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The Dead Book – Howard Hersey

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pulpdeadbook01The good news is, it is short — only 134 of whatever arcane units the Kindle uses.

A group of men are stationed in Mindanao in the Philippines.  It is said that if you are stationed there, you should “forget that women ever lived, leave drink alone, and never worry.”

When one of the men, Carson,  commits suicide, Kennedy opines that “a white man was never intended for such a beastly life.”

Carson had become interested in a monastery on the island.  He learned that there was an old hand-painted bible there which had been brought over by Magellan.  The bible was kept behind a closed door, and chained to a desk.  It was said that anyone who spent a night studying it, would never come out alive.

Carson would be the first person to 50 years to examine the book.   When he entered with one of the monks, the monk fell, pulling a table a table over on top of him and crushing his skull.  This sent Carson screaming down the hall.  Carson is nursed back to health from what seems to be no more than a case of the willies.

This is where it gets confusing.  Carson believed a tarantula was behind the deaths.  In his quarters, he believed he saw the tarantula and shot himself.  Let’s examine that.

Kennedy’s theory is that Carson saw a red tie in the mirror and believed it to be the tarantula.  Ted Kennedy’s theory on Chappaquiddick is more believable.  Kennedy refers to “a string” in the book which I am interpreting as one of those ribbons that were used in bibles as a book mark.  That doesn’t look much like a tarantula to me.

Then he believes that Carson pulled out his pistol and pointed it over his shoulder to kill the tarantula, and accidentally shot himself.  Wouldn’t a shoe or the Sunday New York Times have been a more effective weapon (and equally reliable as a source of news)?

This could have been a good story in the vein of The Adventure of the Speckled Band or The Problem of Cell 13.  Instead, it is just a waste of time.

Post-Post:

  • First published in The Thrill Book, July 1919.
  • Also that year:  1st Class Postage drops from 3 cents to 2 cents.  Wait, what?

Night Gallery – The Dear Departed (S2E11)

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ngdeardeparted04The episode opens at a seance being conducted by Radha Ramadi aka Mark Bennett aka Steve Lawrence aka Sidney Liebowitz.  Bennett is summoning his spirit guide Running Deer.  He seems to be a little confused — although he is technically wearing authentic Indian garb, it is a Nehru Jacket.

Running Deer makes himself known by playing the traditional Indian instrument, the tambourine.  Bennett tells Running Deer they are trying to reach the spirit of Dorie Harcourt whose mother is at the table.  Dorie appears in the form of a porcelain head that seems to have toilet paper flowing from her shoulders.  She drops a stuffed elephant onto the table which convinces her mother that this truly is her dead daughter’s toilet paper shedding, disembodied, immobile mannequin head.

ngdeardeparted07Dorie’s mother offers Bennett a little something extra for contacting her daughter.  He makes a good show of refusing it, but it does end up in the pocket of that Nehru jacket.  After she leaves, he is joined by his partners Angela and Joe Casey, with whom he will split the $500 windfall.

Joe thinks he is not cut out for this life.  He believes himself to be too coarse and low-class to work with Bennett, too unsophisticated.  Bennett is brilliant in giving credit to Joe for their success at hustling the rubes.  He says Joe is an artist, and tells Angela that she should be nicer to him.  On the other hand, it is revealed that Angela and Bennett are having an affair behind Joe’s hairy back.

At dinner, they try to ditch Joe so they can have the sex, but Joe and Bennett are both just too nice.  Bennett agrees that the three of them will go out to a movie.  Joe runs out to get Angela something for a headache and is run down by a car.

The next day, Bennett is forced to prepare all the special effects that Joe used to handle for the seances.  Without Joe, Running Deer is a less adept at the tribal tambourine than Davy Jones.  When Bennett pretends to summon a woman’s dead husband, we get another lifeless disembodied head.  This time, without Joe’s steady hand, it is bouncing around and the voice is is crazy.

ngdeardeparted24When he tries again to summon the man, Joe appears instead — not as a doll’s head, but as a true translucent ghost.  He says that they are going to “stay a team — forever!”

The ending fails completely because there is no sense of danger attached to Joe’s appearance, even at the threat of forever.  Now, Delbert Grady’s daughters really knew how to really work that word.

ngdeardeparted40Steve Lawrence never got his due because he was mostly a lounge singer.  But he was a good actor, and really sells this role.

Post-Post:

  • Twilight Zone Legacy:  None.
  • Skipped Segment:  An Act of Chivalry — another short sketch not worth the words already typed.

Night Gallery – Pickman’s Model (S2E11)

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ngpickmansmodel12The episode is framed by scenes with art connoisseurs Larry Rand and Eliot Blackman.  Based on their performances and the superfluousness of their parts, It is reasonable to suspect the producer of casting his relatives once again — they do have other credits, however.

In the opening scene, they are arguing over the authenticity of a Pickman painting.  All but 4 of Pickman’s oil slicks mysteriously disappeared along with the artist 75 years ago.  Rand observes that the signature “looks real enough.”  This analysis doesn’t even rise to the level of tire-kicking when buying a used car.

Because he discovered the painting hidden in his current studio, Blackman believes the studio must have once belonged to Pickman.  Fortunately, rather than filming a title search, the story quickly flashes back to Pickman picking up a few bucks by teaching a drawing class to a group of “young ladies of good families.”

ngpickmansmodel17

A little over the top, but appreciated.

He is showing the same painting — Ghoul Preparing to Die — to his class, telling them that it was the result of “drawing what he sees” and that it caused his expulsion from the Boston Art Institute, removal of two of his canvasses from the Cabot Museum, and a punch in the nose.

One of the ladies — Mavis Goldsmith — seems to have a similarly morbid style, seeing a vase of flowers and drawing them as dead and wilted.  Pickman is intrigued by her drawing, but can’t resist drawing the beast’s face in the corner like a Mephistophelean Kilroy.

Mavis tracks Pickman down in a pub.  She asks to go to his studio, but he refuses; no one even knows where it is.  Fortuitously, the location is given away in a Pickman painting that she recently purchased.  Both Pickman and Mavis’ uncle tell her of inhuman tunneling beasts that practice unspeakable acts in the area of his studio.

ngpickmansmodel33Mavis goes to Pickman’s studio against his wishes, and lets herself in.  She wanders into his studio where she sees several paintings all depicting grotesque scenes, many with the same beast.  Pickman discovers her and is in the process of throwing her out when there are noises heard in the hallway.

Pickman grabs a fireplace poker and runs out.  The beast enters and begins carrying Mavis out, when Pickman attacks.  There is a clue as to why Pickman always wears gloves as we glimpse that his bare hand is partially covered with scales — a product of the beast “pro-creating” with his mother.  It is a very quick shot, and I suspect they realized this, so inserted the exact same piece of film a few seconds later so we get a second look.

The beast prevails and carries Pickman’s body down to the tunnels.  Mavis calls her uncle to come loot the gallery.  Her uncle says he must have been insane.  Mavis says, “No, he just painted what he saw . . . and was.”

ngpickmansmodel44We return to the present day. Searching for additional paintings, the two men find a mysterious brick enclosure in the cellar. They start pounding away at it, hoping to strike it rich.  The paintings are not entombed there, but something is.

The episode is so fleshed out that only the bare essentials of Lovecraft’s story remain; and one critical point is abandoned completely.

There is no Mavis in the story — her addition was necessary and welcome.  In the story, the entire narrative is told by one of the dealers in the opening scene — that would have been deadly, especially with these particular actors.  The two men are named Thurber and Eliot in the story (presumably after the writers) — Thurber’s name is changed for the episode.  In the story, the main painting is called Ghoul Feeding, which is much more menacing than the episode’s defeatist title, Ghoul Preparing to Die.

The “Soylent Green is people” moment from the story involved Pickman taking photos and painting his backgrounds from them rather than painting them “live.”  The final revelation that the beast was the subject of one photograph could have worked on TV, but I didn’t miss it.

Overall, great production and great performances from Bradford Dillman (Pickman) and Louise Sorel (Mavis).  Good job on the adaptation, also.

Post-Post:

  • Twilight Zone Legacy:  None.
  • Lovecraft’s story was first published in Weird Tales, October 1927.
  • Despite not being anything extraordinary, the Lovecraft story seems to be a favorite of many people.  There have also been a number of productions of it, some switching the genders of the lead characters.  And one CGI version that is like The Sims: Lovecraft.
  • The only Cabot Museum in Boston is a fictitious one used by Lovecraft in other stories.  Just a little harmless fan-service, I guess.

Tales From the Crypt – Top Billing (S3E5)

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In which we play the Price is Right Hi-Lo Game.  Disclosure: I have never seen the Price is Right Hi-Lo Game.

Sandra Bernhard (OVER-rated: Always had great potential, but not much good stuff after The King of Comedy and early Letterman appearances (before he became a bitter old man (which was about 20 years ago))) is an agent calling for her assistant.

John Lovitz (UNDER-rated: Always funny, but is almost never in anything I watch (he is a perfect match for the tone of this series, but only appears once in 7 seasons — see what I mean?)) enters her office carrying a rope which is only slightly longer than the one included in the Clue board game.

tftctopbilling03Lovitz says he killed her assistant and that she “is next, bitch.”  Berhard’s lackluster response completely suckered me in, thinking it was just a lousy line-reading.  When Lovitz makes a half-assed attempt to strangle her, it seems fishy.  When he says, “The silent scream is the loudest,” it is clear this is an audition.  Nothing that awful could make it into a movie.

Sadly, once again, Lovitz does not get the gig.  As he is leaving her office, he passes a line of other hopefuls.  While it is fun that they all have a piece of rope, it would have been better to have them be Hollywood purty-boys to further establish Lovitz’s desperation.  He then notices a flyer for parts in a production of Hamlet.

He takes one and sees Bruce Boxleitner coming out of the elevator (UN-rated: I know he’s been around for decades, but this is literally the first thing I’ve ever seen him in), a former acting pal who made it big.  He advises Lovitz not to worry so much about technique, just get a new wardrobe, some colored contacts, and “stoop” to doing commercials.

tftctopbilling04He goes to see his agent Louise Fletcher (OVER-rated: Got huge accolades and won an Oscar for One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest (she has worked steadily, but nothing to compare to her over-praised breakout role).  She also tells him he is no Mel Gibson or Bruce Boxleitner, and suggests plastic surgery.  Ouch — no wonder Lovitz never went back.

As she is dropping him as a client, she begins flossing her teeth.  The act is such a beautiful non-sequitur and so perfectly dismissive of his presence, that the episode deserves a A just for that few seconds.  Bravo!

Lovitz goes to a seedy part of town for the Hamlet audition.  Boxleitner is already there and believes his looks will get him the part.  The crazy director is played by John Astin (UNDER-rated: Another actor who is consistently good and funny.  He has a huge resume, but still seems like he should have been bigger.  He almost salvaged some unsalvagable Night Gallery episodes, and directed a few that were better than average (so I consider him under-rated in two categories)) who naturally selects Boxleitner because “he has the look.”

tftctopbilling09Lovitz watches a rehearsal, fuming in the wings.  And being TFTC, kills Boxleitner and gets the part.  Turns out Boxleitner and now Lovitz were not cast as Hamlet, but as Yorick.  And really, all that’s needed for that role is his skull.

That ending wouldn’t have worked if not for the great 2nd ending.  The 3rd ending with the police is merely superfluous.  The 4th ending features a mediocre effect, but is awesomely saved by a dog at the last second.  And the one where they return to the Shire is best of all.

A winner.

Post-Post:

  • Title Analysis:  Serviceable, but no wordplay and irony-free.
  • Louise Fletcher’s competition for the Oscar appeared in these timeless classics that are surely huge DVD sellers, and that I hear people talk about all the time: The Story of Adele H, Tommy, Hedda, and Hester Street.  Fletcher could have been in a beer commercial and won.
  • On a more positive note, her award was presented by Charles Bronson, and she gave one of the classic tear-jerker acceptance speeches.
  • This was Myles Berkowitz’s third and final TV script credit on IMDb.  If the flossing scene was his, he was robbed in not winning an Emmy.  Sorry we did not hear more from him.

Outer Limits – First Anniversary (S2E7)

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olfirstanniversary01aI was not looking forward to watching this one.  The short story was only 7 pages and kind of a one-joke piece.  Bulking it up to fill a one hour slot seemed a little 4th-Season Twilight Zoney to me.

Luckily, it was fleshed out with additional characters and featured some interesting performers.  I’m sure a lot of care was taken in the adaptation as it was co-written by Richard Matheson’s daughter.

Dorky accountant Matt Frewer is visited by a hot blonde client who is shown to his office.  Before he gets there, she notices his dead wife’s picture on the desk and morphs into a brunette (Michelle Johnson) more his type.  Although, her original incarnation seemed to be the universal every-guy’s type.  It clearly works, because about 100 frames later, they are a married couple.

olfirstanniversary17They are having dinner with another couple to celebrate the first anniversary of both marriages and it is immediately evident that something is amiss.  The other man is Clint Howard — it is not going too far out on a limb to say these two guys are . . . er, that is to say . . . uh, their faces have a lot of character.  It is clear that the couples were cast so that the women would appear to be out of the guys’ league.

That night at 3:04, Frewer awakens to find his wife typing away downstairs.  He sneaks up behind her and kisses her neck, but recoils saying she tastes like something dead.   She runs to the shower and begins roughly scrubbing down.  Frewer enters the bathroom and we sadly get just a backal view of Michelle.  When he looks at her reflection in the mirror, however, he sees a monster.

olfirstanniversary39Frewer goes to a doctor to check his sense of taste.  Now he can’t taste his wife at all. He swings by Howard’s house and learns that he has left his wife Barbara.  As Frewer drives off, Michelle strangely appears.  They are realizing that their marriages can only last about a year.

Howard calls Frewer and they meet in the park.  A disheveled Howard says that he began seeing and smelling strange things about Barbara.  Having morphed into a different body (for no good reason), Barbara confronts him, but he runs away and is hit by a car.

Soon, Johnson can’t keep up the illusion any more and Frewer begins to see her for the disgusting alien that she is.  Maintaining the illusion for more than one year is just not possible.  She confesses that she and Barbara crashed on earth.

Sure, now we get the frontal shot.olfirstanniversary51

Post-Post:

  • The mystery here is why Michelle Johnson didn’t have a bigger career.  At least the Matheson family liked her — she is also in an upcoming Tales From the Crypt episode written by Richard Christian Matheson.
  • Cost of Canadian-release DVD: $20.  Not having to deal with Hulu: Priceless!
  • But Hulu, as I recall, still sucks.