Burning Bright (2010) — Kelly’s dimwit stepfather has stolen her inheritance. She is locked in a house. The doors and windows are covered with plywood. A hurricane is coming. She is responsible for her autistic brother. And, oh yeah, there’s a goddamn tiger in the house! Tubi, Freevee.
The Black Demon (2023) — The 2nd movie this month featuring pissed-off Megaladon(s). Despite having 5% of the action and 0% of the star power of MEG2, this is the better movie. Amazon.
The Retreat (2021) — All six gay characters: Good. All straight characters: Psychopaths (including thousands of unseen remote pay-per-viewers of the proceedings (in the movie)). An OK lesbians-kill-alllll-the-straights flick, but there was no other dimension to the characters. Shockingly, even lesbians need characterization to engage the viewer . . . or a shower scene. Showtime.
ClownTown (2016) — The clowns are the best part. How often can you say that? Tubi.
The Wages of Fear aka Le Salaire de la Peur (1953) — Four guys in two trucks haul unstable Nitroglycerin over treacherous mountain roads and rickety bridges in South America to extinguish an oil well fire. 50% of the trucks and about 65% of the men don’t make it. Where’s yer pay gap now, ladies? Criterion.
Colossus: The Forbin Project (1970) — Sorta the film version of Fredric Brown’s “Answer” without the Question. Throw in a little Skynet, a little WOPR, a little Proteus IV (from last month’s Demon Seed), and you get an awesome piece of 1970s paranoid sci-fi from the director of Jaws 4. Wait, what? Criterion.
Atlas Shrugged I, II, and III (2011 – 2014) — When the Critics Score at Rotten Tomatoes is 0%, that tells me they were reviewing something other than the movie. They aren’t that bad; especially the first one (the cast change in the second one is brutal). You just have to grade on a curve as you do on all movies focused on niche tastes like Adam Sandler or Jesus. Amazon. [UPDATE] Latest real world parallel: Maui water equity. [1]
The X-Files: Fight the Future (1998) — At the time, I loved the show but thought the movie was mediocre. Now I think the show is not a compelling rewatch, but think the movie is pretty good. Tubi.
The Pit and the Pendulum (1961) — Two pages of a 120 year old short story, padded out to 80 minutes. Who says Hollywood just ran out of ideas? Criterion, Tubi.
Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977) — I try to resist, but I cannot: Tell me that hand-signing alien is not a dead ringer for Adam Schiff. My 2nd favorite movie ever. Tubi.
Avarice (2022) — Australian competitive archer MILF vs home invaders. As dull as it could possibly be given the great premise. Showtime.
Dirty Work (1998) — C’mon, 14% from critics on Rotten Tomatoes? If you want pure laughs with zero art or pretentions (and a LOT of dead guys: Norm MacDonald, Chris Farley, Bob Saget, Gary Coleman, Don Rickles, Jack Warden), this is 81 minutes well-spent. Freevee, Tubi.
Most Dangerous Game (2020) — The always-welcome man-hunted-for-sport trope. But why cast a studly Hemsworth as the prey? This is what guys like pre-buff John Krasinski or pre-buff Bob Odenkirk were made for. Hey, I’m pre-buff — how about me! Entertaining. Amazon.
V for Vengeance (2022 ) — Cute quippy millennial “good” vampire babes. The Anti-Buffy. Fun stuff. Paramount+.
Meg 2: The Trench (2023) — Well, that didn’t work. Theater.
Jaws 4: The Revenge (1987) — aka J4: Beating a Dead Seahorse. I only watched this tonight to make Meg 2 seem better tomorrow. I honestly believe a good movie could have been salvaged from this mess, but they completely missed the Orca, er, boat. Tubi.
The Horserace
SON OF A BITCH! Because of the strike, Murder at the End of the World has been pushed back to November.
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds wrapped up a pretty good season so I showed my appreciation by heading immediately to the Account page to cancel Paramount+. Wait a minute, did I have Showtime bundled with Paramount this whole time? HTF did I not know that! Well, the next billing is in September, so I’ll check out their inventory for 2 weeks.
[1] Haven’t had a chance to look more into this, but it sure sounds fishy.