Night Gallery – Whispers (S3E13)

ngwhispers03According to Rod Serling’s Night Gallery: An After-Hours Tour, “Whisper” is among the best scripts Night Gallery ever produced.

Then who is to blame for the piece of shit as it aired?  Serling had long ago had his power in the series usurped.  Director Jeannot Szwarc?  Certainly not, he went on to direct Jaws 2, and Somewhere in Time.  Maybe the answer is on one of the pages hidden by Google Books.

Sally Field allows spirits to enter her body.

Dean Stockwell has a ridiculous afro.

There is a lot of talking directly to the camera.

I watched this episode twice, so I feel like I’ve done my part.  Really an awful experience.

ngwhispers02Post-Post:

  • Twilight Zone Legacy:  Dean Stockwell was in A Quality of Mercy where he played a Japanese Soldier.
  • This 3rd season episode oddly appears in the 1st season collection, but it is almost bad enough to put me off marching 4th into the 2nd season.

Tales from the Crypt – Korman’s Kalamity (S2E13)

tftckorman01Tales from the Crypt goes meta with a story about a TFTC artist.  I’m sure the Crypt-keeper had another layer of meta to add, but it is my policy not to watch that waste of latex.

Harry Anderson is the artist, suffering a case of artist’s block.  His shrewish wife shows up and the office and accuses him of working Saturday to meet a bimbo at the office.

She also accuses him of not taking the potency pills he needs to get her pregnant.  He says the non-FDA approved pills make his brain hurt, kickstarting the episode.

That night he sees a cutie at the laundromat.  After he leaves, the lights go off and a thug begins to attack her.  Turns out she is a cop, and she flips him to the floor.  A monster crawls out of the washer and grabs him, biting his head off.

The cutie recognizes the monster tftckorman07as similar to the work of Anderson.  She tracks him down, and tells him her theory that his drawings are coming to life.  She tells him to draw a monster as a test.

This is a little irresponsible as a monster does materialize in a warehouse where some kids are playing.

His wife busts him making a date with the cutie and he begins sketching her as a monster.    Monster wife kills shrew wife and Anderson goes off with the cutie.

tftckorman09Sipping wine at restaurant, the cutie says, “Are you married?” and Anderson says “Not any more.” Wow, that dialogue is crackling, I tells ya!

The episode is far, far less than the sum of its parts.  Mostly a waste of some fun actors.

Post-Post:

  • Colleen Camp (the wife) was one of those sexy 1980’s chicks like Deborah Foreman — a welcome addition to any crappy movie.  Maybe best remembered as the maid in Clue.
  • Richard Schiff went on to be Toby in The West Wing.

Outer Limits – If These Walls Could Talk (S1E19)

Derek and Nadia are making out on a sofa in an old abandoned house.  Derek hears moaning upstairs.  Since Nadia is not a ventriloquist, he goes to investigate.  He screams for help and Nadia goes up to find him.  We don’t see what she sees, but we hear it — the demonic laughter of something that pulls her to her death.

Outer Limits is getting out on the thin ice again.  The forays into religion early in the season were not always successful, and the apparent entry into the haunted house genre had me worried.

olwalls01

Oh STFU, Outer Limits — this isn’t science-fiction, it’s economics-fiction.

Physicist turned professional skeptic Dwight Schultz is pecking away on a typewriter, watching himself on a TV talk show.  He had appeared with Derek’s mother Alberta Watson to discuss her son’s disappearance in the old house.

His doorbell rings and Watson is there.  She offers Schultz $5,000 to go to the old house with her.  They drive out to the house and Schultz is able to offer plausible  explanations for the mysterious sounds they hear.  Soon, however, they both hear sounds that can’t be so easily explained.

That night, Watson has a few drinks and sees her dead son morphing out of the wall.  In examining the wall, Schultz finds a hidden door and kicks his way in.  Inside, they find a meteorite which apparently animates inanimate objects.

I’m not a stickler for defining science-fiction, but this is a pretty thin pretense for shoehorning a haunted house story into a science-fiction series.  Like all meteorites in TV and media, the stone looks like a pomegranate with shiny metallic “seeds” on the hollow center.

olwalls02She later sees Derek in the house again, or so she thinks.  The entity has completely assumed Derek’s form and fully emerged into the hallway.  He tries to lure her into the wall.  Apparently having seen Spank the Monkey, the entity knows Watson will do anything for her son.

Schultz arrives to save the day by hosing the house down with alcohol which has a disorienting effect on the entity — ha, it thinks it’s people!  As the alcohol takes effect, the house starts melting like a cross between House of Wax and Poltergeist.

Overall, very blah.  I was immediately off-put by that idiotic T-Shirt.  I didn’t come here for lefty propaganda by a bunch of Hollywood 1%ers (filming in Canada to dodge union rates), and I didn’t come here for a haunted house story.

olwalls03Post-Post:

  • Let’s hoist a flagon of house -melting alcohol for Nadia.  Her disappearance is barely mentioned other than to say that her parents couldn’t have cared less.  She seemed like a nice girl.
  • Guess I’m a softy — I would have liked to see Derek and Nadia come out of this alive; and in Nadia’s case, naked.
  • Alberta Watson was also briefly Jack Bauer’s boss on 24.  Unfortunately, I think she was stuck in a doomed role that squandered her abilities.
  • Hulu sucks.

Ray Bradbury Theater – The Wonderful Death of Dudley Stone (S3E7)

Yet another first-time director.  Are they picking these guys up in front of Home Depot?

Like so many RBT episodes, there is an interesting idea here, but it isn’t well executed, or maybe it just works better on the printed page.

Dudley Stone (John Saxon) is having a book-signing for his latest masterpiece.  He recognizes one of the people in line as a struggling writer John Oatis Kendall.  Stone asks how he would like the book inscribed and his handed a note that says “I have come here to kill you.”

But Kendall is paying full price for the book, so Stone says, “Easily done” and begins writing inside the cover.  Psyche!  He writes, “Come see me tomorrow and kill me then!! — D.S.”  effectively shutting him down and screwing him out of an autograph.

The next scene takes place 20 years later where Kendall, having not aged a day, is present at an annual gathering to memorialize Dudley Stone who disappeared after their first encounter.  No one seems to know if Stone is dead or alive.  Kendall, now a successful writer, speaks up to say that he murdered Stone out of jealousy for his talent.

rbtdudley05In a flashback to the day after their meeting at the book-signing, we see that Kendall somehow intuited that Stone’s “Kill me then” comment was an invitation to come out to the house, meet the wife and kids.  Kendall travels out to the seaside home and is warmly greeted by Stone.  Even better, it is Stone’s 40th birthday (even though John  Saxon was 53 at the time).

Saxon is strangely encouraging of Kendall’s plan.  Kendall explains his jealousy of     Stone’s talent and volume of output, “all of it excellent! “.  Novels, poetry, essays, stageplays, screenplays, lectures on city planning, architecture, etc.  Kendall says this flood of masterful output has “reduced everyone else to pygmies.”

“Agreed, agreed,” Stone offers magnanimously.  He seems nonplussed by the entire rant and responds, “I’ve heard your reasons for wanting to kill me, let me give my reasons for letting you do bloody murder.”  He motions at all the books he’s never read, symphonies yet to be heard, films yet to be seen, sculptures waiting to be shaped, paintings waiting to be painted — is there anything this guy can’t do?   I’m starting to hate him myself.  He goes on like this at length — those are the reasons to “die.'”

Faking his death will remove him from Kendall’s competitive world and allow him time to enjoy these pursuits, just like Elvis Presley, Andy Kaufman and Eddie (of Cruisers fame).

rbtdudley12

I’m no tree-hugger, but this is just wrong!

Stone pulls all of his unfinished works out of various boxes, desks and drawers.  Together, they go to a cliff and — in a shocking display of littering — heave reams of paper into the sea.

Back in the future, Kendall calls Stone to give him permission to begin “living” again, but Stone is perfectly happy being “dead.”  He realized 20 years ago that his well had run dry, his latest mediocre works would have have tarnished his legacy.  He was happy to have a chance to go out on a Costanzian high-note.

In a nice twist, he asks the now-successful Kendall if there is anyone out there now that might similarly see him as a threat.  He sees hungry eyes looking at him, and realizes that he now has the same burden that Jack Klugman brought on himself in TZ’s A Game of Pool.

The episode reasonably combines a couple of characters from the print version.  In the story, a man named Douglas (Bradbury’s middle name) tracks Stone down.  Stone then just tells him the story of his encounter with Kendall, who had been a friend since childhood.

Post-Post:

  • LOTR Connection:  None.
  • His fan club, which seems to be made up of writerly types, are no brainiacs.  They were unable to determine whether Stone was alive despite him still living in the same house 20 years later.  C’mon, Richard Bachman was harder to find.  At least Eddie grew a beard (not sure of the facial hair status of the Cruisers).

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Night the World Ended (S2E31)

A group of reporters are hanging out a bar swapping stories, as opposed to now when they would be at a swanky cocktail party hosted by the people they are supposed to be covering, drinking mineral water and nibbling at a low-carb amuse bouche.

ahpnightworld01Halloran is established as a guy who likes a good practical joke.  That his jokes frequently end up in tragedy seems of no concern to him.

Local bum Johnny enters the bar and hits Halloran up for a drink.  Mr. H tells the bartender to “give him the good stuff.”  The bartender reaches under the bar where he just happens to have a shot already poured.  Johnny just about pukes when it turns out to be furniture polish.  Mr. H. gets a good laugh out of this, and Johnny tells him, “You didn’t have to do that!”  Unless Halloran psychically made the bartender pour the shot and place it under the bar waiting for this gag, I don’t really see how Halloran is at fault.  But he’s still an asshole for laughing.

Another newsie rushes in and gives Halloran the last edition hot off the press.  It says the world will end at 11:45 after a collision with Mars.  Johnny rushes out of the bar thinking he must do something special with the three remaining hours of his life.  Of course, the gang gets a huge laugh out of the prank they just pulled.  Maybe I misunderestimated Halloran; he is Schofieldian-level planner.

I think they use the same science adviser as The Twilight Zone.  OK, maybe it is possible that Mars has been broken out of its orbit and will collide with Earth.  But is it likely we would have only 3 hours notice?  Meh, I can always overlook problems like that in old sci-fi, but anything in color better not pull that crap.

ahpnightworld02To make the most of his last 3 hours on earth, Johnny flees the bar and goes to a liquor store — this is a guy with a limited world-view.  He begs the clerk for some free hooch since “it can’t make no difference now.”  The clerk understandably thinks he’s nuts. When his back is turned, Johnny grabs a couple jugs of Cognac (because the good stuff is always sold in 3000 ml bottles) and bolts out the door.

Chugging it in the park, he eludes the police.  He trips over the dogs being walked by an elderly woman.  She takes him back to her place to clean his jacket, and makes him some tea.  She is also a lonely person,  and Johnny is first man in 15 years she’s had in the house.  She understandably gets a little spooked when he says they will be together at her house until the world ends.  She screams for help and a neighbor arrives to throw Johnny out.

Wandering the streets, he encounters 3 young street urchins.  He asks the kids what they most want, and breaks into a sporting goods store to fulfill their dreams.  They go crazy shooting hoops, riding bikes and, inexplicably, fishing in the store.  One of them wants a gun, so Johnny helpfully gets a pistol and loads it for the tike.  A cop comes in and Johnny shoots him when he tries to stop the fun.  The kids bolt.

Johnny stops by a newsstand and is baffled that the newspapers contain headlines such as Naughton Accepts Nomination, Boxing Commission Charges Bribe, Crooner Jailed for Assault.  Johnny realizes he has been punked when the New York Times does not have the headline:

EARTH TO BE DESTROYED

WOMEN AND MINORITIES HARDEST HIT

OK, that’s an oldie; but a greatie.

ahpnightworld03Johnny returns the bar, still packing the heat he took from the store.  It just so happens he arrives at the bar, where the gang is playing cards, exactly at the supposed impact time of 11:45 PM.  Then, it truly is worlds in collision.

Great stuff.

Post-Post:

  • At what point did the pronunciation go from saddist to saydist?  I recall Rod Serling using saddist on TZ also.
  • One of the kids was a 14 year-old Harry Shearer (Spinal Tap, The Simpsons).
  • AHP Deathwatch: At least two of the kids are still alive, including Harry Shearer.
  • Story by Frederic Brown, who wrote the classic Arena on which the Gorn episode of Star Trek was extremely loosely based.
  • IMDb’s trivia on director Jus Addiss says he was the “life partner” of Hayden Rorke (Dr. Bellows on I Dream of Jeannie).  I did not know that.