Spinster Miss Lowen is playing solitaire with all her friends when the doorbells rings.  How exciting, it is the winner of the 1960 Emmy for Worst Casting in a Drama or Limited Series, Stanley Adams!  Tonight, Mr. Adams is playing the role of Detective Berger.  Although an interesting character, this big, fat guy never once struck me as being a real police detective.^[1]  He was more like a Peter Lorre character who wandered onto the wrong soundstage in search of a better buffet.  Nevertheless, he and Miss Lowen did take a very talky first act and make it fly by.

Like every man Miss Lowen meets, he is looking for a younger woman.  In this case. Detective Berger is looking for Margie, who Miss Lowen tells him is her niece.  She says Margie has lived with her since her parents died, but she is away with friends this week.  Berger explains that Margie has been corresponding with a lifer named

Margie is a cutie, but what a Rod tease! This is what you send a guy in prison? You couldn’t find a berka?

Rod “The Rod” Collins at the State Penitentiary.  They connected through a Pen Pal club ad in a romance magazine.  Berger even has a picture of Margie that he found in Collins’ cell covering the hole he escaped through.  Margie used a PO Box so her aunt did not see the letters, but Detective Berger got her address from the club.

He gives Miss Lowe one of the letters to read.  It is romantic, poetic, and chaste as you would expect on 1960’s TV.  Margie expresses the desire for them to somehow be together.  Berger says that is the problem — Collins has broken out of prison and the convicted killer will likely come here looking for Margie tonight!

So Detective Berger gives her his card and leaves.

Miss Lowe’s next scene is a great clue as to what is going on.  It is subtle enough that it might not register on the first viewing, but you appreciate the subtlety once you know the outcome.  In fact that is true throughout the first act, so kudos to actress Katherine Squire.

Sure enough, minutes later, Rod Collins climbs through Miss Lowe’s window.  And he does so with a ferocity and orchestral stinger that, when combined with her scream, is pretty chilling.  But wait, since the letters were going to a PO Box, how did Collins even know the address?

Not being The Blindman of Alcatraz, Collins can see immediately that this is not Margie unless that picture was taken by Mathew Brady.  She did mention her Aunt in the letters though, so he knows for sure who he’s dealing with, yessiree.  She tells Collins that Margie is away for the weekend, and that there is no use in waiting here for her here.  You know, other than being in the air conditioning, having a hot shower, being off the public streets, having clean sheets, watching TV, and where three square meals will be prepared for him; so, really, a lot like prison (i.e. my retirement plan).

He demands food which Miss Lowe provides.  He drinks the milk straight from the bottle; and that’s in addition to being a murderer.  She does not risk spoiling the ruse by offering him the leftover catfish.  He tells her that he is in love with Margie and that Margie loves him.  Miss Lowe says that can’t be true; that Margie is just a child.  Collins says she could never understand their love and harshly calls her a “dried up old crab.”  Well, the actress is no spring chicken at 57 years old.  On the other hand, Lori Loughlin is 55.  Of course, after 2 years in the slam, maybe she will look like Miss Lowe. ^[2] 

Collins says he has been in prison for 9 years, since he was 18.  The loneliness was crushing him until he began getting letters from Margie.  Miss Lowe says Margie was probably just being kind.  She says he can’t ask Margie to flee the country with him and constantly be worrying about the law.  Collins grabs her and says she better find a way to contact Margie.

Miss Lowe admits she knows the phone number and calls her.  She has cleverly called Detective Berger though.  Who knew Miss Lowe was capable of such deception?  Collins catches on, though.  He grabs the phone, but she brains him with a candelabra.  If she were Jewish, he’d be dead.  He awakens after the police arrive.  They bandage him up and haul him away.

The twist is revealed as Miss Lowe sits down and writes another letter to Collins.  Writing as Margie, she says she has a confession, but it is not the one you expect.  She weepily pulls out a glamor shot that Collins had sent her.  Since he has been in prison for 9 years, I don’t know where it would have come from.

Not a classic, but I liked it more than Jack at bare*bones; maybe because he was able to see how much better it could have been.  In fact, in a first, he prefers the 1980s remake (sadly, the link is broken).  I also like how he saw that Miss Lowe not only projected Margie onto herself; she also projected herself onto Margie.  Cool.

Other Stuff:

• [1] Seven years later, he would be perfectly cast as a seller of Certified Pre-Owned Tribbles on Star Trek.  Also notable as an anthropomorphic carrot on Lost in Space (1968).
• Great, now I can’t get Mellow Yellow out of my head — with 7 syllables, anthropomorphic carrot would have made a great stanza-opener.  Maybe in between Electrical Banana and I’m Just Mad about Fourteen.  Wait, what?  How did I never notice that?
• [2] Pffft, rich and beautiful.  She will never do any real time.
• AHP Deathwatch:  Clu Gulager (Rod) is still doing life.
• 3rd consecutive episode without a murder.
• Ha!  Pen Pal = Penitentiary Pal!  I just got that.

I find this inexplicably hilarious