Author Archives: don

Detour (2013)

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detour03Cover 1:  This is the only art at IMDb.  Is dirt ever effective cover art for anything?  Did we learn nothing from Centerfield?  It makes sense once you’ve seen the movie, but it doesn’t get any easier on the eyes.

Cover 2:  Infinitely better, except for one thing.  The poster shows the car wheels-up.  In the movie, the car is clearly wheels-down.  Even on the same poster, just inches below, you can tell by the safety belt that the guy is in an upright car.  I’m no nitpicker, but this is pretty blatant.  The Poseidon Adventure got it right 40 years ago.

That aside, it is a surprisingly good movie mostly following the template from Buried.  I admired the purity of Buried, but the exterior cheats here don’t hurt the narrative.  Not sure they help, but they don’t hurt.

The film starts off so abruptly that I first thought I had accidentally fast-forwarded or picked up from a previous session (although being on Hulu, the absence of an obnoxious, punitive commercial should have tipped me off).

Jackson, an ad man played by Neil Hopkins wakes up in his car with a nosebleed.  He is also disoriented by the fact that there is dirt packed against all the windows.  Obviously being buried, his phone does not work.  For some reason he tries the radio; which, unless The Professor was in the backseat, would not be much help.  Then he tries to start the car, which I just chalk up to panic.

detour04He begins recording himself on the phone, but fortunately this does not turn into a found-footage, hand-held joint.  Hey, I could use a hand-held joint right now.

Despite being a situation very similar to Buried, Detour actually has an edge in suspense.  While the claustrophobia of being buried in a box would be incredible, being in Jackson’s situation is more suspenseful.  True, he has more legroom, overhead lighting, tilt-steering, pleather seats, and a low low APR, but he is also excruciatingly close to the surface.  Or is he?  Should he try to dig himself out, or would that just create a cave-in, killing him immediately?  On the other hand, if you are buried in a box, you’re not going anywhere.  Is hope always a good thing?

Taking inventory of the vehicle, he is able to MacGyver some items to good use.  The Club is used to stop a cave-in and also helps catch brown rainwater which has filtered through the dirt.  He is able to use folding chair legs and a jack to punch a hole to the surface where is can see about a quarter inch of daylight.  Of course with half the movie left, the excitement is short-lived.

The pressure on Jackson grows as the outside pressure on the car causes continual creaks and encroachments by mud and dirt.  Finally he is driven to make an escape attempt.

Of course some of it it far-fetched.  And I’m not entirely sure Neil Hopkins was up to the task.  But it does end up being an enjoyable single-location thriller that is surprisingly easy to empathize with.

Post-Post:

  • Neil Hopkins played Charlie’s brother Liam on Lost.
  • There is a big deal made of a crude map he draws in the Owner’s Manual of the route he had been driving.  No idea why.
  • Also don’t get the title.  Their really is no detour.  In fact, Jackson might actually be sitting right on the road he was traveling.  A metaphysical detour, I guess.
  • Kudos on the scene where he determines that he is about 5 degrees off vertical.  Absolutely meaningless in the big picture, but a nice sequence.

Tales from the Crypt – The Switch (S2E2)

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Holy crap, I remember seeing this one 23 years ago.

Sadly, the first shot is of the grating William “fingernails-on-a-blackboard” Hickey who made his Outer Limits episode just about unwatchable.  He tells his butler, Mr. Pitt from Seinfeld, that he is hopelessly in love with a young woman.  Demonstrating that he has learned nothing about women in his 114 years on earth, he has kept his wealth a secret from her just to be sure she really loves him.

tftcswitch03

Mrs. John Travolta. Maybe I should reconsider this Scientology thing.

He proposes, but the woman, Kelly Preston, tells him she can’t because he is old enough to be her grandfather — and she is being charitable at that.  He vows to change for her, and goes to a plastic surgeon.  The doctor refers him to a mad scientist who can actually do a face transplant with a handsome young man.

Hickey has to fork over $1M for the surgery, having gone out-of-network.  $100k is for the surgery, and $900k is for the donor.  Sporting his new mug, he goes to see Kelly again.  His new face is a little strange.  It appears that they just made Hickey up to look younger.  His face is fuller, over-sized in a paper mache sort of way, like a Mardi Gras float.  Also, in this procedure, “face” apparently includes the hair.  But that same biting-on-tin-foil voice is there.

She says the face is weirdly OK, but that his old decrepit body is a turn-off.  Back to the mad scientist for a torso transplant at a mere $2 million.  Hickey checks himself out post-op and is amazed by his physique.  He still has the sliding-down-a-razorblade-bannister voice, though.

tftcswitch05Kelly is impressed by stud-boy.  At the beach, however, she gets a gander at his scrawny legs.  So back to the mad scientist.  $3 million will finish the job at $1 million per appendage.  Sadly, he can no longer afford Mr. Pitt, so let’s him go.

Fully transformed, he rushes to see Kelly.  She has married the donor who has been transformed into an old man — now portrayed by Hickey.  The difference is, he is now rich from the surgeries, which is what she always wanted.  And Mr. Pitt works for them.

Great episode.  Even the repellent William Hickey could not ruin it.  Season 2 is on a streak.

Post-Post:

  • Writer Richard Tuggle wrote Tightrope and Escape from Alcatraz for Clint Eastwood.  Then nothing.  Absolutely noting.  IMDb has no date of death.  Very mysterious.
  • One of Ahnold Schwarzenegger’s 2 directing credits.
  • Rick Rossovich as the donor was best known to me from the excellent film Roxanne.
  • Hickey, playing Carlton Webster here, played Carlton Blanchard on a few episodes of Wings.  If there is a reason for this coincidence, I am not interested enough to find it.
  • The mad scientist is the guy who played Data in Stratagema on Star Trek TNG.  For some reason, I always thought that was Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley.

Cheap Thrills (2013)

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cheapthrills01Pat Healy and Sara Paxton from The Innkeepers.  That’s all I really needed to know to make this a must-see

Sadly, it also stars the odious David Koechner, doesn’t give Sara anything to do, and has directorial problems.

Pat Healy and wife are a cute couple with a new baby.  His day is off to a great start as he notices an eviction notice on their apartment door.  Then he gets fired from his job at the garage.  The obvious solution is to go to a bar.  There he sees an old friend Vince, who he hasn’t seen for 5 years.

Vince works in collections as a knuckle-breaker; also a dragger.  Healy inquires about joining that prestigious line of work, but doesn’t seem cut out for it.

Healy passes a guy doing some coke in the bathroom, and sees a $50 bill in the  toilet.  Being American dollars, this is very appropriate.  Coming back out, he sees Vince has joined Koechner and Sara at their table.  Koechner portrays the same overbearing, obnoxious character he always plays.  He buys the group a $300 bottle of tequila and offers $50 to the first one to down their shot.  The games have begun.

The fun continues innocently with bets on darts, slapping asses, hitting on hookers. At a strip club, a more serious challenge ends with Healy being being punched in his face, which brings out his inner Tyler Durden.  The bets escalate, leading to the only place this can lead to.  That’s not to say it’s not possible to have fun while zooming toward the inevitable.  But it is to say that there should have been a lot more fun getting there.

cheapthrills02Audiences, especially in the horror genre, have been burned so many times that the barest hint of quality often becomes over-praised.

It’s like when you are forced at gunpoint to listen to jazz and unexpectedly 3 consecutive notes form something resembling a melody.  Your heart beats a little faster in anticipation of an actual tune.

This is only an OK movie, garnering praise way above its pay-grade.  Pat Healy does great work as always, but the cast falls off steeply after that.  Ethan Embry as Vince is overwhelmingly adequate, nothing more.  Koechner is just a repulsive blowhard; that’s his stock character and I guess he plays it well, but it doesn’t make it pleasant to watch.

And poor, lovely Sara Paxton.  Did she read the script before signing?  Other than one cringe-inducing fully-clothed sex scene, she is given nothing do to.  I mean, literally nothing.  She is silent arm candy to a jerk.  This is far, far beneath her.

The tone and pacing also seemed uneven.  This was director E.L. Katz’s first joint.  It isn’t horrible, but it doesn’t quite work either.  The pacing is off, the cinematography just seems wrong, and the fine line between comedy and horror is not adequately resolved.

In conclusion, poor Sara.  It was nearly impossible to find a single good shot of her to capture in the entire movie.  All in all, a huge let down given the stars and reviews I had read.

Post-Post:

  • E.L. Katz was a producer on the low-budget Aggression Scale which I quite liked.
  • Writer Trent Haaga played Clyde in Bonnie & Clyde vs. Dracula.  Just the thought of that is so great that I refuse to watch it and be disappointed.
  • Even the poster above bugs me.  At first I thought the yellow shape backing the title shape was a theater ticket, but no; I got nothing.  Good maniacal shot of Healy; Koechner seems appropriately repulsive — a fair representation; Sara displays the same detachment she shows in the movie, so at least it is an accurate portrayal of how she is underutilized.  But what the hell does Vince find so high-larious?  OK, now the yellow backing looks like an open file folder — but why?  And why is there a single bill floating around?  That doesn’t exactly reflect the titular thrill, an out of control evening or coke-fueled insanity.  No one ever says “It’s all about a Benjamin.”
  • It is not uncommon to say some guys are baby-faced.  Healy is the only guy who seems to be infant-faced.
  • And Davey K, enough with the hipster hats — you’re 50!  Backwards baseball cap in the wash?

Outer Limits – Living Hell (S1E8)

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So blah is this episode that there is not one interesting visual to include.

Ben Kohler is the most happy-go-lucky guitar-toting unemployed construction worker in America. After getting turned away from a job-site, his lucky streak continues when he is shot in the head.

He is taken to the hospital.  When they begin cutting on his skull, another man collapses in his kitchen.  Turns out Dr. Jennifer Martinez has taken this opportunity to place an experimental cerebral chip in Kohler’s head.  What is strange is that the other guy is zapped even before the chip is put in Kohler’s brain.  What triggered it?  Just being taken out of the file cabinet?

Turns out this other man, Wayne Haas,  has an earlier version of the chip in his noggin.  Oh, and Haas, is a serial killer — just as in a dozen other shows and movies.  But the twist here is that Kohler sees through Haas’s eyes as he . . . . no, wait that’s also just like all the other stories.

Dr. Martinez takes Kohler home with her and . . . and . . .

I just can’t work up enough interest to continue.  Yada yada, Kohler shorts out both chips, sacrificing himself to save Dr. Martinez.  The end.

Post-Post:

  • Maybe Elizabeth Pena is a great actress, but she is terrible here.
  • Living hell indeed.