So blah is this episode that there is not one interesting visual to include.

Ben Kohler is the most happy-go-lucky guitar-toting unemployed construction worker in America. After getting turned away from a job-site, his lucky streak continues when he is shot in the head.

He is taken to the hospital.  When they begin cutting on his skull, another man collapses in his kitchen.  Turns out Dr. Jennifer Martinez has taken this opportunity to place an experimental cerebral chip in Kohler’s head.  What is strange is that the other guy is zapped even before the chip is put in Kohler’s brain.  What triggered it?  Just being taken out of the file cabinet?

Turns out this other man, Wayne Haas,  has an earlier version of the chip in his noggin.  Oh, and Haas, is a serial killer — just as in a dozen other shows and movies.  But the twist here is that Kohler sees through Haas’s eyes as he . . . . no, wait that’s also just like all the other stories.

Dr. Martinez takes Kohler home with her and . . . and . . .

I just can’t work up enough interest to continue.  Yada yada, Kohler shorts out both chips, sacrificing himself to save Dr. Martinez.  The end.

Post-Post:

• Maybe Elizabeth Pena is a great actress, but she is terrible here.
• Living hell indeed.

Josh Brolin is working on a virtual reality program and discovers that he can project himself into the future.  All the great low-budget sci-fi tropes are here:  Incredible cutting edge science being developed by only 2 guys in a dark lab, world-changing discovery worth billions being treated as only moderately interesting, security for this goldmine laxer than Doc Brown’s garage, and a wife who doesn’t appreciate the magnitude of the work.

And for the most radical discovery in history — time travel — Brolin sells out pretty cheaply — for a job and his own lab.  Who knows, maybe he can even get a 3rd guy and a light bulb.  As in previous OL episodes, there must be a sinister corporate weasel to exploit Brolin’s discovery for eeeeeveeel, here played by David Warner.

It surely break’s Warner’s heart that the first time he takes the leap forward, he uses that knowledge to save a woman from being murdered at an ATM.  Well, there’ll be time for blackmail and murder later.

Soon enough, Warner announces that he is running for the Senate, thus commencing his life of crime.  Sadly, he does a time-jump, and sees that he will lose the election, and his victorious opponent will subpoena the records of his company.  The next morning, Brolin sees on TV that Warner’s opponent has died mysteriously.

There is a confrontation, and soon all is well again with the world.  Well, except for the dead guy.  Another just OK episode.  Brolin, however, shows the chops that will make him a star a few years later.  David Warner, as always, plays the role of David Warner, but totally pulls it off.  Sadly, the wife is a little bit of a non-entity, but does come through like a champ at the end.

Post-Post:

• Sadly Brolin did not use his knowledge gained from time-travel to warn everyone, “Don’t remake Oldboy.”

The good news is that this episode starts off with the great Thora Birch.  The bad news is that she is playing a 10 year old, and was probably 12 when the episode was filmed. Despite being a child, there is no mistaking it is Thora.

After an incident in school where she has induced a nose-bleed in a bully Carrie-style, her parents are called to the principal’s office.  Clearly she did not lay a hand on the bully, and there were a dozen witnesses.  But despite being played by Fox Mulder’s mother, the principal is not curious about the phenomenon; she suggests that Thora should be put into a special needs class.

As you do for every conflict in life, the parents get a lawyer; and the lawsuit makes the newspaper.  The article catches the eye of new-age bookstore owner played by another famous mother, Ma Calvin.  She makes a call and says she has another “prospect” in Oregon.  Minor coincidence as this is the location of Mulder & Scully’s first assignment.  But maybe Boston would have been more on-point.

The parents had decided to hire a nanny, and thanks to Ma Clavin, the perfect one has shown up on their doorstep.  Unfortunately 3 other candidates are also on the doorstep.  The nanny Karen is able to psychically encourage the others to walk off.  When Thora’s father opens the door, only Karen is left.

That’s more like it!

Aggie is resistant.  When Karen tries to get her attention with some antics more suitable to a 5 year old, Aggie finally speaks out.  Karen blows her mind by making one of her dolls dance.  Maybe I was just tired, but it kind of blew my mind too.

Now we learn that the government has an agent tracking down people like Karen and Aggie.  He is talking to another couple about their missing child who also was also had the power.  He also visits Ma Clavin to pump her for info on the missing child.

Eventually the G-Man confronts both Aggie and Karen, and he operates about as efficiently as any government employee.

Nothing special, but Thora makes the show so I rate it an American Beauty.

Post-Post:

• For whatever reason, and there are many conjectures, Thora’s career has just about crashed.  She deserves better.  I’ve seen her in some crap movies, but she is always entrancing.  Meanwhile, Lindsay Lohan is working on her 15,000th 2nd chance.
• Apparently “change gears” was the 1980’s word for “multitask.”
• Sorry, Hollywood, you chose poorly:

Out of 152 episodes, this one is 6th from the bottom in ratings on IMDb.  It garnered 3 times the number of votes as the other lousy episodes at the bottom of the rankings.  That means that not only did people strongly dislike this episode, they made the effort to selflessly steer other viewers away from making the same mistake they did.  It would be 3 years before another episode got a lower rating.

Sadly, being a completist, I did not heed the warning.  But mostly, I did not see the rating until after viewing. Note to self . . .

Trust me, you don’t want a picture of William Hickey

The insufferably grating Harlan Hawkes (William Hickey) is a 102 year old billionaire.  That he got to that age without someone killing him is inexplicable.  Naturally, at that age he is obsessed with staying alive despite his failing heart; and Matlock.

He is using his billions to fund research into developing an artificial heart to benefit humanity.  Understandably, he expects to be the first beneficiary.  Lately, he has been experiencing heart failures and seeing the doorway to the afterlife open up.  Hawkes is unbearably obnoxious, and the introduction of unalloyed religion just makes the episode a chore to watch.

Whatever your view, religion is not science-fiction.  If you are an atheist, it isn’t science; If you are a believer, it isn’t fiction.  Ghosts, deities, the afterlife, hauntings, seances, etc are all fine.  But actually seeing the glowing doorway to heaven open up just seems a little too on-the-nose for a sci-fi series.

Hawkes soon has to make a moral decision about the assignment of the first artificial heart, and by Someone’s reckoning, makes the wrong choice.  The person who lost out goes to Heaven, and Hawkes goes to Hell.  If you are a believer, that simple equation cheapens your beliefs, and does not really seem to follow the “rules” as I understand them.  If not a believer, that binary Heaven / Hell choice just does not ring true.  This really could have been one of those moralistic dramas that used to come on Sunday mornings.  Or a very special episode of Davey and Goliath.

On top of the usual commercial issues with Hulu, it was just tedious.

I rate it Thou shalt not watch.

Post-Post Leftovers:

• Screw this — Sopranos is streaming on Amazon.

Not to nitpick, but they rub our face in this within seconds.  I enjoy the idea that the networks would have a theme and graphics ready in case of First Contact.  But what is going on with their network logo?

It appears to be INI II.  OK, I can see the N and I for Newsline International, but what are all those other vertical lines?

Is this NI 2, like CNN and CNN Headline?  Then what is that first line?  Is the N just framed for artistic reasons, then what is the that last line?

No matter, the N’Tal are in da house.  Unlike most aliens, they state honestly that they wish they could come as explorers or adventurers, but they come as refugees.  And by the way, we need your dead.

Apparently Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi have relatives in the body disposal business as a year later, the government seems to have guaranteed the N’Tal access to all dead bodies that meet their criteria.  Even at that, there are not enough humans dying to accommodate the N’Tal.

Rae Dawn Chong, the wife of a bureaucrat, is killed in a car wreck.  He pulls some strings to witness the N’Tal bringing her back to life.   Seconds later, he sees his wife’s body reanimated with the soul of a N’Tal.  Naturally he wants to meet with her but that is strictly forbidden.

But he works for the government, so rules don’t apply to him (this is the sci not the fi part of sci-fi).  He tracks RDC down and begins stalking her.  Catching her in a restaurant, he reveals his identity.  RDC emphasizes that she is not his wife and has no memories of that hot, hot body’s life with him.  He assures his boss that this breach of protocol will never happen again, but begins staking her again immediately.

And good thing too as he sees her meeting with other N’Tal several times, exchanging 3.5 inch floppies, electronics, clear liquids, etc.  Those floppies weren’t exactly cutting edge in 1995.  What was that other junk, a transistor radio and Crystal Pepsi?

He reports this to his boss who blames his paranoia on the death and resurrection of his wife.  Shortly thereafter, he has committed suicide.  Or has he?

His boss also begins to suspect the N’Tal are up to no good.  Everything turns out OK, though, and Washington is not destroyed.  Well, OK except for that.

Post-Post Leftovers:

• I figured out the logo based on one appearing later in the show.  Vertical lines are doubled, non-vertical lines are not.  So, there is a logic; it just stinks.  That logo is almost as bad as NBC’s fiasco in the 1970’s which cost them a million bucks.
• Generally speaking, sci-fi characters with apostrophes in their names are on thin ice with me.  We don’t share a language or an alphabet, why would we presume to stick punctuation in their names?  And why always the apostrophe; never umlauts, or an accent grave?  C’mon, Nävi — better!
• Holy crap did they make it tough to get a good picture of RDC.  Before she dies, you don’t get a single good shot of her.  After the resurrection, she never smiles.  Until the end when she smiles, but is bathed in a weird light.  Mmmmm…bathed.
• Government weenie Gary Davey’s IMDB bio says he is Artistic Director for the William B. Davis Centre for Actor’s Study — the Cigarette Smoking Man!  No wonder Davey was on the X-Files 4 times (as 4 different characters).
• Hulu’s commercials are still infuriating.  Except for this one.