Ship of the Golden Ghoul – Lazar Levi

pulpmegabride01Bruce and Julia are threading their sailboat through a narrow channel.  Julia says another boat has been chasing them for an hour and is concerned as she believes it to be a ghostboat with a dead man for a pilot.

Earlier, they had nearly collided, and they saw no crew, only a corpse at the wheel — moldy clothes on a bony frame, and rotten flesh.  On the other hand, there is also a radiant golden siren (the breasty kind, not the police car kind).  They play cat and mouse around the islands, but Bruce runs aground and their boat is lost.

As always in these stories, there is a house in this unlikely location.  The door is opened by Jerry Dunn, wielding a gun.  Cuthbert Stapleton is not keen on letting them in, but the owner George Kober thinks it is OK.  There is another man named Slim — apparently named for his characterization — his presence is barely commented upon and he quickly ends up mysteriously slashed “from chin to navel” in Julia’s bedroom that night.

Julia did not witness the murderer, but Bruce says he saw a grotesque face at the window making an escape.  There are several accusations of jewelry smuggling and tax evasion.  Dunn quietly reveals to Bruce that he is actually a G-man on the case.  Bruce and Dunn hear a scream and find that Kober has also been killed in the same grizzly fashion. The empty safe next to the bloody corpse suggests that Stapleton has made off with the treasure.

In the mean time, Julia has disappeared.  Despite having zero reason to believe the ghostboat was involved, Bruce decides to swim — swim, I tells ya — in pursuit of the black schooner. After an hour of swimming through the wild surf, he reaches the ghostboat and, unlike the dumbbells in Adrift, is able to climb the anchor chain.  He is quickly conked on the head.

Finally we get to a story with an ape, though, sans zeppelin.

Finally we get to a story with an ape, though, sans zeppelin.

He awakens in the cabin, which is covered in tapestries.  Two sword-wielding, turbaned Arabs are flanking a golden snake-god statue.  There is also a woman with cascading hair like spun gold posed seductively on a couch wearing “a thin transparent gossamer which enshrouded, but did not conceal her voluptuous charms.”

Just in case we don’t get it, we are also subtly informed that she has “breasts like ripe melons.”

The woman, Thyra — another good Barsoom name — offers to take him away and make him emperor to her empress, but he demands to see Julia.  She orders the swordsmen to bring in Julia, who she promptly orders to be “stripped to the waist!” revealing the lack of follow-through that will prevent her from ever really being successful.

Turns out, she is just a common ho’ and Dunn is not a G-Man, he is in cahoots with her.  There is blood and killing and dismemberment.  And Thyra also being stripped to the waist — you know this Lazar Levi guy just doesn’t know how to close a deal.

Post-Post:

  • First published in Mystery Novels and Short Stories Magazine in September 1939, the same issue as Bride of the Ape.
  • Also that month:  Germany invades Poland and conducts first air attacks on Great Britain.  FDR declares US neutral as such blood-thirsty, savage nations as New Zealand, Canada, Australia and even France declare war.
  • Archaic words:  welter, incarnadined, objurgations, flossie.  Or, at least unknown to me.

Blood-Bait for Hungry Mermaids – John Wallace

pulpmegabloodbait“The afternoon was grey, cheerless, and suffused by a miasma of melancholy.”

As first sentences go, that doesn’t exactly grab me by the lapels and scream “read the bejeebus out of me!”

Bob Barton is fishing on his cabin cruiser along with his wife Pamela and her sister Lucy, artist friend Wilson, business partner Forsythe and Captain Hawkins.

Wilson tells Barton the fish are biting and they go down to Mermaid Rock.  In the water, they clearly see three mermaids with girl’s faces, “full white breasts” and “scaly, bluish, finned” tails.  It seems strangely reasonable to Barton that they should be there, that he should cast his line into the water, and that he should hook one through the cheek.  She screams in agony as he reels her in, pretty much as I suspect a trout would.  As he removes the hook, she bites his wrist.

Wilson stabs her in the fishy area (. . . . . . er, nevermind), and stitches her mouth shut with wire.  He intends to stuff her and mount her as an objet d’art.  As Wilson strings the creature up and begins to gut it, Barton sees the scaly bottom half part to reveal a pair of human legs.  Seeing this and the thrill the men are getting out of fishing for the other mermaids snaps Barton back to sanity.

He discovers that someone has drugged them all with “Scopolamine — the liquid hypnotism.”  There actually is a drug called Scopolamine, which is used to treat nausea and vomiting according to Wikipedia.

It is also known as Devil’s Breath and can leave victims as zombies with no free will, assisting criminals, looting their own bank accounts, or being forced into prostitution.  There is an article at the Daily Mail which I will not link because it has a LOUD ad not only auto-playing, but on a loop.  Somebody should really go to jail for that.  The story accurately recounts those side effects and also correctly notes that it prevents the formation of short-term memories.  Basically, a Forget-Me-Now.

Finally we get to a story with an ape, though, sans zeppelin.

Finally we get to a story with an ape, though, sans zeppelin.

Barton searches for Pamela and finds Forsythe outfitting her with fins.  Barton knocks him out, but Pamela still drugged up tries to bite him.  Barton does manage to save her and also Lucy who was already suited up and swimming topless in the ol’ fishing hole.

There is a motive and a nice piece of misdirection based on the effects of the drug.  It’s pretty goofy with an over-complicated James Bond villain revenge plan, but it does have a lot of fun elements.

Post-Post:

  • First published in Mystery Tales, December 1939.
  • Also that month:  Gone with the Wind premieres in Atlanta.
  • I thought I had found a strange coincidence that there was a character named Bob Barton in two consecutive stories.  I think it is just a Kindle X-Ray error as the first Bob (Bride of the Ape) seems to have no last name; which must have been awkward as the story had him getting married just the day before.

Bride of the Ape – Harold Ward

pulpmegabride0125 stories for $.99 — they must be great!

I love these covers.  Not just for the lurid, scantily-clad damsel-in-distress poses, but also for the more subtle points — the jarring noun-noun-adjective string of words at the top; the misspelled word; the doctor’s hand holding the syringe which is almost an optical illusion; the way the illustration doesn’t quite fit the story.

On an “abysmally dark” night, Bob and Betty are being stalked through the woods by an unseen, growling entity.  For a change in these stories, their car did not get stuck in mud, but is immobilized by a “broken spring.”  They have wandered for miles seeking help.

The sound of their pursuer “acted as a tonic to our jaded nerves, quickening our muscles, putting us on the qui vive.”  The Kindle dictionary defines qui vive as:

n. on the alert or lookout; duty requires the earnest liberal to spend most of his time on the qui vive for fascism.

Presumably so he can hold a fundraiser. BTW, a lot of dictionaries seem to use that example, but no one gives an attribution.

Soon they see a house surrounded by a fence, 20 feet in height, with tightly meshed wire fastened to high posts.  It reminds Bob of a prison; or a driving range.

Admiring the fence, Bob trips and falls onto a the body of a naked woman.  Bob takes no indecent liberties because she is dead and “a weird misshapen creature, her form twisted and warped.”  Also because Betty is watching.

Finally we get to a story with an ape, though, sans zeppelin.

Finally we get to a story with an ape, though, sans zeppelin.

Breaking the awkwardness, or perhaps adding to it, a gorilla bursts out of the jungle.  It grabs Betty and begins tearing at her clothes.  Bob gamely jumps in repeatedly to save his gal.  He does manage to incapacitate the gorilla long enough for them to make it to the porch of the house.  Note to owner — the prison fencing is not working.

The door is answered by Professor Bixby, “a poor scholar come to this place to work out certain theories”  IOW, a mad scientist.  Bixby seems to be skeptical of their tale until the gorilla presses his face against the window.  He summons his man-servant Jarbo, who is described a “a huge black,” and orders him to kill the beast.

Before heading out, Jarbo beings in a tray of wine and sandwiches.  The famished couple dig in, but the food has been drugged and they drift off to sleep.

Bob awakens in a pit, but can hear Betty screaming.  He is tied to an iron bed, but manages to loosen the ropes and escape.  He finds Betty nearly naked in the lab with Bixby and the gorilla.  Bixby tries to calm the gorilla telling him, “her blood will be in your veins,” and promises the gorilla’s blood will flow through Betty’s body.  “Then she will be yours.”

Bob attacks Bixby, throttling his neck, but Jarbo smacks him down.  Not that he cares about Bixby, he wants to get his hands on Betty.  Jarbo tears at Betty’s bindings and speaks.  “She is Jarbo’s!  No give to ape-man this time!”  Bixby manages to shoot Jarbo, but “the black” — it’s not me, that’s how he is constantly referenced! — is still able to kill him.  The ape-man then attacks Jarbo, but Bob blows his brains out just as the cops show up.

According to Jarbo, Bixby was “obsessed with idea of fusing the blood of lower animals with that of white women to build up the racial stamina, weakened by the artificialities of modern life.”

I have no idea what that means, but it’s a nice little read.

Post-Post:

  • First published in Mystery Novels and Short Stories Magazine in September 1939, same issue as Ship of the Golden Ghoul.
  • Also that month:  Germany invades Poland and conducts first air attacks on Great Britain.  FDR declares US neutral as such blood-thirsty, savage nations as New Zealand, Canada, Australia and even France declare war.
  • Jarbo is described as Algerian, but repeatedly referred to as “the black.”  I tried to find a list of famous Algerians to gauge their skin-color.  Turns out, there are no famous Algerians.

When Manhattan Sank – George S. Brooks

pulpmaegawhenmahattan0125 stories for $.99 — they must be great!

This one reminded me of Cloverfield, but without the monster; which I know isn’t saying much.  Manhattan is destroyed and our main character is trying to make his way through the city to find his girl who has fortuitously stayed at home during the holocaust.

The fist sentence almost conveys a sense of deja vu, “Those who survived the destruction of Manhattan will never forget the morning of September sixteenth.”  So close.

Alex’s brother Matt is just leaving to go back to his upstate farm.  Matt had been needling Alex about asking his girl Mary to get married. Alex thinks that would be a swell and does ask her to marry him — by phone, even though she is just uptown.  I guess if texting had been invented, he would have done that.  \/\/1LL j00Z /\/\4rr’/ /\/\3?

Mary accepts  by phone — but says she can’t make it out that evening to meet him for a drink, so these two hopeless romantics seem to deserve each other.  Alex is on the subway home when the first shocks hit.  The train crashes and everyone believes it is due to an explosion until water begins flooding the tunnel.  No one suspects the Muslims because there weren’t pissed at us at the time; but it’s a safe bet they were pissed at someone.

He is able to make it back to street level at 51st and Lexington.  He struggles through the streets encountering the wreckage of fallen buildings, and crevasses in the streets exposing the underground lines.  The area around Central Park has become a sea of humanity washing into the park seeking an area where nothing will fall on their noggins.

Alex is able to find Mary and together with a small group, they work to find a way out of the city.   Eventually, the government competently comes to the rescue — this isn’t Ebola after all — and everyone is OK.

Well, for 2 years until the stock market crashes, the Great Depression begins, a fascist is repeatedly elected, and eventually World War II begins.  But until then, it’s just the bee’s knees and everyone is wearing onions tied to their belts.

Only an OK story, with the writing and story not matching the scope the title promises. But, really, how could it?

Post-Post:

  • First Published in Complete Stories, July 1927.
  • Also that month: Ty Cobb’s 4,000th career hit.
  • Alex’s trek through New York cites several locations, but I got lost trying to plot them on Google Earth due to 1) not being that familiar with NYC, and 2) being a man, refusing to ask for directions.
  • Thanks to the Lee7 Speak Converter.

The Dogs of Purgatory – Hugh Pendexter

pulpmegadogsof0125 stories for $.99; they must be good.

Dix is in a bad situation, and not just because of his name.  He has wandered off from his camp, and thanks to overcast skies and the loss of his compass, he was been wandering for 3 days.

Having not eaten in 12 hours, Dix questions his senses when he sees a pack of dogs running toward him.  With no where to take shelter, they are upon him in no time behaving fiercely, but restrained by muzzles.

They are followed by a dwarf, Cumber and a graceful young woman, Florence.  The woman orders the dwarf to take the dogs back to the house, but it is clear he would have preferred to remove the muzzles and allowed them to go down on Dix.

Dix and Florence go back to the house where he meets her sickly uncle.  The dying man tells Dix that Cumber is not their servant but is keeping them prisoner there.  It seems like the dwarf would be pretty easy to overpower, even for the petite Florence. However her uncle is deathly ill, and she is not even aware that Cumber is actually master of the house.

pulpfiction01On the 4th night, Florence’s uncle “dropped into his last sleep.  Once Cumber understood his master had gone, he withdrew with his dogs to the farther side of the knoll” leaving Dix to dig the grave.  So clearly Cumber knows the old man is dead.

Then how to explain his later comment, “The master has gone to a fair country far to the north.”  OK, maybe a poetic way to say he croaked.  But then he continues, “Tomorrow I must be off to find him.”

Florence and Dix plan an elaborate and dangerous escape over ice and lakes being chased by the evil rifle-toting dwarf and vicious dogs.  However, Dix had ample opportunity in the past four days to dropkick the li’l bastard and have a leisurely return to civilization.

However, that would have denied the reader an action packed-chase through the icy wilds with Florence in a sled and Dix on ice skates.  I was never clear what propelled the sled, was Dix pulling it?

Pendexter was not the smoothest of wordsmiths.  As far as I can tell, at the end, one of the dogs grabs Cumber’s rifle in his jaws and shoots him, clearing the way for Flo & Dix to escape.

Post-Post:

  • First published in Complete Northwest Novels Magazine, June 1936.
  • Also published that month: Gone with the Wind.
  • 2nd story in the collection to feature an evil dwarf.