I’m calling an audible; but one of those written-down audibles.  The boring review can wait, we’re skipping ahead to dessert.

I was going to finish up by including some corny 60 year old song with almost the same title as the episode, but it tricked me by being groovy as hell (except the Speedo guy).  Note the first girl crushed under the boulder, the naked lesbians making out under the umbrella,^[2] the brunette shaking her yayas ^[1] on the rock, the sea-weed boa that chick is sporting, and — holy cow! — the workout the redhead gives that motorcycle!  This might be the best thing I’ve seen since the lock-down.

[1]  After 30 seconds of research, it appears — against all odds — that yayas is not a synonym for breasts.  I shall be submitting an entry to the OED in the morning.  Or maybe the Urban OED.

[2] Your Rorschach may vary.

Anyhoo:

Welcome to CSI: Large Midwestern Town (SFT continues its trend of being set in generically described cities).  Vincent Price fires a bullet into a water tank that seems to have no water, then examines it under a microscope.  Dry — just as he suspected!  Also a perfect match to a bullet used in the crime he is investigating.  The ballistics and the blood sample should send this perp away for good, even without the confession the cops beat out of him.  The detective insists that the case was solved by “good old-fashioned police work, not hocus-pocus.”  Price tells him the day will come when every murder is solved in the crime lab.

Price’s former fiancee Ada drops by the lab and grinds the episode to a halt.  Price opens the door and she just stands there a few frames too long, then she slowly enters and begins speaking very slowly.  She says, “I want you to save my husband Robert March from being killed.”  Price knows her husband as the inventor of the March Motion Picture Projector.  Ada says his new invention, the April Motion Picture Projector, is the most important thing he’s ever done, as it really brings out the flesh-tones on those Bettie Page slides.  Unfortunately, someone is trying to kill him for it.

She wants Price to use his CSI skillz to make her husband’s lab safe — bullet proof glass, cameras — that sort of thing.  Price does a little research and finds that March believes in ghosts, seances, and the supernatural.  The newspaper archivist tells Price, that March “was married to a beautiful woman much younger than himself.  She is supposed to have jilted her poor fiancee to marry the rich Dr. March.”  Oh, I get it — well-played, SFT!

Price meets Ada at March’s lab that night to measure for Kevlar curtains.  I guess this makeover is meant to be a surprise because Ada waited until she saw March’s car leave.  When they enter the lab, however, they see March has been shot in the back.

The detectives are called and Price brings all his CSI training to bear on this mystery.  He determines from the powder-burns on March’s back that he was shot in the back from the back.  He also deduces that March knew the killer because “he had to come in through that door.”  The door behind March?  Check your math on that one.

The cops gave Ada a sedative because she had become hysterical, although for Ada, that might just mean she blinked and cleared her throat.  When she is back to her usual effervescent self, she tells the police the only person who might have known about the invention was March’s assistant, John Clifton.  Luckily, after being thrown under the bus by Ada, Clifton has a pretty good alibi — he’s dead (although not killed by a bus).

Blah blah.  That’s enough of that.  Go watch The Vast of Night on Amazon Prime.