Well this seems like an unwarranted slam at Ashley Heimbach:
From the credits for Babysitter: Killer Queen. Ms. Heimbach seems quite lovely and her career is taking off. You can’t have two Hot Bikini Girls? Is that a union thing?
For those keeping score, this is the 6th out of 12 episodes of this American series to be set in a foreign country. [1] Host John Newland tells us we are on the Mediterranean island of Cabri Horma. There is no such island, but I’m sure all the other facts in this based-on-true-life paranormal tale are accurate. Kudos to the show for giving a Longitude and Latitude that are actually in the Mediterranean Sea. Even The Twilight Zone struggled with navigation. I’m not sure Science Fiction Theatre would have put it on the right planet.
Mitchell Campion [3] of the Ohio Campions is visiting Cabri Horma solo since the Thailand flight was booked. He goes into the Hotel du Sud and the desk clerk seems to know him, calling him by name. A waitress also recognizes him, calling him by name, and even remembering his favorite dish which is a puta who also recognizes him, but as señor Smith. He tells all of them he has never visited the island, and one of them his room number.
Baffled, he goes out for a walk. He stops in a bar called Mario’s which is like going to a pizza joint called Miguel’s. He is also remembered there, but less fondly. A young man punches him in the face. But he went to an island bar wearing a suit & tie and ordered a cognac. He was really asking for it.
He goes back to the hotel and demands that the clerk show him his name in the register and how a Snickers costs $6 in the mini-bar. A señorita followed him from the bar. While the clerk is doctoring Snickers invoices like they were “original” factory auto dealership invoices during the Labor Day Sale [2], she also calls Campion by name. He seems to recognize her and she runs away in tears. He says, “Francesca”.
John Newland, you were the Spielberg of 1950s TV!
He runs outside, but loses her. He is drawn to a nearby house. As frequently happens in every series I’ve watched in the past 5 years, he feels fine opening the door and looking around. Before he gets into anything interesting, the woman returns. She asks, “Is it true, Mitchell? You really do not remember? Or do you prefer not to remember?” She says, “I release you! You have no responsibility here! Just go!” I’m getting turned just hearing that from a woman.
Mitchell says he thought everyone was playing a joke on him, but he does remember her. He goes back to the hotel and looks at the register. He is utterly baffled that his name is not in the book that he earlier swore it could not possibly be in. Then he realizes that his passport was only issued 10 days ago so he could not possibly have been here before that.
An old man shows Mitchell a photo taken on the island a month ago (left to right: old man, Mitchell, Francesca). Mitchell says that was not possible because he was in the hospital in a coma after a car crash at that time. Turns out his heart stopped for four minutes and he apparently teleported — their word — to the island. In fact it was more like Astral Projection (AP), a Near Death Experience (NDE), an Out of Body Experience (OBE), or the Jimi Hendrix Experience (LSD).
He was drawn to the island when the doctor told him the best treatment was a long vacation now that his insurance ran out. I’m still stumped how he teleported there, then 1) rented a room, 2) bought meals, and 3) banged this chick — yet his name was not in the register. All three of these tasks require a physical presence and, in my case, cash. So why would signing the register be a problem?
I’m sure it was explained in the press. Host John Newland says it was covered in every newspaper in the country. You know, if they weren’t too busy calling Eisenhower Hitler, and covering for the Democratic Party to steal the election from Nixon in 19 months.
Other Stuff:
Glynn Fennell has his titular ear against a safe as he listens for the tumblers. He spins the dial as frantically as me when the 1-877-Kars-4-Kids jingle comes on the radio. It doesn’t help that there is an alarm blaring, and a Ray-Ban Wearing French New Wave hipster nagging him to hurry. It also doesn’t help that the hipster knocks him out.
The hipster is revealed to not be French as he is named Henry and not Henri. And knocks a dude out. He is just a black-turtleneck, Ray-Ban-wearing rando; not even a randeau. The lights come up, the alarm stops, and Henry rehangs a picture over the safe. He apologizes to his boss, Mr. Lawson, for wasting his time auditioning this loser.
Mr. Lawson says, “I’m not ready to give up yet — I’m a problem solver.” The solution apparently involves tying Glenn spread-eagle on the pool table and breaking a cue across his chest. Lawson had expected Glenn to use his safe-cracking skillz to pay off gambling debts that he owed to Lawson’s gangstas.
Kate Lawson enters. Mr. Lawson says, “Her beauty is not so much a tribute to the hand of God as to the meticulous craftsmanship of some of this country’s finest surgeons.”
Mr. Lawson again proclaims his disappointment in Glynn. As he is leaving, he orders Henry to kill him. Hey, what happened to Mr. Problem Solver? Señor Solucionador de Problemas? And what was the point of tying him up, anyway? Its almost like the writer had never written anything before. Or since.
Glynn explains to Kate why he couldn’t open the safe. During his last stint in prison, he was beaten so badly that his hearing was damaged. Due to the abuse in prison, he can no longer function as a safe-cracker. Or any job that requires a lot of sitting.
Kate lines up a pool shot, aiming right between Glynn’s spread legs. This looked to be a fun bit of business, so naturally they did nothing with it. Jackass got there first anyway. [2]
Mrs. Lawson has an idea for Glynn. She whispers it to her husband and he orders Glynn freed. Mr. Lawson says if he repays his debt in 10 days, he can live.
With time and money being critical, Glynn naturally hangs out at the pub. Mrs. Lawson finds him there. She dips her shades and he sees that she now has cat eyes, with vertical slit pupils. She wants Glynn to break into her husband’s safe and promises, “You’ll never have to worry about money again.” She says he better agree because her husband is going to kill him in 5 days. Wait, has he just dicked around for the first five days?
She drives them back to Casa de Lawson, and makes an appointment for Glynn with her surgeon. Then she gets completely naked. Her husband wasn’t kidding about the surgery! The boobs have had some work, but overall, Mrs. Lawson is amazing! Kudos to TFTC for going out with a bang. [1]
Blah blah blah. Frankly, anything after that nude scene is going to be a let down.
Like the writer, the director has no other TV directing credits on IMDb. There were, however, a few flourishes that I enjoyed. Most of the cast did their best with what they were given, especially the wacky surgeon. An over-the-top ending redeems the episode. In fact, if they had taken more crazy risks like that, the season would have been much better.
Other Stuff:
Someone at Netflix has a sense of humor. Or did. I’ve been sitting on this a long time.
This was before the comedians there gave the Obamas $10s of millions for not doing a goddamn thing (a documentary on his Nobel Prize would be an ironic first project). And before the pranksters threw $10s of millions at Prince Harry after England finally got him off their teat. And before those scamps posted Cuties. Doesn’t this company have stockholders? Are they laughing?
Anyway, I grabbed this years ago, although the label still appears on Episode 7 of Season 7.
Instant classic from Truman Bradley. He picks up a tree branch . . .
Actual Introduction: Ordinarily one wouldn’t think of a stick as a scientific instrument. The primitive man who first picked up this branch to knock down a ripe apple or to smack a new wife into obedience was taking a giant step in the history of science.
Say what? Somehow this evolves into the ability of man to hear beeps from transmitters 20,000 miles away. Where the f*** are they? You can never be more than 12,000 miles from any point on earth, and even Sputnik would not launch for another year. I’ve read how this series was loved by 1950’s nerds but, my God, the stupidity is astounding.
The Association of Government Physicists is having their 4th annual convention. “Since the top physicists in the nation are all meeting in one hotel, rigid security regulations were strictly enforced.” I guess the physicists in private industry are dumb-asses.
Dr. Wissman goes to the front desk asking for Dr. Sinclair. Security makes him open the box he brought which contains his new invention. He says it is a device to direct Meson Beams. Sinclair is outraged by this security. He tells Security Chief Ed Martin, “There are more security men than scientists. We can’t go to a drinking fountain without one of your men checking credentials.” And, in 1956, credentials = skin color.
Left to right: white guy, white guy, white guy
Wissman goes to Sinclair’s room. While they are talking, they hear a high-pitched scream. The housekeeper has found Dr. Coleman murdered. Dr. Sinclair says, “There is no sign of bullet holes or a struggle.” Dr. Wissman notices a shattered light bulb, a cracked vase, and a broken watch crystal — all signs of, you know, a struggle.
Dr. Sinclair concludes that Dr. Coleman was killed by supersonic vibration. He walked past a clandestinely placed photo-electric cell that triggered the device that killed him when he tried to sneak a Snickers from the mini-bar. Keep this amazing device in mind . . . the one that was just used to murder a prominent physicist . . . the one that is so pivotal that the episode is named after it . . . the one that could revolutionize everything from warfare to medicine. Good luck remembering it, because that is the last time it will be mentioned in this show.
What follows is an excruciating mix of procedural nonsense, exposition, and more padding than a chair with a lot of padding. Finally they get to the big reveal.
Wissman’s invention is a camera which can detect cracked pipes underground. Oh, by the way, it can also take pictures in bright light or pitch dark, through any solid object, to a distance of 7 miles. WTF? You’re using it to find pipes? How about finding oil reserves, or rescuing trapped miners and spelunkers and minor spelunkers? Maybe finding treasure chests. If they can finally get that Oak Island series off the air, it would be worth a Nobel Prize. Dudes, give it up!
The footage he projects shows detectives (in negative) chasing a man through the building across the street. This device is so amazing that it is also able to switch between camera angles and edit the footage. Now this is what the episode should have been named after!
This is either a negative or Mike Pence.
Wissman is able to identify the killer by his gold teeth which the miraculous camera detected. Hey, what ever happened to that fancy super-vibrating machine? And, uh, that housekeeper? Guys, don’t bust in next time you hear another high-pitched scream.
This is episode 24 of Season 2. In a more sane time, that would be it; the season would be over. In an insane time — say, now — it might have been over 11 episodes ago. But no, these maniacs cranked out 39 episodes a year. And this was before cocaine was invented.
I rate this zero decibels. No, give it 2 decibels — photo negatives are always cool. But that’s vs an AC/DC concert.