Monthly Archives: December 2015

Tales of Tomorrow – Frankenstein (01/18/52)

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ttfrankenstein01Once again, I have to applaud Tales of Tomorrow for going for the long ball.  In the first 2 episodes, they destroyed the earth twice.  This week, they are presenting a novel (or, at least, a novella) in a 25 minute episode, inviting comparisons to a classic adaptation, and working without the copyrighted make-up that everyone associates with the monster.

A group is sitting around a dinner table discussing the perfect human being.  I assumed that this was going to be the alleged party where Mary Shelley came up with the idea for her book.  But the time allowed allows no time for almost anything in the book, never-mind outside the book.  Elizabeth suggests, “The perfect human being should be giant in size, strong as a gorilla, disease-proof, durable and quick to learn.”  Victor Frankenstein opines that not only should Mr. Perfect be those things, he will be all those things.

Unbeknownst to Elizabeth, Victor is working on such a dreamboat.  Much is made over Dr. F. throwing a few switches and hovering over a sheet draped over a figure on the slab.  It’s amazing how much padding is required when shrinking a 166 page book down tttfrankenstein02o 25 minutes.  The shape begins moving and a grotesque figure arises.

The brute gets up off the slab and bounds around the laboratory.  Despite Victor and Elizabeth’s predictions, he seems to be about 4 inches shorter than Victor.  Vic ties him down, but naturally that doesn’t last long.  The brute finds his way to the dining room, sending the help into hysterics.

A little boy handles his appearance a little better, but makes the mistake of saying he’s ugly.  He finds a mirror and sees the kid is right.  In his rage, the brute picks up a chair like he’s going to smash it, then gently places it back on the floor.  This is actually the 3rd time this move has been used with a chair.  I assume it’s because busting chairs was not in the budget, and they had to get them back to the Ozzie & Harriett set before sunrise[1].

After the commercial, the brute breaks into the lab where Victor and his butler are waiting.  Victor shoots him several times, inexplicably, in the dick.  He falls out the window, 200 feet into the water.  Naturally, he comes back Jason-style.  Victor is able to ttfrankenstein03kill him with electricity.

Well, what did I expect?  It just wasn’t possible to do much justice to the great novella in 25 minutes.  The whole episode is really nothing but the brute ambling around and people screaming.

At least it was a lesson well-learned by the Tales of Tomorrow producers. You just can’t adapt a book into a 25-minute episode.  Next week:  20,000 Leagues Under the Sea . . . oh, crap.[2]

Post-Post:

  • [1] Further reading suggests that Chaney’s delicate handling of the chairs was due to his being drunk and not realizing this was the live performance rather than a rehearsal.
  • [2] The next episode to air was indeed 20k Leagues < the C, but sadly it is not included in the collection I am watching.
  • John Newland (Victor Frankenstein) was the host of another genre series, The Next Step Beyond.
  • The brute was played by Lon Chaney Jr. who played The Wolf Man.
  • Not sure why I latched onto the word “brute.”  It does appear in the original Frankenstein, but only once.

Ray Bradbury Theater – Great Wide World Over There (10/29/92)

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rbtgreatwide01Two more to go — I think I can, I think I can.

I guess we’re going to finish up the series in New Zealand as the opening shot bears a strong resemblance to The Shire.  Rolling hills, farms, farmhouses, cows, chickens, a Hobbitt — wait, that’s Tyne Daly as Cora.

Her neighbor is checking her mailbox and is overjoyed to find a letter from her uncle.  The shrew taunts Cora about her empty mailbox, “It’s certainly nice getting mail!”  Further hammering her, she continues, “and reading it!”

Grazing — I mean gazing out over the hills — Cora sees a figure running toward the farm. She is able to identify him as her sister’s son Benjy.  The energetic fellow runs to the farmhouse (maybe all the way from Auckland given his energy), hops the fence, clicks his heels and dances with his aunt.  Something tells me if The Shire doesn’t have a theater, he’s going to build one and put on a show.

rbtgreatwide04She takes Benjy inside and excitedly asks him if he has seen cities, the ocean.  Given that I don’t think you can ever be more that a couple hours from the ocean in New Zealand, she is really trapped on that farm like veal.

OK, my theory falls apart as Benjy starts reeling off American locations he has been to — Chicago, Niagara Falls, Death Valley, the Blue Ridge Mountains (just referred to as the Blue Ridge here).  Cora is also impressed that he pulls books out of his backpack.  Her neighbor might have been a bitch, but she was on to something.

Of course!  What was I thinking?  This isn’t supposed to be set in New Zealand (even though filmed there).  If a TV show is going to make its characters look backward and  ignorant, they are going to make them southerners, not Kiwis.  I’ll be disappointed if there isn’t a picture of Reagan hanging on the mud wall.

rbtgreatwide05Cora decides to put Benjy’s edukashun to work writing some letters for her, so she can finally get some mail.  Sadly, when they sit down to commence a-writing, she realizes she doesn’t know anyone. Benjy saves the day by bringing out a magazine with lots of ads where she can write for free samples.  She enlists her husband to build her a mailbox, bigger than her neighbor’s.

When Benjy mentions that the mail is delivered by a postman, Cora realizes that she’s never seen a postman delivering mail to her big-shot neighbor.  Once Cora starts getting mail back, it is a little auckward that the postman never even rings once for her neighbor.

Eventually, Benjy has to move on, leaving Cora to receive mail she can’t read.  There is an obvious ending which would have brought Cora and her neighbor together.  I’m not sure if it is good that the obvious path was not taken, or if that would would have been too trite. Honestly, for this simple tale, lacking any kind of mystery or supernatural element, the obvious ending might have been best.  Have Cora teach her neighbor the trick to receiving mail, and have the neighbor teach Cora how to read the mail she is receiving.

A fine little episode, just not what I was looking for.

Post-Post:

  • The first book Benjy pulls out is an excellent choice — Catch-22.
  • The director was born in Auckland, which I take as confirmation that I was correct calling this a New Zealand episode.  He also went on to act in something called Topless Women Talk about their Lives, which sounds great except for the talking part.
  • And of course, the New Zealand full employment project, Lord of the Rings.

Alfred Hitchcock Presents – The Crocodile Case (05/25/58)

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ahpcroccase01Jack Lyons (a 30-year old Denholm Elliott (Marcus Brody from  every prime-numbered Indiana Jones movie)) stops on a deserted road, blocking the car behind him.  As the other driver gets out of his car to investigate, Lyons kills him.  Lyons looks in the other car.  He sees the titular crocodile dressing-case with the dreaded initials P.C. but leaves it in the car.

That night at a party, Phyllis Chaundry is wondering where her husband is.  Lyons gallantly offers to drive her and her sister home.  When Lyons and Phyllis reach the Chaundry estate — literally an estate at this point — Phyllis sees that her husband is not home and we see that she and Lyons are having an affair.  Lyons quickly tells Phyllis that he killed her husband; wow, he is gallant!  He insinuates incorrectly that her asking her husband to pick her up makes her an accessory.  Kind of a goofus thing to do, really.

ahpcroccase02The police show up and Phyllis makes a good show of feigning distress over her husband’s death. However, she does suspiciously seem a little more concerned when she learns that the crocodile case has gone missing.

After the murder is officially ruled a murder, Lyons wisely keeps his distance from Phyllis; actually if she had any sense, it would be the other way around.  Phyllis is upset that they aren’t going out and that he hasn’t called.  She drags her sister to a restaurant where it is likely they will bump into Lyons.

Patricia Hitchcock is cast as the sister, once again in her standard “homely girl” niche. Note the picture below where she is deliberately framed between two attractive specimens of greater stature.  I wish I had something clever to say about nepotism; or anything else.

Sending her sister off to their table, she begins complaining to Lyons again.  He finally convinces her to take a trip and not to write him.  She is still fixated on the dressing-case, even having her sister write a letter to the police chiding them for their failure to crack the crocodile case; or the crocodile case case.

ahpcroccase05Later, after they are married, she takes the problem to Scotland Yard. The local police find the case, though, and determine that the case was stolen by an employee of Lyons. Through a clever twist, Lyons implicates himself.

Great story and performances.

 

Post-Post:

  • AHP Deathwatch:  Only Patricia Hitchcock is hanging in there.
  • Hulu, which charges me by forcing commercials into my eyeballs, deemed episode 33 to be unstreamable for some reason.  Why can’t I have a problem like that with Ray Bradbury Theater?
  • 30 seconds of commercials . . . Hitchcock’s introduction . . . another 130 seconds of commercials.  You Tube is brilliant in making their commercials skippable after a few seconds.  I actually see the products there; on Hulu, I just go to another window and do some surfing.
  • Hulu sucks.

Twilight Zone S4 – Valley of the Shadow (01/17/63)

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tzvalleyof03

Blooper: A peaceful valley would be to the right

Phil Redfield and his dog Rollie are lost on a backroads short cut.  He is relieved to see a sign for Peaceful Valley, Population 981. Running low on gas, he stops for a Phil-up.  Giggity.

While paying the gas station attendant — this really is The Twilight Zone — his dog Rollie runs off after a little girl’s cat.  As Phil approaches the girl, she whips out a device and makes Rollie vanish. The girl runs inside her house. Phil bangs on the door until her father comes out.  Further contributing to the twilighty zonish nature of the episode, it is Scotty from Star Trek and he has no accent!

Scotty promises to help Phil look for his dog.  When he is out of sight, around the corner, he pulls out the Popeil Pocket Transporter and causes Rollie to reappear.  Phil gets back in his car and goes on his way.  He passes the closed Restaurant and goes into the local hotel which claims to have no vacancies.  When he leaves town, his car crashes into an invisible barrier.

tzvalleyof06A few local yahoos just happen to be nearby and take him to the doctor. They actually take him to see the head yahoos in charge.  When he roughs them up, one of them uses another device on him.  He disappears form the doorway and reappears sitting down in a chair.

Head yahoo Dorn tells Redfield that he can never leave.  100 years ago a visitor came to their town bearing science hundreds of years ahead of his time.  They take him to the basement and show him a “disumlator” which is able to makes items vanish and return; but wait — that’s not all!  Dorn stabs one of the other men with a letter opener, then uses the disimulator to not only heal him, but remove the blood stain from his shirt!  Now how much would you pay?

Kudos to the other man, also.  He knew he was going to be stabbed and allowed it just to show Redfield they weren’t kidding around.  OK, he knew he would be healed, but surely that would have stung a little.

tzvalleyof08Having already seen the transporter, shields, and healing gizmo, they then show Redfield a food replicator. Finishing the tour, Dorn shows him a book which contains all the secrets of the amazing things he has seen. Surprisingly, it is not called Chicago Mobs of the Twenties.

The strange visitor must have been an alien because we get the same condescension seen in thousands of Star Trek episodes.  A few men were given this gift of knowledge, but warned not to to share it with others because humans were not ready.  Dorn illustrates this by stating how we misused the power of E=MC2.  We then get the old horseshit about how many thousands of lives were lost rather than how many thousands of lives were saved.  Dorn laments that it wasn’t used to bring water to the deserts and to feed the hungry.  Well, tell that to the people who stopped the building of nuclear power plants in this country.

Redfield pretends to accept Dorn’s offer to stay in Peaceful Valley forever.  He finds that another invisible shield has been erected around his house.  The next day a local girl agrees to flee town with him.  He first snatches the book and shoots the town leaders. Strangely enough, the murders and some backstabbing result in a mostly happy ending for everyone.

tzvalleyof07Unlike the last episode, this one zipped by with no obvious padding. Thus far, the 4th season’s poor reputation is not deserved.  This episode might have been better at 30 minutes, but it was pretty good at 60.

Post-Post:

  • Natalie Trundy was in every Planet of the Apes movie except the one written by Rod Serling.

Tales from the Crypt – People Who Live in Brass Hearses (10/13/93)

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tftcpeoplewho01How the hell is this thing rated as the 10th best episode of the series on IMDb?

In retrospect, I jumped the gun.  The episode did get off to an abysmal start. First, there is the presence of the worst actor ever to make a good living at it, Bill Paxton. He is about as obnoxious as usual without the redeeming qualities that occasionally make him interesting.  Add in a wife-beater, a mullet and some god-awful tattoos and he nearly crashes the episode on take-off.  Luckily, Brad Dourif is on hand to take the controls and add some gravitas to the acting.

However, the episode quickly establishes itself as being exactly what TFTC does best, and should do more often.  It had laughs, gore, surprises, and some over-the-top scenes. The only minor non-Paxtoncentric criticism — nay, observation — is that they have featured Siamese twins in two, dare I say, back-to-back episodes.

Paxton — and does it really matter what his character is named? — has just gotten out of jail.  He lives with his brother Virgil who is clearly meant to be “slow.”  However, Virgil is at least reading a comic book (Jesse James vs. Predator), while Paxton is pacing like an animal, slapping the staticky TV, and snacking on a stick of butter.  Kudos on the butter thing, though — that was the first sign of life that turned this episode around for me.

tftcpeoplewho02Paxton reviews their plan for the great ice cream warehouse heist.  He blows up at Virgil who forgets that he must disengage the fire alarm before unlocking the door.  To be fair, though, fire doesn’t generally care whether a door is locked or not.  Maybe disengaging the burglar alarm would be more productive.

Paxton and Virgil take their Impala out to meet the local ice cream truck.  Paxton is upset that the driver Mr. Byrd ratted him out from stealing money from his own ice cream truck route, and cost him 2 years in prison.  I’m not sure what this scene accomplishes other than introducing Mr. Byrd, and giving Paxton a chance to attempt to order butternut, butter brickle, and buttermilk before settling on butterscotch.  For some reason, this butter humor is killing me.

Paxton goes to the ice cream warehouse where Virgil works.  There is some wheel-spinning while we meet the manager, and hear Mr. Byrd trying to get his truck resupplied.  It is worth the wait, though, to see how Virgil screws up his assignment.  When you’re in a gang with Bill Paxton and you aren’t the brains of the operation, that is a bad sign.

tftcpeoplewho03The episode is only about 20 minutes once you skip the odious Cryptkeeper.  They were wise not to pad it out, as there is surprise after surprise from here on out.   Sometimes it is a dead body, sometimes it is a grappling hook, sometimes a gunshot.  It just goes down like butter.

This is too rich to spoil — I rate it 3 scoops.

Post-Post:

  • Title Analysis:  Pathetic — no brass and and no hearses are to be seen in the episode.  C’mon, with a story built around an I-scream truck, you couldn’t come up with anything?
  • “Impala is a kind of horse, right Billy?”