Host Truman Bradley: “If you pussies at Variety don’t like this episode I’ll kick your asses”

They must have been a little short on story this week as it is an interminable 4 minutes before they get started.  There is some obvious padding as we have to wait while Truman Bradley dials a number on a rotary phone in the intro.  This torture is lessened by the fact that 1) this was back when phone numbers apparently had only 6 digits, and 2) it is followed by a cool little clip of how the caller is connected to the callee.  All this is to set up how the brain is superior to this technical marvel.

78 year old Dr. Milton — sweet Jesus!  This guy is only 78?  They hired a 69 year old to play him, but he looks 100.  Anyway, he drops by the lab of Dr. Alan Cathcart ^[1].  He asks Cathcart how he would like to be able to “measure nerve impulses in micro-volts and expressed in a typewritten language.”  Cathcart is intrigued because who wouldn’t be?  They go to Milton’s lab.

Milton shows Cathcart his new discovery that allows brain impulses to be transmitted as language.  Unfortunately, Milton feels he doesn’t have long to live and wants the youthful Cathcart to collate his notes, finish the research, and open a jar of pickles.

Cathcart agrees to continue Milton’s research and comes to the lab the next day.  Several men are testing the mind-reading device on Joyce.  Judging by her radiant smile, she is not reading their minds, or maybe she is!  The machine begins printing data from Joyce’s mind.  Milton sees it as gibberish.  Cathcart suggests the symbols can be decrypted, although Joyce quickly shoots down his proposition that “gamma = in the butt”.

Sadly, Milton has a stroke leaving him unable to move except for one finger.  At the hospital, Cathcart says, “Listen carefully.  Let 1 represent the letter A, 2 B, 3 C, and so on.”  Milton wiggles his finger to indicate he understands the system.  He begins communicating by moving his finger to indicate the binary numbers associated with the letters forming the words of his response.

After his initial plea of K-I-L-L-M-E, Milton informs them he has memorized the code.  He instructs them to keep his brain alive after death and he will attempt to send his thoughts to the printer.  His supposition is that without the other pesky organs confusing his thoughts, the data should come out in perfect english.  Recognizing this is a 30-minute show, Milton dutifully croaks during the commercial.

His brain is preserved in a vat of nutrients.  The printer (actually an electric typewriter) begins producing data.  Cathcart’s assistant looks at the data and says, “That can’t represent the alphabet; there’s more than 26 characters!”  Wait, this is a typewriter, how is it just making up symbols?

Or is he counting punctuation?  Like S-E-R-I-O-U-S-L-Y-K-I-L-L-M-E-I-M-A-F-#-$-^-%-&-I-N-G-D-I-S-E-M-B-O-D-I-E-D-B-R-A-I-N !

Cathcart takes the message to the US Signal Corp in Washington DC to be translated.  They use the most sophisticated decryption equipment of the era which seems to be a chalkboard.  After a few hours, they crack the code, but it is not very interesting.  A message from Heaven would have been better.  A message from Hell would have been awesome.

On 06/21/56, Variety said:  This one may be a hit at Caltech, but it is a miss on TV . . . A viewer tuning in in the middle might get the impression it was partly dubbed in Pakistani . . . Actors doing their best with thankless material . . . Paul Guilfoyle’s directing is unimaginative.

Wow, I thought I was tough.

Other Stuff:

• [1] BTW, the new Catch-22 series is looking dreadful.  WTF are any of these people other than Clooney?  The 1970 version was also not good, but what a cast!  Go read the book!
• Correction:  The first episode of Catch-22 was surprisingly not-awful.  The actors playing Yossarian, Cathcart, and Daneeka were especially good; the others might grow on me.  This version also captures a few of the verbal set-pieces better than the original movie which sometimes sounded like a table-read.  Go read the book!
• The big money this week went to Dr. Cathcart ($800).  The lovely Joyce made a mere $80.