Twilight Zone – A Matter of Minutes (01/24/86)

tzmatterminutes1Michael Wright awakes to the sound of construction.  His lovely wife June [1] looks at the clock and it is 11:37. Michael’s watch, however, says 7:05. Realizing he has suddenly gained four hours and thirty-two minutes, he starts making out with June.  Her mind is probably on what she will do with her extra four hours and thirty minutes.  This temporal fantasizing is cut short as she hears a noise downstairs.

Michael grabs a bat and they go down to investigate.  In their living room, they see the blue man group working in their living room — men with blue featureless faces, blue skin and blue clothing.  They are rolling up carpets and moving furniture.  They are Borg-like, ignoring the Wrights until Michael swings the bat.  One of them just takes it, silently tosses it aside and continues his work.

tzmatterminutes3They decide to go to a neighbor’s house.  Outside they see more blue men scurrying around, using blue tools and driving blue vans.  Inside the neighbor’s house, the find a white dimensionless void.  They wander downtown amid many more blue workers.  They notice the clock on the bank also says 11:37.  Luckily they run into a man in a yellow suit who seems to be the supervisor.

He explains that the couple have somehow stepped backstage in time to the minute 11:37.  This is the place where the world of 11:37 is constructed.  And on it goes with the expected beats . . . you can’t leave . . . will they get back . . . when the world catches up to 11:37, will they move along with it or be stuck in 11:37?  There isn’t much of a story, no twist after the premise, and no arc to the characters. So why is it one of the best segments yet?

tzmatterminutes5It begins with a solid foundation — exploring the nature of time.  That is an immediately intriguing subject, especially to anyone who is watching The Twilight Zone.  I’m not sure even this incarnation of TZ is up to the task screwing up that subject.

They take that general topic and specifically explore the nature of reality, and how it is created one minute at a time.  It would be the worst kind of quibbling to suggest that a minute would be an eternity in this context.

tzmatterminutes6Visually this is the most startling episode of the series so far and must rank high up for TV of any era.  The faceless blue men stand out in contrast to the reality they are constructing whether it is inside the house or downtown.  Outfitting them in red would have been too flashy; the cool blue is the perfect choice for these drones going quietly about their work.

They must have also burned through a lot of the season’s budget for this episode.  In addition to the workers — and there seem to be many — their tools are also the same color blue.  And this includes everything from a wrench to a wheel-barrow to the vehicles.  It is always perfectly clear who it is that does not belong and what they are doing (even if it is actually the Wrights that don’t belong).

Lastly, the performances are consistently interesting.  Of course, the blue men are silent and stoic going about their jobs.  Adam Arkin (Michael) is always an interesting choice. Karen Austin wasn’t given much to do, but is perfectly fine.  The stand-out is Adolph Caesar as the yellow-suited supervisor.  He has most of the dialog and exposition, and pulls it off flawlessly.  Given a brief running time, he does as well as possible grounding the episode, explaining the situation, and breaking the news that the Wrights can’t go back.

OK, this isn’t like forgetting to take off your watch for a battle scene in Braveheart.  How could this guy forget a mask that turns everything blue, and how could no one else have noticed it?

I would generally not care for a segment that didn’t do more with its basic premise [2]. However, A Matter of Minutes does everything else so well, that it is a complete success.

Great stuff.

Post-Post:

  • [1] Karen Austin with a sultry sexy southern accent that I don’t remember her having on Night Court.
  • [2] Of course, being based on a story by a guy who wrote about a killer bulldozer, what did I expect?
  • With a point in time being constructed, this is the anti-Langoliers.

Twilight Zone – Monsters! (01/24/86)

tzmonsters1Toby Michaels and his Dad are horsing around with horror masks and toy ray guns.  Toby shouts, “Die Monster Die!”  His dad responds, “American International, 1967, starring Boris Karloff, Nick Adams, based on a story by HP Lovecraft.” Does anyone talk like this?  Does anyone give a shit what studio produced a movie? [1]  In the category of useless information, this is second only to TV hosts who insist on crediting the publisher of a book.  No one cares.

Toby’s best friend has moved away, but his father tells him someone is moving into the old house today.  Toby walks down the street.  Showing the brain-power that explains why you never see guys over 20 named Toby, he decides the best vantage point to check things out is from under the moving van. [2]

After a nice bit of cat and mouse, Toby is face to face with an old man.  He introduces himself as Emile Francis Bendictson.  Noticing Toby’s monster magazine, he confides that tzmonsters2he is a monster, specifically a Vampire-American.  Toby protests that that can’t be true or he would be burning up in the sunlight.  So clearly Toby was lying earlier when he bragged about reading Dracula twice.  There is then a bit where a big deal is made over a vampire picture in Toby’s magazine.  It is not clear whether we are supposed to think the drawing is of Bendictson.

The next day, apparently agoraphobic Toby crawls into the space under Bendictson’s porch which he has been using as a clubhouse.  He drapes a wad of garlic around his neck, and pulls out a small cross.  He is spying on the old man washing his car, which is never going to be a Carl’s Jr. commercial.  Bendictson senses this and astounds Toby by lifting the car with one hand.  Bendictson busts him again.  Toby accuses him of “having the strength of the undead.”  Hey, you’re the one wearing the garlic necktie, pal!  The old man assures him there is nothing to worry about.

In fact, he says everything Toby knows about vampires is rubbish.  The cross has no effect on him.  He even grabs the garlic with no ill effects.  To prove the point, he takes young Toby out for garlic pizza . . . this is getting a little uncomfortable.  Just a few weeks ago, we had Peter tzmonsters3Riegert wrestling with a young boy in One Life, Furnished in Early Poverty. Now we have this geezer taking Toby out to a lovely outdoor bistro without the knowledge of his parents. Shockingly, they are both eating al fresco, but he is not listed in the credits.

The next day Toby sneaks into Bendictson’s house.  He discovers a refrigerator full of blood bags, but doesn’t seem to think it is worth mentioning to anyone.  Instead we cut to Toby some indeterminate time later sick in bed. [3] It should be noted that there have been a few sneezes by Toby and others when they were near Bendictson.  Toby’s father also had a sore shoulder, and others in the neighborhood have flu-like symptoms.

Bendictson opens Toby’s window and says, “C’mon, walk with me into the night, you and I . . . step out into the night . . . step out and I’ll show you something you’ve never seen before.”  [REDACTED]  Bendictson and young PJ-clad Toby take a moonlight stroll to the local cemetery.  He points to a tombstone for the grave of “Emile Francis Bendictson 1828 – 1839.”  The epitaph says, “God save the child” which is exactly what I’ve been thinking for some time.

tzmonsters4He explains to Toby that a vampire must stay on the move.  If he stays in one place too long, the real monsters come out.  The sneezes are just a symptom of a recessive human survival trait.  When they are near vampires, they turn into monsters and kill the vampire in their midst.  Later that night, Bendictson leaves his door open and allows himself to be taken.

The next morning, the neighbors gawk as Bendictson’s corpse is put into a hearse. Toby takes his dad to the cemetery and it somehow has become night in just a few minutes. Rather than show his dad Bendictson’s tombstone –the first one — which might be a nice conversation-starter, Toby shows him some fireflies which I’m sure are significant to someone smarter than me.  Then Toby’s dad sneezes, which seems to alarm Toby.  Maybe this also makes sense to someone smarter than me.

OK, we know the sneeze is a human reaction to vampires.  This tells us that Toby’s father is a human.  But does it mean Toby has become a vampire?  There was absolutely no indication that might be the case.  I hate to even imagine the old guy nibbling on Toby’s neck.  To be fair, Bendictson says that isn’t the only way to “turn” someone, but I saw no other options.  This ending feels right, but doesn’t make much sense.

Bruce Solomon (Toby’s father) had a great sense of how to play this material.  It wasn’t pure comedy, but there was a lightness and a fun vibe between him and Toby.  Ralph Bellamy (Bendictson) had the easy charm of his 150 years in show business.  Sadly, Toby and his mother were pretty poorly portrayed.  Kathleen Lloyd went on to a nice career, so maybe she just wasn’t given enough to do here.  Oliver Robins had a short career, but he can always say he was in one of the all-time great movies — Poltergeist. [3]

Overall, a pretty good segment.

Post-Post:

  • [1] Much less the 14 companies that flash their logos before every movie.  It’s OK, your mother knows you’re in show business.  No one else cares.
  • [2] To be fair, it was a moving van, but the van wasn’t moving.
  • [3] Toby’s father’s diagnosis:  “The flu.  It’s one of those Asian things.  Payback for Viet Nam.”  Yeah, I’ll look for that line in the inevitable next TZ reboot.
  • [4] He might be less forthcoming about being in Poltergeist 2.  On the other hand he and I both share the honor of not being in the dreadful remake.

The Creeping Siamese – Dashiell Hammett (1926)

Please be a cat, please be a cat . . .

Another* first-person story, so here we go . . .

I was filling out an expense report at the Continental Detective agency.  Between “Tuesday . . . Whiskey” and “Wednesday . . . Whiskey”, a man entered the office.  He was tall, raw-boned, hard-faced . . . his skin showed the color of new brown shoes . . . he had bony hands . . . his face was ugly and grim . . . he had the expression of man who is remembering something disagreeable.  But he had a lovely smile . . . no wait, he had clenched yellow teeth.

The brute had bigger problems — a knife wound in his chest.  He dropped to the office floor like a sack of ugly.  Hoping to catch his killer in the hall, I was able to bolt through the office, and hurdle the banister like Jesse Owens; although I was able to do it through the front entrance.  All I found was Agnes from the steno pool who said the man had come in — understandably — alone.

Upon closer examination, he had been stabbed in the left breast [1] and tried to stop the bleeding with a strip of red cloth torn from a sarong.  He had $900 on him which would have bought a couple of Model T’s and a Model A.  He also had a key from the Hotel Montgomery; maybe he had parked the T & A there.  The house dick told me the key was for a room rented by a man named HR Rounds.  Detective O’Gar joined us, but we didn’t find anything but a bag of new clothes.  At 11:00, O’Gar and I separated in the direction of our respective beds.  We didn’t stay apart long . . . . . . . there’s got to be a better way to say that.

O’Gar phoned me at 12:55 am, and summoned me to 1856 Broadway.  There had been an invasion at the 3-story house of Austin Richter.  The four intruders had come from the land of sarongs, so I was notified.  This is an exciting new investigative technique called “profiling” that I’m confident no one will ever have a problem with.

The homeowner’s wife, which is what we called the homeowner in those days, urged her husband to tell his story.  Their friend Sam Molloy came by yesterday and said he was stabbed by a Siamese.  He was on the way to the hospital, but first wanted to drop off a package for safe-keeping, then maybe shoot a game of pool.  That night, four Siamese men broke in.  In the scuffle, Mr. Richter was shot in the leg, and the men took the package.

After we searched the house, I was able to shoot a hole in Richter’s story to match the one in his leg.  I must proudly say it all hinged on the fact that Richter could not have seen the Siamese men after dark; not even if they were smiling.  [I must emphasize that is directly from the text; OK, not the smiling part]  And “Mrs. Richter” was actually the dead man’s wife.  O’Gar said that wasn’t enough to arrest him, but whaddya expect from an Irishman?

After some argument, the woman spilled her guts, although not as literally as Rounds aka Molloy.  Richter was actually Holley, and Rounds / Molloy was actually Lange.  Her tale spanned the world from China to Burma, although that isn’t really far when you think about it.  And of course there were natives and jewels.  The story just gets more complex after they arrive in the US.

This was enough for O’Gar, or maybe he had just sobered up a little.  He had them arrested, and they got 20 years each.

Although this collection certainly has a better pedigree than The Pulp Fiction Megapack, I’m not sure I’m enjoying it as much.  1,117 pages to go.

Post-Post:

  • First published in The Black Mask in March 1926.
  • [1] The oddly specific popular location for many penetrations in Spicy Adventure Stories.  Well, second most popular.  Hey-ooooo.

Science Fiction Theatre – Death at 2 AM (06/04/55)

sftdeathat2am1In the alley at 300 Lincoln Place, a fight is taking place.  All we see are shadows on the wall, and it looks a little like the arm-swinging, jete-ing fight style of the Jets and Sharks. One man is killed, and the other beats it.

At the Hall of Organic Science (est. 1906, BTW), Detective Cox is looking for Bill Reynolds.  His hot assistant Paula explains to Cox that Reynolds and Professor Avery are busy investigating the electrical properties of nerve tissue.  When they come in, Cox begins patting Reynolds down.

Cox asks where he was last night.  Reynolds said he was conducting a seminar on “the motor skills of the guinea pig.”  He has a list of 10 students and a lacerated rectum to prove it.

The dead man, Eric Munson, was strangled.  Reynolds is a suspect because stole a car when he was a kid and Munson was blackmailing him to stay quiet about it.  This is back when a college’s faculty actually tried not to embarrass the school.  Avery vouches for Reynolds as a brilliant bio-chemist, although his research to discover a college president with a spine seems quixotic at best.

sftdeathat2am2After Cox leaves, Reynolds asks Avery if he purposely scheduled that seminar so Reynolds would have an alibi.  Reynolds had earlier told Avery about Munson’s blackmail scheme.  Avery counters that he could not possibly have strangled Munson because “Munson was a giant.”

The next day, Cox comes back in wearing the same clothes.  Hmmm . . . Paula is also wearing the same clothes.  You don’t think?  Cox asks to see the animals they do experiments on.  Avery takes him to the lab zoo.  Reynolds stays behind and tries to move a box that Avery just lifted with ease.  He discovers it weighs 250 pounds.

In the zoo, Cox discovers a cage where the bars have been pushed apart.  Avery says the monkey must have escaped.  Cox says the detective found five animal hairs on Munson’s clothing — a rabbit, a lamb, and 3 from a monkey or 3 monkeys who shared a comb.

Avery later calls Cox and warns him that the monkey is “under the influence of experimental drugs and is extremely dangerous.  Give your men orders to shoot it on sight.”  Avery confesses to Reynolds that he killed the giant Munson.  For years he has been “researching factors that increase muscle efficiency.”  He then gives Reynolds a ludacris demonstration which mostly proves his brain is not a muscle.  He shows that his new serum can make “a frog as strong as a lamb.”  Reynolds hilariously exclaims, “This is one of the most important discoveries of the century!”

sftdeathat2am3Avery cautions that the serum must remain secret.  Reynolds agrees that “It could upset a lot of things.  Make a champion out of a mid-class pug, put a claiming horse [?] in the winners circle at the Kentucky Derby.”  So far, I’m only seeing how it would be dangerous to bookies.

Avery continues, “Quacks and fly by night drug companies would have a field day with it.”  Avery has been grooming Reynolds to continue his research.  He shamefully admits to taking the drug; he “forgot the traditions of science, the lessons of Pasteur and Leeuwenhoek.”  In his fury at Munson, he took the drug enabling him to kill the much larger man.

They find the monkey dead, and rush Avery to the hospital.  He describes the sensations to Reynolds as his body fails and he dies.  Reynolds calls, “Death at 2 am”.

More SFT dreck.

Post-Post:

  • Title Analysis:  Just lazy crap.
  • Unless this gang had a Jack Baueresque 24 hours, they wear the same clothes to work every day.
  • The next SFT episode is Conversation with an Ape.  Will the title turn out to be the best thing about it?  Yes.  Yes it will.

Outer Limits – Heart’s Desire (02/28/97)

Cowboy Jake Miller is having a crisis of conscience — he can’t remember the faces of any of the eight men he has killed.  His brother Ben rightly reminds him that even if he could remember their faces, they’d still be dead.  Nearby, a preacher is having a bigger crisis as an alien materializes and possesses his body.

The brothers ride into town with their associates Frank & JD.  The gang is in town to recover buried loot from one of their previous jobs.  While Frank & JD go get liquored up at eight in the morning, Jake & Ben visit their father.  We see where Jake gets his conscience.  Their father is none too happy to see his outlaw sons, but grudgingly offers them their old bedroom since nothing had yet been invented to make it into a man-cave. Dad’s hands aren’t entirely clean as he dug up the loot and saved it for his boys.

olheartsdesire06Frank & JD go to the saddle boutique.  The possessed Preacher strolls by and gives them a demonstration.  Light shoots out of his eyes and he makes a horse disappear.  He offers to give them the same power.  Frank tests it out by making a wagon wheel disappear.  With this amazing new talent, the best the can think to do is kill the storekeeper and steal a couple of saddles and horses.

While Jake visits his old gal Miriam, Frank & JD go to local cemetery dig up the loot.  Maybe they should have used that skill to make 2,000 pounds of dirt disappear.  They are not happy when they discover that the loot has been moved.  Here is where I get lost.

olheartsdesire14Jake & Ben see Frank & JD at the cemetery.   Frank says, “Let’s get going.”  Ben stops them after a few steps and says, “Hold up, this is it.”  They all start digging and unearth a steel box.  Frank uses his superpowers to enable him and JD to steal the loot.  OK, so Frank & JD didn’t get mad that the money had been moved; or that they dug a huge back-breaking hole for nothing.  Maybe they were playing it cool until Jake & Ben took them to the real burial space.  That kind of calm strategic long-game doesn’t seem like a good fit for Frank, though.

As for Ben & Jake, why did Ben immediately tell them the loot had been moved?  And wasn’t their father holding the loot for them anyway?

olheartsdesire19Jake & Ben point their pistols at Frank, but he just makes them disappear.  When Ben rushes him, he strangles him, with sparks flying from his hands.  After Frank & JD take off with the loot, the Preacher happens by.  He gives Jake & Ben the same power.

Blah, blah, blah.  More people get killed, including JD.  There is a showdown which is witnessed by the Preacher.  I don’t get all the motivations, but it has a resolution that is very satisfying.

olheartsdesire30The Preacher explains he is from another planet.  This was all a test from yet another condescending alien species.  Jake gets on his horse and inexplicably rides off leaving Miriam, the only other survivor, behind.  Well, she did kill his brother which could make Thanksgiving awkward, but he really had it coming.  But again, the motivation escapes me.  I like that she is left stunned, staring at the sky, but why is she alone?

There is actually a great deal to like here.  The town, the snow, the frontier, the horses, the people — all perfectly rendered and believable.  Major kudos are due to director Mario Azzopardi for the episode.  Who knows to what extent he deserves credit for the production design, but dude knows how to use a camera.  Thank God we get the occasional director who understands that the camera’s range doesn’t stop at the first actor in the view-finder.  He frequently layers in a horse running away in the background, the Preacher passively observing, or simply the flowing river which give an immense texture to the scene and story.

As mentioned several times above, I wasn’t sure of the motivation in a few scenes, but the feel of the episode completely won me over.  If I had to complain about anything it is that 2 of the cowboys are unbelievable assholes; I mean over the top, hammy, in your face assholes.  And 3 of them are too much Hollywood purty-boys.[1]  Where’s Ernest Borgnine when you need him?  Sure, dead now, but not in 1997.

Rating:  Maybe not my heart’s desire, but fulfilled my desire for a fine hour of TV.

Post-Post:

  • [1] Apologies to the fourth.  I’m sure he is a nice guy and fun at parties.
  • Title Analysis:  Heart’s Desire is the name of the town.  Really a complete non-sequitur.