Wow, a helicopter shot! Pretty extravagant for this cheap TV series. They zoom in on a cruise ship. We can see this week’s guest star is actually on the ship. This is no One Step Beyond insert. [1] However, if I had one of those devices they use to track debates by the second, here is where the line would nose-dive like when Hillary speaks appears is introduced. This week’s star is the odious Jack Weston.
To be fair, that reaction might just be due to his role as Julius Moomer in The Bard episode of The Twilight Zone. He was the most repulsive citizen of TZ, just edging out Feathersmith in Of Late I Think of Cliffordville. That is strange because he was one of the first people I recognized as an actor when I was a kid. I liked him as the avuncular friend in The Incredible Mr. Limpet. As I got older, I realized his screen persona was an obnoxious man-child. I didn’t see it earlier because I was an obnoxious child-child.
Weston is on the Lido Deck, scribbling in a notebook, wearing a leisure suit. The Renshaws sit next to him and he introduces himself as “Botibol: B Brooklyn, O Oliver, T Tommy, I Idaho, B Brooklyn, O Oliver, L as in Love” — an affectation so floridly over the top that Roald Dahl should have sent Ray Bradbury a gift basket.
He bribes his way to the Purser’s table at dinner and asks Gopher about the Ship’s Pool. After a brief fright that we might see Botibol in a Speedo, we learn that the titular Pool is actually a wager on how many miles the ship will travel by noon tomorrow.
During the meal, the sea gets rough. Botibol thinks maybe Captain Stubing did not account for this when he estimated the mileage. If the storm slows the ship down, it might be worth a bet. Unfortunately, Gopher doesn’t know if the Captain was aware of the storm. What is this, the Costa Concordia? Wouldn’t the Captain have checked the radar, monitored weather reports, or heard the non-stop complaining about sore joints of the 800 retirees on board?
The Captain’s estimate is 515 miles. Botibol bids $1,000 that the actual distance traveled will be less. He sees Renshaw and tells him about the bet, and the Pool which is now $14,000. He is sure there is no chance of him losing.
The next morning, Botibol is the only one onboard sad to see that the storm passed uneventfully. The ship is cruising along now, making up the time it lost. He is distraught at the money he is sure to lose. He wonders how he will be able to tell his wife. Although, how did he explain he was taking a cruise? How did he plan to explain the suntan (ahhh, maybe that explains the leisure suit by the pool). I have a feeling his gaining 10 pounds in a week would not be a red flag.
Botibol decides he will jump over the rail, forcing the ship to stop. Thus, the ship would fall short of its goal, and he would win the Pool.
He sees an old woman on the fantail. He chats her up to be sure she isn’t blind. Then he jumps. And credit for the stunt here. It sure looks like Jack Weston took that plunge.
The old lady’s nurse walks up and does not believe her patient’s crazy story about a man jumping in the ocean. She is clearly in a Bidenesque fog of dementia. So we close with Botibol becoming a smaller and smaller flailing shape in the distance.
Sadly, the casting of Jack Weston was hard to overcome for me. There was also an unnecessary flatness to the story. Surely, there was a way to foreshadow the old woman. Maybe she could have been Renshaw’s senile mother. As is:
- Renshaw exists only so this is not a one-man show (brrrr, shiver me timbers).
- The old woman jarringly appears as a new character at the last second.
- A better opportunity of humorous misdirection over her faculties is squandered.
On the other hand, actually being filmed on a real ship was awesome. Also, since there is no supernatural element, his predicament is relatable and quite scary. So, there are some things to like, but it could have been so much better.
Other Stuff:
- [1] With all due respect to OSB who does that expertly.
- For anyone who did not click the link above, this is stunning. Hey, there’s Arte Johnson, Bernie Kopell, Rich Little, that guy from Dallas, Iowa Congressman Fred Grandy, F Troop’s Forrest Tucker, and Donnie Osmond! All seriousness aside, I look forward to a remake full of tattoos, piercings, green hair, shaved heads, trans-women, and all your favorite reality TV stars from My 600 Lb. Life.
Oh yeah, the case when he left the suffering tubercular patients in his office in the middle of the day to make the country’s last recorded house-call at a nudie bar? Yeah, that one might stick in the memory.
Blah, blah, blah. The episode gets bogged down trying to conjure a scientific basis for Nina’s clairvoyance. That’s really too bad because they had a genuine talent in Joyce Jameson as Nina. No nudie bar employee since Jack Ruby has so quickly emerged from the pack to blow away others on screen.