Hey, the church roof is leaking and the pastor is played by Claude Rains. If you’re looking for criticism more insightful than that, let me save you some time right now.
Pop Quiz: This screenshot is stretched out like the _____ ____ ________ . Correct answers will be deleted.
Father Amion’s church is in bad shape. Not only is the service sparsely attended, but the roof is a sieve, with multiple leaks drizzling water into buckets, onto heads, and unto their feet. [1] A Building Contractor stops by the church after the service and surprisingly speaks without his tongue catching fire. He tells Amion it will cost $1,500 to fix the roof.
The church doesn’t have that kind of ready cash, but things are looking up as a ten-spot appears in the collection basket. At the next service, Amion pulls aside the church’s generous new member. The benefactor, Mr. Sheridan, is not dressed like the other church-goers. He has no tie, is in a wrinkled jacket, and is sporting a goofy hat. Actually, he is dressed like a church-goer, just one from a few years in the future. Slackers!
He says he has lived in the area for 20 years. He just started coming in after seeing the church’s sign TRY PRAYER. He was a loser, and found that prayer turned his life around. Father Amion is happy to hear the man has found religion, but less so when he learns that Sheridan credits prayer for “six winners out of eight” at the track, and “one of them was a 20-to-1 shot.” Amion might have felt better if he knew the Jesus responsible for the 20-to-1 win was the Guatemalan stable-boy.
Yes, more stretched out screencaps this week. I own the DVDs, but they’re waaaay over there on the other side of the room. Blame COVID.
Amion tries to explain to Sheridan why this is wrong. He asks, “What if everyone rooted for their own horse; what would God do?” He’s God, I think he could come up with something. Sheridan says it is their own fault for “not being wise to this prayer racket.”
A few days later, Sheridan returns to the church and gives another $30 to Amion. He even suggests a horse that Amion might want to place a bet on — Red Devil in the 4th race at Belmont. Amion declines.
A few days later, Amion sees Sheridan in a new convertible, and wearing a bow-tie. The “prayer racket” has continued to pay off. Sheridan has hit on 14 of his last 18 bets. He again tries to give Amion a hot tip. Sally’s Pal broke the track record and is going to be running against “broken down fillies”. Sheridan says colts run from fillies “like burg-u-lars.” The odds are 15 to 1, so there is big money to be made.
Sheridan says if he hits it big, he is moving to Florida. If I hit it big, I’m leaving this freakin’ hellscape.
Amion asks how much he would win if he bet $500. Sheridan says, “Let’s say worse comes to worse and the horse only pays 10 bucks, the least a guy would pick up would be about $2,500.” Amion asks Sheridan to place the bet for him. Kudos for this subtle reference to the nuances of Win Place & Show betting. To the casual boob (i.e. me), the math seems way off at first. However, after some thought (or Googling), you can see how it would not only be possible, but also explain the denouement.
Amion is immediately seized by guilt and confesses to the monsignor. The monsignor says he must pray for the horse to not win. “You can’t expect a reward for your sin, no matter what the consequences.”
Amion does pray for the horse not to win. He is still praying when Sheridan returns to the church. He immediately apologizes to Sheridan for the horse not winning. Sheridan confuses Amion by offering him a wad of bills. He says, “You didn’t expect me to risk your dough on a WIN bet did you? I took the $500 and bet him to PLACE. He came in 2nd and paid $8.40.” Sheridan hands over his winnings of $2,100. The Lord works in parimutuel ways.
As always, another class act from AHP. This one has the benefit of being directed by Hitchcock himself. Claude Rains does his usual excellent job. The surprise is Ed Gardner as Sheridan. He is such a great presence, that I can’t believe how slim his resume is at IMDb.
Other Stuff
- [1] I feel like I need to point out this is a reference to Lamp Unto My Feet — a show whose title I found hilarious as a kid. It was a religious program that ran for 30 years and, astoundingly, was produced by CBS. It’s almost like it was a different millennium. They might still be embarrassed by Hee Haw but surely this one is censored from the archives completely.
- For information about the background and production, check out bare*bones e-zine.
- Were some of the musical cues in this episode used in Leave it to Beaver?
The Church used to allow bingo and lotteries to help finance their many activities. That’s why it’s strange that the father and monsignor are so worried about another form of gambling , the proceeds from which would also be used for good works..
Good point. Now that politics is the new religion, they have adopted the same hypocrisy. Gambling is evil unless they, or a favored group, is the house.
I might go back and sneak in a line about Bingo!
CBS also had another Sunday morning religious program called LOOK UP AND LIVE over the same period as LAMP UNTO MY FEET, and they were accompanied by a third program, secular in nature, called CAMERA THREE. I never saw any of these programs, but I doubt the religious programs were very strong as far as a Christian or even Jewish message goes. CBS wiped out all three of these programs in the mid-1970s for Charles Kuralt’s CBS NEWS SUNDAY MORNING.
I don’t remember those other titles. There must be another. I recall another series that seemed to have shockingly famous actors. I specifically remember seeing Jack Albertson, but have never been able to track it down.
You may be thinking of INSIGHT, which was put out by some Catholic priests over a period of about 40-50 years. A lot of well-known actors would work for Scale and often donate their pay back to the Church. I remember Jamie Farr talking possibly in his Archive of American TV interview about how he was trying to keep the $ he got for performing on the show, since he was broke at the time, but he was talked out of it by one of the priests running the show.
Wow, I’ll bet that’s it! I wish I had a GenreSnaps t-shirt to send you! I see IMDb lists 1 season lasting 25 years. I never thought about the behind the scenes people. I recognize a lot of writers and directors from Star Trek and Twilight Zone.
I see many or maybe all episodes are on YouTube. I just randomly watched a few seconds of Martin Sheen, Nichelle Nichols, and Billy Barty in “Old King Cole”. IMDb says Lisa Gerritson is also in the episode, and Joyce Jameson. I don’t remember Joyce, but she coincidentally is in my next post (” The Human Circuit” / Science Fiction Theatre). What a hoot!
I have to see if I can put this into rotation without going to Hell. This is awesome — Thanks.
The IMDb is probably the wrong place to look for Ed Gardner. He was primarily a radio actor. He was best known for playing the lead in the sitcom “Duffy’s Tavern,” which ran for a full decade. According to some accounts, it could have run longer, but was brought to a premature end by Gardner’s insistence (he was producer and director as well as star) on moving the production to Puerto Rico, to take advantage of tax breaks there. This had the unintended effect of drying up access to the celebrity guest stars on which the show had come to rely–they were not willing to make the trip for just a half hour’s work, especially as Gardner did not want to pay them any more than when the show was broadcast out of New York or Hollywood.
One of AHP’s best!
Great catch re: the Claude Rains/leaky roof connection! Intentional? Or maybe Hitch just wanted to work with him again.
I heard about Lamp Unto My Feet because the SCTV sketch comedy series spoofed the title in a very early episode, “Match Unto My Feet”, with Jewish patriarch Eugene Levy hosting Catholic priest Joe Flaherty for Passover.