Outer Limits – I Hear You Calling (S2E4)

olihear02Carter Jones (Ally Sheedy) is a reporter, one of the few like Sheryl Attkisson who will actually do something other than put on the knee pads and suck up to power.  While stuck in traffic, her cell phone picks up a call from a nearby car and she hears “Krieger is scheduled for removal this afternoon.  There will be no witnesses.”

She looks around and stares eye-to-violet-eye with Michael Sarrazin.  Rather than go home to prepare for a cocktail party at the home of some cabinet official, she shockingly pursues the story.

Her editor is old school, though, and wants her to cover the garbage strike.  He says Joeseph Krieger’s name gets “thrown around a lot.  He’s this country’s Salmon Rushdie.”

I kinda think of Salmon Rushdie as this country’s Salmon Rushdie (even if he is a British citizen).  Nothing to see here, move along.

She goes to Krieger’s house and sees the police taking photos of man-shaped purple ash residue on the driveway.  They throw her off the scene.  In her SUV, she gets a call from Sarrazin who says he knows her name, her address and warns her that she could suffer the same fate as Krieger.

olihear09In the archives, she finds a story from 2 weeks ago about a hiker that disappeared from a boat trip.  Purple ashes in the shape of a man were found on the dock.  She gets the world’s most intrusive email notification that tells here, “Do not pursue this.”

She goes to the dock, to speak to the captain of the boat, but learns that he hasn’t been heard from in 2 weeks.  The dockmaster tells her that Krieger was also on that boat. There was also a married couple on that boat.  Jones goes to their house and sees Sarrazin reduce them to purple ashes.

Since Sarrazin knows where she lives, she goes to her father’s house.  They don’t get along because, like Samantha Marsh, she has exposed environmental problems at her father’s employer that resulted in the loss of jobs.  Even if she did the right thing, she is really an asshole about the lives she disrupted.

She goes back to see the dockmaster, but he is now missing.  His sister is there also looking for him.  She says another odd-looking man was just there looking for her brother.  Jones is able to track him to a hotel  Sarrazin has followed her and also reduces him to purple ashes.

olihear14Turns out, Sarrazin is an alien.  One of his scouts had a virus which infected the people whom he has been eliminated.  He was merely preventing a massive outbreak on Earth. The last infected person: Carter Jones.

The good news is the people he zapped to purple ashes did not actually die, they were just transported to Sarrazin’s planet where the the virus is not a danger.  Which sounds suspiciously like my dog Skippy “going to live on a farm” when he got old.

Good episode and nice twist on the killer aliens.

Post-Post:

  • This would have been a much better title for the episode starring Marlee Matlin which had the blah title The Message.  It barely makes sense for this episode.
  • Hulu Sucks.  However, their beautiful IHOP commercials are mouth-watering. New: Caramel Bon-Bon Pancakes.

Ray Bradbury Theater – Mars is Heaven (S4E1)

rbtmarsisheaven01Hal Linden (Barney Miller), or is it Barney Miller (Hal Linden)? No, it’s Hal Linden (Barney Miller), is the captain of a ship heading to Mars.

Linden, playing Captain Black, disembarks along with crew-members Henley and Larson to explore Mars.  After a few seconds, they determine that the atmosphere is “thin for breathing, but there’s enough oxygen.”  Showing the same scientific acumen as the crew of Prometheus, they take off their helmets.

Mars isn’t quite what they expect.  Their landing area is the expected barren red landscape, but then they hear a rooster crowing.  They hear birds.  After a short walk, they see trees, grass, tennis courts.  They’re in Club Red; except without the red.

rbtmarsisheaven02One of the men suggests they somehow landed back on earth.  Captain Black assures him, “we traveled 300 million miles, tracked by telemetry every inch of the way.”  As usual, no one could be troubled to pick up an almanac when this story was filmed.  When Mars is on the other side of the sun, it is still never 300 million miles away.  Even the original short story didn’t use this stat.

One man finds his old tennis racket, one sees his grandfather.  Black sees his younger brother and goes with him back to his parent’s house.  He is reunited with his dead mother and dead father.  It is revealed that the house he has come back to actually burned to the ground years ago, killing his brother.

In the short story, one woman — whatever the Martian equivalent of a blonde is, maybe a redhead — almost gives away the game when she threatens to have her husband come outside and “beat them with all his fists.”  Although, really, she could have meant all two of them.

That night, Linden finally begins to question what they have found on Mars.  He wonders if maybe the Martians knew they were coming.  That they may have used their minds to create this world for the humans.  To put them off-guard, to separate them so they could be picked off by people they trusted.

rbtmarsisheaven03

For some reason, the astronauts wear ASA patches instead of NASA.

As Black leaves the room, an alien hand clasps his shoulder.  We then cut to caskets resting on the barren red Martian soil, 3 helmets atop them.

The idea of finding a replica on earth is old hat now, also having appeared on The Twilight Zone.  When it was published 1948, maybe it was new hat.  I guess the title Mars is Heaven isn’t really a spoiler since it is revealed to not be heaven.

In the story, the Martians inexplicably retain their human form even after the astronauts are dead, and give them a proper burial.  Equally inexplicably, in the episode, we see the coffins but they fade from the shot and disappear completely.

Post-Post:

  • Pointless Duplication:  In the story, Black’s brother died 26 years ago.  He is now 26 years old.  The townspeople say the year is 1926.
  • The short story Mars is Heaven was included in The Martian Chronicles as The Third Expedition.
  • Coincidentally, director John Laing is also credited on an episode of The Hitchhiker which I just watched.  The first disk of that series was so awful, I couldn’t bring myself to write about it.  His episode was probably one of the better ones, though.
  • For some reason, Bradbury alone among sci-fi writers is given license to have breathable air on Mars and other basic scientific inaccuracies.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Indestructible Mr. Weems (S2E37)

ahpweems03What’s up with the Weems?  First Borgus, and now the indestructible Clarence.  OK, they aired 14 years apart, so I guess there is no conspiracy.

The board of the Knights of the Golden Lodge came up with a boffo idea for their members.  They bought a plot of land to be used as a cemetery.  The problem is, people aren’t exactly dying to get in.  Taxes and upkeep are killing their cash flow.

They agree that the problem is that no one wants to be the first, so they must find someone to occupy the first grave.  Their first thought is of Clarence Weems, a member who has been in ill health for the past year.  They decide to offer him $50 / week (over $400 in 2014 dollars) until he dies if he agrees to be the first customer at Elysium Fields.

ahpweems09The men go to Weems’ 4th floor apartment to make their pitch.  He doesn’t want charity but agrees to the deal as a business proposition. Papers are signed.

Weems immediately takes a turn for the better; also for the nurse, as he begins feeling frisky.  He applies to have his membership in the lodge reactivated.  The board climbs the 3 flights of stairs to visit him again, but he is asleep.  He does manage to make it to the lodge dance, though.  And enter the cha-cha contest.

The board pays another visit to Weems.  His doctor tells them that they are responsible for his amazing recovery, that having the security of the lifetime annuity has added years to his life.

ahpweems13They decide to see if Weems will accept $500 to release them from the contract.  When they go to his apartment, they see him moving a piano (correction, seems to be something else, but I like my idea better).  This so enrages the Grand Poobah of the lodge, that he keels over on the stairs.  Weems generously offers his grave for the Poobah to be buried in.

A simple, fun little episode even though the Poobah didn’t really deserve to die.  They could have ended the episode with the face-palm realization that it was their generosity that doomed the lodge.  It would have been a bloodless, A.A. Milne type episode, but still rich with irony.

Post-Post:

  • AHP Deathwatch:  No survivors, but Don Keefer gave it good try, just passing away in September at age 98.
  • Keefer was in The Caine Mutiny where there was a character named Keefer.  There was also a character named Keith, and the similarity always confused me.

Night Gallery – The Phantom Farmhouse (S2E5)

Like the unwatchable Whispers last season, this segment is hard-core 1970s.

At a new-age (well, new in 1970) high-priced sanitarium, Dr. Winter is holding a session outdoors around a large tree which has several colored platforms built around it.  I don’t know how beneficial it is for therapy, but as set design, it is awesome.

Another 1970s relic, David Carradine is strumming a repetitious tune on his guitar. When one of the other patients takes offense, he goes all Pete Townsend and smashes it.  When another patient asks him a simple question, he responds in the third person, “Gideon takes the fifth.”  A more welcome response would have been “Gideon takes a bath.”

He complains to the doctor that his parents are paying $39,000 a year to keep him locked up there.  That’s $228,000 in 2014 dollars; what a rebel.

ngphantonfarmhouse08The sheriff shows up with a note found at the scene of the death of one of Winters’ patients.  Carradine wrote the note which was an introduction to a mysterious Mildred. Carradine claims he and all of the group are in love with her despite never having seen her.  He says that Mildred is a “super-groove”  who lives in a farmhouse in the woods with a picket fence and old-fashioned well.

The dead patient had gone in search of Mildred and ended up torn to shreds.  Winter retraces his path and ends op at the farmhouse despite the fact that the sheriff had said it did not exist; that there were only ruins there.  There is a young blonde woman there dressed in white who offers him a drink from the well.

Back at the sanitarium, Carradine has pulled together several books of lycanthropy, werewolves.  He believes that is what killed the other patient. The sanitarium’s inexplicably beret-wearing French caretaker also believes that werewolves have killed some of their sheep.

ngphantonfarmhouse12Winter goes back to the farmhouse to see Mildred.  Then returns to the sanitarium where he learns another patient has been torn to shreds.

Then returns to the farmhouse.  Then back to the sanitarium.  Honestly, this story could have used some tightening up.

The next day, before sunrise, he returns to the farmhouse.  Mildred had asked that he read a funeral service over three unmarked graves.  He collapses in mid-psalm and is later found by the caretaker.  Where the farmhouse had stood a few moments earlier, there are only ruins.

So he goes back to the sanitarium . . .  presumably still as the doctor.

Sadly, less than the sum of its parts.  The actors are great — Carradine is the typical sanctimonious hippie, but he is perfect in the role.  Mildred was not very well cast, but the others were fine.  It just went on for too long with not much of a payoff.

Post-Post:

  • Twilight Zone Legacy: None really, but Bill Quinn was in the TZ Movie.
  • Skipped Segment: Silent Snow Secret Snow.  This is segment is based on the Conrad Aiken story that everyone used to have to read in school.  Oddly, Aiken’s daughter Joan wrote the Marmalade segment of the previous episode.
  • How can lycanthropy not be in spell-check?
  • Kudos on the subtle indication that Mildred is a werewolf:

ngphantonfarmhouse20

Tales from the Crypt – The Secret (S2E18)

tftcsecret02Theodore is the oldest kid at the orphanage, and there is little chance any parents will adopt him.  Being the oldest and the biggest, the standard bowl of orphan-chow they serve just isn’t enough.

We catch him sneaking down the stairs to the kitchen to steal a snack.  In the fridge, there is one chicken leg, an apple, an onion and half a bottle of milk.  This is to feed about 10 kids, so if they are hungry tomorrow, I don’t think it is going to be his fault.

He is busted by the headmaster Mrs. Hagstead who, like Mrs. Goodbody in the Bradbury episode, is not quite appropriately cast.  She is an older woman, but not a hag.  The casting director was on the ball casting a hottie as her assistant Miss Heather, though,  because, as science has proven, all Heathers are hot.  Hagstead tells Heather she must never talk about what happened to Theodore’s parents.

tftcsecret07Hagstead instructs Heather to take Theodore back upstairs and lock him in his room. That night, Theodore sneaks out again by the full moon and comes back in the morning covered in dirt from his escape.

Against all odds, a couple comes to the orphanage and thinks Theodore is the perfect choice to live with them in “the lap of luxury.”  Theodore is in awe of the large house and his room which is filled with toys — which is a good thing since they keep him locked in his room.  All he has to keep him company are the many toys, Tobias the butler and a never-ending series of cakes, pies, sundaes, eclairs, ice cream, napoleons and milkshakes.

During a moonlight stroll around the estate, the couple tells Theodore that the have a special surprise coming up for him, but that it is a secret.  Tobias, also an orphan, seems genuinely concerned for Theodore’s welfare.  One night, Tobias is caught trying to smuggle Theodore out of the house.

tftcsecret13He is caught by the couple who are revealed to be vampires.  Theodore manages to escape, but is caught running across the estate.  Turns out Theodore has a secret of his own.

That night, or at least at night, Theodore returns to the orphanage dressed like Danny Noonan at the Yacht Club and tells Hagstead and Heather that there are going to be some changes.

Great episode — this is how you handle kids, Outer Limits!

Post-Post:

  • No idea when this is set, but Hagstead calls Theodore a “little Sputnik”, so it had to be after 1957.  Sputnik seems to have a few translations in English: Something that travels with the earth, Traveling Companion, Fellow Traveler.  This is funny considering the colloquial meaning of fellow traveler in this country even before Sputnik.
  • Tobias is played by Larry Drake, last seen in the great And All Through the House and The Message.
  • This is the writer’s sole credit.  The director had only one other directing credit, but was a production designer on a lot of big movies.  Despite these slim resumes, the writing and especially the direction were better than the average TFTC.
  • Last episode of the season — don’t forget what you learned over the summer, guys.
  • Gaines Orphanage, I get it.