Tag Archives: Tales from the Crypt

Tales from the Crypt – And All through the House (S1E2)

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tftcchristmassanta01aI usually skip the Christmas episodes of TV shows.  They too frequently use the same old tropes of a miracle actually happening, or the most popular character really being the most lonely, or an outcast character getting all squishy only to be an asshole again next week, or just generally being a downer.

But only requiring a 20 minute investment after pruning out the odious Cryptkeeper intro and the closing credits, I decided to give it a shot.  And it was really good.  I guess the exception to my rule is: If you can get an axe in Santa’s hands, Ho, Ho, Ho!

The episode starts out as saccharine as usual with The Christmas Song (Chestnuts roasting on an open fire . . . ), but it turns dark pretty quickly.  The step-father is established as an awful man certainly deserving to be murdered on Christmas Eve with about 2 lines of semi-cranky dialogue.

tftcchristmadad01aMom does the honors in what I must say say is a great performance.  First, giving him a nice whack to the noggin with a fireplace poker, then having trouble getting the poker out of said noggin.

When daughter Carrie comes downstairs thinking Santa has arrived, Mom hustles her back up to her bedroom, and fatefully opens the girl’s  window.

Now we enter the Weekend at Bernie’s portion of our program.  Mom puts plastic wrapping over Dad’s head, cheerfully tied off with a festive red bow to keep the blood contained.  She drags him outside into the snow as the radio warns of an escaped killer.  Her plan to toss him down the well is foiled when he suddenly reaches out to strangle her . . . after having had no oxygen for a several minutes.  Normally, I’d give this a pass, but if he had been breathing it would have been obvious from that balloon on his head.  After this brief surge, he just kind of poops out.

As she stops to take a breath, she turns to see axe-wielding Santa.  An icicle to the face and a swift kick to the Chestnuts enable her to run back into the house and call the police.  Remembering hubby lying outside in the snow, she hangs up on them.

It takes another attack by Santa to make Mom realize that she can pin Dad’s murder on Santa.  This is the kind of brainpower that lead her to think the well was a good place to dump a body.

In the meantime, Santa has crawled into Carrie’s open window.  The little girl is thrilled to see him even though he is the most disgusting Santa since Dan Aykroyd in Trading Places.

Seeing her little girl holding axe-wielding Santa’s hand, Mom gives an extended series of screams that, if they weren’t dubbed in from some horror scream library, one should be established in their honor.

tftcchristmamom01In all, another very well done episode.  I give it a 10 out of 12 days of Christmas.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • Mary Ellen Trainor was in an incredible string of hits 1980 – 2000 when she was coincidentally married to director Robert Zemeckis.  Post-divorce, not so much.  However she got the gig, she was great in this episode.
  • Marshall Bell, who got about 2 lines here, played Kuato in Total Recall.  Or more accurately, his conjoined brother, and also the voice of Kuato.
  • The Cryptkeeper pulls a Hitchcock and assures us that Carrie was not killed.  No mention of her having to be institutionalized for life, though.

Tales from the Crypt – The Man Who Was Death (S1E1)

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tftccover01This is almost a William Sadler twin spin as he starred in The Outer Limits’ Valerie 23 just yesterday.  Here, he is playing a completely different character, and pulling it off magnificently.  I have been aware of who he was for a long time, but it is finally sinking in what a major talent this guy is.

The episode — the premiere of the series — starts off with with a great score by Ry Cooder who you will know by his work with, oh, everybody.  It reminds me of a carnival,  a calliope.  I have read some complaints about the score, but maybe it is appropriate as this whole episode is a merry-go-round.

Sadler has been the state executioner for 12 years until liberal pantywaists get the death penalty overturned in his state.  Sadly the Executioners Local 101 is unable to save his job.

mansadler04aSadler foresees the Reality TV genre 10 years before Survivor by envisioning a show featuring death row inmates.  Rather than taking that winning idea to Hollywood, he decides to become a vigilante, killing off those who the justice system has let slip through its fingers.

The first recipient of this frontier justice was instantly recognizable as one of Ahnold’s first victims in T2 — the cigar smoking dude in the bar.  You see this guy in a movie, don’t expect an arc.

The great Gerrit Graham (from the classic Used Cars) is the 2nd victim.  They were really bringing out the big guns of character actors for this first episode.

Naturally, the episode comes full-circle just like the merry-go-round whose theme started the episode.  Sadler’s vigilantism is not appreciated by “the man” who has just re-instituted the death penalty.

mansadler07aNot a lot of subtext here, but it is well produced and very well acted.  A great start to a series I don’t really have many fond memories of.

Post-Post Leftovers:

  • Breaking the 4th wall does not always work, but Sadler pulls it off here, and also gives the episode a real noir vibe.
  • Again, I am baffled by the screenwriter’s lot in Hollywood.  Robert Reneau is co-credited as writer of this episode.  He had 2 screenplays produced 20 years ago, then nothing.  WTF?  OK, they were Action Jackson and Demolition Man, but at least I have heard of them.
  •  Who exactly is the Crypt-Keeper for?  Seems more of a kiddie thing, but then there was nudity in the episode, too.  That’s what killed Sears — you can’t please everybody; pick a niche.
  • Pretty shrewd of Warner Brothers to put this out as “Season 1” and mention nowhere on the box that it is only 6 episodes.  This is why you have no friends, Warner Brothers.
  • Directed by Robert Zemeckis, of the aforementioned Used Cars and Back to the Future.
  • A close-up of the hot-line to the Governor reveals that this takes place in Arkansas (Area Code 501).  As this episode aired in 1989, that Governor would have been one Mr. William Jefferson Clinton.