Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

creaturecover01The titular Creature was the last of the iconic Universal Monsters; maybe even the last American horror movie icon until the slashers of the late 70’s.    The Universal Monster Industrial Complex had continued to crank out product, but this was the first film since 1941 that did not recycle classic characters, or feature new ones that just did not catch on.

It is also the first big one that feels like it takes place in our world.  Although it takes place in the Amazon, the main characters are Americans; it is not tied by setting or myth to Europe; and the technology is state-of-the-art 1954.

It does, however, retain the concept of the sympathetic creature.  Even as the creature is menacing Julie Adams, it is tough not to feel for him.  We are, after all, on his turf (or, more accurately, surf and turf as he is amphibian).  He seems to be alone; a sentient being, a million years out of time.  Plus, just so damn ugly.  When he is shot with the spear gun, you are really rooting for him.

Carl Maia discovers a fossilized hand sticking out of a cliff wall.  Because he is a geologist, Maia consults with his former student David Reed who is an ichthyologist.  Although why a fish doctor was trained by a rock doctor is not explained.  And why call a fish doctor anyway since I can’t imagine hands being raised much in his class except to go to the restroom.  I guess Maia had no anthropology students.

Maia and Reed charter The Rita to investigate the site of the fossil.  They are joined by Reed’s boss Mark Williams and his — ahem — Kay Lawrence.  It is never clear what Kay’s role is.  She is Reed’s girlfriend, but seems to also be a colleague despite making no contribution.  But the same could be said of Whit Bissell’s character.

You really want to catch Julie Adams at the right angle.  Sometimes she would be fairly plain.  Other times, especially when smiling, she could be beautiful.  At all times, though, she radiates a tremendously warm, likable aura, and looks very snappy in each of her 15 costume changes; this woman packs more cruise-wear than Ginger Grant.  Sadly, Reed and Williams spend more time in shorty-shorts than Kay does; but she does have that iconic white bathing suit.  In one scene.

20140531_155057The group discovers what we already witnessed — Maia’s men are dead and the camp has been trashed.  Kay waits on the dock where we get our first glance at the monster — or at least one webbed hand. He makes a slow grab for Kay’s well-turned ankle, accompanied by his signature 3-tone brass band stinger.

They find nothing more at the first site and decide to travel up river to the titular Black Lagoon for answers.  Reed tells Kay that this area is just as it was 150 million years ago in the Devonian period.  Unfortunately, the Devonian period ended 360 million years ago; a buck-fifty only gets you back to the Jurassic.  Are we sure this Maia guy is really a teacher?

Meanwhile, back at the lagoon, Williams has brought out a weapon that we know will be used soon due to the rule of Chekhov’s Spear-Gun.  He and Reed put on Scuba gear and dive to check out the flora, fauna, rocks and fossils.  For a place called Black Lagoon, the water is pretty clear.

Some people seem to have a problem with the amount of swimming in this movie.  Maybe it is padding out the time a little, but it really is pretty entrancing.  How often do you really see people in this environment, moving gracefully like they are flying?  And there are long takes, not a flurry of CGI with .5-second cuts that send you into an epileptic fit.  Someone is actually doing this, and you can empathize with them as a human being.  The clear water combined with the great B&W cinematography make these scenes hypnotic.

25 minutes into the film, we get our first glimpse of the Creature.  He is able to avoid the 2 men, but we get a good sense of what he is.

20140531_155446aNot being aware of the Creature below, Kay goes for swim.  With all the alligators, leeches, piranhas, and those little fish that crawl up your urinary tract, she is still insane to dive in.  Again with the swimming!  But with an added attraction this time; actually two attractions.  No, not those two.

Kay herself is the first attraction, certainly more-so than the dudes.  She even manages to work a few Cirque du Soleil moves into her swim.  Secondly, the Creature is not just hiding this time, he is shadowing her, mimicking her moves just below.  As she swims on the surface, he swims belly-up just inches beneath her.  Again, there is that graceful feeling of flying, in this case like that scene in Top Gun.

20140531_160828As he reaches out for her ankle — for the second time now — the men-folk realize she is 100 yards out and panic. They move the boat toward her and she swims to meet it.  She gets safely on board, but the boat is rocked.  The Creature is caught in the fishing net, but when it is hauled aboard, it is torn apart with only a Lee Press-On Claw left behind.

The men again take to the water in pursuit; Williams with his spear-gun, and this time Reed takes a camera the size of a Volkswagen.  Williams does get a spear into the creature, but it is still able to out-swim them and dive into a crevasse.  Back on the boat, Reed is disappointed that he only got one shot and the Creature is not in it.

Of course, the Creature does eventually get his webbed hands on Kay and dives with her down to his grotto. There is more death and destruction, but not enough to preclude 2 sequels.

I appreciated that this film, more than the other Universal Classics, got out of the sound-stage.  Despite a few really bad rear-projections, it is obvious that much time was spent on a real boat, and underwater.  Overall, a very good watch.  The Blu-Ray has a few grainy scenes, but was mostly excellent.  I will enjoy watching this again some time without having to take notes.

I rate it 17,000 out of 20,000 leagues under the sea.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • That grotto was strange.  The Creature dove 50 feet down to it, but there seemed to be a rear-entrance at ground level.  There was even a bat in there.  Not impossible, just pretty convenient for the script.
  • Also convenient but not impossible: A exposed fossilized hand sticking out of the side of a cliff.
  • Julie Adams has a huge resume, but she never appeared on my radar until she showed up in an episode of Lost in 2006.
  • We are currently in the Quaternary Period of the Cenozoic Era.  Will there ever be a scientist deciding, “That’s it, Quaternary is over.  We’re in the [whatever’s next] starting tomorrow.”
  • An intricate analysis of why Ginger and the other castaways had so many clothes is at the bottom of this page.  And here is a lengthy, persuasive case for Ginger over Mary Anne.
  • The Creature was played by one guy on land, and a different guy in the water.  I understand maybe the land-guy couldn’t swim, but could the water-guy not walk? Probably a union thing.

Tales from the Crypt – Dig that Cat (S1E3)

tftccover01Full title: “Dig that Cat . . . He’s Real Gone”.  But I wasn’t sure it was worth that much headline real estate.

This gets off to a very rough start.  Oddly, the calliope score here did not work for me as well as it did in The Man Who was Death despite this episode being set in a carnival.  I guess that’s why you pay extra for Ry Cooder.

Things do not improve with the 1) the use of a distorted lens, 2) having the camera be directly addressed as a carnival goer and 3) the appearance of Robert Wuhl.

Even Wuhl’s patter is awful.  He somehow entices the rubes into his show saying that it is “100% natural, no pesticides, but perhaps a homicide.”  The homicide part makes sense, as we will discover; but for the couplet to work, there has to be some point to saying pesticide other than just that it rhymes.  I expect more from a carny.  It’s like vaudeville for people with missing fingers — they use the same routine for years, generations; passed down from father to son, brother to brother; sometimes in the same transaction.  They would have had it polished to perfection around 1920.

tftcwuhl02He promises “two shows in one — the tragedy of death and the miracle of resurrection!”  He introduces Ulric who will be buried 6 feet under, and return to life 12 hours later.  Things immediately take a turn for the better as Ulric is played by Joe Pantoliano. Once settled in his grave, Ulric addresses the audience, flashing back on how he acquired this talent.

Ulric was a bum, er, Homeless-American when Dr. Manfred offered him cash to participate in an experiment.  Manfred came up with a way to transfer a cat’s 9 lives to a human.  Rather than sell this discovery to Big Pharma, or to some aging billionaires, Manfred decides the big money is to be made in smelly tents from rubes eating corn-dogs and funnel cakes.

Ulric is skeptical that the operation actually accomplished anything other than killing the cat until the doctor pulls out a gun and shoots him in the head.  When he reawakens, he is angry until he realizes that the doctor was telling the truth.

tftcwuhl04So they split the take as Ulric is killed on a nightly basis by drowning, electrocution, hanging, arrow to the heart, etc.  I can understand Ulric not fearing death, but it’s hard to believe he would subject himself to such painful events; unlike Cypher, he is coming back.  These things have got to leave a mark.  And is that bullet still in his head?

As usual, there is a great twist and justice is served.  Suffice it to say, Ulric finishes his story in the same coffin where he began it; just in a much louder voice.

This series and its source material revel in going over the top.  Robert Wuhl and much of the direction had the energy, but in this case were just too annoying.

I rate it 4.5 out of 9 cat’s lives.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • Not a biggie, but Ulric is introduced as Ulric the Undying.  Technically, he dies every night; he just doesn’t stay dead.
  • Wuhl is best known, ironically, for a show that no one watched.  Arli$$ was on HBO for 6 years, and the joke was always, “Who is watching this?”  Literally, no one knew anyone who watched this show; it just wouldn’t go away.  It was Arli$$ the Undying.
  • Wow!  Writer Terry Black wrote Lethal Weapon, and wrote & directed Iron Man 3.  Oh, wait.  Oh, that was his brother Shane.  Awkward.

White Zombie (1932)

wzcover0120 horror movies for $5; what could possibly go wrong?  Part IV.

This is not part of the Universal Classic Monsters box set.  I am going to give it the benefit of the doubt and say that is only because it is not a Universal picture.

Betrothed couple Madeline & Neil are being taken by horse-drawn carriage to the plantation of Charles Beaumont, when they encounter a funeral taking place in the road.  The driver explains that burials are made there to protect the dead — body-snatchers do not want any witnesses; also probably not too interested in being trampled to death by horses-drawn carriages, so a win-win.

wzbela03The driver later needs directions and for reasons unknown, Bela Lugosi happens to be standing by the side of the road.  The driver, to the shame of men everywhere, pulls over and asks for directions.  Lugosi ignores the driver and approaches the passenger compartment.  Silently, he stares at the couple, placing his hand on the door, and on Madeline’s scarf.  The driver sees Lugosi’s zombie entourage shambling up and gets the carriage moving again.  Lugosi is left with a handful of Madeline’s scarf, which luckily was not too tightly knotted around her neck.

Only 4 minutes in, but I was surprised that I was finding this movie to be pretty effective for an unremastered public domain joint.  The drums and the native chanting create a chilling atmosphere.  The drive-by funeral and scene with Lugosi already provided some iconic visuals.

At their Haitian plantation destination, Neil asks the driver why he was so reckless in driving away.  He explains that “they were not men, they were dead bodies, zombies, the living dead, corpses taken from their graves, made to work in the sugar mills and fields at night”.

Neil & Madeline meet local missionary Bruner at the Beaumont estate.  Madeline says she just met Beaumont on the boat from New York, coming to marry Neil in Port-au-Prince.  The missionary says that Beaumont doesn’t usually take an interest in people like this.  Beaumont has also offered to make Neil his agent in New York despite his obvious inability to put 2 and 2 together.

Beaumont looks a little like Liberace, but even that does not make him the creepiest resident of the estate.  His butler Silver is not one of the living dead, but the cadaverous servant could be one of the dead living.  Some clunky dialogue mixed with some missing footage make this an awkward, choppy scene.  Somehow, even its imperfections worked for me.  It is 80 years old, after all.

After greeting Neil, Madeline and Bruner, Beaumont boards a coach driven by a zombie.  Again, the atmosphere is well set with the deafening croaking of tree frogs, and the blank-faced zombie driver.

wzmill01Beaumont arrives at the mill of Murder Legendre (Lugosi).  In yet another iconic scene, we see Zombies Local 102 mindlessly carrying in baskets of sugar cane and dumping them into a thresher.  Other zombies are slowly turning a big wheel, grinding the cane.  When one of the zombies falls into the thresher, there is no move to save him, or stop the grinding.  None of them misses a step.  For the love of God, where is the shop steward?

Beaumont has the hots for Madeline, and has come to Legendre for help.  Legendre is the proverbial hammer-wielder who sees every problem as a nail, ergo his solution is to make her a zombie.  Really, what did Beaumont expect?  You’re taking love advice from a guy named Murder, dude.

To his credit, Beaumont thinks that might be a tad extreme.  Not so much out of concern for Madeline, but because he would have to live with this dead-eyed thing.  Even while escorting Madeline to the altar, he is still hitting on her.  Thank God his brother George wasn’t there to see it.

Ever the romantic, Legendre still wants to get these crazy kids together.  He wraps her purloined scarf around a candle, and lights it from a lamp to induce a trance.  At the reception, looking into a cup of tea, she sees Legendre’s piercing eyes and collapses.  There is a hokie but great shot as Legendre walks to the camera.wzzombie01a

Madeline is buried in a huge, easy-access, handi-capable crypt, where Beaumont, Legendre and the zombie crew retrieve her while still fresh.

After a night of drinking, making a stumbling fool of himself, Neil goes to visit Madeline’s grave.  Discovering it is deficient in bodies to the tune of one, he consults Bruner.  The missionary tells him that either the body was stolen to use her bones in a ceremony, or she is not dead.

Legendre has reanimated Madeline, but Beaumont can see there is no light in her eyes, she has no soul.  Strangely, however, she is able to play the piano, which should have appealed to this Liberace doppelganger.  He asks Legendre to restore her, but there is no way; well, not one that Legendre cares to reveal.  But Legendre does the next best thing and zombifies Beaumont, clearly thinking that the 1930’s were not ready for a mixed marriage.

In what plays out almost as a silent movie, Legendre compels Madeline to stab Neil, but she resists and runs away.  Neil is able to follow her out of the castle to an escarpment.  Legendre makes with the trance again and his zombie posse comes to his aid.

When Bruner knocks Legendre unconscious, the zombies become confused and began shambling off the side of the escarpment like lemmings.  Madeline comes to life for a moment, even able to smile.

As Legendre regains consciousness, she slips back under his control.  Beaumont, who had also experienced a brief moment of lucidity, comes down the stairs and tosses Legendre off the escarpment.

wzmad01Once Legendre is dead, his control over Madeline is broken and she awakens.  Great for her and Neil, but not so much for the poor saps who threw themselves off a cliff 30 seconds before their potential salvation.  And not to quibble, but she was dead-dead, not only mostly-dead.  I buy Legendre reanimating the dead as zombies, but this was a full-on resurrection.

On the Universal Classic Monsters scale, I give it a Wolf Man.  Shockingly, I have liked 4 of 4 from the $5 box set.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • Considered to be the 1st feature-length zombie film.
  • White Zombie was released when genre master Charles Beaumont was 3 years old.  So, just coincidence.
  • Lest you think Mr. & Mrs. Legendre named their precious little bundle of joy Murder, the name is in quotes in the credits.  How he acquired this nickname is not addressed, but is surely a charming anecdote.
  • Although Neil’s drinking binge is terribly overacted, it is set to some great music, and features great silhouettes on the wall of dancers who are never seen.
  • The film quality is fairly poor with hazy visuals, bad background noise, music gaps and missing frames.  I watched the You-Tube version which was in better shape than the DVD version.  There is a remastered Blu-Ray version that I hope to watch someday.
  • Vanity Fair unfairly included it in an article called “the Worst Movie of 1932.”  Although, to VF’s credit, it did only award it 2nd-worst status for the year.  And have some sympathy for them; JFK was still just 15 so they couldn’t devote every other goddamn issue to that family yet.
  • I have no idea what a thresher actually is, but that sounds like a good name for that grinding machinery.
  • Crypt: A subterranean chamber or vault.  Tomb: An excavation for burial of a corpse; or mausoleum / burial chamber.  Grave: An excavation made in the earth to bury a dead body.  Just so we’ve got that straight.
  • Bruner needing a match has got to be the lamest character trait / comedy relief in movie history.

Outer Limits – Blood Brothers (S1E3)

olcms05There is a real X-Files vibe in the opening seconds of this episode.  The music and lab setting could easily have been from that series.  The sense of déjà vu was heightened when I saw Charles Martin Smith who had played a similar role (in profession and haz-mat bunny suit) in the F. Emasculata episode of The X-Files.

In the Outer Limits episode, he plays Dr. Spencer Deighton, a researcher who comes up with a cure-all wonder drug that could eradicate all disease. His brother Michael the CEO-wannabe and villain of the piece, actually has a legitimate point: what if this drug mutated into the rodent or insect population?  Even in the human population, with all those extra mouths to feed, it could result in the deaths of millions by starvation. Now, that would have been a great story, but maybe too big for a TV episode.

Unfortunately, Michael undermines his cogent points by stating that the drug could “cut the world death rate by 1000%“.  And this guy wants to be my CEO?  Not even my latex salesman.

olbbmichael02aThe acting-CEO agrees and Spencer’s research is shut down.  Lab assistant Carl disagrees and injects himself with the drug.  Unfortunately he is observed by Michael who runs a decontamination procedure which incinerates him.  Again, good call.  Are they sure this is the bad guy?

Finally we get to Michael’s dark side.  He is not against production of the wonder drug.  He just wants to restrict access to the super rich; and certain CEO-wannabees, given the way his hand is shaking.

It turns out that he has concealed the fact that he has inherited the Huntington’s disease that killed his mother.  He feels that the negative-nellies on the board might consider his imminent death a disqualifier for the CEO position.  Whereas his poor math skills and general douchebaggery will not be an issue.

He discovers that Carl leaked news of the drug to Spencer’s reporter girlfriend Tricia played by Ellen Tighe.  Michael pays her a visit and inexplicably douses her with the wonder drug.  He then takes a dose himself.  And sure enough, it makes his hand as steady as the Waco Kid’s (no, the other hand).

My God! What is that thing on your face!

My God! What is that thing on your face!

Back at the lab, the monkey that was was being used to test the wonder drug is in pretty bad shape.  Michael reveals to Spencer that he has taken the drug.  It also apparently fixed his eyesight as he is not wearing glasses.  Spencer will not join Michael, so it is time for another decontamination.

Spencer escapes and Michael quickly begins withering, begging to be killed.  Turns out the wonder drug burns out the host’s normal resistance and leaves them defenseless.  So in trying to cure his Huntington’s, Michael actually hastened its effects.  Oh the irony.

A fairly somber affair.  Well-performed, but not a lot else to recommend it.  I give it 5 out of 10 cc’s.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • So Michael tries to kill Ellen Tighe by dousing her with a drug that causes immortality?  What am I missing here?  I appreciate that they take the time to explain why it did not kill her like it eventually kills Michael, but what was his goal?
  • OK, maybe it was the early-stage strain of the wonder drug.  But wasn’t all of that destroyed?  And it had an 80% mortality rate.  Maybe a tad high for public consumption, but not quite high enough to use as a murder weapon when you were face-to-face with your victim.
  • Probably it could be explained by reviewing the episode, but Hulu is absolutely fascist at making you rewatch commercials as you try to review the program.  And do they have to be the same commercials?  Although, that IHOP commercial does look pretty delicious.
  • And another thing: When they put up a 2 minute commercial, NEVER click the button that says “YES – this ad is relevant to me.”
  • Michael also was not wearing glasses in the opening nightmare that Spencer had. Premonition?  Maybe, but not really as Ellen Tighe wasn’t present in the nightmare.
  • Clearly it was not the good Huntington’s.