Twilight Zone S4 – Printer’s Devil (02/28/63)

tzprintersdevil06Even though Rod Serling is revered as a master writer in TV’s alleged golden age, and certainly was the creative force behind The Twilight Zone, some of the other contributors really could write circles around him.  Maybe it was just the volume of scripts he was committed to cranking out.  In just the first few seconds here I was amazed at how real these characters were, and at the little pieces of throwaway business.  The papers on the desk, searching for a cigarette, a broken chair, a “circulation” pun, and use of the word gloomcookie.[1]  Just great at establishing a world and two likable characters.

Owner Douglas Winter is struggling to make ends meet at The Dansburg Courier.  He is interrupted by his supportive girlfriend Jackie.  They are interrupted by Andy the linotype man.  Unfortunately, Andy has not been paid in 8 weeks and the greedy bastard is quitting to take a paying gig.  Winter reaches in his desk and pulls out a bottle of scotch to calm him down.  This is in the era when a reporter kept scotch and cigarettes in their desk, not pictures of the president with little hearts all over them.

tzprintersdevil20Andy knows the paper is unlikely to survive now that the big, bad Gazette has moved into town.  Even worse, Andy is going to work for them.  Jackie really chews him out, but Winter understands.  After they leave, Winter compares that day’s Courier to the Gazette. Both have as their main story the mayor’s daughter winning a beauty contest. Only The Gazette suggests there might have been fraud involved.  Frankly I would subscribe to The Gazette over The Courier too.  The Gazette is also tarted up with more pictures and larger headlines like USA Today.  Meanwhile The Courier’s front page looks as interesting and as doomed as a phonebook.

Winter drives out to a country bridge, scotch still in hand.  As he prepares to throw himself off the bridge, he is approached by Mr. Smith (TZ 4-timer and Rocky 3-timer Burgess Meredith).  He requests a ride back to town.  As Smith lights his awesomely twisted cigar with tzprintersdevil10his flaming finger, we get the idea he might not be just another angel on the bridge.

Smith finally succeeds in getting Winter to put down the bottle by joining him at a bar.  Winter has run up a tab of Normian proportions, but Smith happily picks up the tab. As the waitress walks away he awesomely comments, “She moves fast for a big one.” Smith claims to be a newspaperman and offers to work for free as a linotype operator and reporter.

Winter and Smith go back to The Courier where Jackie has apparently returned to do some important midnight filing.  Smith not only plays the linotype machine like a piano, he has a nose for news and $5,000 in his pocket to keep the paper afloat.

tzprintersdevil13Smith has a knack for having stories reported, written and typeset immediately after they happen or even sooner — a feat similar to current reporters who also use pre-written stories, although theirs are handed to them by politicians, lobbyists, activists, and corporate PR departments.

His scoops bring attention to The Courier.  Smith even starts hawking papers on the street in his spare time.  Circulation triples!  The Gazette even offers to buy The Courier.  Eyebrows are raised when Smith reports a fire at The Gazette even as the firetrucks are heading to the scene.

Finally, halfway through the episode Smith reveals what was obvious all along — that he is the devil.  Writer Charles Beaumont was wise not saving this until the end since the audience was already hip.  He is also very deft in how the devil maneuvers Winter into signing away his soul.  In just a few sentences, Beaumont deflects two tropes which are too common in The Twilight Zone: The blatant last-second twist, and people not reacting as a real person would.  It is also pleasant to hear conversations rather than speeches.

tzprintersdevil16Smith goes on reporting tragic story after story, always minutes after they occur.  He has rigged the linotype machine so that now any story it prints will come true in the future.  He uses this to coerce Winter into giving his soul up earlier than planned. Winter outsmarts him with his own device, however, resulting in a happy ending for him and the newspaper; at least until the internet is invented.

Once again, Season 4 exceeds expectations.  Maybe that is because Charles Beaumont wrote 4 of the 9 episodes I’ve watched so far.  He has tended toward happy endings even if not by conventional standards of happiness.  The main characters, all men so far, are able to escape from an isolated life or to get a second chance.  Whether this escapism was a conscious choice related to Beaumont’s own troubled life, who knows.

Post-Post:

  • [1] No idea if this is the first use of the word.  All the Google entries I’m willing to scan at 3 am refer to a more recent comic book.
  • Of course, The TZ theme is iconic.  But to get the full effect, wake up and listen to it through a good pair of speakers at 3 am.  Black & Decker wishes they could make a drill that good.

Harbinger Down (2015)

In June 1982, a Russki spacecraft is burning up on re-entry and makes a 3-point swish shot, never touching the Arctic Rim.

Then to current-day Alaska.  One of the reasons I clicked on this movie was the cover which had a nice, clean design and an attractive bluish tint.  Holy crap did they go overboard with the blue tint.  Think of the green tint in The Matrix — it was only subtly noticeable and you got used to it.  This opening of this movie looks like it was shot through a bottle of Windex.

Stephen, Sadie and Ronnell hook up with the titular Harbinger captained by Lance Henriksen.  The trio is tracking a pod of whales that have been tagged.  One of the crew tells them that research grants are nothing but white people’s government cheese.  This is from a guy nicknamed “Dock” because he used to live under one.  Seriously. Whatever it is that is going to do the killing in this joint, please start with this idiot.

While Ronnell is sleeping and Stephen is yopping, Sadie bundles up and goes up on the deck of the crab boat.  They spot something shaped like a Russki spacecraft which is attracting the whales.  So naturally, they haul it on-board.

harbinger04Ronnell is the first to notice that they are getting no cellphone service.  Being a thousand miles from a cell tower might to be blame.  Maybe they should have sprung for a satellite phone.  Sadly, she is not the least respectable of the group.  Stephen is a douche-bag determined to steal credit for the find.

Sadie nabs a Russki member of the crew and inspects the spacecraft while Stephen is distracted by a crew-member playing him like a harp.  They find the crewman still remarkably well-preserved for having spent 30 years in the ocean.  Short time later, however, it is discovered that the body is missing and a giant raw oystery-looking snot-ball kills a crewman.  Thus bringing us to the Alien portion of our program, where the crew must pursue the monster and get picked off one by one.  But that’s not a bad thing.

Shockingly, the first to go is not Dock, but is the even more unlikable Stephen.  He does not get a chestburster scene, but does get a pretty awesome backburster scene.  Unfortunately, the actor looks too much like Andy Bernard from The Office and it makes it a little hard to take the scene totally seriously.  To be fair, I’m not sure it is intended to be totally serious.

harbinger07And so the picking-off begins.  But it is not as dreary and mechanical as one might fear.  there are surprises and tentacles, teeth, and slime.

It ain’t no Alien, but then neither was Prometheus.  It floats in that middle ground, better than SyFy and Asylum, but not worth seeing in a theater.  The casting is better than the acting — I really enjoyed everyone except for the miscast Nard-Dawg.  Dock was annoying, but at least he was a character.  Even the order of deaths is not what I expected.

The plot and score are entirely adequate, and the creature is nicely unconventional and not CGI.  I doubt it was intended even on a satirical level, but the biggest horror was that it frequently reminded me of pink slime.

I feel like this was 90 minutes well-spent.

Post-Post:

  • On Rotten Tomatoes, this film has a rating of 50% from critics and 25% from normal people.  I suspect this is due to the film’s heavy endorsement of global warming.  The quality of the film doesn’t matter as much as sticking to the state-sanctioned narrative.
  • It is also noted that the Russki chick says she “can see Alaska from my house.” It’s a pretty funny twist on the misquoted line, but clearly also pandering to the left.

harbinger11

 

Tales From the Crypt – Oil’s Well that Ends Well (11/24/93)

tftcoilsell02Jerry and Gina are in the graveyard. Jerry is digging one of those TV graveholes that any sap can dig by hand with an ordinary shovel in 45 minutes.  The perfectly squared-off corners are a nice touch.  It’s nice to see people taking pride in their work again.

There is a noise from the coffin at the bottom of the hole, and their partner in crime makes a memorable entrance.  Through some scheme, he was buried with $20,000 and the others were in on the plan to rescue him.  Although, I gotta say, it would take a hell of a lot more than $20k to let them bury me; I’m not sure I want to go that route even after I’m dead.  He talks a little too trashy to Gina and Jerry shoots him.  He falls back in the hole, into the coffin, and the lid slams shut — the man knows how to make an exit, too.

tftcoilsell04Some time later, Gina walks into a bar in a snappy business suit and immediately starts making friends by grabbing gonads, throwing a man to the ground, making an awesome joke to a guy with a colostomy bag, and buying rounds for the house; but mostly that last thing.

She let’s them know she’s fed up with all men. Especially her bosses in the oil business. Jerry enters the bar and spills the beans about an oil discovery.  She offers him $5k to sit on the info for a week until they can talk to the landowners.  He wisely says losing his job is not worth $5k.  The rubes in the bar chip in to bring the total to $25k.  Now there’s a figure that would set a dude for life!  Just one problem — the oil is under the graveyard.

The next day, the rubes show up with their stake.  There is a problem though in that they need to buy all the land surrounding the oil.  This time it is them telling Gina that they need an additional $74k stake from her.  Showing she is no smarter than the boys, she puts up the money.

tftcoilsell06Jerry ends up being in cahoots with the rubes.  But there is real oil under the graveyard.  Once Gina finds out she’s been hustled, she lights it up!

Not a lot to cover here, but I did enjoyed the episode.  There was nothing supernatural, no one back from the dead (not even the guy emerging from the coffin), no blood and guts. But Lou Diamond Philips and Priscilla Presley really sold their parts.  I came away thinking that both of them have been under-utilized by Hollywood. The rubes were not all uber-that-guys but were certainly solid mid-level that-guys including Cameron from Ferris Bueller, the captain from Lethal Weapon, and Rory Calhoun in his last IMDb credit.

And for some reason, it seem exceptionally well-staged to me.  Maybe it was because there were was a real outdoor scene at the cemetery.  Both there and in the bar, the ensemble was handled expertly and the shots were well-composed.

I give it a 10W30 even though I have no idea what that means.

tftcoilsell08Post-Post:

  • Title Analysis: One of their best.
  • Kudos on the shot of the crude oil bubbling in the ground reflecting the men peering down at it, then dissolving to bourbon being poured into a glass.
  • Also kudos on the explosion — great stuff.

Tales of Tomorrow – The Little Black Bag (05/30/52)

ttlittleblackbag1Tonight’s episode is once again sponsored by Masland Carpet Mills, makers of fine fishing- and smoking- wear.  The announcer pitches the company as special because it closes the mills for one day each year so the employees can go fishing.

Dr. Fulbright walks in the door from a tough day of doctoring perhaps even engaged in the archaic practice of house-calls.  Unfortunately, his call to his own house is met by his shrewish wife Angie. She immediately pumps him for how much money he earned today.  Actually, it turns out that he hasn’t been doing much doctoring lately.  He made a mistake and it destroyed his confidence.  His wife assure him, “You’re still a doctor — you’re still supposed to earn a living!”  Yeah, and the healing stuff too.

He slinks out vowing to get some money for his bitchy wife.  He ends up at a pawn shop to hock his medical bag.  The pawnbroker with a heart of gold (a real one, in addition to the ones in the jewelry display) doesn’t want to take the doctor’s bag, but he gives him $25.  He then offers to make it $20 and throw in an old medical bag that he had laying around.  Fulbright looks inside and finds some unusual instruments.

ttlittleblackbag3Fulbright goes home and hands his wife the $20.  She is about as appreciative as you would expect and asks him if he robbed a bank.  A neighbor frantically knocks at the door carrying her child.  Within seconds he diagnoses the girl with hemorrhagic encephalitis.  Having no alternative, Fulbright opens the new bag.  He sees now that there is a warning label that the instruments must be used ethically or the violator will be subject to the full penalty of the law.  Checking a handy enclosed symptom matrix, he finds a new-fangled syringe pre-loaded with an elixir for the girl.

He injects the girl and she is cured instantly.  Fulbright sees his new black bag as an opportunity to cure the afflicted.  His old white bag sees it as an opportunity to make a “million bucks.”  Using a magnifying glass, Fulbright sees the patent was applied for on ttlittleblackbag407/18/50 — that’s 2450! [1] 

Two years later, Fulbright is a successful practicing doctor.  He is giving the girl he cured a routine check-up. The fact that the 10 year old girl hasn’t grown an inch or changed her pig-tail hairstyle in in 2 years doesn’t seem to bother him. However, it bothers Angie that they still can’t afford to pay him.  She pushes Fulbright to make as much money as he can as fast as he can, but he feels bound ethically, and by the warning on the bag, to do good.

A woman comes in with a paralyzed arm and Fulbright is able to restore movement.  He tells his wife to bill the woman $50, but she thinks that is absurdly cheap.  Fulbright tells her that after much consideration, he wants to reveal his little black bag to the world. Angie threatens to tell the police how he had once killed a patient by showing up drunk to operate.

When he says that he mailed a letter the day before, she stabs him in the back with a scalpel.  Her plan to take the bag and make the millions herself is foiled when the warning on the label is carried out.  She sees that the bag is now full of straw.  We get a great close-up of her as people bang on the door.

ttlittleblackbag8Post-Post:

  • [1] When Fulbright speaks the date, he mistakenly gives the day as the 15th.
  • Based on the same short story as the Night Gallery segment by the same name.
  • The neighbor went on to be the Duke Brothers’ maid in Trading Places 32 years later.
  • From the short story: Dogged biometricians had pointed out with irrefutable logic that mental sub-normals were outbreeding the mental normals and super-normals, and that the process was occurring on an exponential curve. 

Amen, brother.

Night Visions – Used Car (07/26/01)

nvusedcar05Charlotte (Sherilyn “should be a much bigger star” Fenn) and Jack are enjoying the afternoon car-shopping as presumably they could not find a dentist available to do a root canal with no anesthetic.

A hand turns on the radio in a car a few spaces away, luring them over for a look with the song Some Day We’ll be Together.  Her husband describes the car as “flashy,” but c’mon it’s a Volvo.  Charlotte climbs into the driver’s seat and takes the song as a sign that she and the car were manufactured for each other.

That night she asks if he is mad that she wanted that used car and not a new one.  She also asks if her husband is tired of her.  She suggests that his medical students must be tempting to him.  At this time, Sherilyn Fenn was a beautiful 31 year-old who could easily have passed for 25.  Even made up with mom jeans, frumpy glasses and an awful hairdo, there is no hiding this.  She thinks maybe having a baby would give her life more meaning.

nvusedcar08The next morning, after having started work on the baby, Charlotte describes the car as “frivolous” for a new mom.  C’mon, it’s a Volvo.  Either these two know nothing about cars or they speak English as a second language.  Later that day, Charlotte gets in the car.  In her rear view mirror she sees a young woman in the back seat saying, “We’re going to have a baby.”

She calls her husband.  The hospital says he is in surgery, but can we paged.  WTH, when I’m being operated on, the surgeon is returning calls?  Driving home from a friend’s house, she notices a home pregnancy test in the car.  It is showing a positive. There is also a credit card slip signed by a Lucy Sykes.

There is no Lucy Sykes in the phone-book, but there is a G. Sykes.  Couldn’t they come up with more unusual name to make it believable that there was only one in the phone-book?  Where did she live, Chinatown?  At least they didn’t go with Smith, which had four numbers listed.  Getting no answer by phone, she drives to the address.  Turns out G. Sykes is Lucy’s uncle.  While waiting for him to get home, Charlotte gets the “We’re having a baby vision” again, this time with Lucy bleeding from the wrists.

nvusedcar02Lucy’s uncle confirms that she committed suicide in a car just like Charlotte’s.  He offers Lucy’s stuff to Charlotte.  When Jack gets home that night, he finds clothing and personal items strewn on the floor and up the stairs to their bedroom. At the top of the stairs, he finds Lucy’s driver’s license.

In the bedroom, Charlotte is wearing Lucy’s glittery red dress.  She says she bets Jack liked the dress when Lucy wore it.  She produces a picture that shows Jack with Lucy on the hood of the red Volvo that they just bought — the same car Jack originally bought for Lucy.  This would have been more impactful if Lucy were actually wearing the same dress in the photo, but I guess that’s too much to ask of Night Visions.

Charlotte confronts Jack about his cheating and knocking up Lucy, then flees in the Volvo.  In the car, she hears Lucy talking again, and even sees visions of Lucy and Jack as a happy couple.  One shot shows Lucy dancing in a glittery dress very much like the one Charlotte was wearing — but a different color.  Why, why, why?  The vision continues with Jack telling Lucy they can’t have a baby, so she tells him, “Then kill your wife!  Kill your wife!”

The car stops, the locks go down, Charlotte can’t escape.  Smoke begins pouring into the car as Someday We’ll be Together comes on the radio again.  Lucy appears and I’m not sure what happens.  It looks like she has something wrong with her teeth, but it could just be the horrible quality of the video on You Tube.  But then she leans into Charlotte’s neck like a vampire before we cut away.  So this is either inconceivably stupid, or just a poor decision on the staging.  If Lucy is going to bite her like a vampire, that is just a complete non-sequitur.  If she is not a vampire, why lean into her neck with her mouth open?  And wasn’t she going to die from smoke or CO2 inhalation anyway?

Back at the house, Jack hears a long solid blast from a car horn.  He looks out the window and sees the Volvo roll up the driveway.  He goes out to the car, the horn still wailing.  He opens the door, and Charlotte spills out of the smokey car.  The radio again plays Someday We’ll be Together, and it is also written in the condensation in the windshield.

nvusedcar09What was that horn-blast all about?  I guess Charlotte was dead and slumped against the horn the whole time and Lucy “drove” the car home.  Charlotte’s neck is bloody, so I guess they did go for the vampire thing, although with ghost-like tendencies..

Finally, the song could have made sense, but Night Visions once again dropped the ball. It was nice that it was initially interpreted as Charlotte and the car “will be together.”  The callback at the end would have been great if Jack were the one who had died — then Lucy would have had her way and she and Jack would “be together” for eternity.  As it is, who “will be together”?  Lucy and Charlotte?  Hot but nonsensical.

Just as in the first segment of this episode, they had most of the pieces, but just put them together wrong.

Post-Post:

  • Hart Bochner (Jack) went on to be the coke-snorting douchebag in Die Hard.  And by “went on” I mean 13 years earlier.