Twilight Zone – The Trance (11/26/88)

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Leonard Randall walks to a comfortable chair in front of a classroom of students.  He requests quiet and soon slumps down in the chair.  He suddenly becomes alert and states in a confident, somehow electronically-enhanced voice, “I am Delos, and I am here.”  He says he was born 10,000 years ago and died 9,500 years ago.  C’mon, I’m down with his perfect English, his being from Atlantis, and his ability to project his consciousness millennia into the future, but he lived to be 500 years old?

He offers his wisdom to the paying customers.  So I guess they aren’t students.  They are people who have paid good money to be fed a line of intellectually bankrupt nonsense by a con-man.  Say, maybe they are students.

The first rube uses her opportunity to access the wisdom accumulated over millennia from all reaches of the cosmos and planes of existence to ask if she should marry her boyfriend.  Delos, admittedly, gives a nice parable about a butterfly that makes her happy, but maybe not so much her boyfriend.

He says, “This vessel grows weary” and can only take one more question.  He calls on “the one this vessel calls Julia.”  She asks why Delos stayed silent for so long, and why he came back now.  That’s a better question, but would be about #300 on my list.  He says, “This vessel called Leonard has been chosen to receive wisdom.  The universe has selected him.”  He comes now because he senses the same decay that caused Atlantis to sink below the ocean.  He further states that they have choices to make, that they will tilt the cosmic balance between good and evil, that there is light in each of them, and that cassettes will be available in the lobby in 30 minutes.

Backstage, Leonard’s manager updates him on retreat bookings, and the sales of crystals, tapes and amulets.  It is clear they regard Delos’ followers as wallets with legs.  Leonard is surprised when a different voice comes out of his pie-hole, even deeper and more electronically enhanced than Delos.

It would be even more tedious than usual to recap what follows.  In this case, however, that is not a sign of the episode’s mediocrity.  Peter Scolari defies expectations of anyone who knows his other work.  He is utterly believable not only as Leonard, but as Delos, and then the legitimate entity who eventually speaks through him.  Even better, and allowing a little of his comedic chops, are the transitions between conciousnesses.  Despite some humor, Scolari commits 100% to the part without the slightest wink or irony.

Kudos too to the writing which was tight throughout.  The transitions are as well written as they are performed, with the real entity being contrasted with the vacuous Leonard.  Even the entity’s platitudes, which we have heard before from a thousand snotty-ass aliens, have an elegance and a gravitas we don’t often see.  Finally, it is an interesting choice to have the real entity be kind and interested in improving humanity.  How often does that happen?

Actually, it is a little ambiguous whether the entity is a threat or will usher in a new era of peace through Leonard.  But he has a soothing voice and looks a little Jesusy, so I’m giving him the benefit of the doubt.

Tales of Tomorrow – Ghost Writer (03/27/53)

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Leslie Nielsen is hanging out in his apartment wearing a tie, and lets his wife Joan in with groceries, all exactly like he did six weeks ago in Another Chance.  Maybe this is the other chance.  He reminds her that he left the agency — I’m thinking advertising, not CIA — a year ago, and all he has to show for it is one short story published in a small magazine.  For six months, he has been working on a novel.  And I mean working!  With paper, ribbons, and a manual typewriter.

He receives a letter from Lee Morton, a professional writer offering to be his collaborator.  Joan wants him to keep trying on his own, but Leslie thinks this could lead to big money.  I guess he heard about James Patterson and Bill Clinton.  After she goes back to work another shift, he calls Morton to ask about collaborating and any #METOO moments that might embarrassingly derail TV appearances. [1]

He goes to Morton’s office.  Morton says that he’s had a long successful career.  “But I’m getting older.  “Oh, the stories are still there, the ideas still flow, but they don’t come fast enough.”  He tells Leslie, “I’ll pay you $500 for every story you finish for me.” [2]  As a test, he reads Leslie a summary of one of his unfinished stories.  Leslie improvs a tale of a sordid love triangle which ends with two people dead, leaving just a love point, geometrically-speaking.

Joan is working late at the store where she is a clerk.  Her boss leaves just as the morning papers are delivered.  Wait, what?  How bloody late did they work?  It makes no sense, but I think it is just convenient sloppiness in the script.  Leslie stops by the shop very excited.  He finished off two stories for Morton and was paid $1,000 in cash.  Joan is upset because he had promised her he would not use the collaborator.  Leslie, however, is ecstatic that “I finally sold something.”  So I guess Mr. Big Shot forgot his first sale to that small magazine.  Typical.

At the store, Leslie notices one of the newspapers has an article describing a crime just like the one he made up for Morton.  Two days later, Leslie is still unable to reach Morton.  Joan wants him to return the money because it was “too easy” and has seemed to have had a sinister outcome.  Well, not really — this was the first story he pitched to Morton for free, not one of the two he was paid $500 each for.  “Will all the stories you write for him end in some tragedy?” she frets.

He says of course not.  “The second one I wrote was altogether different.  It centers around some hotel out in California.”  Joan tells him about that day’s hotel fire in Palm Springs where 40 people could check out any time they want, but they could never leave!  OMG!  That was in the afternoon paper that arrived at 6 am! [3]  She further tells Leslie that she has checked all the usual writer hang-outs — bookstores, bars, the unemployment office — and no one has heard of Lee Morton.  Joan says if Leslie collaborates with him again, he can forget about collaborating with her ever again.  He grabs the cash and heads out the door to return it to Morton.

He confronts Morton and says he can’t work for him anymore.  “Those two stories I finished for you — the fire and the murder — they came true!”  Morton claims it is a coincidence.  He pleads with Leslie to write just one more story at double the payment.  Leslie just can’t turn down that kind of money, so he takes the gig.  When he forgets to pick Joan up from work, she calls Morton.  She is distraught that Leslie lied to her and is writing another story.

Leslie finishes off the story with a car crash killing a woman.  When he turns it in, Morton tells him that his wife called and is tired of his lies.  She is driving back to live with her parents.  Of course, Joan dies in an auto accident.  He instantly regrets killing the character in his story and makes notes for an epilogue where her husband marries a blonde 10 years younger with big boobs.  What a cad.  Just a real jerk.  Who thinks like that?

Meh.  Another week, another episode.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] Not unusually for this series, this line of dialogue is diametrically opposed to the actual problem being shown — the ideas are flowing too fast.
  • [2] I think we can all agree Clinton didn’t write a single word of that book.  The farce here is thinking that the head of the Patterson Industrial Complex did either.
  • [3] How did he not regard his story as tragic?  It obviously included the fire which killed 40 people.
  • Similar premise to TZ’s Printer’s Devil.
  • Title Analysis:  No ghost.

Outer Limits – Nightmare (08/14/98)

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Battle cruiser Tango Bravo 1 — wait, that’s really the name? — has just reached orbit around planet N184.  Did they just run out of names for stuff in the future?  They are there to drop off an undisclosed payload.  As the crew speculates about what it is, they are blasted by laser fire which causes a couple of crew-members to drop their own payloads.  When they return fire, the planet zaps them with a ray which knocks them out.  They awaken in space jail sponging off alien taxpayers, with crystals embedded in their hands.

A voice demands to know who they are.  Captain Kimbro identifies himself and says they are from the Starship Archipelago, so I guess it does have a name.  The others introduce themselves per the Captain’s orders.  Deadeye Dumar — played by the always arrogant and obnoxious Steven Bauer [1] — feels compelled to represent humanity by adding, “Bite me.”  His witty ripost earns him a sizzling shock to the hand which could render him celibate for weeks.

The aliens tell them to take an hour to pick a spokesman, which seems pretty generous “or else you will meet the same fate as the last unfortunate creatures to trespass in this sector.”  The warning picture they show is too confusing to be effective.  There is a stereotypical alien, but what is that other thing?  Is it his entrails being pulled out?  Is it a chestburster?  Is it a baby?  An alien bagpipe?  Is it significant that one tendril is touching the alien’s noggin?  This is an alien, after all — how do we now this isn’t just what they look like?  One crew-member objects and his mouth is fused shut; sadly it is not Steven Bauer.

The aliens are at least punctual and a voice asks the prisoners if they have selected a spokesman.  Sadly, they are too dimwitted to say, “Yeah, we chose Lt. Valentine, but you sealed his mouth shut!”  Maybe they would have unsealed his mouth.  Worth a try.  To Bauer’s credit, he offers to talk to the aliens in case they get rough.  Captain Kimbro pulls rank, though, and exits to the conference/torture room.

The aliens torture Kimbro, accusing him of bringing a bomb to their planet.  He claims it is “a tool of scientific research.”  They say he better “tell us the truth by the time our second sun rises or you will watch your crew die.”  This would be more effective if he knew the local time, when sunset was, and how long a day was here.

He stumbles back into the cell.  He tells them the aliens want to know what the device is.  He says he told them “the truth.  I don’t even know what the damn thing is.”  Well, that’s not exactly true — he told them it was a research tool, not a bomb.  Anyhoo.

The aliens send water bottles to the cell.  Bauer asks what they will do about Valentine who still has no mouth.  Dr. Chomsky says, “We’ll just have to hydrate him through his skin.”  She then begins rubbing water on his cheeks.  What?  A medical doctor thinks you can hydrate through the skin?  Is she confusing it with moisturizing?

They next summon Valentine for questioning.  Being smarter than the crew, the aliens re-open his Tang-hole.  They then make Valentine see his smarter, braver, deader, and more handsome heroic brother who died saving his platoon.  His brother tells him he can save the lives of the crew by talking.

Back in the cell, Major Neguchi finds the alien’s surveillance equipment.  When he touches it, the aliens fuse his eyes shut.  The aliens then send down some food and just to taunt Neguchi, some porn.  Kimbro finally admits the aliens made him see an old friend who might have died from his negligence.

It comes out that Neguchi also guilt-ridden about the deaths of some pilots under his command at an air show.  His cockiness led them to try a dangerous loop that killed two of his pilots . . . and four people were injured on the ground . . . including a six year old girl . . . who was blinded.  We all love a good story about kids being blinded, but the lack of a similar irony for Valentine’s sealed mouth makes this a little clunky.

Out of nowhere, Bauer decides the only civilian in the crew, Kristin O’Keefe is not telling all she knows.  Turns out he is correct, though.  She says the device is indeed a bomb that could blow a hold 5 miles wide through the planet.

The aliens take Dr. Chomski and accuse her of experimenting on children.  She screams, “They were terminally ill!”  They make her see some of the dead kids who say, “Why did you hurt us?” and “We didn’t want to die.”  The voice tells the crew-members in the cell that Dr. Chomski will not be returning because “her body expired.”

Again, this is a little clunky.  It is not clear that Kimbro and Valentine are bad guys.  Neguchi was just misguided (he mis-guided his pilots right into the ground).  But Chomsky really is evil.  I thought maybe she was offering new medicine and procedures that had not been FDA approved to kids with no other hope.  But those kids did not seem grateful at all.  And her reaction to them was horror, not pain at not being able to help them.  Even her death is ambiguous.  The aliens say they tried to revive her.  Did she have a heart attack?  Did they torture her extree-hard because she really was evil?

They next summon Neguchi to the torture chamber.  They restore his eyes just so he can see Dr. Chomski’s dead body floating in some kind of solution.  She seems to have the same damage as the alien in the warning.  Although, the shot is so quick, it is still impossible to see just what that damage is.  And, BTW, the alien in the warning was naked.  Just sayin’, Showtime.

Finally Bauer is called into the chamber.  After being tortured, Mr. tough-guy rats out O’Keefe as having the codes to disarm the device.

I’ll stop there.  In spite of a couple of of good performances, and because of a few terrible ones, this was a bit of a chore to watch.  However, the ending took this episode from a 2.5 to a 4.5, and at such speed I literally got a chill.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] At least based on the episode of Breaking Bad I coincidentally saw him in today.
  • I don’t want to get spoilery with the ending, but does no one care that Chomski was Dr. Mengele?  All is forgiven?
  • The summary on IMDb manages to be both incorrect and a complete spoiler.
  • The aliens were Ebonites.  Not very woke.

Science Fiction Theatre – Target: Hurricane (10/22/55)

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The phone rings at the US Weather Bureau Hurricane Warning Center.  Jim Tyler picks it up and a few seconds later says, “US Weather Bureau . . . yes, mam.  Fair today and Thursday.  No change in temperature.  Moderate southwest winds.”  Really, people are calling the US Weather Bureau to get the weather report?

Dr. Bronson is heading out to have dinner with Dr. Fredericks.  Tyler tells him to say hello from his old student “Hurricane” Tyler.  He says Dr. Fredericks gave him the nickname “because I used to be fascinated by hurricanes.”  Used to be?  Working in the Miami branch of the US Weather Bureau, I hope he still has a passing interest.

Tyler’s wife Julie and son Bobby come by the office.  Bobby is in a scout uniform and excited about his camping trip that night.  Tyler says it is a good night for it and gives Bobby a compass and a dollar.  Just after they leave, a crazy report comes across the teletype.  A freak hurricane has appeared out of nowhere with winds of 200 MPH.  Colonel Stewart calls in from the Air Force Base to confirm this.  Tyler is astounded.  “200 MPH!  Are you sure, Colonel?  There must be some kind of mistake.  I’ve never heard of a rotary speed that high.  The record is only close to 90!”  Wait, what?  It has to be 74 MPH to even be classified as a hurricane.  Did hurricanes only get up to 90 MPH in the 1950s?  Have they gotten that much worse?  Was Al Gore right?

Tyler calls home to tell Julie to keep Bobby at home.  He is in a danger that could traumatize him for life, and that’s just from the Scoutmaster.  Bobby has already left, though, so Julie tries to call some of the kids not yet picked up.  Meanwhile, Dr. Bronson and Dr. Fredericks come back to the office.  A new teletype message from a navy ship reports that there was a huge explosion just before the hurricane formed.  Fredericks suggests that a submarine be dispatched to the hurricane to take some water samples.

After being stationary, the hurricane finally starts to move toward Miami with speeds now up to 250 MPH.  Fredericks says, “Being out in a hurricane like this can be certain death.”  Kudos for the unintentional laugh as they whip-pan over to Julie who gasps, “Certain death?”  She pleads with Jim, “We’ve got to find those boys!”

There is not a lot of story in the rest of the episode, but there is a lot of fabulous stock footage.  We get to see Air Force planes fly into the hurricane, waves crashing, warning flags going up, rainy gusts blowing down deserted streets, switchboard operators trying to keep up.  Soon it is uneventfully over.

Julie and Tyler are still worried about Bobby, but he comes bounding in and they are happily reunited.  Drs. Bronson & Fredericks smile and clink their coffee mugs together in congratulations like they had something to do with his safety.  Kind of like when the FBI was high-fiving each other and saying “We’re #1!” when they caught the Unabomber . . . after 20 years . . . when his brother turned him in.  Good job, fellas.

Bobby says, being a scout, he was prepared.  The scoutmaster took the boys into a cave to safely ride out the storm.  In a good series, he would have credited the compass for saving them; but I probably would have complained about that too.  To their credit, they did surprise me by explaining the explosion that created the hurricane.  It was a meteorite.  Does that sense?  I don’t know.

For what it was, I can imagine this being pretty entertaining to a kid 60 years ago.

Other Stuff:

  • Margaret Field as Julie . . . ha-cha-cha!

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – Across the Threshold (02/28/60)

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Poor Hubert. Even his chair emasculates him.

For the second night in row, we have a lonely man living with his parakeet.  At least Hubert tonight also has his mother At least Norman yesterday got a little peace and quiet.  Hubert Winters’ mother still treats him like a child.  She brings the 32 year old man his robe, covers his expenses, refuses to allow him to have a checking account, and kept him on her insurance until he was 26.

She says she knows he is unhappy because he has no job, but she is happy to have him there.  Without her son, she would have no reason not to cross the titular threshold to be with her dead husband Arthur; so Arthur is probably happy with the arrangement also.  She lets it slip that she still has her husband’s medicine which, taken in large doses, is fatal.

She worries that Arthur is not happy on the other side without her.  Hubert says he knows a young woman, and that she might be able to help her contact Le Morte d’Arthur.  Incredibly, the first part of that sentence is the less believable.

I don’t even want to think about what he brought to Irma.

Turns out, he does know a girl.  She is kind of a floozy.  She is happy to see Hubert, but disgusted when he says he must get back to his mother soon.  She is an actress and he reminds her of the time she played a medium in a play.  Hubert wants her to pretend to contact his father.

Later that week, Irma goes to Mrs. Winter’s house dressed in either a hijab or a Moe Howard wig.  Irma says she will go unconscious and Princess Artiti (Egypt, circa 1375 BC) will speak through her.  Oh, and the princess married her brother, which explains why this is the only AHP episode available on Pornhub.

Irma tells Mrs. Winters to concentrate on her husband.  Then she begins channeling the princess in a falsetto voice.  Mrs. Winters laps this up through her false set o’ teeth. [1]  Irma miraculously pierces the veil of this earthly plane and speaks with Arthur.  He responds with 1) a detailed description of the afterlife, 2) proof that there is a heaven, 3) Saturday’s lottery numbers?  No, he says he misses his old sofa.  Mrs. Winters gasps as that is sooo Arthur. [2]  Unfortunately, Arthur fades away.

OK, I’m a little curious.

The next night, Irma returns,  She fraudulently summons the princess, and the princess fraudulently summons Arthur.  Sofie has a question for him.  She just wants to know if he is happy.  Arthur tells her he misses her and that he is “lonely on this shore.  I wait for you.  I need you.”  Sofie tells Arthur she will come to him immediately.  After Irma leaves, she tells Hubert she will go to Arthur tomorrow night.

Sofie spends the next day doing things no sane person would do if they were going to do something no sane person would do that night.  She is paying bills, canceling magazine subscriptions, dusting.  She sends Hubert to the store to buy shelf paper for the birdcage since can’t wait for the Times to be delivered tomorrow morning.

There is a twist, but the real twist is how mediocre the twist is for an AHP episode.  Of course, Sofie ends up poisoning Hubert so the family can be together.  Yes, he was a momma’s boy, but there was really no suggestion that this might happen.  His mother was just nutty and ready to die, not a psychopath.  Plus, how did she know he would be drinking the poisoned booze at just the right moment?

There was a nice bit of business with her continually finding tiny chores that delayed her drinking her own poison.  Sadly, the suspense that should have flowed from this scene is torpedoed by the two leads.  Sofie is more annoying than overbearing.  Her son is so whipped that it is impossible to feel anything for him.

A rare misfire from AHP.

Other Stuff:

  • AHP Deathwatch:  All have crossed the threshold.
  • [1]  Shamelessly stolen.  I mean, it’s an homage.
  • [2]  I must admit I misunderstood Irma.  She relayed that Arthur missed his “comfortable old Sofie”, not sofa.  Although it was probably a little of both.