Outer Limits – The Human Operators (03/12/99)

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Well this is just great!  I don’t say that in sarcastic exasperation, as might be expected.  This was a legitimately great episode.

Man — no names in this one — is kept as a prisoner on a ship which travels endlessly through the universe.  Like his father before him, he is the sole passenger and is kept alive only to perform repairs on the ship.

This is another Outer Limits episode like Trial by Fire or Quality of Mercy.  It is so good I am uncomfortable mocking it.  The story is great, the script is great, the performances are great, it looks great.  It probably even smells good.

Just watch the damn thing.

Science Fiction Theatre – The Other Side of the Moon (01/28/56)

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Truman Bradley:  Heat, cold, sound.  These are only a very few of the problems that will confront modern man as he ventures into space.

Great news Truman, there is no sound in space!  Again I have to wonder, how did anyone on the production not know this?  To their credit, however, they did not once call the titular other side of the moon “the dark side.”

Professor Lawrence Kerston has invented a new kind of camera.  Unfortunately, he is disturbed by the pictures he has taken, and not just the ones at the playground.  He has not left the lab for 2 days, so his wife has come to nag him in the way that women inexplicably think will make a man more likely to go home to them.  Lawrence says he can’t leave because he has called Dr. Schneider, and he’s coming in.

Katherine says, “Not at 3 am he isn’t!”  Perfectly on cue, Schneider walks into the lab.  The tall bald man is wearing an insanely well-tailored suit, a tie, and has the chipper, self-confident attitude of a casually-dressed man at an earlier hour with a full head of hair.  Katherine apologizes for her husband calling him in at that hour.  He says, “A man with 4 grandchildren is used to getting up at the oddest hours.”  Katherine replies, “Well there are no grandchildren in sight, believe me!”  That’s a nice emasculating zinger, but really makes no sense because 1) Schneider is not either of their fathers, and 2) why would his grandchildren be in the lab?

Lawrence shows Schneider the new camera he invented, and the disturbing picture he took with it.  He has a photo of the moon surrounded by a mysterious corona invisible to telescopes.  A spectrographic analysis identified the corona as being radioactive dust with a wedge of lime.  Lawrence concludes, “Something is going on on the other side of the moon — the invisible side.”

They take Lawrence’s photo to the Dean.  He is skeptical of the new camera and photos “that might throw the world into panic.”  The Dean suggests a six month research project before the news of the radioactive cloud is released.  Lawrence decides this is too important, and sells his findings to a magazine; then the danger is broadcast on the radio.  He is fired faster than a professor refusing to call a student zher.

He lounges around home for a few days, still wearing a tie everyday.  Katherine says maybe the Dean is right.  “Maybe a 38 year old Associate Professor shouldn’t act as if he knows more than everyone else.”  That’s the students’ jobs.

Lawrence goes to pack up his things at work.  He decides to takes a few last pictures of the moon since “atmospheric conditions are ideal.”  Although the atmospheric condition of actually being the daytime seems like an impediment to a non-pro photographer like me.  These new photos are even more convincing and disturbing than the first set.  Even Schneider agrees that streaks in the pictures are “man-made” objects.  I think he just means it was fabricated, rather than occurring naturally.  “Man-made” includes aliens; just not alien women. [1]

They call Washington and are summoned to a meeting with General Evans.  The Joint Chiefs decide we must go to the moon to see who and what is up there.  Seemingly overnight, a rocket is launched to the moon.  In minutes, it arrives and the ship is sending back pictures.  The scientists are amazed at the clarity of the pictures being transmitted.  As they approach the far side of the moon, one says, “We’re half way there.”  Hunh?  Does he think the moon is 250,000 miles around?  The ship is unmanned; there is no need for it to return.  No idea.

The rocket detects intense radiation on the far side of the moon; until it is destroyed by the radiation.  That’s why we can’t have radioactive things.  They do get enough telemetry to see that there are mountains of toxic nuclear waste on the moon.  The last photos from the rocket show a fleet of ships leaving.

Schneider believes the aliens will not attempt to communicate with us puny earthlings because “they must be highly civilized to do what they do.”  Yeah, like your civilized neighbor who lets his dog shit in your yard.  These aliens can go anywhere in the universe, but they choose to drop their deadly radioactive waste on the moon of the only inhabited planet within a thousand light years.

On the SFT curve, not a bad episode.

Other Stuff:

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Schartz-Metterklume Method (06/12/60)

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Elderly Hermione Gingold gets off the train when she hears a local man yelling at his horse and whipping him.  I don’t know if she was considered a babe in her day, but her picture at IMDb makes me start to understand how they allowed Bette Davis [1] in front of a camera.  Ben Huggins is calling the horse an idiot and really is being brutal when Gingold demands that he stop.  When he refuses, she offers to buy the horse.

He asks an outrageous price of 10 pounds because back then horses were valued based on the # of pounds of glue they could be converted into.  Over the decades, the Glue-Book Value became known as the Blue Book Value due to 1934 translation error in Les Liaisons Dangereuses.  Hermione writes up a bill of sale with the stipulation that the man continues to use the horse in his work, but to “keep him well-fed and not over-loaded.”  The man is immediately more caring and leads the horse to a trough while he goes into the pub for a pint because you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink.

Hermione notices the train pulling out of the station just as Mrs. Wellington pulls up.  She believes Hermione is their new governess, Miss Hope.  She says the old governess didn’t work out and that they wanted someone “more up-to-date.”  Although how that desire led Mrs. Wellington to hiring the ancient Hermione/Hope rather than a bonny young lass is a mystery, not least of all to Mr. Wellington.

On the way, Mrs. Wellington describes how she would like the children handled.  She expects the speaking of French, teaching of history, and lots of outdoor fleeing playtime.

Viewers smarter than Ben Huggins’ horse will notice there is a disconnect between the two women, but it is not clear exactly why.  Is Hermione just a stunningly impudent servant, or is there something more?  Watching at 2 am, I didn’t figure it out, but this created a great opportunity.  Once I knew the secret, rewatching this episode was even more entertaining.  So many of Hermione snarky comments and gestures are perfectly played once you understand the dynamic.

There is no point in tediously recapping every point . . . you know, like usual.  It is just a thoroughly entertaining episode cleverly executed.  I will just note of couple of interesting casting choices.

Patricia Hitchcock makes her final AHP appearance.  After a brief departure in The Cuckoo Clock, she returns to her customary role as the AHP maid, schoolmarm, spinster, or office nottie — in this case, a maid.  Three months later, she would play a secretary in Psycho whose plain looks are used for a laugh . . . by her father.  But really, sitting next to Janet Leigh, who wouldn’t look homely?

They also cast the Bates House from Psycho as the Wellington House.

Two of the children went on to work with the creepiest figures in science-fiction history — Veronica Cartwright with the titular Alien from Alien, and her sister Angela Cartwright with Dr. Smith in Lost in Space.

Other:

  • Special kudos on the final scene.  The outdoor setting and use of deep focus visually set this location apart from the Wellington House.  It is almost other-worldly.
  • [1] Ms. Davis’s URL is an impressive 0000012 at IMDb.
  • For more information about the episode check out bare*bones e-zine.

Twilight Zone – The Mind of Simon Foster (02/18/89)

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Simon Foster comes home to his apartment which seems to consist of one hallway.  However, it looks futuristic and has a videophone.  He has a video message from the unemployment office telling him his benefits have run out.  Since the current unemployment rate is 33%, this is going to be a problem.  OMG, these soviet-style hives, the enormous poverty, what century is this dystopia?  Oh, 1999.  C’mon, TZ, only 10 years in the future?  I expect more confidence in America from Canadians.

Simon puts a few items in a box and takes it to a pawnshop.  We see him walking over a bridge with a train passing underneath.  Is this intended to illustrate that he must walk because he can’t afford a ticket?  It is a strangely out-of-place shot since it is only 6 seconds, and the only outside shot.  For some reason, it had an effect on me.  Maybe because the rest of the episode is all interiors, maybe because it subtly conveyed information about the character, maybe because it explained the decision to only go 10 years ahead (no budget for a fancy 21st century train).  Sometimes it is the most insignificant things that catch my eye.

Quint the pawnbroker looks through the items and offers only $50.  Simon says the watch alone is worth that and haggles Quint up to $65.  Quint has an idea how Simon can make more money and leads him through a door marked PRIVATE.  Luckily there are no gimp shenanigans back there. Quint has an illegal memory-dipping operation.  People in 1999 pay to have other people’s memories implanted in their brain.

Bravo to TZ for adding some texture to the process.  Unfortunately, Control-C / Control-V memories are less vivid, washed out.  To get good, sharp memories, you have to do Control-X, or even better Control-XXX.  Unable to find a way to tax the process, the government has made it illegal.  Simon admits he has not had an exciting life, but Quint says ordinary memories are valuable too; just mundane life events like a soap opera.  Sadly he is ineligible for the really big money as he has no evil twin.

There is another nice futuristic touch when Simon goes home.  He slides a card through a device to unlock his door.  Nice; but even better, this alerts his landlord [1] to get on a speaker and threaten him with eviction if he doesn’t pay his rent.  It takes so little to add a little something extra to a story, why is it so rare?  The final straw is when a cockroach falls into Simon’s bowl of soup.  His desperation is perfectly conveyed, and heightened due to the viewer’s visceral reaction to the bug.  More congratulations to TZ for finally showing some signs of life. [2]  I look forward to many fine episodes in the years to come.  Oh, only 8 episodes left.

Simon returns to Quint’s shop.  He sells the memory of his high school graduation where he received the aforementioned watch as a prize.  Wow, who wrote this, a writer?  Despite his regret, he returns to sell a birthday memory.  Then, he sells the memory of his first steps — this guy has some memory!  Then a trip to the circus, and his first date.

Now with plenty of cash, he gets a new suit and an opportunity for a new job.  Unfortunately, he blows the interview because he can’t remember his skillz and experience.  Then he sells his first sexual experience, although the second was probably longer and worth more.  He immediately regrets this loss and demands Quint restore the memory.

The ending is a little muddied because it isn’t clear whether it is a happy or sad one.  It doesn’t feel set up as a dilemma.  It feels more like they couldn’t decide which way to go, so just ran it up the middle.  Regardless, it is a big, clear premise, the casting is great, and there are some surprises in the script.  One of their better efforts.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] When is the triggering word “landlord” going to be outlawed?  Really, calling back to a time when serfs couldn’t own land?  And mentioning the lord?  I feel very threatened.
  • [2] Even more amazing as this episode is from the director of Ray Bradbury Theater’s dreadful Banshee.

 

Tales from the Crypt – The Pit (11/30/94)

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Felix Johnson and Aaron Scott are on a talk show after their epic bout ended in a draw.  They seem like pretty good guys, but their girls — holy shit!  They snipe at each other and get bleeped.  It’s funny, but who is bleeping them?  Not HBO broadcasting TFTC.  Not the sports talk show that we are watching live.  But that’s a nitpicky observation.

We next see Aubrey Scott screaming at Aaron’s agent that he better start landing some Schwarzeneggarian parts or else!  And none of that Raw Deal or Red Heat [2] shit.  The conversation cuts to Andrea Johnson having exactly the same conversation.  And I mean exactly the same as the perspective changes in mid-sentence, although they do wimp out and pivot on a comma.

Fight promoter Wayne Newton is on the phone — wait, what?  Wayne Newton is a pompous, hammy, big-haired caricature.  Who cast this guy?  Some genius, that’s who!  He is a perfect addition to TFTC — what took so long?  He is enthralled when he watches the brutal Johnson-Scott fight.  The savagery increases when their wives are then separately interviewed.

Both are aggressively trying to land their husband the lead in the new Pulverizer movie.  Andrea calls Aubrey a slut and says if she wants to get her husband a role, it should be in Police Academy 10.  Aubrey suggests Andrea and her husband might be better suited to game shows than the big screen.  The host, who has a future on 1970s AM radio, says, “Be careful what you wish for guys, you just might get it!”  Well they didn’t really wish for anything, bub.  And if they had wished something evil for the other person . . . how would that hurt them?  And is it really so terrible to be in a long-running movie franchise or game show?  Neither one of these guys is going to be Robert De Niro (although both seem to have suffered fewer concussions). [1]

Newton has a great idea for the fighters — a Malaysian-Rules Deathmatch!  If that isn’t a real thing, it oughta be.  A lot of talking follows — most of it is from the wives, but isn’t that always the case?  But there is a lot of pretty brutal fighting, too — also from the wives.

Even though it took me 3 weeks and multiple sessions to get through it, I liked it.  The guys were fun even though it was clear that they were portrayed by actual fighters rather than actors.  The wives were so petty and scheming that I think they actually were actresses.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] It’s about class, not politics.
  • [2] Actually, I have seen neither.  It took me 20 years to watch Eraser and it was pretty good.