We open “Somewhere in England 1945”.  Four Nazis are running through the woods having just broken out of a POW Camp.  They complain to their leader that they are going the wrong way, although I’m not sure what would be the right way.  They do know England is an island, right?  It’s not like they can bicycle to France like Sedgwick or row downriver to safety like Danny & Willie or . . . or . . . or . . . boy, that Great Escape really didn’t get many people out, did it?

The men turn out to be correct as they run into some English soldiers.  Their leader, Lt. Luger, throws up his hands and surrenders.  His three pals run and the English soldiers shoot them in the back.  Luger is taken to Havenhurst POW Camp which looks more like a castle than a camp.  He asks Major Nicholson about the “arrangement” he had with Major Norris.  Major Nick doesn’t approve of such deal-making.  He is also disgusted that Luger betrayed his men and they died.  On this rare occasion, I must be on team-Nazi and agree with Luger that they should not have run.

Havenhurst POW Camp

Luger tries to justify his actions, but Major Nick is not buying it.  He says, “Three good men are dead because of you!”  Well, let’s not put the flags at half-mast just yet; they were Nazis after all.  He continues, “I’d shoot you myself but you’re not worth a bullet.”  When the other POWs hear that he successfully escaped from his previous camp, he becomes BNOC.^[1]  He is recruited into their escape plan.

During the next meeting of the Escape Committee Luger notices an ambulance pull into the camp.  A man is carried into the hospital.  Seeing his look of concern, another POW asks, “Friend of yours?”  Keep in mind, Luger is seeing the man from the 2nd story, across the street, and through a closed dirty window.  And, oh yeah, the injured man’s head is completely wrapped in gauze except for top of his head and a niqab-like eye-slit.

I guess this is not from Luger’s POV, but from the window’s POV because it sure was not that clean.

The Escape Committees adjourns so the Prom Committee can have the room, so Luger goes directly to see Major Nick.  He rats out his fellow Nazis and tells everything about their plan.  He expects some reward from the Major, but Nick busts him for being afraid the new patient — one of the men he betrayed — might tell everyone what happened.  Wait, so Luger bailed on the escape plan, his only chance to avoid this new prisoner; and divulged the plan, thus guaranteeing he remains locked up with this guy that he wants to avoid?  No wonder they lost the war.  Major Nick happily tells Luger they expect the injured soldier to be able to speak in a few days, and goose-stepping by Friday.  I guess the English soldiers are too proper hosts to spread the word of his betrayal themselves.

Before making his escape, Luger goes to kill the man who can identify him.  First, that’s a real escape faux pas.  Second, at least 2 other guys in this camp and the shooters from his previous camp also know what he did.  Is he going to also drop by the other camp before swimming the Channel?

That’s all fine, but this is TFTC not Memorial Day on Turner Classic Movies.  So far this has been a straight Nazi war movie.  Where is the gore, where is the humor, where is the irony, where is the Grand Guignol?  Seriously, the first Wonder Woman was like 3 years ago; where is she?

The dude he just killed rises again.  OMG, is he the undead?  A zombie?  A demon bent on revenge?  Naw, he just got his 2nd wind.  Luger makes his escape in one of many coffins being transported from the camp.  OMG, are the other two guys he betrayed in the coffins?  Are they back from the dead to kill Luger?  Naw, they’re just empty pine coffins.  So Luger must accidentally get buried alive, right?  Nein.

The truck dumps the coffins.  Luger climbs out of the wreckage, and Major Nick shoots him.  There are a couple of, not so much twists, as just other stuff that happens.  Then Major Nick shoots him again.  So I guess he was worth two bullets.

Nothing really wrong here.  It was just a poor fit for TFTC.

Other Stuff:

• [1] I was thinking it would be cute for him to be Big Nazi on Campus, playing on BMOC (Big Man on Campus).  But dang if BNOC isn’t a real thing.
• What the hell?  Luger (Martin Kemp) was in Spandau Ballet.