Director Alfred Hitchcock gets things off to a frightful start as we get a close-up on the face of some uncredited sap in the dentist chair.  There are instruments and swabs stuffed in her mouth, and the whir of the old-fashioned drill is spine-tingling.  The real revulsion, however, comes in realizing this isn’t a real dentist.  This is just a jerk actor cramming his mitts into some poor struggling actress’ mouth.  My God, those fingers could have been anywhere!

Dr. Bixby’s wife comes to the office with his lunch and bad news.  The bad news is that she brought leftover salmon, the fishiest of fishes and avoided by four out of five dentists at lunch.  Also the washing machine needs fixing, and they have just gotten a bill from the IRS.  Despite being a doctor, they always seem to be in debt.

He also isn’t happy that his wife is going again on an overnight trip to visit her aunt.  She tells him he can live without her for 2 days each month.  She says if she were home, he would probably just go bowling anyway.  She gets off the train and is chauffeured to the stately home of the titular Colonel with whom she shares a long kiss.

Hmmm . . . this is starting to make sense now.  Mrs. Bixby is played by Audrey Meadows from The Honeymooners.  Clearly this episode is an hallucination of Alice Kramden.  Alice is in the dentist’s chair, knocked out by Nitrous Oxide or perhaps her dentist had leftover salmon for lunch.  She dreams of being married to her dentist, rather than a fat, surly bus driver.  She is so immersed in this fantasy that “Alice” no longer exists.  She has no first name credited, she is just Mrs. Bixby. Yet, there are still inescapable traces of her dull life and abusive husband as the dentist has money problems and ignores her for bowling.

Seeking to further remove herself from her miserable reality, she fantasizes that she is also desired by a second man.  The titular Colonel has a spacious horse farm and is retired from a successful military career.  Once again, however, years of insults and verbal threats of violence have so deflated Mrs. Bixby’s self-esteem that she cannot fully escape her husband’s grasp.  This second fantasy man, like her brutish husband, wears a uniform; just not one with a bus on the back.  He is also investing in a string of polo ponies which she recalls once inexplicably set her husband off in a rage.  However, she is in love with the Colonel and he gives her expensive gifts.

As she waking up from the dentist’s sedation, her fantasy world begins to unravel.  The Colonel ends their relationship.  She discovers Dr. Bixby is drilling his hygienist, and not in the mouth.  Well, not only in the mouth.  Alice returns to the cold reality of a Bensonhurst dental office warmed only by the puzzling realization that her fantasy-lover’s name of Bixby was so close to that of her best friend Trixie.

Another excellent episode.

Other Stuff:

• For info on the real plot and production, check out bare*bones ezine.