Monthly Archives: June 2014

Star 80 (1983)

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Not Teresa Carpenter

Not Teresa Carpenter

A Teresa Carpenter Twin Spin.

Longform recently posted a link for Death of a Playmate by Teresa Carpenter.  The article, which won a Pulitzer in 1981, covered the last years and ultimately the murder of Dorothy Stratten.

The movie Star 80, available on YouTube, was partially based on Carpenter’s article.

Both tell the story of the Playboy centerfold who was one of the few to actually have a chance to thrive outside of the Playboy ecosystem.

Not much commentary here as it is a true story and pretty sad.  Worth a read and/or a watch, though.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • Completely gratuitous, but:  There is no evidence that Dorothy Stratten did not believe in vaccinations, unlike another Playmate who escaped into the mainstream.  And if I’m linking to the Huff-Po, shit must be real.
  • Great early performance by Eric Roberts.  Maybe also by Mariel Hemingway, but I haven’t seen enough of her to know if she was just playing herself.  Whereas, to my knowledge, Eric Roberts has never murdered anyone.
  • Seeing some of his early movies makes you wonder who Eric Roberts pissed off in Hollywood.
  • Update:  OK, that was pretty stupid — I just checked IMDb and this guy has over 60 projects listed for 2014.  Mr. Roberts is doing just fine, thank you.

Outer Limits – Second Soul (S1E4)

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newsline01Not to nitpick, but they rub our face in this within seconds.  I enjoy the idea that the networks would have a theme and graphics ready in case of First Contact.  But what is going on with their network logo?

It appears to be INI II.  OK, I can see the N and I for Newsline International, but what are all those other vertical lines?

Is this NI 2, like CNN and CNN Headline?  Then what is that first line?  Is the N just framed for artistic reasons, then what is the that last line?

No matter, the N’Tal are in da house.  Unlike most aliens, they state honestly that they wish they could come as explorers or adventurers, but they come as refugees.  And by the way, we need your dead.

Apparently Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi have relatives in the body disposal business as a year later, the government seems to have guaranteed the N’Tal access to all dead bodies that meet their criteria.  Even at that, there are not enough humans dying to accommodate the N’Tal.secondsoulrdc01a

Rae Dawn Chong, the wife of a bureaucrat, is killed in a car wreck.  He pulls some strings to witness the N’Tal bringing her back to life.   Seconds later, he sees his wife’s body reanimated with the soul of a N’Tal.  Naturally he wants to meet with her but that is strictly forbidden.

But he works for the government, so rules don’t apply to him (this is the sci not the fi part of sci-fi).  He tracks RDC down and begins stalking her.  Catching her in a restaurant, he reveals his identity.  RDC emphasizes that she is not his wife and has no memories of that hot, hot body’s life with him.  He assures his boss that this breach of protocol will never happen again, but begins staking her again immediately.

And good thing tsecondsoulhome02aoo as he sees her meeting with other N’Tal several times, exchanging 3.5 inch floppies, electronics, clear liquids, etc.  Those floppies weren’t exactly cutting edge in 1995.  What was that other junk, a transistor radio and Crystal Pepsi?

He reports this to his boss who blames his paranoia on the death and resurrection of his wife.  Shortly thereafter, he has committed suicide.  Or has he?

His boss also begins to suspect the N’Tal are up to no good.  Everything turns out OK, though, and Washington is not destroyed.  Well, OK except for that.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • I figured out the logo based on one appearing later in the show.  Vertical lines are doubled, non-vertical lines are not.  So, there is a logic; it just stinks.  That logo is almost as bad as NBC’s fiasco in the 1970’s which cost them a million bucks.
  • Generally speaking, sci-fi characters with apostrophes in their names are on thin ice with me.  We don’t share a language or an alphabet, why would we presume to stick punctuation in their names?  And why always the apostrophe; never umlauts, or an accent grave?  C’mon, Nävi — better!
  • Holy crap did they make it tough to get a good picture of RDC.  Before she dies, you don’t get a single good shot of her.  After the resurrection, she never smiles.  Until the end when she smiles, but is bathed in a weird light.  Mmmmm…bathed.
  • Government weenie Gary Davey’s IMDB bio says he is Artistic Director for the William B. Davis Centre for Actor’s Study — the Cigarette Smoking Man!  No wonder Davey was on the X-Files 4 times (as 4 different characters).
  • Hulu’s commercials are still infuriating.  Except for this one.secondsoulihop01

Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954)

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creaturecover01The titular Creature was the last of the iconic Universal Monsters; maybe even the last American horror movie icon until the slashers of the late 70’s.    The Universal Monster Industrial Complex had continued to crank out product, but this was the first film since 1941 that did not recycle classic characters, or feature new ones that just did not catch on.

It is also the first big one that feels like it takes place in our world.  Although it takes place in the Amazon, the main characters are Americans; it is not tied by setting or myth to Europe; and the technology is state-of-the-art 1954.

It does, however, retain the concept of the sympathetic creature.  Even as the creature is menacing Julie Adams, it is tough not to feel for him.  We are, after all, on his turf (or, more accurately, surf and turf as he is amphibian).  He seems to be alone; a sentient being, a million years out of time.  Plus, just so damn ugly.  When he is shot with the spear gun, you are really rooting for him.

Carl Maia discovers a fossilized hand sticking out of a cliff wall.  Because he is a geologist, Maia consults with his former student David Reed who is an ichthyologist.  Although why a fish doctor was trained by a rock doctor is not explained.  And why call a fish doctor anyway since I can’t imagine hands being raised much in his class except to go to the restroom.  I guess Maia had no anthropology students.

Maia and Reed charter The Rita to investigate the site of the fossil.  They are joined by Reed’s boss Mark Williams and his — ahem — Kay Lawrence.  It is never clear what Kay’s role is.  She is Reed’s girlfriend, but seems to also be a colleague despite making no contribution.  But the same could be said of Whit Bissell’s character.

You really want to catch Julie Adams at the right angle.  Sometimes she would be fairly plain.  Other times, especially when smiling, she could be beautiful.  At all times, though, she radiates a tremendously warm, likable aura, and looks very snappy in each of her 15 costume changes; this woman packs more cruise-wear than Ginger Grant.  Sadly, Reed and Williams spend more time in shorty-shorts than Kay does; but she does have that iconic white bathing suit.  In one scene.

20140531_155057The group discovers what we already witnessed — Maia’s men are dead and the camp has been trashed.  Kay waits on the dock where we get our first glance at the monster — or at least one webbed hand. He makes a slow grab for Kay’s well-turned ankle, accompanied by his signature 3-tone brass band stinger.

They find nothing more at the first site and decide to travel up river to the titular Black Lagoon for answers.  Reed tells Kay that this area is just as it was 150 million years ago in the Devonian period.  Unfortunately, the Devonian period ended 360 million years ago; a buck-fifty only gets you back to the Jurassic.  Are we sure this Maia guy is really a teacher?

Meanwhile, back at the lagoon, Williams has brought out a weapon that we know will be used soon due to the rule of Chekhov’s Spear-Gun.  He and Reed put on Scuba gear and dive to check out the flora, fauna, rocks and fossils.  For a place called Black Lagoon, the water is pretty clear.

Some people seem to have a problem with the amount of swimming in this movie.  Maybe it is padding out the time a little, but it really is pretty entrancing.  How often do you really see people in this environment, moving gracefully like they are flying?  And there are long takes, not a flurry of CGI with .5-second cuts that send you into an epileptic fit.  Someone is actually doing this, and you can empathize with them as a human being.  The clear water combined with the great B&W cinematography make these scenes hypnotic.

25 minutes into the film, we get our first glimpse of the Creature.  He is able to avoid the 2 men, but we get a good sense of what he is.

20140531_155446aNot being aware of the Creature below, Kay goes for swim.  With all the alligators, leeches, piranhas, and those little fish that crawl up your urinary tract, she is still insane to dive in.  Again with the swimming!  But with an added attraction this time; actually two attractions.  No, not those two.

Kay herself is the first attraction, certainly more-so than the dudes.  She even manages to work a few Cirque du Soleil moves into her swim.  Secondly, the Creature is not just hiding this time, he is shadowing her, mimicking her moves just below.  As she swims on the surface, he swims belly-up just inches beneath her.  Again, there is that graceful feeling of flying, in this case like that scene in Top Gun.

20140531_160828As he reaches out for her ankle — for the second time now — the men-folk realize she is 100 yards out and panic. They move the boat toward her and she swims to meet it.  She gets safely on board, but the boat is rocked.  The Creature is caught in the fishing net, but when it is hauled aboard, it is torn apart with only a Lee Press-On Claw left behind.

The men again take to the water in pursuit; Williams with his spear-gun, and this time Reed takes a camera the size of a Volkswagen.  Williams does get a spear into the creature, but it is still able to out-swim them and dive into a crevasse.  Back on the boat, Reed is disappointed that he only got one shot and the Creature is not in it.

Of course, the Creature does eventually get his webbed hands on Kay and dives with her down to his grotto. There is more death and destruction, but not enough to preclude 2 sequels.

I appreciated that this film, more than the other Universal Classics, got out of the sound-stage.  Despite a few really bad rear-projections, it is obvious that much time was spent on a real boat, and underwater.  Overall, a very good watch.  The Blu-Ray has a few grainy scenes, but was mostly excellent.  I will enjoy watching this again some time without having to take notes.

I rate it 17,000 out of 20,000 leagues under the sea.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • That grotto was strange.  The Creature dove 50 feet down to it, but there seemed to be a rear-entrance at ground level.  There was even a bat in there.  Not impossible, just pretty convenient for the script.
  • Also convenient but not impossible: A exposed fossilized hand sticking out of the side of a cliff.
  • Julie Adams has a huge resume, but she never appeared on my radar until she showed up in an episode of Lost in 2006.
  • We are currently in the Quaternary Period of the Cenozoic Era.  Will there ever be a scientist deciding, “That’s it, Quaternary is over.  We’re in the [whatever’s next] starting tomorrow.”
  • An intricate analysis of why Ginger and the other castaways had so many clothes is at the bottom of this page.  And here is a lengthy, persuasive case for Ginger over Mary Anne.
  • The Creature was played by one guy on land, and a different guy in the water.  I understand maybe the land-guy couldn’t swim, but could the water-guy not walk? Probably a union thing.

Tales from the Crypt – Dig that Cat (S1E3)

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tftccover01Full title: “Dig that Cat . . . He’s Real Gone”.  But I wasn’t sure it was worth that much headline real estate.

This gets off to a very rough start.  Oddly, the calliope score here did not work for me as well as it did in The Man Who was Death despite this episode being set in a carnival.  I guess that’s why you pay extra for Ry Cooder.

Things do not improve with the 1) the use of a distorted lens, 2) having the camera be directly addressed as a carnival goer and 3) the appearance of Robert Wuhl.

Even Wuhl’s patter is awful.  He somehow entices the rubes into his show saying that it is “100% natural, no pesticides, but perhaps a homicide.”  The homicide part makes sense, as we will discover; but for the couplet to work, there has to be some point to saying pesticide other than just that it rhymes.  I expect more from a carny.  It’s like vaudeville for people with missing fingers — they use the same routine for years, generations; passed down from father to son, brother to brother; sometimes in the same transaction.  They would have had it polished to perfection around 1920.

tftcwuhl02He promises “two shows in one — the tragedy of death and the miracle of resurrection!”  He introduces Ulric who will be buried 6 feet under, and return to life 12 hours later.  Things immediately take a turn for the better as Ulric is played by Joe Pantoliano. Once settled in his grave, Ulric addresses the audience, flashing back on how he acquired this talent.

Ulric was a bum, er, Homeless-American when Dr. Manfred offered him cash to participate in an experiment.  Manfred came up with a way to transfer a cat’s 9 lives to a human.  Rather than sell this discovery to Big Pharma, or to some aging billionaires, Manfred decides the big money is to be made in smelly tents from rubes eating corn-dogs and funnel cakes.

Ulric is skeptical that the operation actually accomplished anything other than killing the cat until the doctor pulls out a gun and shoots him in the head.  When he reawakens, he is angry until he realizes that the doctor was telling the truth.

tftcwuhl04So they split the take as Ulric is killed on a nightly basis by drowning, electrocution, hanging, arrow to the heart, etc.  I can understand Ulric not fearing death, but it’s hard to believe he would subject himself to such painful events; unlike Cypher, he is coming back.  These things have got to leave a mark.  And is that bullet still in his head?

As usual, there is a great twist and justice is served.  Suffice it to say, Ulric finishes his story in the same coffin where he began it; just in a much louder voice.

This series and its source material revel in going over the top.  Robert Wuhl and much of the direction had the energy, but in this case were just too annoying.

I rate it 4.5 out of 9 cat’s lives.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • Not a biggie, but Ulric is introduced as Ulric the Undying.  Technically, he dies every night; he just doesn’t stay dead.
  • Wuhl is best known, ironically, for a show that no one watched.  Arli$$ was on HBO for 6 years, and the joke was always, “Who is watching this?”  Literally, no one knew anyone who watched this show; it just wouldn’t go away.  It was Arli$$ the Undying.
  • Wow!  Writer Terry Black wrote Lethal Weapon, and wrote & directed Iron Man 3.  Oh, wait.  Oh, that was his brother Shane.  Awkward.