I know, you’re thinking he is strange because he went into proctology. Those guys must have hookers in their booth at doctor career day. But no.
Nurse Helen enters and the overbearing music tells us she is concerned for Dr. Garner’s heath, that he works too hard and has no life, that there are unrequited feelings, that the composer had a few too many at lunch.
While Garner peers into his microscope, Helen goes behind a screen and changes clothes. When she comes out, she catches him fingering his prick. No wait, he is pricking his finger — and finding it numb. He says he is afraid he will “lose the use of the finger, then the finger itself, then the next one, then the next one, then the hand, then both hands.” He says he can’t marry her in his condition. She insists she loves him and maybe there will be a cure.
Dr. Garner gets a call from a woman whose son was burned and makes a house-call. Maybe this episode should have been called The Strange Dr. Garner. When he and Helen arrive, they see the boy’s wounds have already been treated by a friend of the local handyman who lives in the swamp. Despite suffering serious burns that afternoon, the boy is completely healed.
The handyman gives them directions to Dr. Lorenzo’s house in the swamp. Lorenz tells them he is a doctor, but of Chemistry. He takes a sip of the honey-concoction he was been working on and pronounces it, perfection!” That’s nice, but then he offers the same spoon to Helen for a taste. Then Garner uses the same spoon.
Garner asks Lorenz about the boy’s “3rd degree burns over an area 1/3 the body . . . healed almost completely in 3 hours” making me suspect the free-masons were behind this episode. Lorenz abruptly leaves the room and goes upstairs to sleep. His servant — hey, TV’s Fred Ziffel [1] again! — tells them there are rooms prepared for them. Rooms, so don’t even think about it.
The next morning, Helen goes to Garner’s room and wakes him up. He has apparently slept in his suit and tie, and on top of the bedspread. He washes his hands and discovers the numbness in his hands is gone. Just that spoonful of honey he had the previous day cured him.
Lorenz tells them he has mastered communication with our Apian-American friends. Garner tells Lorenz, “The whole world will be grateful when news of your discovery is made public. With the facilities of a big pharmaceutical company, production can be stepped up. Every man, woman and child will have access to your curative.” Let’s do the math . . . some bees, they make the honey. $750 a pop sounds about right.
Sadly, Lorenz says that is not possible, and once again abruptly leaves. That night, the handyman breaks in to get his hands on that sweet honey. He doesn’t spot Helen, though, so instead looks for the miracle bee-juice. Lorenz catches him, but refuses to give him the potion because his ailment — a stiff knee — is not serious enough. When the handyman pushes him aside, Lorenz unleashes some bees on him.
While patching up Lorenz, Garner asks why he didn’t just let the man have a swig. Oh yeah, there is one side-effect: If you have been cured using the elixir, a mere bee sting will kill you. That’s why he only administers it to “those who would have surely died without it.” Er, like the kid with the burns? Or Garner with the numb hands? Actually this only results from prolonged use of the drug. Garner’s numbness is even starting to return. [2]
Just as in The Brain of John Emerson, the elderly Lorenz dumps this obligation on Garner. Just as in Conversation with an Ape, Garner says he can’t expect a hottie like Helen to move to the swamp. She overhears and promises to move to the swamp and support his experiments, but if things get too tough, she might hide his OFF.
Post-Post:
- [1] Not actually much Fred Ziffel in that clip, but I did enjoy it.
- [2] Lorenz does mention that he will give the burned kid a regular supply.