Author Archives: don

Tales of Tomorrow – Ice From Space (08/08/52)

Posted on by
Reply

ttice03The Arrow B76 took off 2 days ago. Radar tracked it for 76,200 miles then it disappeared.

For 48 hours there has been no sign of the AR-76 (which apparently is what we’re calling it now, 30 seconds later). Major Dozier tells Congress-man Burns perhaps he can figure out who repealed the law of what goes up must come down. As it was tracked 76,200 miles, the officer would have been better off heeding Newton’s 1st Law of Motion rather than the drug-addled musings of a 60’s pop song that had not been written yet.  

Congressman Burns says they are past the point where they can laugh at the waste of millions of dollars of taxpayer money.  After all, a graft-mine like that doesn’t come along every day.

Inexplicably, he says their calculations indicate it should fall to Earth within 50 miles of where it was launched.  He is interested to see what happened to the passengers, some mice which the men have nicknamed the Flying Mice Brothers[1], even though the obvious gag would have been The Wrat Brothers.

ttice06Out of the blue, Burns zings the officer by saying his father would have known how much it cost. They get word that the rocket has came down nearby at the ol’ Baker Ranch.  We don’t get to see the spacecraft, but it returned containing a block of ice large enough to contain a thing from another world.

Sgt Paul Newman runs in and tells Dozier and Burns that a man has died from exposure to the block of ice.  Burns complains that in 3 days, the block of ice has turned 75 miles of desert into the Arctic.  Not to nitpick, but the Arctic technically is a desert.  His complaints are understandable, however, as congressional fact-finding missions tend more toward Hawaii than the Arctic Rim.

The block of ice is impervious to any attempt to melt or destroy it.  The military even believes it could be attempting to send a signal to outer space.  They are concerned that the effects of this giant ice cube could extend to other farms and cities around the world.

ttice10Dozier secretly sends the AR-76 up again, taking the ice back to outer space.  To be sure it is destroyed in space, Dozier went up with the rocket.  Burns regrets that two Doziers have given their lives for their country.

Kind of a simplistic tale.  Spacecraft returns a block of ice, it is bad, so it is sent back to space.  It really baffles me why this series is so infantile.  People weren’t stupid back then.  To the contrary, this is when the foundation for space exploration was just starting. I guess the powers that be at the network just weren’t ready for anything challenging.  This aired an hour after Ozzie and Harriet and opposite Our Miss Brooks.  But 60 years before The Kardashians and Real Housewives of Yada Yada.

I give this one 16 out of 32 degrees.

Post-Post:

  • [1] Worst title since Billy and the Cloneasaurus.
  • See also Ice-Nine.
  • Paul Newman had a small role; sadly too small for me to work in puns on Sting, Hustler, Butch, Hombre, Nobody’s Fool, Verdict, Absence of Malice, Exodus, Newman’s Own, etc.
  • The rocket program is headed by Dr. Meshkoff who has a heavy accent — I’m no expert, but he sounds like a Russki. Of course, had the producers been prescient, he would have been a German.  As everyone knows, our Germans were better than their Germans.
  • The sponsor is again Maslin Carpets.  They are humping their new Cantata which is shown available in the following colors.  They knew this was B&W, right?

Night Visions – Neighborhood Watch (08/16/01)

Posted on by
Reply

nvneighborhood1Rollins’ Intro:  A monster has moved into 2460 Terrell Street.  Family man Jim Osgoode must now battle the beast.

The Osgoodes (Apt 207) receive a letter informing them that a convicted sex offender has moved into their condo complex (Apt 221).  Sally’s husband Jim isn’t too concerned, thinking a parole officer or someone must be keeping an eye on him.  Or he suggests that maybe the guy did something not-so-bad, like being a flasher.  Just when ya have Jim pegged as an idiot, he states that he is a lawyer; so asshole is probably more accurate.

Sally expects him to “do something,” but his natural inclination to protect the criminal kicks in.  OK, to be fair, I think he is concerned, but at a loss over what can be done . . . thanks to a system corrupted by people like him.  So I still don’t let him off the hook.

Some neighbors drop by after receiving the same warning letter.  They get out the binoculars and check out the perv through a window across the courtyard.  It would be easy to get sanctimonious about quick they are to indulge in some creepy behavior . . . but they do see the childless man unpacking some toys.

nvneighborhood3It pains me to say it, but the lawyer is the voice of reason here.  He counters that his uncle collected race cars.  Probably his unmarried uncle, but still.  When the mob is just about ready to do a drive-by shooting from the Welcome Wagon, Jim talks them back down to sanity.

The next day, Sally is watching over the kids at the Condo’s playground. Unfortunately, the new neighbor comes down and sits on a bench near the kids.  We can tell he is evil because he is kept out-of-focus in the background.  Of course, with this lousy YouTube transfer, the foreground looks equally evil.  Sally gathers the kids up and hustles them back home.

The Osgoodes install bars on the windows and are looking into motion detectors.  As Sally is talking to the contractor, their daughter Janey goes outside alone.  Sally catches a glimpse of her daughter as the elevator door closes in front of her and the perv.  Sally runs down the stairs to meet the elevator.  When it opens, her daughter gets out and says the man just went to the basement to throw out some boxes.

nvneighborhood6The grown-up mob reconvenes and they agree it is time to send this guy a message.  The kiddie mob convenes at a sleepover and the girls dare Janey to go to the man’s unit, er condo, and bring back proof that she was there.

The menfolk man-up, get their testosterone flowing and react like alpha male brutes — they go to the parking lot and key the man’s car, break a window and start whacking it with a hammer.

Janey climbs up a trellis and into the man’s window.  She selects a toy to steal, but the man comes back home at that second.  As she tries to escape, the man rips a handful of her pajamas.  When the police can’t help, the neighbors agree it is time to stop him for good.  Jim is chosen to pay him a visit.

Jim kills him with one shot.  His neighbors provide an alibi for each other.  Unfortunately, the next day, the Osgoodes receive a letter stating that the previous letter contained an error — the sex offender actually moved into 212 rather than 221.  D’oh!

Post-Post:

  • Rollins’ Closing:  There’s still a monster living at 2460 Terrell Street and every time he looks in the mirror, Jim Osgoode will see it.  I really wanted this to be an error, but the complex is at 2460, and units were indeed different numbers.
  • Although that 2nd floor seems to be a cesspool of perversion, voyeurism and murder.

Night Visions – Reunion (08/16/01)

Posted on by
2

nvreunion1We open with actual scenes from Gulf War I including George H.W. Bush, General Schwarzkopf, and various scenes of shock and/or awe. Mix in some soldiers and tanks, bring to boil with a man on fire, and garnish with the American flag.  In case you don’t know the real enemy yet, the producers cut to a Veteran’s Day celebration.

We are subjected to the last lines of a speech, by some unctuous idiot politician:   “Remember when you walk down Main Street under the blues skies of liberty, those who paid the price for our freedom.”  I’d prefer to remember those who sent other people’s sons to pay the price for the liberty of a bunch of yahoos who have no idea what to do with it.  Can’t say all those dead Americans have done much for my sky.  But I digress.

Stillman sees three of his men in the crowd and they ask him to join them for a drink at the tavern.  He replies, “What time?”  One of the men says, “We’ll find ya.”

At the tavern, which seems to double as the VFW Hall, we get older vets discussing whether the Korean War was a true war or a UN Police Action.  And whether Viet Nam was a war or a conflict.  And so on with actions in Bosnia, through Baghdad.  Stillman shows up looking for his friends.  The codgers recognize Stillman as the local hero who nvreunion3saved his entire squad, and mention that he is unemployed.  But do they buy him a beer?  No.

Stillman has a flashback to the war. Their vehicle hit a landmine and rolled over in the desert, the men barely escaping from enemy snipers.  Stillman is captured and literally thrown into a bunker doing a nice tuck and roll.  His Iraqi captor loads a revolver with 5 bullets and questions him about the location of his platoon.  On a scale of 1 to Sayid, this interrogator is about as Iraqi as I am.  When he refuses to answer, the Iraqi pulls the trigger, but Stillman gets lucky and it jams.  He then dowses Stillman with gasoline and threatens to light him up if he doesn’t talk.

Back in the bar, there seems to have been a sandstorm as the floors and counters are covered.  He finally sees that his old crew has arrived.  As they talk, we hear gun fire and cracks in the bombed-out walls.  Missiles shoot over head in the sky visible through a half-destroyed roof.  Clearly, this is all in Stillman’s head, yet he does not much react to any of it.

The men accuse him of abandoning them, but he reminds them that he got a medal for his uncommon valor.  They tell him that they are dead, suddenly appearing wounded in their fatigues — this, he does see.  Their recollection of that night is a little different. Stillman was paralyzed with fear.  In fact, he watched another man being tortured — a man who actually was set ablaze.  This display prompted Stillman to give up his outfit’s location.

nvreunion4In his hallucination, Stillman sees his men shot just as they had been in the war, again by a gunman clearly not middle eastern.  The last shot is aimed at Stillman.  He falls from his bar stool and blood pours out of a bullet-wound in his noggin even though there is no weapon found. Now he truly is a still man.  Cut to a stop watch which is engraved “To Lt. Dale Stillman for Uncommon Valor.”

First the positive — Jay Mohr is very good as Stillman.  And, though not really original, the story is a classic genre trope that I always like.  Second, a caveat — it is impossible to know how much the terrible You-Tube quality effects my perception.

As usual for Night Visions, there are some loose ends that don’t make sense.  What’s up with all the uncommon valor talk? Why not just call it a Medal of Honor?  And was he awarded a pocket-watch rather than a medal?  Is this one of the hints that all is not as it seems (along with the PTSD, the pills, and the offhand reference to Stillman’s unemployment)?  The watch seems more like a participation trophy or maybe the equivalent of a “World’s #1 Dad” t-shirt.  But, remember, the bogus story of his heroism is the official story, so he would have been entitled to the real medal.

This watch has a crazier pedigree than the one in Somewhere in Time.  The Iraqi interrogator took it from the man he actually killed and gave it to Stillman.  Rather than pass it along to the man’s son like Captain Koons, Stillman keeps it.  To be fair, it probably smelled better that the one Koons handed over.

The watch has nothing engraved on it when Stillman looks at it earlier in the episode.  At the end, it contains the inscription “To Lt. Dale Stillman for uncommon valor.”  Why did he not perceive the inscription earlier?  He had possession of the watch the whole time; did he get it engraved himself?

None of this really matters.  I enjoyed the episode for its performances and direction.

Post-Post:

  • Kudos for the update while I was away, WordPress!  You have made adding a link 50% more difficult.  Some might have taken the easier route.
  • Opening:  Lt. Dale Stillman has the face of a hero.  But most heroes only have to live through Hell once.  OK, I’ll buy into the 2nd half, but what exactly is the face of a hero?
  • Closing:  The greatest heroism isn’t facing the enemy, it is facing the truth.  The truth takes no prisoners.  Fair enough.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – Design for Loving (11/09/58)

Posted on by
2

Charles Brailing is growing annoyed watching his wife play with a set of magic rings. Nothing so bold as presenting them as only intermittently interlocking — no, she’s just spinning the damn things like an idiot.

He calls his pal Tom. Tom’s wife Anne is playing kissy-face with her oblivious husband and refuses to hand over the phone as it is Tom’s night to stay home with her.  Charles tries to engage his wife in conversation, but she is not interested.  He suggests a vacation, but that somehow turns into her snapping at him for them having no children.

He takes her hands and she gasps as if something a little more intimate occurred.  She is astounded because he “hasn’t done that in years.”  She recalls a time when he once kissed her hand.  The lack of children is starting to make sense.  She gets on her knees and says she’ll go on a trip with him if he will only kiss her hand again.  Apparently that price is too stiff for Charles.  Or maybe he isn’t stiff enough.

Charles manages to get Tom on the phone and they agree to meet.  Lydia tells him to be home in 10 minutes.  Charles sneaks down to their basement and laments that he “gave her a chance.”

We cut to Tom & Charles stumbling out of a bar.  Charles complains that Tom’s wife doesn’t want him to go out because she loves him; and his wife doesn’t want him to go out because she hates him.  It’s a pithy line, but Charles clearly doesn’t have any idea what women want.  Not that Lydia is making it easy — she is alternately accusatory, frigidly cold, and pathetically needy. Charles makes the bizarre claim that he is at home with his wife as they are standing outside the bar.  Tom is drunk enough to take the bet. In easily the best moment of the episode, they stuff the ante into a lawn jockey’s hand for safe-keeping.

Sure enough, they look in the window and Charles appears to be inside with his wife. Charles II really knows how to light Lydia’s fire as they are both dressed in snappy outfits, playing chess.  Charles blows a whistle and the other Charles comes outside. Charles shows Tom a card from Marionette Inc which created a robot in his image. They card says he is a 1965 model [1], which is a very optimistic 7 years in the future.

Tom claims not to be able to tell them apart even though Charles II, made to his specifications, seems to have about 4 inches on Charles I.  I suspect Lydia would be thinking the same thing.  Charles I announces his intention to fly to Rio for some fun while the iron man services Lydia.  Say, maybe he does know what women want.

ahpdesing17Tom thinks this is a swell idea. But when he goes home, he is horrified to discover that his wife has beaten him to the punch and replaced herself with a robot.

Charles bought his robot to give Lydia a companion while he flew off to Rio and later, I suspect, Thailand. That plan could work, but Anne bought her robot to leave with her husband who didn’t appreciate her smothering him. She’s just going to end up annoying some other poor sap.  So her problem is not really solved.

Back at the Brailing house, Lydia starts to come on to Charles II, so Charles I literally blows the whistle and summons him back to the basement.

Charles II says he doesn’t like his box in the basement because it is too cramped. Charles I wittily proposes relocating to a closet which I suspect he has some experience of living in.  Charles II ominously tells Charles I that they Marionettes are far more advanced than the company is aware.  Charles II grabs the Rio ticket and stuffs Charles I in the box.

Tom shows up that the Brailing house and tells Charles that his wife has replaced herself with a Marionette.  Charles II tells him these are strange times when strange machines are moving into our lives and taking over.  Strange days indeed.

ahpdesing23That night, Charles II brings Lydia a martini in bed where she is still playing with the rings.  Even Charles II is annoyed at this.  He kisses her hand and takes the airline ticket out of his pocket.  He places it on the nightstand for reasons unknown.  Is he going to now take Lydia to Rio? Then how to explain the single ticket? Has he decided to cancel the trip and stay happily with Lydia?  Then he better not let her see that ticket or it will not be so happy.

There is an imbalance here that might have required an hour to remedy.  Tom and Charles are in the same situation, trapped — in their eyes — with an incompatible, annoying wife.  However, it is Tom and Lydia that will benefit from the new robots.  They will both be happier despite having been deserted by a spouse and being out $15,000 in 1965 (or 1985) dollars.  Or maybe that lack of symmetry is the point.

Overall it is a fine story, just done in by some weak characterizations and a couple of married schlubs who think themselves superior and entitled due to mores that were out-dated even in 1958.  No, I’m thinking of the lawn jockey scene.

Post-Post:

  • [1] To be fair, when the card is shown, it says 1985.  Of course even in 2015 we have nothing like this technology.  That I’m aware of.
  • AHP Deathwatch:  If IMDb is to be believed, Norman Lloyd is 101 years old.
  • Title Analysis: All I can think of is that it was originally titled Designed for Loving and the ed got cut as being too suggestive.  Love really doesn’t play a role in the story.
  • Based on the same short story as the first episode of Ray Bradbury Theater. Luckily, I saw it years ago, thus did not need to rewatch it for this blog.  And I ain’t going back.  The story leaves it ambiguous as to whether Charles I or II is with Lydia.
  • Back at Tom’s house, we see a couple of signs of the future.  The light comes on automatically when he enters.  And there are faucets on the wall in the hallway to dispense coffee and orange juice.  Are these public utilities now?  Has “Big Beverage” bought off the local government?

 

Twilight Zone S4 – The Parallel (03/14/63)

Posted on by
1

tzparallel2In the most underwhelming opening in Twilight Zone history, Helen Gaines gets a call informing her that her husband Major Bob will be launching in a few hours.  That’s about it — no menace, no mystery, no switcheroo, no paranormal.  Oh, and she makes cocoa for their daughter.

This seems to be a Mercury mission.  In a TZ rarity, contemporaneous figures are mentioned.  It is stated that this mission will last a week, and that this is progress “after the orbital groundwork set by Grissom, Glenn and Schirra” [1].  This episode did indeed air after Schirra’s flight, but before Gordo Cooper flew higher, farther and faster than any other American.  I suspect any 3rd grader at the time could have told them that Grissom did not fly an orbital flight, but I suppose the statement is correct as his flight contributed to the understanding of orbital mechanics.  During this expository scene, Gaines is strapped into a chair, on his back with his legs up.  I have no idea what they were going for here.  It is a reasonable launch position for a TV astronaut to be in, but he is clearly in an locker room, not the capsule.

Helen is watching the count-down with their daughter.  As soon as the count-down gets to zero, she walks to the TV and turns it off.  There is unintended comedy as we cut to the rocket taking off.  For a split second, the shot remains on the TV as we hear the engines exploding to life.  Happily, however, the rocket launches safely.

tzparallel4

Hey, stirrups! Look at me, I’m a cowboy, I’m a cowboy!

Gaines reports being in zero-G as the rocket is still accelerating through the atmosphere.  Really, does no one on the set ever speak up when TZ makes these kind of simple mistakes?  You would think this was when people might catch a simple mistake like this, being the era when people still gave a shit about space.

Gaines loses communication with earth, and is then hit with a blinding light.  His capsule is later found intact on land and he remembers nothing.

He begins noticing subtle changes — his house now has a white picket fence, his daughter thinks he’s different, he is wearing a Colonel’s uniform.  When he kisses his wife, it is clear that she detects a difference, and not in a good way.  He voluntarily goes to see a psychiatrist and baffles them by referring to a President Kennedy.

While a Kennedyless planet is certainly good news for Marilyn and Mary Jo, it is curious.  By having Gaines know Kennedy and the others not know him, that means that he didn’t change, and that he didn’t slip into another dimension . . . everyone else did.  i.e., we followed the “real” Gaines to this titular parallel world while the other Gaines is in the “real world” stunning Helen with his new-found girth and stamina.

tzparallel6In the mean time, NASA engineers have determined that the capsule Gaines came down in was not the same capsule he went up in. Gaines is brought in to examine the capsule. He begins hearing voices and finds himself suddenly back in the capsule and in orbit.  He stuns Cape Canaveral by asking who the president is.

Due to radio interference, his question is not answered until he is recovered and in the hospital.  The colonel answers, “You were only gone 2 days, major; not 2 years.”  Sadly, that presumed no 2nd term.  More sadlyer, Kennedy only live eight months after this aired.

Gaines conveys his theory of what happened during his flight.  Turns out he was only out of contact for 6 hours despite having lived a week on the other earth.  No Gaines doppelganger visited our earth.  He then goes back to his white picket fence-less home to disappoint his wife.

Post-Post:

  • [1] Where’s the love for Scott Carpenter?
  • The first Mercury capsule was retrieved by the USS Lake Champlain.  Seems strange to name a ship after a body of water.  The function of a ship is to defeat water — water is the enemy.
  • Strange performance by Gaines’ daughter.  She was either very good or very bad  I just can’t decide which.