. According to to law, he will be killed! I hope they saved the receipt for that Omni-Coder.
I loves me a good twist, and I hates me some big government, but this is just crap. Nothing here makes any sense. It is a complete fabrication to set up the utterly predictable surprise ending.
The government kills anyone with an IQ over a given figure. OK, I accept that as a premise. But:
- Eleven year old kids never wonder what happened to all the bright twelve year olds they knew? At least Logan’s Run came up with a cover story.
- Why does this society bother to even have schools?
- Are all parents as emotionless as these two at the prospect that their kid will likely be killed? They cringe a couple of times, but their emotions are suppressed just to enable the twist.
- Dickie says everyone at school thought the test was easy. So is the government killing off 99% of the population? That matte painting above looks pretty spacious, not exactly Soylent Cabrini-Green.
- Dickie says the other kids thought the test was easy. If they are so smart, why were they back in school? Dickie didn’t even get to go home.
His parents seem reasonably intelligent. Were they ever tested? [1]- Dad asks if Dickie would like to watch some TV before bed. It is good foreshadowing to have Dickie prefer to read. But why do they have him reading a comic book? OK, if he were reading A Brief History of Time, I guess I would have questioned why it was still in print.
- Word never leaks out about this test? News of this test would spread faster than that bullshit Kobayashi Maru test. Actually, the concepts are very similar because both scenarios require the viewers to absolutely suspend any understanding of human nature. [2]
- If society is a bunch of dimwits, WTF built that Omni-Coder? Do they not do that testing in South Korea?
- The government wouldn’t have to do this because, as usual, the private sector is doing it better.
I get that they were going for a Harrison Bergeron thing here, but the deck was just too stacked. Maybe I’m expecting too much from what is essentially a one-act joke.
Post-Post:
- If Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton had taken a test like this at 12, they would have both been safe. Trump wouldn’t have known the answers, and Hillary would have lied to every question asked including name and date.
- [1] In the short story by Henry Slesar, the parents are kind of dim, not knowing what makes grass green or how far away the sun is. Uh, wait, I’m not sure on those. I’m safe
- [2] It still bugs me that this scene was so utterly botched in an otherwise very entertaining movie (the reboot, not Wrath of Khaaaan).
- Directed by Paul Lynch.
- Available on YouTube.

Two little girls are trick-or-treating. At their last house — although that might not have been the original plan — they are taken inside where they see a coven of women chanting and writing in a book using their own blood as ink. The blonde says, “Tonight we settle the score . . . . he chose a life with her over life with me.” She puts a dot of blood on each little girl’s forehead, then hands them the book. The girls are then engulfed in, what appears to be, swirling black liquorice. [1] They scream in horror because what they really had a strange sudden craving for was curry. Because of the dot. See. Hmmmm. Moving on . . .
This seems to be an intervention for Brian who’s first book Blood Thirsty sold 5,000,000 copies in a year [3]. His agent and publisher want to know when the next book will be ready. They are interrupted by another knock at the door. It is the newly-dotted little girls who hand over the book from the coven and disappear.
To find out what will happen next, Lisa continues reading. The book predicted that “the editor” would be the first to die, although George was his publisher, not editor. Confusing matters, Brian says this killer darkness was a character in his first novel Blood Thirsty. It attacked a small town in Maine, kind of a more opaque
Time unwinds so that we are back at the point where the girls knock on the door. Brian is cursed to relive this night for eternity. Is that a reasonable punishment for dumping that psycho witch? And why did Robbie choose a punishment doomed other innocent people, including the two little girls, to the same purgatory?
Bruce recognizes that this is too good to be true. After all, this is $2.2M in 2016 dollars and $5B in 2017 dollars. He is also concerned that Johnson seems to have a zuckerbergian knowledge of every detail of his life, and was even expecting his application for the job. Somehow, they even got a blood sample and determined he was perfect for this project. They even had him fired from his old job just so he would be available.
The agency wants Bruce to go to this planet and destroy it before they can destroy us. Can anyone see the problem here? Anyone? Hands?
He realizes that he just drank the scotch which his duplicate poisoned. He freaks out and tears up the checks. That’s not too nice for his wife, but she wasn’t worthy anyway. In a nicely symbolic but meaningless gesture, he breaks a mirror. Now he will have 7 seconds of bad luck before croaking.
John Haney is sick in bed. His son John Jr. answers the door and greets his brother Jamie. There is also a Jonas and a Judge in the episode — this won’t get confusing. OK, I’m going with
Sure enough, the old man croaks. When the family gets back from the funeral, Junior gives the old man’s will to their lawyer Jonas Atterbury (Karloff). As Junior said, he inherits everything. Jamie has an ace up his sleeve, though. And by ace I mean alternate will, and by sleeve I mean coat pocket. He hands it to Jonas who sees that it proclaims Jamie as the sole heir, and is dated later than the first will.
Back in court, Junior asks his mother if maybe there is another bible laying around the farm. Jamie has the same idea and finds another bible in the attic. Yet another will is inserted in the book at Genesis 27. Junior is again named the sole heir.