Oppenheimer (2023) — I am become death, watcher of the dull last 30 minutes of this 3 hour epic. Theater.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds – The Old Scientists (2023) — An episode so audacious and so fun that it took me back to the Darin Morgan episodes of The X-Files. BUT: They are also doing a musical episode this season. The limit is one zany episode per season, you Pahtaks! Paramount +.
Demon Seed (1977) — American Fritz Weaver builds an AI robot that terrorizes his beautiful wife Julie Christie. Meanwhile, the Japanese build an AI robot that looks like Julie Christie, make $Trillions. Roger Smith at GM responds with the Chris Christie, cripples American industry. Tonight’s cautionary tale was brought to you by the 1970’s. Tubi.
Mrs. Parker and the Vicious Circle (1994) — Why would you take the most famously witty and literate gatherings in US history, film them in sepia tones and slow the bon mots down like 1970’s Masterpiece Theater? This could have been a droll laugh riot, a celebration of early 20th century humor, a Prohibition period piece, and still been a more effective bio-pic of the cynical Dorothy Parker. The film is more a game of Jumble putting the characters’ known epigrams into a conversational order than a narrative. Still, if this line appeals to you, it is worth a watch: “My Bank Account is so overdrawn it is positively photographic.” Criterion Channel.
Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) — Rambo is offered a pardon to take pictures of some empty POW camps in Viet Nam for Airbnb. Did you ever notice how useless Col. Trautman is? He is the only person Rambo trusts, but he doesn’t do squat to help out. Dude, you’re a full Colonel, apparently answerable to no one, with an unlimited travel and fashion budget! Do something! AMC+.
First Blood (1982) — Drifter terrorizes a quiet northwestern town and its avuncular, protective sheriff. Gee, I remembered it differently from when I was a younger viewer with no equity, property taxes, or insurance premiums. AMC+.
The Good Fight, Season 1 (2017) — I deleted several false starts about what a left-wing show it is. To be fair, it is a great show with a mostly great cast, right down to the guest actors. Strangely, much-praised star Christine Baranski is the weak link. Paramount+. [UPDATE: Season 2 quickly became so gratuitously and childishly political, and dishonest that I had to bail.]
The Aggression Scale (2010) — Die Hard if John McClane was uncommunicative and socially impaired. I know what you’re thinking, you heartless bastard! No, this was about a kid who seems to be on the spectrum protecting his home and sister. Tubi.
Mission: Impossible – Dead Reckoning Part One (2023) — Like John Wick 4, I feel like the star and crew worked their butts off just for me. Thank you! Theater.
Besetment (2017) — Hey, remember that Odd Couple where the cute girl fell asleep on Oscar’s shoulder in the diner and he let her stay in Felix’s room? Well, if you ever wanted to see her 45 years later jerking off her adult son and using a turkey baster to inseminate a captive girl, you’re in luck! Freevee.
Sisu (2022) — Nazis try to steal gold from the wrong prospector. If you want to see a movie about the pursuit of a priceless McGuffin with scary Nazis, an elderly protagonist, believable girlpower, earned laughs, beautiful cinematography, clever escapes from certain doom, and actual suspense, skip Indy and watch this. It is superior in every way. Hey, Hollywood idiots, why did I have to go to Finland for this? PPV.
Mission Impossible (1996) — Better than you remember but, more importantly, I learned some great trivia. The iconic theme song (2 long beats, then 2 short beats) was based on the Morse Code for MI ( _ _ . . _ _ . . ). Paramount+.
Dirty Harry (1971) — The Man! Starring: The Man! Directed by: The Man! Although that last man is Don Siegel, not Clint Eastwood. If remade by woke Hollywood cultists today, it would be Dirty Harriet. Hey, wait, that would be awesome! Tubi.
The Killing (1956) — If Stanley Kubrick directed Dragnet. Highest recommendation. Criterion Channel.
There’s Something Wrong with the Children (2023) — You said it, they stink on ice! Fine entry in the killer kids genre despite some iffy kids and a bizarrely erratic score. Amazon.
Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953) and The Seven Year Itch (1955) — Unwatchable 1950’s pablum with Marilyn Monroe in her bimbo phase. Did not finish. Criterion Channel.
Hideout (2021) — It takes 4 idiots to rob a small liquor store; sadly none are killed at the scene. At the titular hideout, things go awry for the lone female robber, one dude who disappears early on, and the two stunningly miscast lead actors. Still, there is much to like from the female performers and the direction. It is too long, but I never looked at my watch. Good stuff. Amazon.
Viva Las Vegas (1964) — Of course it is cheesier than Velveeta (literally, per the FDA), but there are bright colors, a few good songs, Elvis, Ann-Margaret, an adorkable young Teri Garr as an extra, a finale with race cars zooming through old Las Vegas, and Ann-Margaret. Criterion Channel.
Jailhouse Rock (1957) — Two shocks: 1) Elvis flat out killed a dude to end up in jail. I would have guessed a bad check or statutory r^pe. 2) Along with Marilyn Monroe last month, the two icons exhibit surprisingly solid acting skillz. Also real purty mouths. Criterion Channel.
Caddyshack (1980) — Crass real estate mogul / zillionaire golfer disrupts the bubble-dwelling establishment stiffs with his freewheeling, unbeholden antics, winning over the hoi palloi. Where have I seen this before? Oh wait, Rodney was the one selling out to the Chinese and recruiting thugs to settle his score, not the elderly Judge Smails. Uh anyway, Caddyshack II should have been about how the match was stolen by the old guy! Stolen I tells ya! Oh wait, Rodney kinda stole it by faking the injury that allowed Noonan to play in his place. Geez, this post doesn’t work at all and is years too late for Peabody consideration. What a mess. Carl probably isn’t even Judge Smails’ crackhead son. Tubi. PS: I feel duty-bound to report that Caddyshack was even more fun than I remembered.
The Horserace
After 600 weeks in post-production, A Murder at the End of the World finally got a specific August airdate — the 29th. Ya know, there’s 2 more f***ing days you could have made me wait! I’ve been tracking this forever because genresnaps-fave Brit Marling is in it. I’m even crawling back to Hulu. But, I swear, if this “FX on Hulu” bullshit means I have to subscribe to 2 services, I will NEVER resubscribe to Hulu! Well, after AMATEOTW. C’mon, it’s Brit Marling!
Peacock+ is history, and maybe not just for me — they lost $651M last quarter. Dudes, use the Tubi minimal advertising model!
AMC+ is still vacuous. I must say the Maggie & Negan Walking Dead spinoff is better than the last several years of the original series. But you don’t need + for that.
Paramount+ has about 6 more weeks to prove its value while season 2 of Strange New Worlds plays out. The Good Fight might get them a reprieve if they can continue to value quality over politics. [UPDATE: Well, that didn’t last long.]