Outer Limits – If These Walls Could Talk (S1E19)

Derek and Nadia are making out on a sofa in an old abandoned house.  Derek hears moaning upstairs.  Since Nadia is not a ventriloquist, he goes to investigate.  He screams for help and Nadia goes up to find him.  We don’t see what she sees, but we hear it — the demonic laughter of something that pulls her to her death.

Outer Limits is getting out on the thin ice again.  The forays into religion early in the season were not always successful, and the apparent entry into the haunted house genre had me worried.

olwalls01

Oh STFU, Outer Limits — this isn’t science-fiction, it’s economics-fiction.

Physicist turned professional skeptic Dwight Schultz is pecking away on a typewriter, watching himself on a TV talk show.  He had appeared with Derek’s mother Alberta Watson to discuss her son’s disappearance in the old house.

His doorbell rings and Watson is there.  She offers Schultz $5,000 to go to the old house with her.  They drive out to the house and Schultz is able to offer plausible  explanations for the mysterious sounds they hear.  Soon, however, they both hear sounds that can’t be so easily explained.

That night, Watson has a few drinks and sees her dead son morphing out of the wall.  In examining the wall, Schultz finds a hidden door and kicks his way in.  Inside, they find a meteorite which apparently animates inanimate objects.

I’m not a stickler for defining science-fiction, but this is a pretty thin pretense for shoehorning a haunted house story into a science-fiction series.  Like all meteorites in TV and media, the stone looks like a pomegranate with shiny metallic “seeds” on the hollow center.

olwalls02She later sees Derek in the house again, or so she thinks.  The entity has completely assumed Derek’s form and fully emerged into the hallway.  He tries to lure her into the wall.  Apparently having seen Spank the Monkey, the entity knows Watson will do anything for her son.

Schultz arrives to save the day by hosing the house down with alcohol which has a disorienting effect on the entity — ha, it thinks it’s people!  As the alcohol takes effect, the house starts melting like a cross between House of Wax and Poltergeist.

Overall, very blah.  I was immediately off-put by that idiotic T-Shirt.  I didn’t come here for lefty propaganda by a bunch of Hollywood 1%ers (filming in Canada to dodge union rates), and I didn’t come here for a haunted house story.

olwalls03Post-Post:

  • Let’s hoist a flagon of house -melting alcohol for Nadia.  Her disappearance is barely mentioned other than to say that her parents couldn’t have cared less.  She seemed like a nice girl.
  • Guess I’m a softy — I would have liked to see Derek and Nadia come out of this alive; and in Nadia’s case, naked.
  • Alberta Watson was also briefly Jack Bauer’s boss on 24.  Unfortunately, I think she was stuck in a doomed role that squandered her abilities.
  • Hulu sucks.

The Tortured (2010)

tortured01The film starts off on an overpass where a man is frantically calling 9-1-1 about the kidnapping of his son.  His wife arrives home not knowing why the police are there, so I guess the husband didn’t bother to call and break the news.  The police detective does break the news in a very jarring manner.

In fact, almost everything seems off about this opening.  The leads, Elise and Craig do not register believable emotions, the staging is awkward, and the music does not work at all.

Things don’t get much better with the introduction of the kidnapper.  Bill Moseley has been in a 1,000 of these joints, but doesn’t fare too well here.  He has rouged his cheeks and is wearing a tiara as he yells at the kidnappee.

A couple of on-the-ball cops arrest Moseley in the first 10 minutes; but then the movie is named Torture, not Manhunt, so you kind of expect that.  Tragically, the boy is already dead.  This triggers a flashback of him being abducted right out of the backyard as Craig witnesses through a window.  He gives chase on foot, then by car, but loses them on the overpass.

Moseley works out a plea agreement to disclose where other bodies are buried in order to get a sentence that could result in him serving only 10 years. During a prison transfer, Craig and Elise drug the guards at a gas station and manage to steal the van with Moseley inside.  It takes much longer than expected for the drugs to kick in, yet when the van pulls over it is conveniently close to the dirt road turn-off to the torture-shack.

In a freak accident, Craig flips the van over a cliff avoiding a doe, a deer, a female deer. Luckily Craig and Moseley survive.  Well, not so lucky for Moseley.  Craig and Elise carry him to a cabin in the woods and explain how they are going to torture him.

tortured03The next 45 minutes are torture; and not just for Moseley.  Cigarette burns, needle to the ear drum, cramping drugs,  It would almost be unwatchable in an effective movie. Here it is cringe-inducing, but bearable.  Craig & Elise’s poor performances take some of the edge off.  Also, it is hard to take them seriously when Craig makes a point of showing Moseley that the key to his restraints is hanging on a nail just above his head. There is fore-shadowing, and then there is fore-eclipsing.

At one point, Moseley claims to have lost his memory in the crash and to not know who he is or why he is being tortured.  That brings up a fascinating dilemma — even if you are OK with torturing the man who murdered their son, is it still OK if he doesn’t know why he is being tortured?

Elise is not troubles by such nuances.  They try to jog his memory by tightening his foot in a vice, which always works for me.  They scream at him to say their son’s name.  He holds out much longer than I could have, but finally — muddying the finale — screams out the boy’s name.

tortured04We knew that the key would eventually be used, and Moseley manages to loosen his chains enough to reach the key which Craig brilliantly left in sight and within reach on a hook just above his head.

He makes it to the bedroom, but Elise hits him with a pipe.  As they are dragging him back the cellar, he kicks Craig down the stairs and runs off.  He is pretty spry for a guy whose foot was just turned to jelly in a vice and had his big toe cut off.

By this time, thanks to a nosy neighbor, the cops are closing in on the cabin.  Naturally, it turns out there were 2 prisoners in the van and the couple grabbed the wrong guy. They do look a lot alike; apparently even to a couple whose son he murdered, who have seen him in the courtroom and in newspapers and TV everyday for the past few months and who wanted nothing more than for him to die.

Sadly, the ending is thoroughly botched.  I can’t blame the writing; there could have been some intriguing twists and ambiguity in the right hands.  But it is fumbled so badly here that it is just frustrating.

tortured06I’m even willing to suspend disbelief and say that the prisoner was so injured and bloody from the crash that they didn’t see their mistake.  But how did this poor bastard yell out their son’s name?  The online typing heads are at odds over whether the couple mentioned it in his presence. Certainly, he could have heard it on the news or maybe Moseley bragged about it in prison.  But then, what of the amnesia?

In his confession written before he hangs himself, he apologizes for his crime, leading us to believe he was the murderer.  Or did the innocent man now believe he was guilty due to the torture?  I think it is clear what they were going for, they just bungled it.

Why did the killer hang around the house?  Why did the police not go directly to the house where they were specifically told that he might be?  Why did they stop looking for the 2nd prisoner after they found the first one?

Why do the police cruise past the turn-off at the end?  Is this back-up troops coming, then why are they driving past?  Is it the police taking the prisoner back, then why aren’t they coming out of the dirt road?

Do Craig and Elise know that it was the wrong man?

The sad thing is that in the hands of a competent director, this could have been made twisty and fascinating.  Director Robert Lieberman has a lot of credits, so maybe it was time and budget constraints.  Certainly he did not have much to work with in his lead actors.

Post-Post:

  • If this was meant to be an anti-torture statement, that is yet another level that it fails on.
  • The lead actors both have extensive resumes, which makes their work here even more baffling.  Maybe they were just miscast.
  • This is Marek Posival’s only writing credit, but he is active in the business.  Oddly, for the guy who wrote The Tortured, he sure does like Christmas:

tortured02

Ray Bradbury Theater – The Wonderful Death of Dudley Stone (S3E7)

Yet another first-time director.  Are they picking these guys up in front of Home Depot?

Like so many RBT episodes, there is an interesting idea here, but it isn’t well executed, or maybe it just works better on the printed page.

Dudley Stone (John Saxon) is having a book-signing for his latest masterpiece.  He recognizes one of the people in line as a struggling writer John Oatis Kendall.  Stone asks how he would like the book inscribed and his handed a note that says “I have come here to kill you.”

But Kendall is paying full price for the book, so Stone says, “Easily done” and begins writing inside the cover.  Psyche!  He writes, “Come see me tomorrow and kill me then!! — D.S.”  effectively shutting him down and screwing him out of an autograph.

The next scene takes place 20 years later where Kendall, having not aged a day, is present at an annual gathering to memorialize Dudley Stone who disappeared after their first encounter.  No one seems to know if Stone is dead or alive.  Kendall, now a successful writer, speaks up to say that he murdered Stone out of jealousy for his talent.

rbtdudley05In a flashback to the day after their meeting at the book-signing, we see that Kendall somehow intuited that Stone’s “Kill me then” comment was an invitation to come out to the house, meet the wife and kids.  Kendall travels out to the seaside home and is warmly greeted by Stone.  Even better, it is Stone’s 40th birthday (even though John  Saxon was 53 at the time).

Saxon is strangely encouraging of Kendall’s plan.  Kendall explains his jealousy of     Stone’s talent and volume of output, “all of it excellent! “.  Novels, poetry, essays, stageplays, screenplays, lectures on city planning, architecture, etc.  Kendall says this flood of masterful output has “reduced everyone else to pygmies.”

“Agreed, agreed,” Stone offers magnanimously.  He seems nonplussed by the entire rant and responds, “I’ve heard your reasons for wanting to kill me, let me give my reasons for letting you do bloody murder.”  He motions at all the books he’s never read, symphonies yet to be heard, films yet to be seen, sculptures waiting to be shaped, paintings waiting to be painted — is there anything this guy can’t do?   I’m starting to hate him myself.  He goes on like this at length — those are the reasons to “die.'”

Faking his death will remove him from Kendall’s competitive world and allow him time to enjoy these pursuits, just like Elvis Presley, Andy Kaufman and Eddie (of Cruisers fame).

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I’m no tree-hugger, but this is just wrong!

Stone pulls all of his unfinished works out of various boxes, desks and drawers.  Together, they go to a cliff and — in a shocking display of littering — heave reams of paper into the sea.

Back in the future, Kendall calls Stone to give him permission to begin “living” again, but Stone is perfectly happy being “dead.”  He realized 20 years ago that his well had run dry, his latest mediocre works would have have tarnished his legacy.  He was happy to have a chance to go out on a Costanzian high-note.

In a nice twist, he asks the now-successful Kendall if there is anyone out there now that might similarly see him as a threat.  He sees hungry eyes looking at him, and realizes that he now has the same burden that Jack Klugman brought on himself in TZ’s A Game of Pool.

The episode reasonably combines a couple of characters from the print version.  In the story, a man named Douglas (Bradbury’s middle name) tracks Stone down.  Stone then just tells him the story of his encounter with Kendall, who had been a friend since childhood.

Post-Post:

  • LOTR Connection:  None.
  • His fan club, which seems to be made up of writerly types, are no brainiacs.  They were unable to determine whether Stone was alive despite him still living in the same house 20 years later.  C’mon, Richard Bachman was harder to find.  At least Eddie grew a beard (not sure of the facial hair status of the Cruisers).

Antisocial (2013)

antisocial01A couple of teenage girls are working on a video blog about fashion when one of them commits the faux pas of bleeding from the face after Labor Day.  Girl # 2 is concerned about girl # 1. Then girl # 2 is concerned about girl # 2 as her friend attacks her. Girl # 2 gets the upperhand and uses it to club her friend to death with a blow-dryer.

Next we meet Sam (presumably short for Samantha), a hot Angelina Joliesque college student who is trying to reach her boyfriend.  When they finally connect via a Skype-like app, he uses that opportunity to dump her.  My sympathies were immediately with her, but when I saw her laptop was not an MacBook, I was hers.

She goes to a party that night which is is just an awful scene with alternating so-mo / fast-mo, techno noise, a wacky drunk guy of the type no one thinks is funny after age 14, and a self-centered diva with self-esteem far out of proportion to her looks.  This scene is jarringly out of synch with everything that precedes it; and, fortunately, also with everything that follows it.

antisocial08

L to R: Token minority, beta male, diva, alpha male, hottie

The gang sees reports of violence and suicides on the news.  Being young and stupid, their main concern is whether to cancel their New Year’s Eve party.  That discussion is resolved when a zombie rams his arm through the front door and grabs Sam.  Another discussion in the bedroom is resolved when a zombie breaks in through the window. Luckily, token black party-goer Steve is able to hurl him off a balcony.

antisocial09When 9-1-1 has a recorded message, they know shit is real, this not being Detroit. They hear lots of gunfire, sirens and crowds as civilization breaks down.  Hmmm, maybe this is Detroit.  They take the precaution of boarding up the windows and doors.  They also watch the video blog of the fashion-girls, so it is nice to see there is a callback to that scene.

One of the symptoms is hallucinations.  When token black Steve starts to hallucinate, it is interesting to see them from his perspective.  Steve goes full zombie and the others have to kill him.  Steve’s diva girlfriend goes down next, and not in the good way.  She also sees the hallucinations and has a very effective — and festive — turn for the worse.

Turns out the Facebook doppleganger in the film — Social Redroom — is to blame.  Using subliminal message to track users, it had a few side-effects.  There is a cure, or at least vaccine, which is almost worse than the disease as it is administered with a power drill to the skull.

I can highly recommend this movie despite some serious problems.  Most importantly, the movie is just awful to look at.  I am baffled why so many horror movies, especially low budget ones, think it is a good idea to desaturate the color out of the movie.

The acting is generally OK.  It pains me to say the weak link here is Sam.  She is beautiful — from some angles, downright amazing — but just doesn’t bring much else to the role; especially in the later scenes where she needs to step up, it just doesn’t happen.  I think she probably needs a stronger director than she had here — it wasn’t so much mis-steps in her performance as no-steps.

Most importantly, the film had ideas.  I really enjoyed the ending scenario in which shit just kept on piling on right up to the last frame.  This was a good one.

antisocial06

Kind of spoilery, but it’s basically the cover art.

Post-Post:

  • On second thought, maybe the MacBook Apple logo was hidden by a cover; it’s a start.
  • The IMDb description says the outbreaks are happening unbeknownst to the group in the house — this really could not be more wrong.  They see what is going on in the outside world via a peephole in the door, TV news, social media, webcasts, Skype, basically every form of non-print mass media.
  • But I’m sure the newspaper had it covered the next day.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Night the World Ended (S2E31)

A group of reporters are hanging out a bar swapping stories, as opposed to now when they would be at a swanky cocktail party hosted by the people they are supposed to be covering, drinking mineral water and nibbling at a low-carb amuse bouche.

ahpnightworld01Halloran is established as a guy who likes a good practical joke.  That his jokes frequently end up in tragedy seems of no concern to him.

Local bum Johnny enters the bar and hits Halloran up for a drink.  Mr. H tells the bartender to “give him the good stuff.”  The bartender reaches under the bar where he just happens to have a shot already poured.  Johnny just about pukes when it turns out to be furniture polish.  Mr. H. gets a good laugh out of this, and Johnny tells him, “You didn’t have to do that!”  Unless Halloran psychically made the bartender pour the shot and place it under the bar waiting for this gag, I don’t really see how Halloran is at fault.  But he’s still an asshole for laughing.

Another newsie rushes in and gives Halloran the last edition hot off the press.  It says the world will end at 11:45 after a collision with Mars.  Johnny rushes out of the bar thinking he must do something special with the three remaining hours of his life.  Of course, the gang gets a huge laugh out of the prank they just pulled.  Maybe I misunderestimated Halloran; he is Schofieldian-level planner.

I think they use the same science adviser as The Twilight Zone.  OK, maybe it is possible that Mars has been broken out of its orbit and will collide with Earth.  But is it likely we would have only 3 hours notice?  Meh, I can always overlook problems like that in old sci-fi, but anything in color better not pull that crap.

ahpnightworld02To make the most of his last 3 hours on earth, Johnny flees the bar and goes to a liquor store — this is a guy with a limited world-view.  He begs the clerk for some free hooch since “it can’t make no difference now.”  The clerk understandably thinks he’s nuts. When his back is turned, Johnny grabs a couple jugs of Cognac (because the good stuff is always sold in 3000 ml bottles) and bolts out the door.

Chugging it in the park, he eludes the police.  He trips over the dogs being walked by an elderly woman.  She takes him back to her place to clean his jacket, and makes him some tea.  She is also a lonely person,  and Johnny is first man in 15 years she’s had in the house.  She understandably gets a little spooked when he says they will be together at her house until the world ends.  She screams for help and a neighbor arrives to throw Johnny out.

Wandering the streets, he encounters 3 young street urchins.  He asks the kids what they most want, and breaks into a sporting goods store to fulfill their dreams.  They go crazy shooting hoops, riding bikes and, inexplicably, fishing in the store.  One of them wants a gun, so Johnny helpfully gets a pistol and loads it for the tike.  A cop comes in and Johnny shoots him when he tries to stop the fun.  The kids bolt.

Johnny stops by a newsstand and is baffled that the newspapers contain headlines such as Naughton Accepts Nomination, Boxing Commission Charges Bribe, Crooner Jailed for Assault.  Johnny realizes he has been punked when the New York Times does not have the headline:

EARTH TO BE DESTROYED

WOMEN AND MINORITIES HARDEST HIT

OK, that’s an oldie; but a greatie.

ahpnightworld03Johnny returns the bar, still packing the heat he took from the store.  It just so happens he arrives at the bar, where the gang is playing cards, exactly at the supposed impact time of 11:45 PM.  Then, it truly is worlds in collision.

Great stuff.

Post-Post:

  • At what point did the pronunciation go from saddist to saydist?  I recall Rod Serling using saddist on TZ also.
  • One of the kids was a 14 year-old Harry Shearer (Spinal Tap, The Simpsons).
  • AHP Deathwatch: At least two of the kids are still alive, including Harry Shearer.
  • Story by Frederic Brown, who wrote the classic Arena on which the Gorn episode of Star Trek was extremely loosely based.
  • IMDb’s trivia on director Jus Addiss says he was the “life partner” of Hayden Rorke (Dr. Bellows on I Dream of Jeannie).  I did not know that.