The dude from Hogan’s Heroes and the loud chick from Laugh-In.  Is this a horror show or The Love Boat?

The segment opens in London where Ellis Travers (Bob Crane) is complaining about a house-swap that resulted in him leaving New Jersey for London.  Wait, what?

Not content with his flat, he wants to get a larger place, somewhere he can entertain. — and, being Bob Crane, room enough for his camera equipment.  He persuades his wife Iris (Jo Anne Worley) to go along by noting that some of the local homes for rent come with ghosts — a passion of hers.

He goes to see an elderly real estate agent who advises Travers to stick with a suburban ghost.  He gives a great short diatribe about their superiority over country ghosts who are up at the crack of dawn.

The agent also tells Travers that there are different types of ghosts — hallway ghosts, attic ghosts, bedroom ghosts, etc.  Upon hearing that it it has a stairwell ghost, Travers decides to rent Canby Manor, which comes with the ghost of Mr. Canby.

As soon as they arrive, Iris admires the sweeping staircase.  Travers said he had visualized her at the foot of the stairway the moment he saw the photos.  In the background, an invisible hand is using a translucent razor blade to cut through the handle of a suitcase.  When it breaks as Travers takes it upstairs, it nearly rolls over top of Iris.

Travers has a passion of his own — a blonde bird name Sherry.  She is cool with his idea of bumping off his wife to get his mitts on the princely sum of $2,000 per month.

When Iris has trouble sleeping — meaning, she is dragged out of bed by an invisible entity — Travers calls a doctor.  Or as they call them in England, a doctor.  He diagnoses Iris as having only 8 months to live.

Travers decides that he can wait a few months for his wife to go naturally, and more importantly so he doesn’t have to risk getting caught.  Canby has other plans and pushes her down the stairs.  You can’t really blame him — he was advertised as a stairwell ghost, after all.

Canby presents him with a bill for his services — a mere $2,000 per month.  In perpetuity.

Post-Post:

• Twilight Zone Legacy:  Alan Napier was in Passage on the Lady Anne (also Alfred in the 1960’s version of Batman).  Bob Crane was an uncredited DJ in Static, presumably voice-only.
• I like that flat refers refers to a 1-story apartment — it is literally flat.