Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Five-Forty-Eight (10/25/60)

Mr. Blake zips out of his office and says goodnight to his secretary, although why he is leaving this doll there to work after he skates is left unanswered.  He rides the elevator down which, given his haste, is probably the express.

In the lobby, a frumpy woman asks to talk to him.  Surprisingly, he does acknowledge her by tipping his hat, but silently hustles right out the door.  The woman follows him down the sidewalk.  She is swimming against all the tides — the wind is blowing against her, everyone in New York seems to be heading the other direction on the sidewalk, and Blake is figuratively pushing against her desire to speak to him.

He spots the woman tailing him in a coffee-shop window, at a frankly impossible angle BTW.  He picks up the pace even more to avoid this dame.  He sees sanctuary around the corner where there is a bar with a neon sign NO WOMEN ADMITTED.  And also, although the sign does not mention it, apparently hats are required and she is hatless.  I mean, the number of hats in this place is unbelievable.  I know men used to wear hats, but didn’t they take them off indoors?  He stays for only one drink, does not see the woman peering in the window, and leaves.

Unfortunately, she corners him on the train and sits beside him.  He recognizes her as his former employee Miss Dent, but she is sick, depressed, and unemployed.  When Blake tries to move to the next car, she pulls a gun on him.  Sensing a flashback, I’m not feeling so well myself.  It seems like only a trimester ago . . .

Miss Dent is happy at her job as Blake’s secretary.  After they work late one night arranging the Pensky File, Blake suggests that they have dinner.  Afterward, he walks her home to her brownstone located conveniently near the train station.  She invites him up for a drink.  She makes frequent references to her loneliness, but a gal that open to a last-second, late night dinner, and going straight back to her food-less place with no room-mate for straight liquor ought to be pretty popular.  Soon enough, while playing some stock, white-people jazz LPs, they are kissing.  Cut to the next day.

Blake breezes through the door in his usual brisk gait and barely acknowledges Miss Dent.  Miss Dent says Mr. Johnson is waiting in his office and is crushed by his ignoring her after their night of passion.  Wow, she really doesn’t get around much.

Isn’t this kinda how both of them got into trouble?

The two men talk, and Johnson comes out to speak to her.  He says she is being let go due to her poor performance; presumably on the job, not last night.  She will get 2 weeks severance and any unmarked lunches in the break-room refrigerator.  She bolts into Blake’s office but he is no longer there.  The only signs of his departure are a swinging coat hanger and an executive-shaped hole in the door.

Back in the present, 3 months later, Miss Dent tells Blake that she would not have told his wife.  Actually, if he was afraid she would tell his wife, he would be more likely to give her a raise than fire her.  She says, “I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking I’m crazy.  And it’s true.  I have been very sick.  But I’m going to be better.  It’s going to make me much better to talk to you.  I was in the hospital for eight months before I came to work for you.  I thought I was alright, but since you fired me, I’ve gotten all confused.  But I’m not afraid to kill you because I don’t care what happens to myself.”

Well, this is a downer.  Miss Dent really is in pain.  This isn’t the usual merry murder mix-ups and homicidal hijinks that we usually get on AHP.  She really is melting down due to her loneliness, depression, and that scotch probably isn’t helping.  This is more of a pure character study than I remember on AHP before.  Because Phyllis Thaxter pulls it off so magnificently, I felt more like I was watching a play or one of the drama anthologies from the 1950s.  The last 10 minutes are almost an interrupted monologue by Thaxter.

Miss Dent leads Blake at gunpoint off the train and down the dark tracks.  There is no big twist or conclusion.  She says what she needs to say and walks off into the dark.

Not your usual AHP offering, especially in the 2nd half, but another great episode of the type no one knows how to make anymore.

Other Stuff:

  • Based on a short story by John Cheever who I kinda made fun of last week.
  • 24 references:  1) Miss Dent standing behind Blake with a gun to his head in a train yard like Jack Bauer did to Ryan Chappell.  2) Blake often had an uncanny resemblance to President  Logan.  Man, having that series in constant rotation for 10 years is getting to me.
  • Thanks to Jack at Bare*Bones for helping me appreciate the episode.  His background on the source material and insights on the episode filled in some important gaps for me.
  • This is the 2nd consecutive AHP with no murder.  Let’s not forget why we’re here, fellas.

Twilight Zone – Father & Son Game – (04/15/89)

Darius Stephens begins his physical therapy by getting on a treadmill.  He appears to be about 40, but very frail.  The therapist quickly turns the pace up to 6 minute miles and I get winded just watching him.

His son Michael, who is about 50, finds this “disgusting” because his father is actually 79 years old.  He tells his father’s doctor, “An artificial brain has turned him into a robot” although it is clear much of his body is not from the OEM.  Darius’s wife also seems to be about 40, so I guess she was a Trophy Wife before he started this process; but maybe just a Participation Trophy Wife at this point.  She accuses Michael of wanting his father dead so he can take over the family business and inherit the old man’s sweet, sweet Enron stock.

The next day, Darius is back at work ordering people around.  Michael announces that he is enacting the company’s succession plan.  Darius’s lawyer says this is a gray area because Darius is over 60% mechanical and has an electronic brain — technically, he is brain dead.  Sadly, Michael might have a point.  Darius shows signs of diminishing cognitive ability when he frequently repeats himself in conversations.  Darius shows signs of diminishing cognitive ability when he frequently repeats himself in conversations.

Darius’s mental acuity breaks down to the point where he should legitimately be declared dead.  He leaves behind a CD for his wife.  She inserts it in a computer and she somehow is able to have an interactive conversation with Darius and get free AOL for a month.

There is an interesting story here, but they didn’t find it.  That is especially disappointing as this is the last episode of this iteration of The Twilight Zone.  So does Darius come back to vanquish his dickish son?  No.  Does he return as a megalomaniacal monster who will live forever?  No.  Is he doomed to exist only on the CD that he left to his wife, incapable of any physical sensation?  No.  He is just kind of there on a screen and says they will try again.  On second thought, maybe this namby-pamby mess was the right choice to kill off TZ for 13 years.

1980s Twilight Zone Post Mortem:  There were some fine episodes in this run, but overall, the series was hobbled by several recurring choices.

1) Insipid, synth-driven scores.  Sure, it was the the 80’s, but that is no excuse for the frequently god-awful scores of this series.  The original TZ often had to make do with random stock scores from the archives, but they made them work.

2) The dreadful narration.  In the early episodes, Charles Aidman was far too avuncular for the role.  At least he had a certain gravitas, having appeared in 2 episodes of the original series.  His replacement, Robin Ward, offered nothing.  He was a poor hybrid of Serling and Aidman, almost always far chirpier than the story called for.

3) The happy endings.  I love the quote “Life is pain.  Anyone who tells you differently is selling something.”  That should have been the theme of this series.  The universe doesn’t care about your happiness, but if you try to take more than your share, it will crush you.  Instead we got too many episodes where the twist was finding true love or saving the family farm.

Sadly, only a handful of episodes were memorable.  And those were often in spite of the above issues.

Notes:

  • As the 2002 TZ series doesn’t not appear to be available on DVD, this slot goes to One Step Beyond.

Tales from the Crypt – You, Murderer (01/25/95)

The big gimmick is that Humphrey Bogart has been awkwardly inserted into several scenes.  There seems to have been a big deal made of this at the time even though the same director made Forrest Gump a year before and Woody Allen did something similar in Zelig 12 years earlier.  The effect is nothing special, yet there is fun to be had here.

The whole episode is a flashback, which is almost never a good idea.  It does not flash back to the 40s or 50s when Bogart was alive, though.  It begins in the present, or least, the present in 1995.  We see Bogart’s mug in the side-view mirror of a wrecked car as he narrates.  It is simultaneously off-putting and interesting.  The image shown appears to merely be a colorized 2-D photo of Bogart.  They further deaden the dead actor with the stylistic choice to not have his lips move.

On the other hand, this is not supposed to actually be Bogart, but a gangsta who had plastic surgery to look like him and, apparently, talk like him.  He has been killed in a car crash.  The entire episode becomes a Weekend at Bogie’s exercise with the POV story eventually seen through the dead man’s eyes.  They could have taken some license and had his lips move in the numerous mirrors, but they made the right choice.

A couple of hours earlier, Bogart look-alike Lou Spinelli was in a conference room at his company.  Oddly, no one seems to realize he looks like Humphrey Bogart.  Or I guess they are just used to it the way long-time co-workers never comment on my resemblance to Brad Pitt.  They are also immune to the fact that his advertising director looks like 1980s Sherilyn Fenn, which I don’t think I would ever get used to.  Her beauty is not lost on Lou who calls her “doll” and “baby” but, commendably, not “babydoll”.

During the meeting he gets a call from his wife Betty who he thought was dead.  He had his pal Oscar send over some goons to knock her off, but she got away.  As he drives home, he thinks about his life.  He came from a tough neighborhood and did what he had to to survive.  After spending some time in jail, he “busted out of the joint and got a new name and a new face”.  Presumably, he chose Bogart’s mug for its inexplicable ability to attract hot babes 25 years younger than him.

Back at his place, he discovers Oscar betrayed him and has been banging Betty for the past year.  They plan to kill Lou, but he is able to take Oscar’s gun from him.  Unfortunately, Betty conks him on the head with a statue. [1]  It is poorly staged because he actually has a few seconds to react to her coming at him and does nothing.  Still, it was funny to see him get brained with the sculpture.  Twice.

The rest of the episode is Oscar and Betty dragging the body around with the POV still from Lou’s dead eyes.  This is good, original stuff.  In fact, it surpasses the Bogie/Noir gimmick of the episode.  John Lithgow and Isabella Rossellini were great with the over-the-top acting that a good TFTC requires, and have perfect faces for those close-ups from Lou’s POV.

They could have ditched the Bogart angle and still had a great episode.  However, they tried something creative and mostly succeeded.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] The sculpture of a nude woman is said to be a Picasso but is utterly unconvincing because it actually looks like a nude woman.

 

 

Outer Limits – Descent (06/25/99)

Wait a minute, the guys from Motley Crüe went on a camping trip?  Oh, wait, I guess these are cavemen.  The goofy clothing and hair threw me off, although I suspect the smell would not have cleared things up.  One of the guyz gets the hots for a girl at the boar-roast and beats her mate to death in a sneak attack.  Even back then, the cute ones went for Neanderthals.  He screams triumphantly and grabs the girl.

Arthur in the lab.

This is just a daydream by meek anthropologist Arthur Zeller as he stares at an exhibit on prehistoric man.  He is jolted back to reality as James and Laura, who he has a crush on, leave for the night.  Arthur returns to his lab and injects a serum marked DOMINANCE into a mouse which was meek as, well, a mouse.  The mouse becomes more aggressive and Arthur sees this as a way for mankind to reacquire some lost virtues.  He presents his findings to the funding committee.

This must be the toughest Anthropology Department in America.  Arthur’s colleagues are all alpha-males who continually play pranks on him and emasculate him in front of Laura.  Chairman Stansfield tells Arthur later that he is not funding his project because he thinks he does not have the guts to fight the challenges to his work.  The proposal seems worthy though as 3 days later, the test rat has crushed his enemies and heard the lamentations of their lady-rats.  Like every scientist ever on Outer Limits, he decides to use the drug on himself.

Arthur doing an experiment.

The next day at work, he is more assertive.  He suggests a hardball plan to deal with rival researchers.  He tells the Chairman that he is afraid to do what is necessary to keep this department on top.  And he says he doesn’t care what they think, he is going to keep eating at Chic-Fil-A!  When James teases him about his new attitude, Arthur tells him, “F*** off.”

Hey, Hollywood, take a lesson from Canada.  This was an effective jolt because we get maybe one F-bomb per season from this series.  Hollywood version:

James:  What the fuck, Arthur?  You’re acting like a fucking maniac!  Are you fucking high?

Arthur:  Fuck off for fuck’s sake.  Boy, I hate that fucking Chic-Fil-A!

As Arthur continues taking the DOMINANCE drug, he becomes more aggressive.  He shouts down the homeless guy who always hassles him.  At work, staring at the caveman exhibit, he begins to channel the caveman.  We get caveman-POV shots of the man’s dog as the man follows him through the jungle on a hunt.  Then I guess we get a dog’s-ass-POV because we see the caveman running toward the camera.  Laura’s scream awakens him as he has just hurled a spear that nearly pierced both her ears; the hard way.

Arthur testing his flint spear theory.

He explains that he has been researching the penetrating power of flint spears.  He apologizes and says he would “never want to skewer you . . . not with a spear anyway.”  Heyyyoooo!  My man!  Oh, wait, she doesn’t appreciate that.  She stomps away outraged at that kind of lewd talk from a guy who doesn’t look like George Clooney.  With his new-found confidence and aggression, he gives the Chairman a beat-down that night.

Well, it goes on mostly where you would expect since we have seen this story a hundred times.  Leland Orser did excellent work here as the meek Arthur all the way through to the uninhibited caveman.  That is really the best reason to sit through this episode.  Jenny Copper was also good as Laura.  The others were mostly so loathsome that it is hard to be objective.

Arthur discussing his research.

The ending was unexpected.  I guess after going all Altered States, Arthur didn’t have Blair Brown’s awesomeness to ground him back to his human form.

Other Stuff:

  • Title Analysis:  Yeah, I get it, but what a waste of a title.  Look at the movie The Descent — that’s what I want from a descent!

Science Fiction Theatre – The Missing Waveband (06/15/56)

So help me, Truman Bradley actually got me excited at the beginning of this episode.  No, it wasn’t the way he is poured into that suit.  He described “a man-made moon, circling the earth.”  Wow, is this episode set in the distant future?  Cool!  Is it like a Deathstar?  Wow!  Or is he saying our regular ol’ moon is actually man-made (SFT has a precedent of calling alien technology “man-made”)?  Intriguing!  Sadly, none of the above.  SIGH . . . he is just referring to a weather satellite.

He continues on to introduce us to Dr. Milhurst, who lives “several miles from a southwestern city.”  Thanks for narrowing it down to the entire southwest and several miles into the northwest, southeast and sliver of the northeast.  Way to paint a picture.  Are you afraid I’m going to drop by?  Here, Milhurst works “ceaselessly delving into the mysteries of the universe.”

He has invited three other imminent scientists to his lab.  In a first for SFT, he does not have a hot daughter living with him, and none of the other scientists sent his daughter as a surrogate.  He confesses that the recent breakthroughs he made in satellites and orbital mechanics were not his own work.  They came from someone else.  “I don’t know his name.  I don’t even know where he lives, or what country he’s from.”  But he does know he is a “he”.

One place he might have suspected is in Spain because this plot is suspiciously similar to SFT’s Postcard from Barcelona which just aired 7 months ago.

“Some months ago I was doing experiments in the extremely high bands of the electro-magnetic spectrum.”  He made a broadcast in that band, expecting no one to hear it.  He immediately got a response in a clear english-speaking voice.  The voice did not tell him much, but instructed him to tune back in the next night at the same time; also to buy Lucky Strikes.  Eventually, hoping to make earth more peaceful, the voice gave Milhurst the orbital equations.

The other three scientists come back for the next transmission hoping to glom some info to make them famous like Milhurst.  They transmit questions about Chemistry, Atomic Energy, Computer Technology, and how to talk to girls.  An hour later, the voice returns with answers to technical issues they had been researching for years.

The next night, the boyz are a little more altruistic.  They are concerned about ICBMs destroying America before they get a chance to cash in.  They ask if it is possible to build a device that would alert us to incoming missiles.  Or, better yet, destroy the missiles before they landed.  Some sort of Initiative for Strategic Defense!  Maybe call it ISD!

The voice gives them the data to build such a system.  As they watch a radar screen, they are able to identify satellites.  One of the blips is not a satellite, though.  They watch it moving across the screen.  As it moves vertically up the screen, one of them says, “It has an upward trajectory.”  Er, on a 2-D global map, wouldn’t that indicate it is moving north?  He is not the dumbest in the group, though.  As the blip approaches Montana, Milhurst says, “It is over south-central New Mexico.”

The tests go perfectly.  Milhurst even discovers an undocumented feature of the voice’s invention.  Although if WordPress, Microsoft, or Adobe have any say in it, they will add needless steps or eliminate the feature entirely.[1]  He is able to locate the source of any radio transmission.  They discover the transmissions are coming from the vicinity of Jupiter.

Not much story here, and the story that is here was here 7 months ago.  However, bravo to SFT for getting some small things right.  They correctly placed Jupiter about 367 million miles away (even TZ never seemed to understand how big space is).  They acknowledged that live dialogue was not possible at that distance.  That made the delay a reasonable 64 minutes.

Other Stuff:

  • [1] Seriously, are these companies letting interns push out updates now?
  • According to SFT: A History of the Television Show, Millhurst was the highest paid actor, pocketing $600.
  • Variety called both the directing and screenplay “so-so”.  Maybe they should have given one of the guys a daughter.