Narrator:  “In this building in Atlantic City, an important scientific convention is being held.  The eagerly awaited highlight of this meeting is a paper prepared by Dr. Eleanor Ballard, a devoted pioneer in bio-chemistry.” 

Dr. Eleanor Ballard has been researching beads, no, bees, and how changes can be made to them while still in the larval form.  She is injecting an enzyme into the bees to alter their behavior.  But she is using an extract to inject into other animals.  So is the enzyme from the bees?  No, they seem to be the subject of the experiment.  Then the enzyme is used on puppies.  So WTF do the bees have to do with anything?

Eleanor hopes to use her discovery to help the mentally ill.  Injecting the enzyme into some puppies has turned then from docile, playful little dogs into “a militant soldier” (a film shows 2 dogs fighting), “a worker” (film shows a dog diligently digging), “and a very proud, productive mother” (film shows 6 puppies nursing).  I guess the point is that the enzyme made the dogs like Worker, Drone and Queen bees.  So what was injected into the bees?  They already have that society.  Besides, I think the “proud, productive mother” was created by a different kind of injection (film not available).

Eleanor announces she believes this enzyme can be used on people with “human disturbed personalities” to give them ambition, courage, and a love of groups so they “can perform as part of the human family.”

After the conference, Dr. Tom MacDougal goes to visit Eleanor at her ranch.  He takes time to flirt with “the most attractive taxi driver I’ve ever run across.”  She inexplicably waits while he walks to the door, checking out his butt I guess.  He notices a man energetically mowing the grass with a push mower; literally trotting as he pushes it.  Tom calls out that the man should slow down because it is so hot.  The man just keeps mowing as if he doesn’t understand English; which would have unusual been in 1956, unlike today.

Tom rings the bell and it is answered by a brutish, belligerent man.  He says Eleanor is not accepting visitors and Tom should just f*** off.  When Tom says he is expected, the man shoves him across the porch and shuts the door.

Jean the taxi driver suggests he go back to his hotel and call from there.  Wait, she picked him up at the train station, how does she know he is not staying the ranch?  Anyhoo, the door opens again and a tall, thin, stearn woman invites him in.  He is nearly run down by a woman furiously vacuuming the carpet.  Like the landscaper, she seems to be in a trance.

The tall woman apologizes for the man’s action, but still refuses to let Tom see Eleanor.  She says that she is Eleanor’s daughter, and that everyone there is very protective of her mother.  She is doing important work and can’t be interrupted.  Tom walks back to the hotel where Jean works.

That night, he remembers that Eleanor told him she had no children.  But since Eleanor is only 9 years older than the other woman, maybe it is a painful subject to her.  Even though it is the middle of the night, Tom asks Jean to drive him back to Eleanor’s house.

Jean waits while Tom approaches the house.  BTW, he has dressed in a nice suit including a necktie for this covert operation.  It’s nice to see the young people dressing for felonies again.  Rather than risk encountering the brute at the door again, he checks the bathroom windows.  After confirming Eleanor is not showering, or disrobing for a shower, or drying off after a shower, he checks the window of the lab.  Seeing her working, he slides the window open and climbs into the room.

He announces his presence, but Eleanor does not respond.  He says her name again and she does stoically say, “Dr. MacDougal” but continues performing her experiments.  She says, “Please go away, I have a great deal of work to do.  It is of utmost importance.”  When the brute unlocks the lab door, Tom goes back out the window.

He watches through the window as the mower, the vacuumer, the brute, and the thin woman all come into the lab.  One by one, Eleanor gives them an injection.  Finally, the thin woman administers an injection to Eleanor.

Tom asks Jean if there is an all-night drugstore in the nearby town.^[1]  Luckily, the local CVS seems to carry beakers, test tubes, test tube racks, bunsen burners, and all the chemicals he needs.  He mixes up a solution at the hotel and they go back to Eleanor’s house.

Eleanor realizes her experiment failed. Also that Tom has his arm around the taxi driver who is 9 years younger than her.  But mostly that.

Tom slips back in through the window.  He begins knocking over equipment so that the other inhabitants of the house will come to the lab.  Once all are present, he puts on a gas-mask — wow, CVS rules! — and throws down the smoke bomb he made.  As the others are gagging, he carries Eleanor to safety.

Back at the hotel, Eleanor is sobered up and sees that her experiments to make the “maladjusted” part of society have failed.  She was able to transform them, like bees, into productive soldiers and workers and a queen, but lost control.  They return to the house and find all the inhabitants are now all jittery, frightened layabouts, the world’s oldest millennials.

1. The tall woman was the Queen in this hive.  WTF wasn’t Eleanor the queen?  She says the tall woman injected her.  Was that a coup, or part of the experiment?
2. Since Eleanor was not the queen, why were the others so protective of her?  She was just a drone; as her original lecture proved.
3. Why have they all reverted to their natural state already?  We just saw them get injected that morning.

Tom says this was still an amazing breakthrough.  He suggests that he stay and help her.  Not only will he have fresh ideas, assist in the research, and be able to protect her from another such coup, but having a man’s name on her findings, they might actually get published in a scientific journal.  Bloody sexism!

Other Stuff:

• [1] Actually, he says, “I want to pick up some supplies.  You may have to open up a drugstore.”  Hunh?
• Eleanor was in the classic Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  Jean was in the classic-in-a-bad-way Robot Monster.  Wonder if that came up on-set.  Both were paid $125 for this episode, though.  That’s BS — even the mower and vacuumer got $80 and they had no lines!  Tom picked up a cool $750 for his work.  Bloody sexism!

So help me, Truman Bradley actually got me excited at the beginning of this episode.  No, it wasn’t the way he is poured into that suit.  He described “a man-made moon, circling the earth.”  Wow, is this episode set in the distant future?  Cool!  Is it like a Deathstar?  Wow!  Or is he saying our regular ol’ moon is actually man-made (SFT has a precedent of calling alien technology “man-made”)?  Intriguing!  Sadly, none of the above.  SIGH . . . he is just referring to a weather satellite.

He continues on to introduce us to Dr. Milhurst, who lives “several miles from a southwestern city.”  Thanks for narrowing it down to the entire southwest and several miles into the northwest, southeast and sliver of the northeast.  Way to paint a picture.  Are you afraid I’m going to drop by?  Here, Milhurst works “ceaselessly delving into the mysteries of the universe.”

He has invited three other imminent scientists to his lab.  In a first for SFT, he does not have a hot daughter living with him, and none of the other scientists sent his daughter as a surrogate.  He confesses that the recent breakthroughs he made in satellites and orbital mechanics were not his own work.  They came from someone else.  “I don’t know his name.  I don’t even know where he lives, or what country he’s from.”  But he does know he is a “he”.

One place he might have suspected is in Spain because this plot is suspiciously similar to SFT’s Postcard from Barcelona which just aired 7 months ago.

“Some months ago I was doing experiments in the extremely high bands of the electro-magnetic spectrum.”  He made a broadcast in that band, expecting no one to hear it.  He immediately got a response in a clear english-speaking voice.  The voice did not tell him much, but instructed him to tune back in the next night at the same time; also to buy Lucky Strikes.  Eventually, hoping to make earth more peaceful, the voice gave Milhurst the orbital equations.

The other three scientists come back for the next transmission hoping to glom some info to make them famous like Milhurst.  They transmit questions about Chemistry, Atomic Energy, Computer Technology, and how to talk to girls.  An hour later, the voice returns with answers to technical issues they had been researching for years.

The next night, the boyz are a little more altruistic.  They are concerned about ICBMs destroying America before they get a chance to cash in.  They ask if it is possible to build a device that would alert us to incoming missiles.  Or, better yet, destroy the missiles before they landed.  Some sort of Initiative for Strategic Defense!  Maybe call it ISD!

The voice gives them the data to build such a system.  As they watch a radar screen, they are able to identify satellites.  One of the blips is not a satellite, though.  They watch it moving across the screen.  As it moves vertically up the screen, one of them says, “It has an upward trajectory.”  Er, on a 2-D global map, wouldn’t that indicate it is moving north?  He is not the dumbest in the group, though.  As the blip approaches Montana, Milhurst says, “It is over south-central New Mexico.”

The tests go perfectly.  Milhurst even discovers an undocumented feature of the voice’s invention.  Although if WordPress, Microsoft, or Adobe have any say in it, they will add needless steps or eliminate the feature entirely.^[1]  He is able to locate the source of any radio transmission.  They discover the transmissions are coming from the vicinity of Jupiter.

Not much story here, and the story that is here was here 7 months ago.  However, bravo to SFT for getting some small things right.  They correctly placed Jupiter about 367 million miles away (even TZ never seemed to understand how big space is).  They acknowledged that live dialogue was not possible at that distance.  That made the delay a reasonable 64 minutes.

Other Stuff:

• [1] Seriously, are these companies letting interns push out updates now?
• According to SFT: A History of the Television Show, Millhurst was the highest paid actor, pocketing $600.
• Variety called both the directing and screenplay “so-so”.  Maybe they should have given one of the guys a daughter.

Host Truman Bradley: “If you pussies at Variety don’t like this episode I’ll kick your asses”

They must have been a little short on story this week as it is an interminable 4 minutes before they get started.  There is some obvious padding as we have to wait while Truman Bradley dials a number on a rotary phone in the intro.  This torture is lessened by the fact that 1) this was back when phone numbers apparently had only 6 digits, and 2) it is followed by a cool little clip of how the caller is connected to the callee.  All this is to set up how the brain is superior to this technical marvel.

78 year old Dr. Milton — sweet Jesus!  This guy is only 78?  They hired a 69 year old to play him, but he looks 100.  Anyway, he drops by the lab of Dr. Alan Cathcart ^[1].  He asks Cathcart how he would like to be able to “measure nerve impulses in micro-volts and expressed in a typewritten language.”  Cathcart is intrigued because who wouldn’t be?  They go to Milton’s lab.

Milton shows Cathcart his new discovery that allows brain impulses to be transmitted as language.  Unfortunately, Milton feels he doesn’t have long to live and wants the youthful Cathcart to collate his notes, finish the research, and open a jar of pickles.

Cathcart agrees to continue Milton’s research and comes to the lab the next day.  Several men are testing the mind-reading device on Joyce.  Judging by her radiant smile, she is not reading their minds, or maybe she is!  The machine begins printing data from Joyce’s mind.  Milton sees it as gibberish.  Cathcart suggests the symbols can be decrypted, although Joyce quickly shoots down his proposition that “gamma = in the butt”.

Sadly, Milton has a stroke leaving him unable to move except for one finger.  At the hospital, Cathcart says, “Listen carefully.  Let 1 represent the letter A, 2 B, 3 C, and so on.”  Milton wiggles his finger to indicate he understands the system.  He begins communicating by moving his finger to indicate the binary numbers associated with the letters forming the words of his response.

After his initial plea of K-I-L-L-M-E, Milton informs them he has memorized the code.  He instructs them to keep his brain alive after death and he will attempt to send his thoughts to the printer.  His supposition is that without the other pesky organs confusing his thoughts, the data should come out in perfect english.  Recognizing this is a 30-minute show, Milton dutifully croaks during the commercial.

His brain is preserved in a vat of nutrients.  The printer (actually an electric typewriter) begins producing data.  Cathcart’s assistant looks at the data and says, “That can’t represent the alphabet; there’s more than 26 characters!”  Wait, this is a typewriter, how is it just making up symbols?

Or is he counting punctuation?  Like S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y-K-I-L-L-M-E-I-M-A-F-#-$-^-%-&-I-N-G-D-I-S-E-M-B-O-D-I-E-D-B-R-A-I-N !

Cathcart takes the message to the US Signal Corp in Washington DC to be translated.  They use the most sophisticated decryption equipment of the era which seems to be a chalkboard.  After a few hours, they crack the code, but it is not very interesting.  A message from Heaven would have been better.  A message from Hell would have been awesome.

On 06/21/56, Variety said:  This one may be a hit at Caltech, but it is a miss on TV . . . A viewer tuning in in the middle might get the impression it was partly dubbed in Pakistani . . . Actors doing their best with thankless material . . . Paul Guilfoyle’s directing is unimaginative.

Wow, I thought I was tough.

Other Stuff:

• [1] BTW, the new Catch-22 series is looking dreadful.  WTF are any of these people other than Clooney?  The 1970 version was also not good, but what a cast!  Go read the book!
• Correction:  The first episode of Catch-22 was surprisingly not-awful.  The actors playing Yossarian, Cathcart, and Daneeka were especially good; the others might grow on me.  This version also captures a few of the verbal set-pieces better than the original movie which sometimes sounded like a table-read.  Go read the book!
• The big money this week went to Dr. Cathcart ($800).  The lovely Joyce made a mere $80.

“One of the most important parts of air research is the efforts of the metal scientists known as robots metallurgists.”  They are researching materials that can withstand super-sonic speeds in aircraft.  Drs. Connors and Rudman are witnessing another failure in the wind tunnel as a model melts from 2,500 MPH winds.

Dr. Rudman’s daughter Jean enters because, as is usually the case on SFT, the older scientist has no wife, but has a hot daughter.  Also, typical of the show, Rudman’s protege happens to be dating the daughter.  They go out to dinner, leaving Rudman to his work.  He is interrupted by a man in black.

The intruder introduces himself as Ralph Parr and says he just escaped from prison.  He knows Rudman has been researching metals and pulls a roll of black metal from his jacket.  He demonstrates how the material can be rolled up, and can be easily cut.  Then he pulls out a pistol and fires several shots at it.  He says, “Lead bounces on this stuff like spitballs off a brick wall.”  Hunh, his spit bounces?  Maybe this was during the polar vortex of ’56.

Parr asks Rudman what it is worth, and the scientist says, “Priceless, absolutely priceless.”  Rudman worries that he is being scammed, but Parr assures him, “Just because I’m a con doesn’t mean I’m a fake.”  He hands Rudman the gun and tells him to try it himself.  Once he has the gun, Rudman demands that Parr give him the key to the door, although I’m not clear why Parr has the key to a door in Rudman’s house.

When Parr makes a move, Rudman fires the gun.  Unfortunately, the bullet ricochets off the mysterious metal and he hits himself.  They aren’t fooling around — the shot hits him right in the melon.  He puts a hand to his face and falls to the floor.

Soon after, a crime wave is sweeping the city.  The police say the robber has “a strange disregard for firearms.”  They know his identity but “the mystery of the Bullet-Proof man goes unsolved.”  Dr. Connors inexplicably deduces the Bullet-Proof man is the same man who killed Rudman.  In the lab, he says, “Whatever the killer stole from this room made him Bullet-Proof.”  So, he is completely wrong in both of his deductions.  We need an act break to sort this out.

OK, the BP man continues his one-man crime wave.  We see the police firing at him as he runs away wearing a cone over his head, or maybe it is the governor of Virginia.  Such are the amazing properties of this metal that it somehow prevents the police from firing at his chest, or even chasing him.  OK, maybe he is wearing metal long johns, but he seems pretty agile. ^[1]

Still pursuing his theories 2 weeks later, Connors goes to see George Martin, president of the nation’s largest steel mill who oddly went on to be the Beatles’ go-to producer.  Connor wants Martin to issue a press release announcing to the BP man that the metal he possesses would be worth a billion dollars!  Parr later hears the announcement on the radio.

Jean and Connors go see Martin after he hears from Parr.  Martin says, “He took the bait, but he priced it a little high — $50,000.”  Bloody record executives!  Wait, was $50k more than a billion in the 1950s?  I know the British changed the definition of billion; did we do that too?

Martin stuffs the $50k into a valise.  Connors will deliver the loot to Parr.  That afternoon, the Connors and Parr meet in the desert.  To prove the density of the metal, Parr takes off the black metal cone from his head and sets it on the ground.  He fires a bullet that ricochets off the cone.  The bullet does not penetrate, and does not even knock the cone over.  That also demonstrates the density of the writer.

Connors asks how Parr knew Rudman had this metal, and Parr finally sets him straight.  The night he escaped prison, he saw a UFO.  He shows Connors some of the debris left behind by the aliens.  Connors thinks maybe we can use that metal to visit their planet.  Like every villain on AHP, Parr gets busted.  He is pretty chill, though.  When the cops take the $50k, he says, “Easy come, easy go.”

Footnotes:

• Sadly, the regularly scheduled episode When a Camera Fails does not seem to be online anywhere.
• [1] BP later describes the cone as being “hot as a furnace”, so I don’t think he is wearing the aforementioned long johns.

Truman Bradley reminds us that animals are smarter we think.  He shows us a chimp named Terry operating a kind of typewriter.  The li’l fella plunks keys that bring up cards stating [TERRY] [LIKE] [BANANAS].  Fortuitously, the machine does not include cards for [RIP OFF] or [FACE].  We also see a smart snake and brainy bugs.

Then he brings out a dog that “has been exposed to large doses of radiation in an experiment to see how much radiation a living body can safely carry.”  Awwww.  Don’t worry, they have “shielded the animal’s spleen”.  He is “given constant care, daily baths, regular blood transfusions, attendance by a staff of veterinarians, feeding from a special kitchen, and certain new drugs.”  Thus, Truman tells us, dogs like this “can live a normal life.”  Yeah, normal except for the spleen shielding, constant care, daily baths, regular blood transfusions, attendance by a staff of veterinarians, feeding from a special kitchen, and certain new drugs.

At the atomic research facility, security chief Davis thinks Dr. Maxwell Carnaven might be stealing secrets.  Director Scott wisely points out that he would be stealing secrets that only he knows.  On the other hand, Carnaven was probably a Nazi 10 years ago, so who knows.  Davis also complains that Carnaven and his secretary go in through “the back gate” but I don’t feel that is any of our business.  The director says allowances must be made for a genius like Carnaven.

Still, Davis is concerned that Carnaven has been irritable lately and has access to the nuclear button and the Kuerig machine.  He brings in psychiatrist Dr. Frake.  Scott asks if Davis has a point about Carnaven’s irritability.  Frake wisely says, “Diagnosis by hearsay is impossible.”  He and Scott might be the smartest guys ever on SFT.  Frake does say that tension and overwork can lead to a breakdown.

Frake is introduced to Carnaven, but seconds later, there is a crisis at the nuclear facility — one of the radioactive dogs has escaped.  Davis’s team jumps into action, bringing on another shift, and arming the men with scintillometers, although I think geiger counters would have made more sense.  This plan aggravates Carnaven so much that he declares this to be the dark ages and storms out.

Now that Dr. Frake has had a full 20 seconds to observe Carnaven, he feels qualified to make a diagnosis.  He says Carnaven is overwhelmed by guilt and seems to be hiding something.  While the search is on for the dog, another scientist alerts Davis that four pounds of fissionable material is missing.

The dog is found, coincidentally, near Carnaven’s house.  The whole area is showing signs of radioactivity.  Dull story short, Carnaven has been atoning for his atomic research by building a “benevolent bomb”.  Combining radioactivity with choroplasm, and exploding it over the desert should turn the sand fertile.

Sadly, Carnaven has been exposed to lethal doses of radiation.  He surrenders peacefully to the authorities, shrewdly putting Uncle Sam on the hook for his long, painful, and expensive death from radiation poisoning.

Other Stuff:

• C’mon, according to SFT: A History of the Television Program, a big star like Whit Bissell was only paid $200 for this episode?  But then, this was before his groundbreaking work in I Was a Teenage Werewolf.