Night Visions – Now He’s Coming Up the Stairs (07/26/01)

nvupthestairs05We first meet Dr. Sears when the parents of an anorexic girl hire him to heal their daughter.  He has the “talent or a curse” that he can “feel what other people are feeling.”  He can draw their illness out of their mind into his own.  Moments later, the girl is chowing down.  In a really clever shot, Sears later sees his reflection in the elevator door and perceives his reflection as a fat bastard.  Well done.

In the next scene, he has ordered enough room service food to cater a wedding.  As he gazes upon this borgasmord laid out in front of him, he perceives the grub as rotten and covered by roaches, beetles and literal grubs.  He forces himself to dig in.  I’m not sure this makes sense — isn’t anorexia more about body-image and not about food being gross?  But it works.

His doctor is concerned that it is taking Sears longer and longer to row back from absorbing his patients’ maladies.  Taking a few days off, he is tracked down by a woman seeking help for her son Mark.  She takes Sears to the boy’s bedroom where is is rocking and repeating over and over, “Now he’s coming thorough the woods. Now he’s coming nvupthestairs10through the yard.  Now he’s coming in the house.  Now he’s coming up the stairs.”

This started after an accident where his mother ran over a pedestrian. The victim’s head smashed into the windshield right in front of the boy. Sears feels his pain and the boy suddenly runs downstairs to his mother.  Their maid goes to see Sears and he has collapsed on the bedroom floor. After a handful of psychotropic drugs, or possibly hawaiiantropic drugs given the fruity mixture of colors, he feels much better.

Everything is both hunky and dory as Sears is back on his feet, then sitting down at their kitchen table.  Mom and the nanny are happy, and the boy is chirpy.  Until he isn’t.  The boy is suddenly terrified.  He runs back to his room and starts his “Now he’s coming thorough the woods” shit again.  Sears goes to the window to show him that there is no one nvupthestairs13coming through the yard, but is interrupted by the man coming through the yard.

The kid continues his screaming four sentence play-by-play more obnoxiously than John Madden as the man comes in the house and up the stairs.  Sears is baffled and says the condition can’t manifest itself physically.  The non-manifested condition pounds on the bedroom door.  Sears believes this is all in his head, but Carol tells him she and Mark are real.  He screams at her that she is not real and suddenly finds himself alone in the silent bedroom.  He walks out into the house and finds everyone brutally murdered before he is himself attacked by the mystery man.

That’s it, end of story.  You can validly interpret the killer as a “physical manifestation” or the doped up doctor.  The gravitas of the two murdered women and the child effectively trumps any churlish plot issues.  Except it is not the end.

Snap — we loop back to the just-cured boy running downstairs to his mother.  The nanny goes upstairs as she did in the first iteration.  She finds Sears sitting in the corner blankly rocking back and forth repeating those same four sentences.  The end.

nvupthestairs15Thumbhead’s closing remarks did not offer any revelations this time. I am at a loss to explain how something this egregious comes from a good writer, gets past a story editor, and into the final product.

Nevermind the logic of the hallucination, what really bugs me is the very ending.  The zinger is that Sears is sitting on the floor rocking back and forth just like the boy.  But that should be no surprise — it is his standard reaction. Just the way curing the anorexic girl gave him the symptoms of anorexia, it is perfectly predictable that he would have reacted by mimicking the boy.  In fact, following the logical course, shortly thereafter he should have metabolized the symptoms and be back to normal.  It’s a happy ending for everyone — who wants that?

In fact, so wrong is this ending, that I think it would have improved the episode to have the two iterations in exactly the opposite order.

Post-Post:

  • The episode kept reminding me of The Empath on Star Trek.
  • I really enjoyed Allison Hossack as Carol.  She was believable as the mom and also believable as the anonymous, slightly androgynous cutie in the restaurant (not that they would be mutually exclusive types).
  • The nanny, on the other hand, was a mess.  She seems to have been coiffed by Ayn Rand’s hairdresser on a bad day.  Or was she the nanny?  Maybe they were a couple.  Carol was rocking that man’s blazer and a snappy short haircut.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Not.  At.  All.
  • Theresa falls up the stairs, Theresa falls down the stairs.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – Don’t Interrupt (10/12/58)

ahpdontinterrupt03The opening shot is of a speeding train and it isn’t going into a tunnel, so we know Alfred Hitchcock did not direct this episode.

Uber-obnoxious kid Johnny Templeton is stalking the hallways of the train, opening doors where hot college girls could be having naked pillow fights, and just generally being a nuisance.  And just how bloody wide is this train that not only has a hallway, but turns in it?

Johnny and his parents Mary (hey, it’s TV’s Cloris Leachman!) and Larry (hey, it’s that guy who played Larry once on AHP!) [1] make their way to the club car which is staffed by Scatman Crothers — with hair!  They are just in time to hear on the radio that a patient has escaped from the state mental hospital.  I think even after 30 seconds, everyone watching this is hoping he goes after the kid.

Turns out that Johnny has been suspended from school so maybe he has issues.  One thing he definitely has is a cool toy pistol that shoots peanuts that I would have loved as a kid, and maybe even now.  He just continues with one antic after another (can antic be singular?).  He is yapping, mixing up drinking glasses, yapping, stealing Mary’s goofy dead-fox wrap, yapping and pouring milk into an ashtray.  Also, running his yap.

ahpdontinterrupt09Dad sends him back to their room, but before he leaves, another man named Kilmer (Chill Wills) enters the club car.  He doesn’t like drinking alone and asks if he can join the Templetons.  Like any family with a small child, they welcome the booze-hound to join them.  He just boarded the train back where that mental patient escaped.  Kilmer claims to have been a cowboy for 20 years. Suddenly the train stops.

The conductor tells Mary that the generator is on the fritz, this being one of them generator trains what replaced diesel and steam.  Could Kilmer be the mental patient?  When he asks the bartender to put a head on his scotch, it makes me wonder.

Larry bribes his son with a shiny silver dollar that he can’t keep his yap shut for ten minutes while Kilmer tells a story.  Johnny is mighty tempted as he sees fingers clawing at the glass behind his mother.

ahpdontinterrupt10Despite some lapses, Johnny’s indulgent father gives him the dollar. After being warned by Kilmer to keep the dollar in a safe place, Johnny stows it in between his belt and his pants where it falls down almost immediately.  Scatman puts his foot on the dollar and bogarts it after the Templetons leave.

Well, I am utterly baffled by what the story is supposed to be here.  There is a great suspenseful set-piece to be had with the scenario we are given, but this just makes no sense.  The escaped mental patient is clawing at the window, but so what?  It’s not like he’s a man on the wing of a plane.  The train is stopped, for crying out loud — just go to the steps in between the cars!  What are you, mentally cha . . . oh, yeah.

And why did they feel the need to end the episode by having the black steward stealing from the white kid?  The race thing doesn’t bother me as much as how much it is a total non-sequitur.  Focus, people!

Post-Post:

  • [1] In fairness, Biff McGuire had a great career.
  • AHP Deathwatch:  Biff McGuire and Cloris Leachman are still alive, sadly outliving their obnoxious TV son by 7 years so far.

Twilight Zone S4 – Miniature (02/21/63)

tzminiature04Office drone Charley Parkes is slaving away with both hands working his adding machine which is the size of a Thanksgiving tenkey. On his lunch hour he heads over to the museum. Nothing like absorbing a little culture, refreshing your humanity and zest for life. Well, actually he was going to the museum cafeteria.  Since the cafeteria was closed he hit the shitter and took in an exhibit.

At the Victorian exhibition he is drawn, as any grown man would be, to a dollhouse. Peering inside he sees a tiny hot piece of ash seated at a piano.  As he turns to leave, he hears music.  Leaning down to look in the dollhouse again, he sees the doll inside is now actually playing the piano.  Fascinated, he asks the guard how they make the doll play the piano.  The guard doesn’t cotton to this kind of tomfoolery.

Arriving back to the office late, he finds a note to see the boss.  Charley is just too much of a loner, plus he now has this one-time-ever tardiness on his record.  So he is let go. Back at home, his mother is outraged.  Clearly, he is about as strong and independent as Buster Bluth.  His mother turns down his bed, fluffs up his pillows, unties his shoes, makes him cocoa.  This is a little strange — according to Alfred Hitchcock Presents, these are things his sister ought to be doing.

tzminiature07The next day, having plenty of time on his hands, he goes back to the museum.  He makes a beeline back to the dollhouse.  He is momentarily distraught when the doll is not sitting at the piano.  However, she makes a sweeping entrance down the staircase and is even met at the bottom by a snappy young maid who she begins to kiss.  No wait, now I’m imagining things.  As the doll begins playing the piano, the maid lets in a gentleman caller dressed in top hat and tails.  Arm in arm, they head out on a date.

The next day, he returns to the museum.  Now he begins talking to the doll.  The following day, he goes back yet again, this time tailed by his sister.  She busts Charlie gazing into the dollhouse.  She drags him to a coffee-shop and lays into him about being alone and acting like a child.

tzminiature10The next day, Charley is telling the doll about a blind date his sister set him up on.  The gentleman caller shows up again.  When the maid protests, he breaks his cane over her head.  Wait, what?  When the doll sees him, she faints and he carries her upstairs.  This is too much for Charley and he claws at the house trying to stop the assault. Finally, he grabs a statue and breaks the glass display case.

Charley’s next stop is at a psychiatrist’s office.  This is interesting for two points — the doctor begins by lighting up a cigarette, and Charley is there wearing a robe so he must have been committed.  Attempting to convince Charley that the doll is just made of wood, the doctor pulls a box out of his desk and takes out the doll.  Charley rubs the doll against his face as tears stream down his face.

tzminiature13The doctor tells Charley’s mother the the constant pressure of trying to be something he wasn’t contributed to his breakdown.  He was unable to cope with this world so his mind created another world.

Charley escapes out the window and heads back to the museum.  He hides in a sarcophagus until closing time then goes to see his sweetie in the dollhouse.

Really, there is only one way that this story was ever going to end, but that doesn’t make it bad.  In fact, it was another pretty good episode — where did all the scorn of the hour-long episodes come from?  Oh, yeah, sometimes from me in my ignorance.  Maybe Charley took one too many trips to the museum, but who cares.  It was beautifully written, engaging, and Duvall is always going to be great.

Most surprising were Barbara Barrie as his sister and Lennie Weinrib as his brother-in-law.  Both of them took very slight characters and through interesting line readings and minor physical business, created real characters.  You know . . . like acting.  I’m not usually one to compliment actors, but something about both of them really seemed special.

Post-Post:

  • Title Analysis:  Meh.  It is a miniature house, but not really a microcosm of anything. In fact, more of an anti-microcosm: a non-existent world where Charley is comfortable.
  • Nine years before Robert Duvall played Tom Hagen in the Godfather.
  • Written by Charles Beaumont  just 4 years before he died at only 38 years old. Christ, what this guy would have done with another 50 years.

Tales From the Crypt – Came the Dawn (11/17/93)

tftccamedawn02The episode begins with a prolonged close-up of a nameless smoking hot blonde (interrupted by a pan to her rack).  Blonde, sophisticated, well-dressed and well-coiffed with a mischievous wink.  Then we see her in the shitter.

But that’s OK too, as she is using the alone-time to practice her “o-sounds” for later that night.  Someone enters the restroom and cuts off the light. When the blonde complains, the stall door flies open and she is attacked with an axe.

Roger is driving home and stops to help a woman whose pickup has broken down.  Because a) it is raining, b) the buses have stopped running for the night, c) Roger owns a nearby cabin, d) his marriage is on the rocks, and e) the stranded motorist is Brooke Shields, he offers his cabin to her. But mostly “e”.

tftccamedawn10Tipping his hand a little, Roger stops off at a small store in the mountains to buy some oysters.  This doesn’t strike me as a place that would have fresh seafood, so maybe he is going for mountain oysters.  Maybe they do stock oysters, because this log cabin of a store also carries Cristal Champagne.  The clerk — the always fun Michael J. Pollard — catches Roger up on the local news — a stolen truck and a woman hacked to bits in a restaurant.

At the cabin, Brooke puts on some fancy clothes.  Downstairs, Roger says he wants to put something on her that belonged the Catherine the Great.  I was thinking a saddle, but the kinky stuff comes later.  It is a necklace.

Over dinner, he asks her why she stole the truck.  She says she stole the truck to come looking for her cheating husband and that she “took care of” the bimbo.  Seconds later, Brooke is tying Roger’s wrists to the bedposts.  Darn the luck, his wife shows up before he can do any rogering, so he hustles Brook out onto the balcony.

tftccamedawn14The ending is a nice couple of twists and backed by soaring opera that gets crazier and the story gets crazier.  It is all over-the-top good fun as TFTC should be.  There is a minor quibble with some logistics involving the door, but why dwell on that?

Michael J. Pollard really has nothing to do, but just showing up makes the episode more fun.  Perry King starts off solid and ends up great.  And Brooke Shields has always been misunderestimated — she’s just great here as the flannel-wearing thief.

This is a good one.

Post-Post:

  • Title Analysis:  Good episode, but another pathetic title — unless the girl practicing her orgasms in the restaurant bathroom was named Dawn.