Mary and Joseph, er . . . Marie and Justin have not been able to make a baby, so they go to the shady Tilford Institute for help (shady = TV-speak for anything having a Christian affiliation).

They put Marie on the table and insert the embryo.  Thankfully Showtime is not playing the cable-card for this scene.  Dr. Cowlings then goes back to the lab.  She assures Reverend Tilford that the baby will be a perfect clone.  It is then revealed that it is a clone of Jesus using DNA from the Shroud of Turin.  But it doesn’t even look like the Shroud of Turin.  Is that thing copyrighted?  And how did this huckster end up with it in his church?

Tilford makes no secret of his plan.  He tells his congregation that DNA has been identified on the Shroud, although it could have been the 1st century mortician banging his assistant and needed a place to cometh.  He plans to create a clone of the Son of God.  True believers Marie and Justin are attending the service, but don’t know she is carrying the clone.  She has an attack of cramps and goes to the hospital.  While there, she sees on her chart that their baby is AB-negative which is impossible for their blood types to have produced.

Marie freaks out, and Justin admits he is not the father of the baby.  The clinic determined he was unable to father a child, so they scraped some DNA off the Shroud.  They go to see Tilford.  He tells Marie she is part of the prophecy of a second coming; third if you count the mortician.

And so on.  It is a great premise, but it seems like more could have been done with it.  Marie and Justin run from Tilford’s compound while Fetus Jesus explodes lamps and flings paper around.  Oh no, the exit door is blocked!  Whew, a sympathetic henchman appears from nowhere and pushes a button to release the mag-lock.  No top secret high-tech key-card, combination, or fingerprint recognition — he just presses a button.

Marie and Justin make it to their car, but Marie goes into labor.  Hmmm, there is no time to reach a hospital.  Where should they go?  No shit, they go to a pretty manger-ish barn.  What parents wouldn’t want their baby born in a firetrap with spiders, livestock, fecal matter, and no running water?  Doesn’t a barn suggest there is a farmhouse nearby?  Tilford turns up, but slimy baby Jesus blasts the new family out of danger and then they really take their lives in their hands by hitchhiking.  The end.

It is stated that this is not Tilford’s first attempt at cloning Jesus, but nothing is made of that.  There is an intriguing mention that this is not the Son of God but just a kid with a freak telekinetic mutation; that also  goes nowhere.  Luckily, this is the kind of cornball, on-the-nose entertainment that I like.

Samantha Mathis is always welcome.  David Ogden Stiers is great here, but was so memorable on MASH, that he comes across a little bland when he doesn’t have the Boston accent.

Other Stuff:

• How are the User Reviews selected at IMBd?  This episode is 20 years old and has only two reviews posted.  This at a time when every dumbbell thinks his opinion matters . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4.  The Episode Rating is a not-bad 6.6/10 but the two User Reviews average 1.5/10.  The 6.6 seems about right, but if you penalize for wasted potential, that 1.5 starts to sound reasonable.
• Oh, come on! . . . I mean, I love it! :